Welcome to the Farce

Detective Miggins

Description

A completely new and light-hearted look at the current state of today's Police Service.Real, interesting stories are shared from a detective's perspective and first-hand experiences.Inspired by PC David Copperfield's bestselling Wasting Police Time.Welcome to the Farce is written by a real police officer serving in a real police force. Although names and places have been changed, this is in many ways a true account.The book takes an up to date and humorous look at the state of today's Police Service. Despite ongoing budget cuts affecting the world of policing, the author's own constabulary and others waste money and resources they have on anything apart from the pursuit of law and order.Detective Miggins has written this book from an entirely new and fresh perspective - a detectives perspective. Although light-hearted, it covers more serious topics referring to the distractions, waste and barriers which hinder most officers from providing the service they signed up to when they swore the oath of constable.Why do criminals escape meaningful justice? Why don't you see Police officers on the streets? And just where have the rest disappeared to? Providing fascinating stories and anecdotes from Miggins' experience in the force, the book answers important questions.

Informations

• Publié par: Troubador Publishing Ltd
• Date de parution: 28 septembre 2018
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781789012026
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

WELCOME TO
THE FORCE FARCE !







Detective Miggins
Copyright © 2018 Detective Miggins

The moral right of the author has been asserted.


Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publication may only be reproduced, stored or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside those terms should be sent to the publishers.


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ISBN 978 1789012 026

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.


Matador is an imprint of Troubador Publishing Ltd
Contents
INTRODUCTION OF SORTS

1. A CONFLICTING WELCOME FROM ME
2. HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED
3. CID OR SID
4. CRISIS WHAT CRISIS
5. OUR CUSTOMERS, SATISFACTION GUARANTEED
6. BILLY BURGLARS
7. HOW TO CHEAT AT COOKING AND SOAPBOXES
8. SLAP, BITE AND STAMP
9. COPS AND ROBBERS AND CYBERCRIMINALS
10. CATS OF DEATH
11. ONE DOOR CLOSES ANOTHER OPENS
12. MURDER. A VERY DIFFICULT TASK
13. SOMETHING BETTER CHANGE
14. A BIT OF GEAR
15. INDECENT PROPOSALS
16. EMBRACING ONE ANOTHERS UNIQUENESS
17. A DAMN GOOD THRASHING AT THE END
In the pretence
of law and order
A custard pie thrown in the face has been around in comedy, particularly silent films since the early 1900s.
Laurel and Hardy, Charlie Chaplin and perhaps the lesser known and fictional Keystone Cops all used the pie at times in their slapstick performances, mad chases and pratfalls (to fall comically on your bottom).
The Keystone Cops dressed in ill fitting uniforms were portrayed as incompetent policemen, wasting time and energy in the pursuit of failure.
One hundred years on and today’s 21st century policing, where custard pies continue to fly, incompetence and comedy flourish and fiction becomes fact...
INTRODUCTION OF SORTS
The greatest job in the world, that’s how I’ve heard policing described and I agree. Dedication, devotion and passion are just a few of the qualities required and at times it can be very rewarding. It becomes part of who and what you are.There are not many professions that can get into your blood the way policing can. It’s dangerous and hard work and it often leaves you feeling underappreciated, but being a cop truly can feel like one of the best jobs out there.
I am a serving police officer, a detective constable (DC) and I write this from my point of view, a detective’s perspective, if you like. I suspect this is a view that will not be shared by senior officers but will strike a chord with many rank and file officers, particularly those few that are left on the front-line. I am not a uniformed officer and do not respond immediately to 999 calls. I will also make frequent reference to front-line or response policing since most jobs in CID are usually attended by officers before being passed on to us. However, I can assure you the numbers of police officers out there doing a front-line police job is breathtakingly and dangerously low.
This is not full on detective stuff and is not limited to CID work, nor does it cover every aspect of CID work. I write about some things that are probably none of my business, but then again as a detective being nosy is part of the job. In fact, almost as soon as I began writing I knew this would be a book that would comment on the terrible malaise that has affected many parts of the Police Service in the last few years.
The police are an embarrassment to the public they serve and even more to themselves. A sad but true fact and that’s one of the reasons I wrote this book to explain why. You, the public, are fed lies by two organisations, the Government (no surprise there then for most of us) and the police, which is surprising as they are, of course, meant to be honest.
Welcome To The Farce is also about how police time (and taxpayers money) is still being wasted despite recent and ongoing slashing of police budgets. Ironically most of our ‘customers’ probably don’t pay tax and they are more likely to nick this book rather than pay for it. However, this is based on the wild notion they will enter a bookshop.
I will also be referring to the incompetence of the organisation, which I’m loathe to call a service, as in ‘Police Service’. At times the incompetence ranges from mild and almost acceptable to staggeringly crass. ‘Never learn from your mistakes’ would be an apt motto.
There is a major shortage of detectives described in a report from Her Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabularies (HMIC) as ‘a serious skills and experience deficit’(HMIC are now known as HMICFRS, to include the Fire Service).
Many serious or protracted crimes do not get sufficiently investigated and therefore eventually detected. It seems that CID departments are typically operating between a half and a third of the complement of detectives. The Met alone are 700 detectives short. To bolster numbers uniformed officers are taken off the streets, into offices where they don’t want to be, chasing minor offences, leading to for example, shortages of Beat Officers. Newspaper headlines in early 2018 were referring to forces being 2,600 detectives short and two million unsolved cases.
HMIC also criticised forces for downgrading 999 calls in order to justify responding to them more slowly and referred to the ‘potentially perilous state of British Policing’. One article called on the National Police Chiefs Council, the College of Policing and the Government to act. The typical response is along the lines of “We are aware of the deficit in the current environment” and then talks about pressures, concerns and challenges with a focus on recruitment and looking at ways to improve the situation. “Yes, don’t worry we have a glass hammer and a bag of special rubber nails.” Apart from the three wise monkeys above, who is to blame?
This is an extract from a recent resignation letter from an ordinary cop published on social media which firmly hits the real nail on the head with a proper hammer.
‘Indeed, I firmly believe it was this continuing deception to both staff and the public alike that gave birth to my now deep- rooted mistrust of the Government and our entire organisation. Other factors followed further compounding my lack of faith and belief...Windsor (the review of terms and conditions); the pay freeze; the demolition of the terms and conditions of our pensions; the heavy cuts to front-line resources; the increasing bureaucracy despite constant promises for its reduction; the constant changes of systems, focus, direction, priorities, shift patterns, teams, geographical beats, policies, process, protocol, all without any apparent benefit to anyone other than those in the upper echelons of the promotion system. The result of the aforementioned? Plummeting morale’.
Not only is there a shortage of detectives, but a massive shortage of officers all round. When did you last see a traffic officer on the motorway or a cop walking the beat? These reductions in visible officers are vast and constant. What is staggering is the way in which officers are deployed, seemingly with a mind set of placing them anywhere but the real front-line. The number of police officers in England and Wales has fallen by around 20,000 in number between 2010 and 2016.There are around 123,000 police officers, which is the same level as 2000. More is to come. My constabulary is proposing to reduce officer numbers by 150-200 in 2018.
Over the past five years changes in work practices (many short-lived) have come thick and fast and officers already struggling, often get defeated by own goals regularly scored against them. Yes, change is necessary. For example, adapting to new crimes perpetuated via the internet, but morale couldn’t be much lower with overworked staff crying at their desks, driven to despair, off sick with stress or leaving.
It is a crisis and a worsening one at that.
One reason in my attempts to become a recognized writer (hopefully not by my own constabulary) is maybe, just maybe, it may make a small difference somewhere in some constabulary which will result in common sense once again rearing its long missed head. I remain ever hopeful.
From a purely selfish point of view I want to have my say on behalf of ordinary coppers. Most officers are hard working, honest and conscientious and will invariably go far beyond what is expected as their duty and are proud to serve the public. The frustration often comes out as negativity, when really it is that fierce pride in what they do which has been abused.
The opinions in this book are my personal views. I can be an opinionated so and so, but everything to the best of my knowledge is true. I have changed identities of people and places and on occasions I have altered the circumstances slightly but the content is real.
By now you might have guessed there is some cynicism in my writings as well and it’s probably a way I have found in coping with the ever declining job. Please don’t get hung up on the content. If you agree or disagree it makes little difference, but it’s good for the mind to at least listen and consider someone else’s perspective.
A sergeant once said to me “The trouble with you Miggins is that your glass is always half empty and mine