Chat Room Wind-Ups

Mclean Stuart

Description

At any point in time there are six million people watching football, eight million having sex, 87 million watching TV and a staggering 112 million talking via online chat rooms. And what are all these people chatting about? Mainly football, TV and sex. In chat rooms you will find a wonderful mix of people from around the world - some are disgustingly rich whilst others are unimaginably poor, some can be irritatingly intelligent but most are so intellectually challenged that they dribble over their keyboards. This creates a fantastic arena for some amusing wind-ups - simply enter a chat room, make a few ridiculous comments and see who takes the bait. This hilarious book is the result of hours upon hours spent in chat rooms taking the mick out of the more gullible chatties (people who frequent chat rooms and other interactive sites) - those who believe everything they come across on the internet, no matter how bizarre. "Chatroom Wind-Ups" is split into two parts. The first deals with chat rooms whilst the second deals with that other internet phenomenon - sites where you can pose a question and anyone who wants to can submit an answer. Another great opportunity for some fun!

Sujets

• Humour

Informations

• Publié par: Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited
• Date de parution: 23 avril 2009
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9780857655493
• Langue: English

Extrait

Chat Room Wind-Ups

Stuart McLean


Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited Office 2 3 Edgar Buildings George Street Bath BA1 2FJ

www.crombiejardine.com

First published by Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited in 2009 Text copyright © Stuart McLean, 2009

All rights are reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

ISBN 978-0-85765-549-3

Written by Stuart McLean

Typesetting and cover design by Matrix Media Services, Chichester, West Sussex


CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

A FEW ACRONYMS USED BY CHATTIES

JUST TALK

Q&AS
INTRODUCTION

At any point in time there are six million people watching football, eight million having sex, 87 million watching TV and a staggering 112 million chatting in online chat rooms. And what are all these people talking about? Mainly football, TV and sex.

In chat rooms you will find a wonderful mix of people from around the world – some are disgustingly rich, some unimaginably poor, some irritatingly intelligent but most are so intellectually challenged that they dribble over their keyboards. This creates a fantastic arena for some highly amusing wind-ups – simply enter a chat room, make a few ridiculous comments and see who takes the bait.

This hilarious book is the result of hours upon hours spent in chat rooms taking the piss out of the more gullible chatties (people who frequent chat rooms and other interactive sites) – those who believe everything they come across on the internet, no matter how bizarre.

The book is split into two parts – the first deals with chat rooms – the second deals with that other internet phenomenon – sites where you can pose a question and anyone can submit answers – another great opportunity to mock the chatties.

I am sure that you will find this book amusing and may even be tempted to try a few wind-ups of your own. So visit our website www.Chat-Room-Wind-Ups.com and let us know about your funniest wind-ups. We will publish the best on the site.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The spelling and grammar of most chatties tend to be appalling – wherever possible I have left the conversations exactly as they happened. In some cases I have made corrections to make them easier to read.
A few acronyms used by Chatties

2 To 4 For 6 Six ASL Age, sex, location AFK Away from the keyboard BFN Bye for now BTW By the way CYA See ya EM Email GR8 Great HAND Have a nice day HARD Have a rotten day HA#D I don't give a shit what kind of day you have LOL Laugh out loud OMG Oh my god OMB Oh my Buddha OM? I'm an atheist PC private chat UR Your/You're WYU2 What are you up to? XQiiE I'm pissed out of my mind
JUST TALK

Russian Back to Happiness

On Marry-an-Ugly-Millionaire-Online-Dating- Agency.com

Dima: helso this is Dmitriy – who me talk Glitz2: Hi Dima – lets chat
Dima: okay, nice of the person, let me to know the name Glitz2: i am Sarah i live in London i am 27
Dima: helso Sarah I am loving in Moscow my oldness is 33
Glitz2: nice i would love to visit moscow
Dima: yes it is the handsome city
Glitz2: what do you do
Dima: I am the important busman in Moscow
Glitz2: what is a busman?
Dima: you of the know – the man who run a very good busness. My busness is to sell computers
Glitz2: you mean business man
Dima: yes that be of the correct – my English I learn very good at college – I am the speaker very good – no?
Glitz2: yes your english is better than my russean
Dima: now I wife look for as I to England to go wish
Glitz2: why do you want to come to england
Dima: I much do love the man Mr Shakespeare. I to his country must come but first I to marry a girl of the English do must
Glitz2: what would you do here
Dima: I think I must do all what other rich foreign bodies do – I buy one of your very good football teams
Glitz2: cool – which team would you buy
Dima: I like Fulham they play like wild horse on night that is moonlit and the stream does tumble down the mountains. They are have a passion that is like flotsam and jetsam on the torturous tide of sporting life. But forgive me I poetic talk just like Mr Shakespeare
Glitz2: i am a Fulham supporter i watch them every week
Dima: This is of the very good. I am to be loving you already and yet we are to meet not as yet
Glitz2: you sound like a very interesting person
Dima: But you are to flutter me too much but of this glad I am.
Glitz2: so when will you come to England
Dima: With thanks it is that I grapefully receive this invite – I will of the course come to you now at once. We are to be married as the possible soon. And then I will be of the English person and forever roam your country as free as a peacock in a sky of azure blue. I am to be pleased that married we shall be
Glitz2: do you not think we are rushing things a bit
Dima: Not in the smallest molecule. The sooner that marriage we are then the better. My the parents and the grandparents we shall all be with you in your very good house in just a one week
Glitz2: slow down you can't bring your family to live with me
Dima: But of the my dearling I can not leave them here to be persecuted and tortured by of the cruel government. As soon as married couple having had the sex we be then we shall move into very big house and buy the Fulham Football team
Glitz2: I would rather we could meet a few times before committing to marriage
Dima: You do not worry you heart so sweet my dearling. Everything is going to be like the fairytale. Like Mr Shakespeare Romeo and Juliette. We shall happiness find in souls of other each and be glad as two lovely rabbits toasting over the oven hot.
Glitz2: im sure we could be happy but give me a bit of time
Dima: Thank you I will my life time give to you and you to me give all your charms in the bed. My dearest you have made my family so happy this day. Please I will to you email send with details of which flight we will to arrive in your very nice England. Until then my jellied eels my heart will thump with the excitement of expecting love. Bye for now my partner of the long life.
Glitz2: BFN

Spare a Dime

On Marry-an-Ugly-Millionaire-Online-Dating-Agency.com

D&O: anyone got any spare change Rambo: what you on about man
D&O: can you lend me 50 pence for my bus fare Rambo: are you crazy
D&O: am homeless – gonna give me the price of a cup of tea
Rambo: are you serious
D&O: am starving
Rambo: are you really on here begging for money
D&O: aye – its too cold begging in the streets I much prefer to make use of technology – I'm a bit of an entrepreneur
Rambo: and do you make much begging on the internet
D&O: oh aye – on good days I can take £300
Rambo: that's a lot of money
D&O: aye – my PayPal account is fair bulging
Rambo: good for you
D&O: so have got any spare change
Rambo: you promise not to spend it on drink and drugs
D&O: I wouldn't do that
Rambo: R U sure
D&O: Aye
Rambo: Okay then – is £1 okay
D&O: You're a real pal – thanks mate – have a great day

No Fun Nun

On a gay dating site

Mary: Hello People
Ben77: hi ASL
Mary: Pardon
Ben77: ASL
Mary: Sorry, I only speak English
Ben77: Age - Sex - Location
Mary: Oh, I see. I am Sister Mary. I am a nun. I am located in Father Murphy's room.
Ben77: what! a nun?
Mary: Yes, I have been a nun for two years now.
Ben77: what r u doing on this site
Mary: I was about to write a letter to my mum using Father Murphy's computer. This website was on his screen. When I saw it was lots of people chatting I got a bit nosey and thought I would take a look.
Ben77: You must leave right now
Mary: Why?
Ben77: it's not a site for nuns.
Mary: What do you mean?
Ben77: it's a... well… it's a site for men
Mary: Like advice on health and that sort of thing.
Ben77: not really – it's a place where men meet men
Mary: Oh that's nice. Have you met Father Murphy?
Ben77: I dont think you understand – this site is for men to get with other men to have fun
Mary: What, to arrange golfing and fishing trips?
Ben77: no – to arrange sex with each other
Mary: What? Men with men?
Ben77: yes
Mary: That's dreadful. Do men actually do things like that?
Ben77: of course we do!!
Mary: But why would Father Murphy be on this site?
Ben77: guess he must be gay
Mary: Don't be silly, he's a priest.
Ben77: lots of priests are gay
Mary: No, there must be some other reason.