Donny and Vladdy: Politically-Incorrect, Curiously Candid Conversations Between the World's Two Most Controversial Leaders

M.G. Crisci

Description

DONNY AND VLADDY.
THE WORLD'S TWO MOST CONTROVERSIAL LEADERS
ATTEMPT TO SOLVE ALL OF THE WORLD'S MOST PRESSING PROBLEMS.

Imagine Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin holding a series of top-secret meetings, absent of cumbersome staff, unqualified translators, superfluous press conferences, and the FBI and KGB.

Imagine the men sharing a Papa John's pepperoni pizza with extra cheese as they negotiate nuclear arms reductions on Putin's presidential plane, idling on an isolated Alaskan runway.

Imagine a JELL-O factory production floor in Indianapolis where Trump guarantees Putin's legacy if Russia transitions from state-dominated economic socialism to American free-market capitalism.

Imagine 10 more witty, wacky, curiously candid conversations that include NATO encroachment in Trump's opulent New York apartment and resolving the crisis in Ukraine at the bomb-ridden Donetsk International Airport.

Sujets

• Humor
• Politics

Informations

• Publié par: eBookIt.com
• Date de parution: 21 août 2018
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781456631666
• Langue: English

Extrait

Donny and Vladdy __________________________ A Full-Length Satire By M.G. Crisci

M.G. Crisci 7113 Tatler Road Carlsbad, CA 92011 O: 760.804.7360 M: 760.390.2055 E: [e-mail] WWWW: mgcrisci.com

CAST OF CHARACTERS

DONALD TRUMP, President of the United States, early 70's

VLADIMIR PUTIN, President of Russia, late 60's

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Scene 2

Scene 3

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Scene 5

Scene 6

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Scene 2

Scene 3

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Scene 6

Settings

ACT I

Kremlin Grand Palace, Moscow

JELL-O Plant, Indianapolis, IL

Sunny Patio, King's Beach, Sudak, Crimea

Trump Living Room, New York City

Russia Today Newsroom, Moscow

Google Headquarters, Mountain View, CA

ACT II

Novosibirsk Scientific, Novosibirsk, Siberia

US Steel Arc Furnace, Granite City, IL

Putin Presidential Plane, Nome, AK

Donetsk Airport, Donetsk, Eastern Ukraine

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Arlington, VA

Four Seasons Hotel, Damascus, Syria

PRODUCTION NOTES Donny and Vladdy is a series of conversations between the two heads of state that take place at locations around the world relevant to the topic under discussion. Time, place and environment would be created by rear production photography or digital imagery and sound effects, requiring a minimum of props and prop changes from scene to scene. Each scene is approximately 10 minutes. Tone and manner is intended to be politically incorrect and irreverent, yet relevant and substantive.

ACT I

I-1-2

AT RISE:

(The great room at the Kremlin where a Russian President usually greets foreign dignitaries. There is an oval table, filled with a variety of Russian delicacies, two chairs at opposite ends of the table).

TITLE: KREMLIN GRAND PALACE, MOSCOW

SETTING: (DONALD TRUMP is admiring the room's scale and detail. Ornate gold doors open and VLADIMIR PUTIN walks in, they shake hands.)

PUTIN (warmly) President Trump, please sit. Make yourself comfortable.

TRUMP (smiles warmly) Nice place...reminds me of my apartment on Fifth Avenue.

PUTIN (braggadocio) Similar yes, but Kremlin has BIGGER rooms. No?

TRUMP (shakes his head) No...my rooms are UUGE, REALLY UUGE.

Trump spreads arms wide apart to reinforce UUGENESS.

PUTIN (ignoring Trump comment) And, MY place has more gold. MUCH, MUCH MORE GOLD.

TRUMP (matter-of-factly) MY place? (pause) Where I come from owning real estate means taking title and using the tax code to make income taxes

disappear. With respect, you're just a guy with rental lease that has no option to buy.

PUTIN Important correction. Guy with very, very long lease.

TRUMP I thought your constitution had term limits?

PUTIN Yes and no. I amend constitution as required. Watched Mayor Bloomberg add third term in New York City. Good role model.

TRUMP (skeptical) Changing the term limits of a Mayor is a lot easier than amending a country's constitution.

PUTIN Not in Russia. Voters here very practical. Just want man who won't take usual crap from other world leaders and can ride brown bear in forest without falling.

(Putin proudly passes a platter of fish)

PUTIN Enjoy Russian delicacy...Black Sea smoked whitefish.

Black what?

TRUMP (puzzled)

PUTIN (raises eyebrow) So, reports are true!

TRUMP (protests) Don't even try to go there. I'm not a racist. I love the Blacks, Hispanics, Muslims, Gays, even Orientals.

PUTIN No offense. But how much do you know of Russian way.

TRUMP

(shakes his head) Quite a bit. My daughter IVANKA took a class in Russian history at Wharton.

PUTIN (smiles) Ivanka...nice Slavic name. KGB paparazzi say she's real hottie.

TRUMP (insulted) That's not very nice.

Why? Not true?

PUTIN (puzzled)

TRUMP (contorted expression) But how would you like it if I talked about your wife that way?

Never happen.

Why not?

PUTIN (confident)

TRUMP

PUTIN (chuckles) How you explain in America? Wife Lyudmila not exactly Vogue model.

Trump barks. The two men howl, continue to eat and drink.

TRUMP President Putin, may I call you Vladdy?

PUTIN (jokes) Only if you I call you Donny.

Trump extends his hand in friendship. Putin pauses for a second, the men shake.

TRUMP Speaking of names, Vladdy called terrible things during your election by Horrible Hillary and tall, skinny boy from Hawaii.

TRUMP Close but no cigar! It's CROOKED Hillary and the boy is from KENYA.

PUTIN (confused) Close but no cigar?...Pushkin, Tolstoy, Dostoevsky never use such phrases. Make no sense.

TRUMP (confident) Vladdy, it's all good. In time, me, Pushkin, Tolstoy, and that other guy will become best friends. Like Melania says, best friends make the best deals.

PUTIN  (giggles) Personal question okay (pause) Donny?

TRUMP Go for it. My life's always been an open book.

PUTIN Curious. Explain wives. First smart blonde Slav, then dirty blonde American, then sexy brunette Slav.

TRUMP (nods his head) What can I tell you, is I'm attracted to smart, beautiful women.

PUTIN Please explain Marla Maples.

TRUMP (laughs at himself) What can I say, I was between smart, beautiful women.

PUTIN What's with other women in life?

TRUMP

(uncertain) Not sure I understand your question.

PUTIN (bragging) Vladimir worldly. Read Michael Brag-a-loti tweets about Stormy Weather.

TRUMP (waves arms) Talk about low lives! They make Maxine Waters sound like Einstein.

PUTIN Donny, have to admit, pattern. ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT favorite American television show. Vladdy sees WASHINGTON POST video.

TRUMP Entertainment Tonight is fake entertainment. I never said what I said on the video.

Putin rolls his eyes. Picks up the platter.

More white fish?

PUTIN

Trump waves off the food.

TRUMP (upset) Are you aware MY APPRENTICE was the number one television show in the world for seven years? It's THE BEST.

Putin, sitting at the end of the table, nods, begins to purse his lips, wave his arms.

PUTIN Omarosa, you FIRED! Rodman you FIRED. Crazy Busey, you FIRED!

TRUMP The critics called MY APPRENTICE a genius concept. I made teams. Gave them projects. If they didn't perform to MY standards, I fired them. My goal was to make them better people.