Anecdotal Humour

Aluta Nite

Description

Contained in this book are 110 anecdotes covering many aspects of contemporary life on non-fiction level. The anecdotes are real life situations which the author has gone through or witnessed or heard or imagined.

Informations

• Publié par: Andrews UK
• Date de parution: 04 février 2014
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781783335183
• Langue: English

Extrait

Title Page
ANECDOTAL HUMOUR

by
Aluta Nite



Publisher Information
Anecdotal Humour published in 2014 by
Andrews UK Limited
www.andrewsuk.com
The right of Aluta Nite to be identified as the Author of this Work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1998
Copyright © 2014 Aluta Nite
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. Any person who does so may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.



Introduction
This book is a collection of 110 anecdotes. They cover many aspects of contemporary life, and are taken from real life situations the author has experienced personally, witnessed first-hand, been told of by others or imagined.
Dedicated to all anecdote lovers of the World
Acknowledgements to Wabads



The Anecdotes
Wrinkles
Somebody made a joke one lunch hour as old, middle-aged and young staff members mingled.
As people roared with laughter, one young man asked one old man, “Why are you crying while people are laughing?”
“Don’t worry young man, your grand-children will ask you the same question in the future,” the old man replied.
Man of the House
A six-year-old boy’s Dad repeatedly told him he was in charge of the household, whenever his Dad left town. The boy was once left at home with his aunt who was in her thirties. Before going to bed one night, she said good night to him and proceeded to her room.
He followed her to her doorway and said, “Auntie, in case of anything, you just call me.”
Mathematics
Peter came from work one Tuesday evening and found his daughter Carol anxious about something and asked, “What’s the matter Carol?”
“It is fractions,” she answered.
“What about fractions?” he asked.
“Teacher Lucy said that we have to find the lowest common denominator of a sum,” she said.
“Boy! Oh, Boy! They haven’t found that yet! They were looking for that even when I was a boy!” he exclaimed.
Cleanliness over Courtesy
A mother was struggling to instil good behaviour in her little boy, so she instructed him on tidiness in public places, respect for others and the like. A few days later, he was returning home on the bus with his mother, who noticed that he had gotten rid of the orange peels after eating the orange she had bought him. She assumed that her guidance was bearing fruit. When they reached home, she asked the boy where he had thrown the peels.
“I put them in the shopping bag of the lady sitting next to me!” the proud boy answered in a shrill.
Public Transport
A minibus arrived at a bus stop, and a hefty-looking lady boarded the vehicle. At the next stop, other commuters boarded the vehicle and it got full. One male passenger was unable to sit comfortably next to the lady, and was complaining.
The fare collector in agreement, said, “Hey madam, sit squarely or you’ll pay for three people!”
Birthday
A six-year-old girl woke up one December 12 th to celebrate her birthday. Shortly after, in the lounge where her birthday breakfast was laid out, her uncle appeared in the doorway wearing a t-shirt and wrap, in place of pants.
She got worked up and told him, “Do not come to my birthday wearing a bed sheet! Go! Go away!”
Foreign Airport
A high school teacher went to another country for a two-week course. At the end of the trip, she underwent an ordeal at the airport as she was leaving that country. After standing in the long queue, she handed over her passport for stamping at the checking-in counter.
It was returned to her by the man at the counter, who stated, “One leaflet missing.”
She checked her passport page by page and found nothing missing. She therefore waited in line again.
When everybody had been cleared, the man at the counter explained, “No stamp without a dollar bill in the passport!”
Siblings
A brother and sister, six and nine years old respectively, had the following conversation:
“Patrick, this small table of ours and its four chairs we shall keep for our children.” The little girl began.
“No, these are our parents’ things, we shall buy ours,” her brother responded.
“But they do not need them for us anymore, because we are now big!” she stated.
“Yes, but, we still have to buy our own!” he repeated.
Female Beggar
Outside a cinema hall one Saturday evening, sat a female beggar with all her earthly belongings. People from all walks of life passed by and queues at the cinema got longer and longer.
There, then appeared a middle-aged man to who the beggar drew attention by shouting, “Hey, you, why are you passing in a rush as if you don’t know me, yet you were here with me last night?”
Daughter in-Law
A man got married and soon after began to stay out late and eat out regularly.
His wife got concerned and complained to her mother-in-law who said to her, “Don’t you worry about him, let him enjoy himself. Sooner or later he will stick his backside here and eat all his meals here.”
After some time, the reverse indeed started to happen, and he became very home-bound. This time his wife complained that he was forever at home. Her mother-in-law just laughed at her.
Father and Son
A small boy said to his father one day- “Dad, I want to marry my grandmother because she is beautiful.”
“Why? Silly, don’t you know that she is my mother?” his father retorted.
“But, Dad, may I ask you a question?” the boy asked, bewildered.
“Yes, son,” his father answered.
“Why did you marry my mother, if you can’t let me marry your mother?” his son inquired.
Sick Boy
A sick boy was taken to hospital, where he was examined and given liquid medicine in a bottle, with instructions to shake the bottle well before taking the medicine.
A day later, his mother came home from work and found the boy jumping up and down and asked in surprise,
“What are you doing?”
“I feel sick, but I forgot to shake the bottle before taking the medicine, so I’m shaking myself to mix the medicine I took.” the boy replied.
Ticket Office
An old lady went to buy a ticket at a city bus station for the first time.
She said to the ticket clerk, “I want a ticket young lady.”
“Sure Madam. You want a ticket to where?” the clerk asked.
“That’s none of your business! You town folks like to know too much about others.