Stabilizing a Mentally Ill Poppy

Cheyenne Durfee

Description

This book is a collection of poems written about personal experiences with mania, depression, and numbness caused by medications. Some of the poems describe sexual assault experiences and suicidal ideations. Please read with the intent of feeling the poems and understanding the illnesses present and leave out judgment. In a way, this book will give you insight on the mind of a young woman facing struggles within her mind and within society.

Sujets

• Biography
• Autobiography
• Cheyenne

Informations

• Publié par: Xlibris US
• Date de parution: 04 avril 2023
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781669872887
• Langue: English

Extrait

Stabilizing a Mentally Ill Poppy
A Poetic Autobiography
 

 
Cheyenne Durfee
 
Copyright © 2023 by Cheyenne Durfee.
 
ISBN:
Softcover
978-1-6698-7289-4

eBook
978-1-6698-7288-7

 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
 
 
 
Rev. date: 04/18/2023
 
 
 
Xlibris
844-714-8691
www.Xlibris.com
852219
Contents
Slipping Away
Day 1
Day 2
Asylum
Day 3
You Are More Than Enough
Lighthouse
Abyss Of Questioning
Social Conditioning
Knowledge
The Compass Of Trauma
Gentle Glare
Fighting My Restless Sleep
Endless Spiral
The Sorry Sky
The Lustful Nights
The Current
Read Me
Pill
Societies Pet
Fragile
Every Part Of Me
Desperation
Blurry Vision
After The Unspeakable
The Sharp Blade Of Expectations
Creature Of The Night
False Lover
Wishful Tides
She Was Like Honey
Anxious Thoughts
The Mistake Of Loving
The Weight Of Fear
The Depth Of The Unknown
War
Photograph
Nothing At All
It Was Never Me
I Like You
Countless
How Do You Know?
Glue For A Broken Heart
The Cycle
Unfamiliar Love
Happy Place
Just A Fool
Unrequited Love
Finding My Place In The World
Trying To Escape My Fate
Save Me From My Fate
Trying To Brighten A Gloomy Day
Air
Not So Simple
Silhouette
Only At Night
Living In This Moment
Finding Love
The Delicacy Of The Senses
The Echo Of A Woman’s Cry
A Backwards World
Story Time
The Feelings Rush In
The Pain Of Knowing
Just Stay
Forever?
Unraveling
Control
Drifting Away From Land
Not So Happy “Happy Pill”
Losing Sight
The Neglect Of A Child
Detox Of The Soul
Wildflower
Imposter
Therapy Time
Weigh Me
Slipping Away
When your mind is falling apart
You walk outside and realize that the trees are much greener than yesterday.
The birds are singing louder than usual.
The day is full of sunshine and happiness.
There isn’t a single bad thought in your mind.
Everything is perfect.
Picture perfect.
But it is all a lie.
 
Look out the window, what do you see?
Could it be a fantasy?
Where the grass is green but your leaves are purple.
Marshmallows grow from a tomato plant
And your hair is standing straight up.
Thinking you’re in wonderland
You twirl around feeling like the wind
No one could drag you down
You’re so high
Your feet can’t touch the ground
You’re dizzy with nothing around to stabilize you.
You drift away.
 
Your feet hit the sand.
You smell the fresh ocean air.
It’s salty but nostalgic,
You realize that your face is wet.
You can’t recall crying so you assume it’s the mist.
The waves sweep you under like they are playing jump rope
But you feel free
So enveloped by the water, it touches you everywhere,
Isolates your screams,
But you can’t tell if the ocean is real,
Or if it’s just you swimming in your tears.
Day 1
Everything is fuzzy,
I can’t tell if I am actually breathing
I feel like i should cry
But i am too numb to actually feel anything
It’s difficult to write about feelings when there is nothing to feel.
It’s hard to cry when there is nothing to cry about.
Day 2
Out of body
Out of mind
I feel like nothing is real
My life is a lie
I’m running through the motions
My mind is blank
I’m not in pain
But i think i feel okay
In an asylum
But not crazy
I’m just not sane
No one is ever really normal
And that’s okay
I feel like i’m floating
Like i’m on autopilot
I just can’t grasp reality
Maybe i’m in a simulation
But my body is numb
My brain feels overloaded
I can’t seem to feel my feet
But i can hear myself walk
I don’t know who is speaking
I just don’t sound the same
I can hear ringing in my ears
And voices are morphed into the same sound
Making this decision was hard
But i can’t leave my parents there
Thinking that i’m okay when i’m not
They should know what’s going on
I’m not a liar or a fake
But i feel like an imposter
Their daughter is drifting away
Asylum
Giving up control can be tricky
Trusting someone with your life
The life that you once wanted to take
The life you now cherish so much
Allow people to make decisions for you
So the weight of the world is easier to bear
Give up the option of freedom
So that maybe you’ll be free from your demons
The grasp that they had on you is loosened
Your body feels lighter
The lack of friction makes you feel like you might float away
Day 3
It’s interesting,
They say that dissociation is an awakening
You finally found balance
Between your mind and your soul
So your body is a bottle carrying them
When i dreamed of ending my life
I thought i was being suicidal
My tendencies coming back to haunt me
I thought that now that i’ve found happiness
My mind was trying to relapse
To go back to a feeling that i knew all too well
But i was wrong
It was a rebirth
Me killing off my old deranged self
The toxic woman that i once was
So that i can be truly happy
It‘s crazy what you learn when you’re in solitude
I feel new
I feel good
I feel light
Like i can fly
You Are More Than Enough
Remember that you are too beautiful for a man to bear
Your words are too angelic for a normal soul to understand
You are a wildflower that sprouts after the storm
You are the expensive art in a museum
You are the righteous words of the gospel
And the path that a lucky man will follow
You are an adventure
And someones unknown
Lighthouse
Let me be your beacon
Let me guide you through your darkest hour
Allow me to see your dark side
So that i can see the light on the other side
So i can love all of you
Not just half
So i can cherish the good and the bad
So i can understand why you walk in circles
Like a vulture staring at its prey
I give you all of me
So you won’t be