Cosmopolitan

Irma Kurtz

Description

Five years of the famous Agony Column from Cosmopolitan with answers written by the wise and fair Irma Kurtz. Subjects covered include sex and sexuality, guilt, depression, Married men, affairs, parents, the maternal urge, jealousy, eating disorders, independence and sexual equality.

Sujets

• Dating

Informations

• Publié par: Hearst Magazines UK
• Date de parution: 10 août 2012
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781905563685
• Langue: English

Extrait

Table of Contents
Foreword
Sex & Sexuality
Jealousy
Grow Up, Be Yourself & Live Your Life
Sexual Equality
Weight & Body Image
Loneliness & Depression
Marriage, Affairs & Divorce
Love & Relationships
Parents
Doctors, Anxiety & Health
Babies, Children & Stepchildren
Friends
Men
Married Men
Abortion & the Pill
Drink & Drugs
More Books from British Cosmopolitan
Copyright
Foreword

The first issue of British Cosmopolitan went on sale in March 1972. It was a publishing sensation and all 350,000 copies had sold out by lunchtime the first day. By the time the second issue went to press, 100,000 copies had been added to the print run. But British women still could not get enough and the magazine sold out again within two days of publication. The philosophy behind this ground breaking magazine was simple but, in those days, radical. American Cosmo legend Helen Gurley Brown wanted her readers to live big, go for it and be the best you can be in every area of your life.
British women had seen nothing like it. Cosmopolitan was the first magazine aimed at young women and the first women's magazine not to focus on women and the home. Never before had Bitish women seen a publication filled with racy articles about sex and relationships running alongside the book reviews, novel extracts, career advice and fashion pages. Interestingly, the feminist magazine Spare Rib was founded just a few months later, aimed at the politically minded woman, but Cosmopolitan was happily read by feminists and non-feminists alike. It was glamorous and bold, embracing many of the messages of the growing women's movement but always presented as a friendly, glossy package. It was also the first magazine to have an agony column that was almost exclusively about sex and relationships in the broadest sense.
In 1976, Irma Kurtz, a young American journalist who had moved to London with a young son, was taken on as Cosmo 's Agony Aunt, having written popular features on sex and relationships for several years. Her first agony column was published in the May issue. Women of all ages wrote to her - teenagers, wives, mothers, widows, divorcées, virgins, lesbians - all hoping that this broad-minded, intelligent woman would have the answers to their problems. And men wrote in too. Irma's advice was consistently wise, firm and supportive. Again and again she encouraged people to grow up, find themselves, and live life to the full. She encouraged women to invite men out rather than wait to be invited. She extolled the pleasures of sex and deep relationships but encouraged her readers to be individuals in their own right, not dependent on anyone else. She assured people that masturbation was not a sin and that cruel and jealous men were not to be tolerated.
The first volume of the Agony Column covered the years 1976-1980. This is the second volume, covering the years 1980 to 1985. As with the first five years, it is fascinating to see how many of the questions could have been asked today, for the problems are perennial, as are the answers. Certain subjects cropped up over and over again: married men, sexual identity, affairs, jealousy, loneliness and depression. It is striking that young single women were not the only ones seeking advice: numerous middle-aged women wrote in with their questions and dilemmas, aware that times were changing for women and that they hoped to benefit. Many were married or divorced, showing how in the days before the internet and confessional TV shows, sources of advice about embarrassing problems usually suffered in secret were practically non-existent. It is no wonder that Irma was seen as a friend to all. Rather than run the problem pages in chronological order, we have organised the questions and answers in themes for easy reference, hoping that many of them offer advice and information that are still relevant today.
Louise Court Editor,
Cosmopolitan London, 2012
Sex & Sexuality

Q: I have been going steady with my eighteen-year-old boyfriend for six months (I am sixteen). We have become very close and have slept together several times. However, we are using no form of contraception my boyfriend disapproves of the sheath and I disapprove of the Pill (I am afraid of losing my figure). He has tried reasoning with me several times but we always end up arguing. He spoke to his twenty-one-year-old sister about our problem and between them they decided I should go on the Pill, but I won't let myself be told what to do about a very worrying and personal matter. What do you suggest I should do?
A: If you think the Pill ruins your figure, wait until you see what pregnancy does to it! Nevertheless, I sympathise with you and agree that nobody should persuade you to use a kind of contraceptive you find abhorrent for whatever reason. Good girl! You keep that stubborn streak of yours, it will be your ally in the long run. It does amuse me that your generation, despite its sexual experience, does not recognise any birth control method between the Pill and the sheath. It's like thinking war can be waged only with nuclear weapons or spears. What do you imagine we did in those dark days just a few years ago before the Pill was on the open market? There are many other forms of contraceptive. Some of them, like the diaphragm, are extremely efficient when used correctly and very rarely cause any problems for lovemaking. Talk to your doctor if you can, or hurry along to a family planning clinic where you will receive expert advice.

Q: Recently I found that my husband has been going to bars where women strip and perform erotic acts. He concealed this from me for years and lied about it to me when I found out. I am hurt and confused. I feel very bad about myself now, I always thought of myself as attractive and desirable but now I feel as though my body is not what it should be. My husband says he's very sorry to have hurt me and that he won't go anymore, but I find it hard to trust him and I feel that our whole marriage has been a lie. Can you tell me what a voyeur is and if my husband is one?
A: A "voyeur" is someone who looks and doesn't touch. Voyeurism is the symptom of a frightened sexuality. If it is your husband's problem, then it is deeply entwined with his attitudes towards sex and it is absolutely no comment on your desirability. He needs some counselling and you should talk to your doctor about it. I can understand how unhappy and insecure this makes you feel, but remember if he didn't tell you about his pastime it was because he was ashamed and not in order to deceive you. Of course, it could be he is not actually a voyeur. It could be he enjoys sexual drama and spice. If this is the case, then you could do worse than to buy gorgeous underwear and bring the strip club into your bedroom. It could be fun for both of you and sex, after all, is not at its best in deadly earnest.

Q: I am twenty-two and live with my boyfriend of twenty-one. We have a wonderful and very affectionate relationship - yet I feel very sexually frustrated. It may be that I expect too much as a previous lover made love two or three times a day. When we miss one day or two or even three I feel furiously frustrated and tense and I eat and eat. When we had an honest talk about our sex life six. Months ago he revealed that he felt sexually intimidated by me because I seemed to have taken over our sex life. He said that if I let him be it would come more naturally. However letting him be means sex on his own terms, only when he wants it, even if I don't. It hurts me as left to himself he masturbates which makes me feel awful when I badly want sexual intercourse. He is a good lover, and sensual; when we first met he took the sexual initiative often. Now he does very little foreplay and it is very short. He is a very dominant person in other respects and sometimes I think it's a struggle for sexual power, but perhaps it's just laziness. Or am I frantically over-sexed and selfish?
A: For a moment, let's forget about your lover and talk about you. Are you frantically over-sexed? Frankly, if you can replace intercourse with a box of chocolates and six cream buns, I don't think that's your problem. I would say you may be frantically in need of something sex represents to you, something that chocolates and cream buns have also been known to represent. I'd guess you need cuddling, affection, security and reassurance that you are lovable. If you agree with me, then you will see this not as a sexual problem at all but an emotional problem being acted out in the bedroom or the kitchen, scoffing those cakes. I'm not sure what a "struggle for sexual power" means between lovers; are you? However, if my guess is correct your lover's real hesitation is over whether or not he wants to commit himself to fulfilling your need for love. In the terms of the game you two are playing, sex has become symbol and weapon. In short, recognise your needs for what they really are and ease up on them if you can. Are you, for example, worried he will leave you soon? Will your feelings for him run to a lifetime? Do you want them to? Does he? Next time you two have an honest talk, make sure it's about your life together and not merely your sex life.

Q: I am eighteen years old and four years ago I had a testicle removed. I have only had two girlfriends since. I don't look for girls any more because they might tell their friends. Only a few of my friends know and they just mock me. I am not homosexual and I still find girls very attractive and sexy but hardly any of the girls I know would understand about the whole thing. I am still a virgin because of my operation.
A: I know how old-fashioned this sounds and I also know how true it is: you are still a virgin not because of your operation but because you are eighteen! For all the problems of being an eighteen-year-old girl, I am grateful I never had to be an eighteen-year-old boy. It must be hell.