It’s The Answers For Me

Khaya Dlanga

Description

With three bestselling books published, Khaya Dlanga is one of South Africa’s favourite authors. His ability to write candidly and authentically about himself and his world has resonated with readers from all walks of life.

In March 2020 Khaya found himself bereaved, alone and facing an indefinite lockdown as a result of COVID-19. Like most of us, he turned to social media to maintain some human connection and his followers came through and kept him going.

It’s The Answers For Me is the result of Khaya’s ongoing Q&A interactions with his followers on Instagram. It’s evidence of the genuine communities that are formed on social media: intensely human, at times strange and shocking, sometimes touching and often really funny. And it’s a record of a nation going through what have been the most bizarre (and longest) years in recent history.

Khaya’s enviable gift for storytelling makes people want to hear his stories and also to trust him with theirs. From the secrets our parents think they keep from us, to the real reasons we stay in relationships, and venturing into many other everyday issues and situations, It’s The Answers For Me captures our collective mgowo.

Sujets

• Anecdotes
• Quotations
• Humor
• Form

Informations

• Publié par: Pan Macmillan South Africa
• Date de parution: 31 juillet 2021
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781770107274
• Langue: English

Extrait

It’s The Answers For Me




It’s The Answers For Me
Khaya Dlanga
MACMILLAN


First published in 2021
by Pan Macmillan South Africa
Private Bag X19
Northlands
Johannesburg
2116
www.panmacmillan.co.za
ISBN 978-1-77010-721-2
e-ISBN 978-1-77010-727-4
© ٢٠ 21 Khaya Dlanga
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
Editing by Kelly Norwood-Young
Proofreading by Katlego Tapala
Design and typesetting by Nyx Design
Cover concept by Khaya Dlanga and Saffron Shaw
Printed and bound by XX


Contents
Author’s note viii
Introduction 1
Part 1: Your answers 5
Part 2: My answers 289
Acknowledgements 341
Also by Khaya Dlanga 343


Author’s note
My social media followers come from a variety of backgrounds and often reply to me in their own South African languages. For this book, I have provided English translations where I felt it was necessary, but it must be noted that many of the translations are not 100% accurate. I have purposefully added spice to these, because in many cases, a direct translation loses all impact and does no justice to the meaning or intent.
I have also included my own original replies to some of the responses I received on social media. And where I’ve had more to say, for the purposes of this book, I have provided additional commentary or context.


Introduction
My previous books (particularly To Quote Myself and These Things Really Do Happen To Me ) are largely about me, though really, they convey the life and experiences of many South Africans.
It’s The Answers For Me has a different approach to storytelling. While my other books focus on my story, this one has hundreds of stories from other people. At first, I couldn’t help asking myself if I could even call this a book. After all, I didn’t dig deep and write these stories. What actually happened was that people trusted me with some poignant, personal, sensitive, shocking and sometimes really funny information about their lives and experiences.
The responses to my questions on social media have always been interesting. I often get a really funny response and right after that, an extremely tragic one. In many ways, these answers reflect the human condition. We live, simultaneously, in a comedy and a tragedy. Whatever is happening in our lives, we carry on because that is what life demands of us – to continue, despite the hellish conditions we sometimes find ourselves in. And if we can find some humour along the way, that helps too.
This book is not necessarily a book for only people who know what’s happening on social media. It’s a book for anyone who is curious about what we go through as humans.
But if you’re not familiar with how Instagram Stories work, here’s what you need to know about how I gathered these insights into people’s lives: There is a feature that allows a user to ask questions to their followers (I always find it weird to say ‘followers’, like that person is some kind of Jesus – who technically, in his time, only had 12 … but I digress). Each follower can choose to respond to the question or statement posed. The person doing the asking knows who the responders are, but once the response is shared, this is completely anonymous. The feature gives people an opportunity for honesty and a cloak of invisibility.
It is not uncommon for people to say to me, ‘I have never told this to anyone before,’ or, ‘I don’t know why I am telling you this.’ And then they will proceed to tell me something I did not expect. I don’t know why that happens, but I do know that I enjoy people, and because I do, I like to ask them about themselves.
I also like to tell stories about my experiences. People who know me say I am always telling stories while others say I just talk a lot.
I’ve been asking questions on social media for years but Level 5 Lockdown, at the start of the Covid-19 pandemic in South Africa, was the ideal time to use this feature on Instagram. We were stuck at home. We were not allowed to go outside, except to go buy food or medication. We couldn’t exercise or even walk our dogs on the streets. (I have a confession to make: I was one of those people who shouted at a lady who was walking her dog. Every time I think about it, I want to crawl into a little hole and hide there for a while until the shame has washed over me.)
We had a lot of time on our hands. People were both frustrated and fearful because we didn’t really understand the virus. The fact that the sale of alcohol was banned in South Africa added to an even more tense situation. But no one was angrier than the smokers because the sale of cigarettes was also banned.
During this time, I was living alone in my humble apartment. A week before, this was not the case. When South African President Cyril Ramaphosa had announced that the country was going under hard lockdown, it had been one day since we’d buried my brother. We had been living together.
And so, it was myself and my brother’s shadow in my apartment. There were routines he had, which I had come to expect, and sometimes I’d forget that he was now gone.
I was eager to keep my mind distracted. I had done enough Netflix, Apple TV Plus and Amazon Prime. I also craved human interaction, but visitors were not allowed. At one point, I realised that I hadn’t touched another human being for two months.
So, I started asking even more questions on Instagram. I mean, I had been asking questions before, but they were mostly about me: ‘Ask me a question.’ People would ask, and I would answer. Sometimes I gave funny responses and other times they were considered. I was surprised by how honest and candid people were. Some of the responses were heart-breaking; others were hilarious. It was all very human.
Since I was posting questions so regularly, and everyone was online because we were all under lockdown, people soon became addicted – to such an extent that if I asked a question and took too long to post responses, I got DMs asking me when I was posting them. Worse, if I didn’t ask a question for a week, DMs would flood in, asking me when the next question would be asked.
I imagine people saw themselves in many of the responses. Perhaps when they saw what others were going through or have been through, they realised that they were not the only ones – then maybe it’s not that bad. I don’t know. Maybe in a sense silent community.
The anonymity helped too. And to me, it felt like a release. In a strange way, I felt like a priest in a confessional booth, with people unburdening themselves, saying things they may never have said to anyone before, while also aware that their answers could potentially be seen by thousands of people once I posted them. Maybe the burden felt lighter because thousands of strangers were now also carrying their story, even if it was just for that moment it took to read it.
It was not long before I got DMs asking me when I would turn these questions and their responses into a book. I resisted for a long time because I didn’t see how these could be turned into a book. Then my publisher asked me and eventually, I figured, why not?


Part 1
Your answers


What is a slay queen?
I have been hearing so many definitions
16 August 2018
Back in 2018, there was a lot of talk about slay queens. From what I could decipher from the rough streets of the Internet, a slay queen is a woman who does not have a job but lives a life of luxury. The term is a put-down, the assumption being that a woman with that kind of lifestyle is being kept and supported by an anonymous rich man.
I remember being in the middle of a conversation with people I had recently met when they happened to refer to someone I knew as a slay queen. At that point, I didn’t tell them I actually knew her well because I wanted to see where the conversation was going. I was hoping to understand what they meant.
I eventually asked and the response was predictable: ‘It’s someone who lives a life of luxury, travels to Dubai, has expensive bags but doesn’t really work.’
‘Do you actually know her?’ I asked.
‘People talk, and I know her from social media,’ the guy replied.
‘So you believe these people and then you all conclude that she is a slay queen according to that definition?’ I have a bad habit of getting into debates.
Someone else chimed in: ‘It’s very clear that she is one. It’s just undeniable, bra.’
‘What if I told you that I know her very well?’ I said.
‘So you’re paying for her lifestyle?’
They all laughed and gave each other high fives. I laughed too.
‘Let’s say that you are right – that a man paid for her trip to Dubai. I know this for a fact,’ I said.
‘See, we told you!’ Then they proceeded to go on her Instagram page again to prove how right they were.
‘Now what if I told you that the man who paid for the trip was her dad?’
‘She would say that because she is your friend; she doesn’t want you to think differently about her.’
‘Yeah, but I still wouldn’t think weirdly about her even if it was some other man and not her dad. I know for a fact that her dad did not just pay for it – he was on the actual trip. They went there as a family and she just posted pictures of herself without her family. She comes from a very well-off family.’
I sensed a sudden shift.
Then I asked again, ‘What is a slay queen then? To tell you the truth, I am ready to have a rich, beautiful wo