Black Eyed Susan

Elizabeth Leiknes

Description

My name is Susan Spector. I have one black eye, and one blue eye. I am colorblind. I experience synesthesia. My blood type is AB negative. I was born on a leap year. Do I sound like a freak yet? Oh yeah, and I'm dying of stage four lung cancer. My diagnosis prompted me to review my life to that point. I had spent the past decades of my life wandering, not really living. I couldn't die yet. There was so much more I wanted to do. I'd never been to a nudist resort. I'd never slept with a stranger. I'd never gone to Vegas. It was the luckiest place on Earth. I figured I would try my luck there, since I'd run out of it in California.On my way to Vegas, I had an accidental hit-and-run, which would follow me throughout the next two weeks. Once I got to Vegas, I drowned my woes in alcohol at the nearest bar. I met an exotic dancer named Calliope, who quickly became my friend. After getting drunk and spending the night at the house of a guy dressed like George Washington, an idea occurred to both Calliope and me. We created a bucket list, and decided to go on a spontaneous road trip. I didn't want to die young and boring. I needed to live fast first. When we made it to Utah, we encountered a drunk, out-of-work actor dressed as a knight. Will Hudson was his name. We took him back to his house at his boss' request, and spent the night there with him. While I did not appreciate his pompous and sleazy attitude, Calliope kept an open mind. He decided to join us on our road trip, since he had nothing left to lose.What happens next? Maybe I fall in love, like everyone expects. Maybe I find out I'm actually adopted. Maybe I find out that my father is a murderer. Maybe a couple of henchmen find me and I die during the second week of the road trip. You'll just have to find out for yourself, because I'm quite the storyteller.

Informations

• Publié par: Bancroft Press
• Date de parution: 01 août 2017
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781610882019
• Langue: English

Extrait

BLACK EYED SUSAN
A NOVEL

ELIZABETH LEIKNES
Copyright 2017 Elizabeth Leiknes
The following is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and events are either products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblense to actual persons, living or deceased, or actual events is purely coincidental.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by electronic means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote passages in a review.    
Published by Bancroft Press Books That Enlighten
Bancroft Press P.O. Box 65360 Baltimore, MD 21209-9945 Phone [phone] Fax [phone] bancroftpress.com
Cover J.L. Herchenroeder
978-1-61088-199-9 (cloth) 978-1-61088-200-2 (paper) 978-1-61088-201-9 (kindle) 978-1-61088-202-6 (ebook) 978-1-61088-203-3 (audio)
Printed in the United States of America
For Denise
CONTENTS
Red
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Orange
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Yellow
Seventeen
Eighteen
Green
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Blue
Twenty-Four
Twenty-Five
Twenty-Six
Twenty-Seven
Indigo
Twenty-Eight
Twenty-Nine
Thirty
Thirty-One
Thirty-Two
Thirty-Three
Violet
Thirty-Four
Thirty-Five
Thirty-Six
Thirty-Seven
Thirty-Eight
About Elizabeth Leiknes
“Just like the falling rainbow, just like the stars in the sky, life should never feel small.” —Vearncombe
“All I got is a red guitar, three chords, and the truth.” —Bob Dylan
T he following story, a story I’m writing for peace and fulfillment, is a story about me—Susan Spector. It is not a legend, because that would imply an element of oral tradition, and as of today, no one else has heard it—you are the first. It is also not a myth—as far as I can tell, it doesn’t have a hero or a hidden meaning. And it can’t be called a fable because I see no concrete moral in it.
But it is my story, and it holds the truth, as I know it to be.
Here’s what else you need to know:
I don’t see colors, but I hear them in the form of music.
I like rainbows, even though the hues elude me.
I have one blue eye and one brown eye, which some have called black.
I am a collection of anomalies and improbabilities.
I sometimes see Kermit the Frog in my dreams.
I believe if heaven exists, you can hear the radio there, 24-7.
I think life is a gift, and if you don’t breathe it in, you’re missing out.
And oh yeah—
I’m dying of cancer.
red
(adj)

Definition:
1. of a color at the end of the spectrum next to orange and opposite violet, as of blood, fire, or rubies.
My definition:
1. the sensation I get when I hear Stevie Wonder.
ONE
W hen I pulled into the clinic’s parking lot, it was 8:40 a.m., and when the doctor delivered my fate, it was 8:57.
I remember what time it was because I tend to recall obscure details when facing unusual circumstances. There are certain moments in life that play in our minds long before they ever happen, so when my big moment materialized before me, it seemed familiar. When I first heard I had a matter of weeks to live, I ran into the patients’ bathroom and vomited, not out of shock, but because it was the fourth crappy thing that had happened to me that day.
Already that morning, I’d consumed a whole bag of Fritos as a last-minute breakfast, I’d slammed my pinky finger in the bathroom door, and then, as the ultimate shitty sundae topping, when I got to the clinic, I was forced into one of those stupid almost-gowns, the kind where your ass hangs out. That would’ve been fine, especially since I had an enormous crush on Dr. Marsh and had a decent ass, but I’d woken up late that morning, and so when he brushed his smart hand up against my prickly unshaven legs, he seemed to pity me. By the time he got to the “You’re dying” part, it was the definition of beating a girl when she was already down.
He gave me an embarrassed smile. “Sorry about the gown,” he stumbled. “The nurse made a mistake. Usually we …” He stammered again. “It’s usual procedure, but not in—your case.”
Note to all attractive, single doctors: If you know your patient is close to expiring, don’t make her bare both her body and her soul, and humiliate herself any further. How was I supposed to know I’d be getting naked at a routine visit? All the phone message said was that I needed to have a brief meeting to discuss the results of my insurance physical. I’d actually forgotten about the chest X-rays. I’d been experiencing some chest pain and shortness of breath, so they took them just to be safe. But they didn’t seem so safe now that I was dying.
When I first got the call from Dr. Marsh’s secretary, I fantasized about how the appointment might go. First, he’d lecture me about drinking less and exercising more. I’d nod, looking charming in my Bohemian poet shirt. And finally, just to be cute, he’d ask me out by scribbling “How do you feel about chai tea?” on his prescription pad. But it wasn’t that kind of day. None of those things happened, not even a little. Instead, I was just another sick person in a paper robe under unforgiving lighting.
“Adenocarcinoma—a couple of months, maybe three.” It looked like he was going to touch me, make an attempt to comfort me, but instead he brought his hand to his own face. The way Dr. Marsh’s salt and pepper hair looked in the fluorescent office lights made me think of George Clooney in the later episodes of ER , but there was no TV miracle cure here. I could tell by his disappointed gaze that he was cutting me loose.
It was the same look I gave Laura Stanton when I found out she was moving away in sixth grade. Why put energy into someone you’re not going to know anymore? I say “cut the cord,” and that’s what Dr. Marsh did. He told me they could try chemo and hardcore radiation, but both were unlikely to be successful since I was already experiencing symptoms of metastasis.
He placed his cold stethoscope on my chest and, for a brief moment, I thought maybe I could will my heart to beat stronger and faster, and force whatever was killing me out of my body. But that’s not how it works.
Cancer cells had taken up residence in my lungs, and they were staying—for good. It was a straightforward case of numbers. If the cancer had been caught earlier, it might have been possible to obliterate a few of the cells in their pre-cancerous state, but they’d evolved into a massive, malignant cluster, gaining more power each day, and that added up to disaster for me, victory for them.
All I could say was, “I don’t even smoke.”
“I know. That sucks. As a non-smoker, you’re actually more likely to get struck by lightning than to get small-cell adenocarcinoma. This is extremely, extremely rare. I’m so sorry.” And I thought my colorblindness was rare.
“What about surgery? Can’t we cut it out?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Due to its size and location, it’s unresectable.” Then he tried his best to sound positive. “I’ll schedule an MRI for Tuesday, and we’ll do a biopsy to make sure. You’re welcome to a second opinion. Maybe …” But we both knew there was no “maybe” about it. I agreed to the appointment even though I knew I wouldn’t show up.
So yet again, I’d defied the odds and wrecked a decent man’s day in the process. He looked depressed, and I didn’t want him to be. When I’d puked in the bathroom earlier, some vomit had stuck to my crinkly gown, and I tried to brush it off like a piece of lint stuck to a sweater. But it was embarrassing and stubborn. Dr. Marsh handed me a paper towel.
I mustered up a smile and thought about what I could say. If I were cool, I would’ve said, “Hey, Doc, no sulking. You’re divinely handsome. You’ll find someone else.” But I wasn’t cool. I was dying. So I kept it simple.
I put my hand on his shoulder. “No worries, Doc. It’s been a full life.”
In other words, I lied.

I don’t remember much about what happened to me after leaving Dr. Marsh’s office, but I do remember listening to my car radio, tuning in to the end of Lonny’s six-song set from Springsteen’s 1980 classic The River .
Lonny and I were self-proclaimed DJ music-snobs who worked twelve-hour shifts at KROD, alternative music for alternative people, and lucky for me, Lonny liked working late nights, which left me the 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. shift. Lonny was, by choice, my only friend. I was a self-proclaimed loner. Lonny said it was because of my “ambivalence.” I don’t know—maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. Whatever.
Perhaps it was the simple fact that I had no social aspirations—that’s why radio was perfect for me. Radio didn’t judge me or expect anything from me. It couldn’t disappoint me, because it was just a frequency, a wave. It didn’t have a pulse, which allowed me to trust it. One-way communication was always safest. And although I had a less-than-gregarious personality off-air, something turned on inside of me when I spoke into that microphone. Nobody who ever met me on the street would’ve ever guessed what I did for a living, but that was fine with me—I knew it was where I belonged.
My friend Lonny lived with an unfortunate coincidence—he had the same name, more or less, as a large-breasted blonde actress who once played the part of a radio station secretary (Loni Anderson) on a long-running TV sitcom ( WKRP in Cincinnati ). When I thought of it, I tried to call him “Lon” to avoid any further emasculation. And as if being linked to a 1970s has-been actress wasn’t insulting enough, he had to give up the radio sign-off he’d been using for eight years because American Idol ’s Ryan Seacrest just so happened to use the same one, therefore bastardizing the personal goodbye Lonny had come to know and love. Every time Lonny ended his shift with “Anderson, later,” instead of “Anderson, out,” he died a little bit.
As I drove down First Street, still stunned by my diagnosis, I found surpr