Walking After Midnight

Katy Hutchison

Sujets

• True crime

Informations

• Publié par: New Harbinger Publications
• Date de parution: 01 janvier 0001
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781608826223
• Langue: English

Extrait

Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Copyright © 2006 by Katy Hutchison
First published in Canada by Raincoast Books
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Jacket image by David De Lossy/Getty Images; Author photo by Destrubé Photography, Victoria, BC; Jacket design by Amy Shoup; Text design by Michele Waters-Kermes;
Acquired by Tesilya Hanauer
All Rights Reserved
epub ISBN: 9781608826223
The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as:
Hutchison, Katy.
Walking after midnight : one woman’s journey through murder, justice, and forgiveness / Katy Hutchison.
p. cm.
ISBN-13: 978-1-57224-503-7
ISBN-10: 1-57224-503-4
1. Hutchison, Katy. 2. Aldridge, Ryan. 3. McIntosh, Bob. 4. Murder victims’ families—United States—Case studies. 5. Forgiveness—Case studies. 6. Restorative justice—United States—Case studies. I. Title.
HV6248.H795A3 2006
362.88—dc22
[B]
2006022227
to Bob for living life 110 percent
contents
foreword
preface
acknowledgments
chapter 1: auld lang syne
chapter 2: family gathering
chapter 3: con te partirò
chapter 4: libido manor
chapter 5: affordable housing
chapter 6: family matters
chapter 7: training wheels
chapter 8: the walrus
chapter 9: not a story for little ears
chapter 10: the waiting game
chapter 11: face-to-face
chapter 12: doing time
chapter 13: live out loud
chapter 14: finding the gift
chapter 15: it’s all about the shoes
chapter 16: sharing the stage
chapter 17: yes, we have no bananas
recommended readings
permissions
photographs
foreword
Katy Hutchison has created an excellent primer for handling loss with intelligence and dignity. She gives us a life lived through the eyes of a woman who has experienced the devastation of murder, the anguish of grief, and the redemptive power of reconciliation. Walking after Midnight is a book where forgiveness emerges because of the beauty of the author’s character, the devotion she provides her family, and her instinctual understanding that “an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind.” Walking after Midnight is remarkable because of the lack of self-consciousness Katy has as she reaches and pushes toward a life of goodness.
I have taught forgiveness to thousands of people around the world and rarely see such a strong grasp of the truth that my unkindness is not that different from your unkindness. All over the world, people defend their hostility, acts of violence, or simple nastiness because of the bad deeds done to them. I would suggest that our species’ willingness to excuse our own terrible behavior because others have done us wrong is the primary reason this world continues to offer so much horror and hostility.
Katy will have none of that.
Even though she is devastated by the loss of Bob, her husband, she treats the young man who murdered him as if he is a valuable human being. She acknowledges that the young man merits punishment for his crime but also is a person who deserves love and a chance to redeem himself. To Katy that is a normal response; for the rest of us, hopefully it can be learned.
Katy actually helps this young man on his journey to healing and a life lived with purpose. The young man’s life matters to her, and this magnanimity of character leads Katy to a ministry that provides a fitting testimony to Bob’s life. I call this finding your positive intention and teach this to people in forgiveness classes. Katy shows us by her life how the rubber of kindness meets the road. It is called forgiveness, reconciliation, and a desire to leave the world as whole as one can. Her story provides a face and narrative that can serve as an antidote for the endless cycles of violence that consume too many lives and too many countries.
—Frederic Luskin, Ph.D., author of Forgive for Good, director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects, and codirector of the Garden of Forgiveness at Ground Zero Project
preface
My father had an endearing habit. Before he left a room, he would look around to see if anything needed doing. Was there a dirty dish to take to the kitchen, a jacket to hang up, a book to return to a shelf, or a repair to be done? It did not matter to him who was responsible for what needed doing; he simply took pleasure in tidying up and fixing things.
Perhaps it was this behavior in my father that instilled in me a sense of responsibility for cleaning up after myself and those around me—and pride in my ability to do so. I believe we all need to roll up our sleeves and get down to it, whether we are taking care of small day-to-day messes or managing the aftermath of the extraordinarily difficult events in our lives.
Something horrific happened to me in 1997. An unimaginable event brought my life to a halt and then started it off again on an entirely new course. This book, quite simply, is about the job of cleaning up the mess and repairing the harm caused by this event. It is not an easy story, but it’s important. It explores bravery, resiliency, and unconditional love, and it reveals the amazing, unexpected things that can happen when we trust our hearts to tap into those inner resources.
The story is also about forgiveness. I decided very early on that I was not going to define myself, my family, or the person who caused the harm by the act that connected us. Using the principles of restorative justice, we sat face-to-face and explored what led up to, caused, and ultimately followed the event. The courage it took to face the situation head-on was rewarded with a renewed sense of safety, community, and hope.
Choosing an unconventional approach of working together rather than as adversaries allowed us to push past the boundaries set by society’s expectations of the justice system. Our experience was about humanity and healing rather than shame and punishment.
I never would have imagined that such profound tragedy would take me on a journey laden with life-altering gifts. But it did. I am grateful for the opportunity to share my story.
acknowledgments
Thank you to New Harbinger Publications for bringing my story to the United States. My appreciation to Michelle Benjamin, my Canadian publisher, for finding my unopened letter and then taking a chance, and to the team at Raincoast Books for making the writing of this book a reality. And to my editor, Audrey McClellan, for telling me at the start that napkins have no feelings, and for sticking with me until I got it right.
To my mother, Betty, for her unconditional love; and to David for his quiet wisdom, Heather for asking all the right questions, Greg for his enthusiasm, Jenny for believing in me from day one, and George for keeping me nourished on the road.
To Bob’s family for their grace and support as I found my way.
To John, Barbara, Terry, Judi, and Robin for welcoming my family into your family.
To my best-friend-in-the-whole-world Shauna for being a sounding board and my handler, and for sharing so generously in every way, especially in giving me a home-away-from-home. To Colin for putting up with an extra wife, Cody for giving up her bed, and Tate for the constant reality checks.
To Nicola for forty years of friendship, Marilynne for being so real and fun, Robert for the Sinatra, and Lana and Madi for being forever pals.
To Gordie and Shauna for finding your own way. To Louis Eisman for teaching me how to work hard and listen to my heart, and to Sal for “general contracting” the temple of grace.
To my friends in Squamish, especially Pete and Gill, for building a proud legacy to honor Bob. To Shelley, Dave, Brooke, Tara, Morgan, and Bonn for being old friends and new friends. To Mary and Bob for “getting it.” To Richard and Lois for moving past the loss, and to Doug for finding me a good lawyer.
To Ryan for bravely coming along on this exceptional journey, and to his family for their encouragement.
To Reta Clark, Brian Hall-Stephenson, Sue Connell, and Julie Czerwinski for encouraging me to stand up and speak out and to the thousands of young people across the country who have opened up their hearts and minds to my story. To the Corrections staff and volunteers who made it possible for Ryan and me to work together.
To the restorative justice community, and especially Dave and Sandi, for lighting the way and keeping the candle burning.
To gns for the wonderful learning environment my children look forward to being a part of every day.
To Adam and Carlie for expanding their family to include us.
To Linda-Loo for taking such good care of us all.
To my grandmother, writer Catherine Anthony Clark, for planting a seed. To my father, who continues to teach me years after his death.
To Halle for sitting patiently at my side each day as I wrote.
To my son Sam for the constant reminder that “Life is Large” and for still letting me hug him.
To my daughter Emma for her innate sense of justice and exceptional creativity.
And my sincere gratitude to Michael, my beloved husband, thank you for the wings and directions home. You have expertly steered the boat as we navigated uncharted waters. I love you with all my heart—forever, and a day.
chapter 1
auld lang syne
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne?
When I open the front door around 11:00 p.m. on New Year’s Eve, 1997, I do not expect to find a police officer on the step. It is a struggle to sort out the incongruity of the scene. I recognize the officer, not from the police station, but from the local hospital where she works as a clerk. She handles