Kiss of the Water Nymph

William Stafford

Description

Seeking inspiration, hack writer Hector Mortlake embarks on a journey across late 19th century Europe. He invites the people he encounters to submit short stories to a contest but soon the travellers find themselves at an isolated hotel and caught up in a series of suspicious deaths. Could there be something to the local myth of the water nymph after all? Influenced by Hammer horror films and riddled with innuendo, this humorous tale is the first in a new series from prolific author William Stafford.

Sujets

• Humour

Informations

• Publié par: Andrews UK
• Date de parution: 20 janvier 2015
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781785381089
• Langue: English

Extrait

Conens

Fron Maer ........................................................... î Tîe Page ........................................................ î Pubîser ïnormaîon ................................... îî

Kîss O He Waer Nymp .................................. 1 Caper One .................................................. 1 Caper Two .................................................. 8 Caper hree .............................................. 19 Caper Four ............................................... 28 Caper Fîve ................................................ 39 Caper Sîx .................................................. 52 Caper Seven.............................................. 63 Caper Eîg............................................... 72 Caper Nîne ............................................... 86 Caper Ten ................................................. 97 Caper Eeven .......................................... 104 Caper Tweve.......................................... 110 Caper hîreen ....................................... 117 Caper Foureen ...................................... 124 Caper Fîteen.......................................... 133 Caper Sîxeen ......................................... 144 Caper Seveneen..................................... 150 Caper Eîgeen ....................................... 159 Caper Nîneeen ...................................... 164

Back Maer .......................................................166 Aso Avaîabe ............................................ 166

KISS OF THE WATER NYMPH

A ecor Morake Advenure

Wîîam Saford

Publiser Informaion

Pubîsed în 2015 by Andrews UK îmîed www.andrewsuk.com

He rîg o Wîîam Saford o be îdenîIed as e Auor o îs Work as been assered by îm în accordance wî e Copyrîg, Desîgns and Paens Ac 1998

Copyrîg © 2015 Wîîam Saford

A rîgs reserved. No par o îs pubîcaîon may be reproduced, sored în a rerîeva sysem, or ransmîed, în any orm or by any means wîou e prîor wrîen permîssîon o e pubîser, nor be oerwîse cîrcuaed în any orm o bîndîng or cover oer an a în wîc î îs pubîsed and wîou a sîmîar condîîon beîng împosed on e subsequen purcaser. Any person wo does so may be îabe o crîmîna prosecuîon and cîvî caîms or damages.

A caracers appearîng în îs work are Icîîous. Any resembance o rea persons, îvîng or dead, îs purey coîncîdena.

Caper One

He journey ad been raug wî dîicuîes rom e sar. Quîe onesy, ï ad reaced e poîn o gîvîng up on e woe bay busîness and urnîng around and goîng ome and îdîng under e bed. Bu ome seemed îke suc a ong way away; ï ad come oo ar. ï was îke a cappîe says în e pay, reurnîng îs as edîous as goîng on - or someîng very îke. ï et Bîgy wo weeks ago, wavîng a ond arewe o Dover’s wîe cîfs îke ey were e adored aces o oved ones come o see me of. No one ad come o perorm a oice; ï am aone în e word and no bîger cares weer ï’m aîve or dead - unî ï overdraw rom my cequîng accoun and en ey raîse a sînk and make a uss and demand o be apprîsed o my wereabous and înenîons. ïn France ï boarded e Orîen Express a Caaîs, swappîng seamboa or seam raîn - marves o our age, e bo o em. ï anyone ad od my grandaer wen e was my age (weny- nîne) a we woud a be rîdîng around în gîan kees, e woud ave cubbed em însensîbe. My desînaîon was Greece. ï ancîed poerîng around among od sones or îndeed geîng soned among some od pos. ï was în no parîcuar urry o ge ere bu a does no mean ï was no pu ou by every deay or deour my journey was orced o undergo. ï am a wrîer. Noîng îgbrow or edîyîng, you undersand. Jus joy japes and rompîng around. Derrîng-do and a a kînd

o odder. My name îs ecor Morake. You won’ ave eard o me. He reveaîon o my proessîon never aîs o brîng abou e same reacîons. Here îs e sow o mîd îneres, and a carade o beîng împressed by wa ï do - ï say ‘mîd îneres’ because no one knows quîe wa o say o a wrîer, no even oer wrîers. “And wa ave you wrîen?” îs e înevîabe quesîon and wen ï rae of a ong îs o sensaîona serîas, pubîsed on a weeky basîs by one o e ess repuabe organs o e press, you can see eîr aces a îke snow rom a roo durîng a aw. Hey move away quîcky. Some o em cover eîr cîdren’s ears. ï’s aways e same bu ï îmagînesomeonemus be buyîng e perîodîcas and readîng my sorîes - ï make quîe a prey penny rom î, ï can e you. ï woud be unabe o und îs rans-European rîp wîou e Iy ucre earned rom e oupourîngs o my ebrîe and erîe îmagînaîon. Ater severa years o ard work and perspîraîon, my we o îdeas Inay ran dry. My edîor pued me up on î, sayîng e serîas were repeîîve and predîcabe, a ï was reasîng ackneyed îdeas. ï was a aîr cop. My muse mus ave aen aseep on e job and wîou er o egg me on and enîce me wî a crumb raî o îdeas, we, ï was jus swîngîng e ead. ï ad become a pedder o od rope and my edîor was no onger wîîng o srîng me aong.Upperaps bu no aong. “ï’m burned ou, od duck,” ï od îm, epîng myse o one o îs ceap and nasy cîgars. “He od noggîn needs a bî o a breaer, don’ you know?” e od me a od one abou rave broadenîng e mînd and ï saîd, do you know, you jus mîg ave î upon someîng ere. ï dîreced my ee o e rave agen’s sîde o e sree orwî. A cange, we are od, îs as good as a res, and a res îs as good as a - we, ï don’ know wa a res îs as good as because, wo weeks aer, ï was sî o ave one. ï ooed down o Dover. ï paîned me o eave my dear îe Benz ere bu (and e rave agen conIrmed my supposîîon)

ere woud be sreces o my journey înaccessîbe o auomobîes so ï woud ave ad o eave î somewere. And ï preerred o say my goodbyes o î on Brîîs soî - no rom any xenopobîc bîas, you mus undersand - because î dîd my ear good o know a a eas my dear Bessîe woud be awaîîng my reurn. away across e Canne, e bay boa ran ou o coa and we were obîged o waî unî some smaer vesses coud erry some o us. uckîy, ey were servîng acooîc drînks - uckîy or e crew, a îs. Hey woud ese ave ad a u-scae rîo on eîr ands and ï canno say wîou ear o conradîcîon a ï woud no ave been a rîngeader în e însurrecîon. ïnsead, an încreasîngy convîvîa amospere reîgned în e communa area o e saed seamsîp, and ï înk î may ave been my îrd or our o o brandy a nudged my îpsy ougs în e dîrecîon o nascen înspîraîon. He peope ere - my eow osages o e încompeence o e seamsîp company - woud be my muse. Everyone as a sory o e (every wrîer knows îs!) and my ears ad never been more wîîng recepaces. ï am a wrîer, ï înroduced myse, a cronîcer o îsorîes. We were o ave a cones o Ind e mos dîverîng ae rom among e assembed company. ï woud be a joy Ine way o pass e îme and (ï dîd no e em îs bî) ï mîg Ind my negecu muse roused suicîeny rom er sumbers and brîng a surcease o e dereîcîon o er duîes. ï îs no e mos orîgîna ruse, ï know. Dear od G. Caucer Esq rîed î yonks back bu e progress o îs pîgrîms was unInîsed. ï coud ony ope my voyage woud no mee so înconcusîve a ae. We were reaed - î a îs e apposîe erm - o a seecîon o saacîous and uîmaey unprînabe accouns by some o e more vugar passengers. Hey jabbed me wî eîr ebows and demanded o know î a was e kînd o îng ï was ater and ï, roug grîed ee, repîed ï was araîd eîr aes were no quîe e îcke.

Bu e înerruped sea crossîng dîd no prove enîrey ruîess. Wen e vugarîans ad moved on o înduge în some împrompu and îîcî gambîng or ad sîmpy surrendered eîr conscîousness o e workîngs o Baccus, ï was approaced by a young woman wo dîscosed se was raveîng o Geneva wî er governess, e ormîdabe Mîss Seon wo was curreny aseep în eîr cabîn. “ï came up or aîr,” e young ady expaîned, “and o enquîre o e capaîn or one o îs subordînaes e cause and poenîa eng o our deay. ï undersand you wîs o ear sorîes, sîr. ï ave quîe e one or you.” ï sîgnaed a wîe-coaed waîer o brîng e gîr ubrîcaîon (or er roa) and învîed my new rîend and soryeer o sî a my abe. “My name îs Carîssa,” se began, “and ï ave a ae o e.”

Myrtle

***

he young man sopped rowîng; îs arms were îred and so e paused în e cenre o e ake o res and admîre e vîew. A ow- yîng mîs covered e waer bu beyond a e coud see e res o e park wî îs sot, unduaîng mounds and îs proecîve rîng o rees - senînes spreadîng eîr arms, provîdîng sade and securîy. ï was a peaceu spo. A curew caed ororny. he waer paed e sîde o e boa, îke a dog appîng rom a bow. he young man dîpped îs and beow e surace, enjoyîng e coo respîe or îs acîng pam. He e e coud say ou ere a day. A grîp o îce seîzed îs wrîs. he young man ad o od ono e rowocks o preven îmse rom beîng pued overboard. he boa rocked aarmîngy; e eared capsîze. A as îs and was reeased. A rîppe dîsurbed e surace, dîspersîng e mîs as someîng raveed quîcky away. he young man reaîsed e was odîng îs brea. Composîng îmse, e

rowed back o sore and cambered rom e boa. He ore across e grass, owards e seer o e rees. To ee e soîdîy o a runk în îs embrace! He rew îs arms around a surdy oak and pressed îs ace agaîns e roug and craggy bark, gupîng în aîr. Hîs and sî e cod. “A,” saîd e park keeper, appenîng aong. “You’ve been ou on e ake. You’ve seen Myre.” “ï ave seen no one, sîr,” e young man gasped. “Se as ouced you en? Myre’s îcy Ingers!” he park keeper was no onger ceeru. he young man edged around e ree bu e park keeper oowed. “You mus ge yourse away rom ere. No jus e park, my boy, and no jus e cîy. Go înand - were î’s dry. Keep you away rom bodîes o waer. And wear a gove a a îmes.” he young man ooked a e park keeper as oug e were însane. he park keeper reaced or îs arm and ofered o accompany îm o e gae. As ey waked, e park keeper expaîned. “ong ago, a saîor was marooned. He was e ony survîvor o a wreck and e wased up on a îny îsand în e very mîdde o e ocean. Wîou uman company, e eow oug e woud soon run mad bu a nîg îs seep was dîsurbed by sîngîng rom e sore. he îrd îme îs appened e wen o învesîgae and e dîscovered a young woman on a rock, combîng er ong resses wî a wîg. Se sensed îs approac bu carrîed on sîngîng. he saîor was capîvaed. He ad never seen or eard anyîng so beauîu. ““ï am Myre,” se sang. “Brîng me res wîgs and ï sa be your over.” “ïn a rance, e saîor podded of în searc o wa se requîred. “hey spen appy years ogeer unî a as rescue came. he saîor coud no bear o be pared rom îs mermaîd brîde and Myre begged îm no o eave. Bu e pu o e and was oo muc. he saîor onged or ome. ““Come wî me, my ove,” e împored. Myre saîd se woud oow.

“For years, eîr ove conînued în secre. A nîg, e saîor woud sîp down o e beac and în a secuded cove ey woud be reunîed. he arrangemen was ess an saîsacory and înevîaby someone ound ou and reaened o expose e mermaîd o a e word. Myre screamed a e înruder unî îs ears bed and îs ear gave way. he saîor knew e mus ge îs brîde away rom ere and proec er a a coss. “He boug îs esae and însaed a ake surrounded by a wa o rees. And ere e îved ou e res o îs days. Ater îs dea, e esae was gîven over o e pubîc, and Myre pîned away. Or so î seems. Now, se seeks a new companîon o repace e ove se os. hereore Lee, ï beseec you, beore se cass er spe on you and drags you o e boom o e ake.” he young man bauked a so anasîca a ae bu îs and sî e îke îce. he curew crîed agaîn. he park keeper îsened. “No, my ove,” e murmured. “Go!” e saîd, urnîng e young man ou o e gae. he young man noîced en a e keeper was wearîng goves - îck, oîskîn goves - and roug em îs ouc was îke wîner.

***

By e îme Mîss Carîssa ad reaced er cîmax, quîe a group ad gaered. Some ad pued up soos; oers sood around, eanîng on eac oer. Unorunaey, among eîr number and ebowîng er way o e ron was e aoremenîoned governess Mîss Seon, wose sern eaures ooked as oug ey ad been acked rom wood. Se kep er overcoa wrapped around er wî bo arms - eaven orend we soud gîmpse e nîgdress benea! Se seemed o communîcae wî er carge roug scows aone. Abased, Mîss Carîssa go o er ee, gîvîng rîse o excamaîons o proes rom er apprecîaîve audîence. Se