Lo Siento

John Randall Dye

Description

DO NOT VISIT THE AMAZON, MACHU PICCHU OR THE GALÁPAGOS ISLANDS 

(UNTIL YOU HAVE READ THIS BOOK)

The Amazon. Machu Picchu. The Galápagos Islands. Considering a vacation to these desired and exotic locations? Perhaps you need to read this book first.  Part travelogue, the reader will delight in the itinerary that thousands of tourists follow each year. Part cautionary tale, the reader will discover pitfalls that can befall the savviest and best prepared traveler.

Lo Siento is a humorous but informative take on the best that Peru and Ecuador have to offer and is recommended for the undecided traveler. If you have a significant other who is determined to tour lands that offer certain danger, you will go unless you can make the better case for not going.  Lo Siento offers many convincing arguments—cleverly disguised as chapters—to come to your senses before it is too late.

Hopefully, it won’t do that because there are better arguments to go.  Visiting the Peruvian Amazon, Machu Picchu and the Galápagos Islands will dispel myths and change the way you think about the world.  Lo Siento portrays lands of intense natural beauty populated by people of indomitable character. Lo Siento makes the case to visit them straightaway.  To wit: What we call civilization will soon erase many of the ways of the indigenous people in Peru. See them while you can. Dance with them while you can. Hold a baby sloth while you can. Dare to experience unique gastronomic adventures. Maybe pass on eating a smoked monkey, but feast otherwise.

Sujets

• Humor

Informations

• Publié par: Outskirts Press
• Date de parution: 29 mars 2023
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781977263407
• Langue: English

Extrait

-->

Lo Siento A South American Sojourn: The Amazon, Machu Picchu, & The Galápagos Islands All Rights Reserved. Copyright © 2023 John Randall Dye v3.0
The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.
This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Outskirts Press, Inc. http://www.outskirtspress.com
Cover Photo © 2023 Renaissance Imaging. All rights reserved - used with permission. Interior Photos © 2023 123RF. All rights reserved - used with permission.
Outskirts Press and the “OP” logo are trademarks belonging to Outskirts Press, Inc.
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Table of Contents
Introduction
South American Sojourn Day 1: Friday October 28 th - ORIGIN OF TRAVEL
South American Sojourn Day 2: Saturday October 29 th - IN THE JUNGLE, THE MIGHTY JUNGLE
South American Sojourn Day 3: Sunday October 30 th - PINK PORPOISE SURPRISE
South American Sojourn Day 4: Monday October 31 th - ESSENTIAL SPANISH
South American Sojourn Day 5: Tuesday November 1 st - LIMA LUXURY
South American Sojourn Day 6: Wednesday November 2 nd - COME TOGETHER
South American Sojourn Day 7: Thursday November 3 rd - FLIGHT TO HEIGHT
South American Sojourn Day 8: Friday November 4 th - SHOP OPS
South American Sojourn Day 9: Saturday November 5 th - HUFFA PUFFA
South American Sojourn Day 10: Sunday November 6 th - HALFWAY HOME & A LONG WAY TO GO
South American Sojourn Day 11: Monday November 7 th - A GUINEA PIG BY ANY OTHER NAME
South American Sojourn Day 12: Tuesday November 8 th - LIMA? AGAIN?? WHY???
South American Sojourn Day 13: Wednesday November 9 th - QUITTING IN QUITO?
South American Sojourn Day 14: Thursday November 10 th - GALÁPAGOS OR BUST
South American Sojourn Day 15: Friday November 11 th - GALÁPAGOS GLORIOSO
South American Sojourn Day 16: Saturday November 12 th - GALÁPAGOS REDUX
South American Sojourn Day 17: Sunday November 13 th - GALÁPAGOS SURPRISE
South American Sojourn Day 18: Monday November 14 th - QUITO AGAIN
South American Sojourn Day 18: Tuesday November 15 th - THE LONG GOOD-BYE
Epilogue
Also by John Randall Dye
 
 
Fiction
 
Better To Be Vile
The Book of James
Bullfrog Moon
 
 
 
Essay/Travelogue
 
One Bad Day
N’Iceland
Author’s Note
This book is a work of non-fiction based on the travels and recollections of the author. In some cases, names of people have been changed to protect their privacy. The author has stated to the publisher that, except in minor respects not affecting the substantial accuracy of the work (i.e., obvious conjectural passages for the purpose of humor), the factual contents of this book are true.
“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”
Jerry Seinfeld, Actor and Comedian
 
 
 
To Louise, with love. Thank you for sharing this journey and the bigger journey through life.
 
 
 
To Lydia, Bonnie, and Amy. Lo siento for spending your inheritances on vacations and books. My apologies also to Mark, Matt and Brant.
 
 
 
To Tom, Charlie, Bobby, Jack, and Ella: Te amo!
Introduction

 
Tractors! That’s what I’d like to write about since they are very much on my mind. I currently have this image of a bright orange mechanical beast which can either wreak havoc or tame an environment depending on the skills of the operator.
However—and this pains me to admit it—very few people care about tractors. I have therefore resigned myself to writing about some recent travels to places that seem to interest people: The snake-infested Peruvian jungles of the upper Amazon River, the tourist-infested Incan ruins of Machu Picchu, and the more tourist-infested Galápagos Islands of Darwinian fame. I’ll throw in the surprisingly unexpected delights of Quito, Ecuador as an added bonus. There might also be a mention of a headhunter who does not work in the corporate setting. I cannot guarantee that this individual actually harvested a head, but I would not question his honesty. If he said he was a headhunter, then I believe him. You would too if you met him.
An author usually has a purpose when writing. To be honest, I’m not sure I do in this book. This is my third venture into the essay/travelogue format and it will be my last. The first book, One Bad Day, failed miserably as an act of revenge for humiliations suffered during an extended trip to Australia and New Zealand. Despite my best efforts, I could not be as nasty as Bill Bryson, the funniest travel writer on the planet. The second, N’Iceland , succeeded somewhat as a tribute to travelers in the time of a pandemic. But the real purpose of the book was a tribute to my brother who died recently. I recommend the book solely on the last printed page. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then the last page is worth the price of the book.
This third venture, Lo Siento, is perhaps best described as a cautionary tale. The world is a dangerous place and no amount of planning will prevent the unexpected. One travels at one’s own peril. Malaria, typhoid, Covid, tarantulas, piranhas, and big thick snakes are as real as it gets once you leave the civilization you know behind. As eight of our group of twenty discovered, you may fall victim to any of them no matter how well you have prepared. If you do, there are two things to remember: Never lose your sense of humor and press on if at all humanly possible. However, if you are done in by a tarantula, swallowed by an anaconda or have the flesh stripped from your bones by piranhas, please disregard these last two bromides.
Introductions are tricky things. You have to make them interesting enough to engage the reader but not reveal too much about the content that follows or its ultimate purpose. I do not know why this is, but I will do my best to keep the reader in the dark as long as possible. Just like the Amazon jungle where only three per-cent of the light filters down to the ground, Lo Siento is only a partial illumination of a remarkable journey along and near the equator in Ecuador and Peru respectively. In the hands of a more skillful writer, this narrative could be life-changing. My only hope is that it is somewhat life-informing. However, I will gladly settle for mildly amusing.
That said, it is difficult to write about such things as a smoked monkey complete with facial grimace and find humor in it. The more likely outcome is to immediately consider the benefits of becoming a vegan. All one can say—and be respectful to the culture of the indigenous people—is that there are some interesting dark meat selections in the market places of the Peruvian Amazon. As one of our fellow travelers said of the smoked simian, “It’s impossible to unsee that.”
What the reader of this book will purportedly experience in this narrative is a trip to three of South America’s greatest wonders that do not involve waterfalls, Juan Valdez, or the sensuous, semi-naked Mardi Gras dancers of Rio de Janeiro. With the possible exception of the smoked monkey experience, the upper Amazon River, Machu Picchu, and the Galápagos Islands should be experienced at least once in a lifetime.
This runs counter to an opposite opinion formed before the journey that speaks to this author’s apparently unlimited capacity for ignorance. All I can say, is “ Lo siento” which translates as “I am sorry.” I hope this book atones for that serious lapse in judgment.
Finally, the Amazon, Machu Picchu, and the Galápagos Islands have all generated stories that are more akin to myth than actual fact. Visiting these sites will dispel those myths and create new ones. For example, my myth take on Machu Picchu tends to favor the nutcases who believe aliens lent a hand. Not that I want to be lumped in with them, but I now have no other logical choice.
If I have offended anyone in the writing of this book— including nutcases and alien life forms—I apologize. Lo siento.
South American Sojourn Day 1: Friday October 28 th
ORIGIN OF TRAVEL

Spanish phrase of the day :
¿ Recuerdas cómo llegar a la sala VIP del aeropuerto?
(Do you remember how to get to the airport VIP lounge?)
5:00 am. Awake.
5:05 am. Awake again.
5:10 am…5:15am...5:20am. Awake… awake…awake.
5:25 am. Really awake this time. My hand failed to hit the snooze button as intended. I accidentally knocked the alarm clock off the dresser and onto the floor. I was forced to get up to make it stop.
5:58 am. Shaved, showered, dressed and almost ready to go. Bed made. Really proud of that. One less task for Louise to do. Glad she has the suitcases packed. Hope I have what I need for a three-week journey.
I need to reconsider my hands-off policy when it comes to picking out and packing my clothes. I mean, after all, I’m an adult fully capable of dressing myself with clothes of my own choosing. What am I, a ten-year older? Oh, well, the clothes are already packed so what’s the use of undoing what has been done? Besides, Louise always does a better job than if I had done it myself. It’s amazing how much she can get packed in a suitcase. She rolls things like shirts up into tight cloth cylinders and maximizes the space by minimizing the volume.
I only got three hours of sleep last night. I was up until 2:00 fooling around on the computer. No, that’s not accurate. I was conducting some vital business and writing the introduction to a potential book. I also sent emails out to various people who should know that I’m out of the country for three weeks. They were mostly replies to emails I failed to respond to in a timely manner. Tacking on another twenty days of silence seemed a bit