Long Island Sound

Barbara Klaus

Description

The information about the book is not available as of this time.

Sujets

• Humor
• Long
• Island

Informations

• Publié par: Xlibris US
• Date de parution: 16 août 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781669839569
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Copyright © 2022 by Barbara Klaus. 840103
 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
 
Xlibris
844-714-8691
www.Xlibris.com
 
Library of Congress Control Number: 2022914102
ISBN: 978-1-6698-4042-8 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-6698-4043-5 (hc)
ISBN: 978-1-6698-3956-9 (e)
 
 
Rev. date: 08/18/2022
 
Long Island Sound
Columns from the NY Times
From 1987-1990, my mom’s columns ran in the Long Island section of the Sunday New York Times. This collection, while extensive, is but a glimpse into my mom’s gift for and love of storytelling. My mom was always the family historian, preserving our memories in tales from her childhood, adolescence and adulthood – stories told the way family stories are meant to be shared, with love and humor. How grateful we are that she preserved so many of them.
My mom was a storyteller for as long as any of us can remember. At every family gathering and any other time that just felt right, my mom would glow as she shared her memories, treating us to new and not so new tales. Yes, we had heard many of the stories time and time again, but they never got old. Think of how you feel when you hit the play button to start your favorite movie, savoring every second of it even though you know how it ends. For us, it was always, “Mom, tell us about the time…”
As you read these columns, you may not know the people personally but I promise you will recognize the characters, maybe even yourself. For at the heart of these tales are universal truths that connect us to each other. They will draw you in. At Thanksgiving last year my wife read a few of these stories to three generations of her family. I will forever cherish the memory of Marcelle narrating as my mom sat with our new family and everyone taking in every single word.
With her columns, my mom leaves us a timeless gift. Stories meant to be passed from generation to generation.
I hope you enjoy the journey.
Barry Klaus
August 2022
Table of Contents
Mother vs. Daughter: Combatants in Shopping War
Skiing: Are We Having Fun Yet?
Return With Us Now To Colds of Yester year
Commuter Wives: They Serve, Sit and Wait – – and Wait
A (Spring) Break for Students, but Not for Par ents
Next to Diamonds, Shoulder Pads Are a Girl’s Best Fr iend
The Truth About Holidays: Not What You Reme mber
How Does a Man Change Channels in the Middle of Life?
The Supermarket Blues: Once a Week, Shop Till You Drop
Here Comes the Bill, Here Comes . . .
Contacts: Seeing Isn’t Necessarily Belie ving
Father’s Day, Mother’s Lot
Status Is Standard Equip ment
Don’t Tell! Camp Is Our Time
Guest Weekend: Relax, That’s an O rder
Taking a Freshman to College: An Education in It self
How Sweet It Was — an d Is
Store Wars: The Bag Saga
Back-to-School Night: Making the G rade
Fall Sport: Decorate Till You Drop
Therapy at the Diner: Life in the Breakdown Lane
The Search for the Status Winter Tan
Pass the Chopped Liver, It’s Thanksgi ving
Is There Life After Err ands?
A Psychic’s Forecast: The Future Lies A head
Let’s Ring in Old Year
Don’t Call Me, I’ll Call You — on My Car P hone
When Flu Strikes, Can This Marriage Be S aved?
Valentine, My Heart Burns for You
Into the Microchip Era, Kicking and Screa ming
And Now, the ‘Drop-Dead’ D ress
Nice Place to Visit, but You Wouldn’t Want to Be Sick T here
Where Are the Tax Shelters of Yester year?
At a Reunion, Agonies Revis ited
A Mother’s Day Lament: ‘They Meant Well’
May Madness Before the June S woon
Pomp and Other Circumsta nces
Off to Camp, With All the 289 Necessi ties
At Last! Independence From Barbec uing!
Instructions: 1. Warranty Up? 2. Call Repai rman!
Hamptons Party: The Gang’s All Here?
Life Sentences: Talking to Chil dren
Throwing One’s Weight Ar ound
The Incredible Shrinking Clo thes
Can’t Stand the Heat? Get a New Kit chen
When Films Were Movies and Heroines Were B lond
Desserts Can’t Be Too Thin; or Too Rich
On Exercising One’s Preroga tive
Checkup Is Fine but the Patient Is Wor ried
What It All Boils Dow n To
Getting There is Half the Aggrava tion
Resolution No. 1: No More L ists
Code Red: Alarm in Prog ress
Downhill on Skis and a Pr ayer
The Rules of Romance, 1950’s S tyle
Some Innovations We Can Live With
Split Ends and Other Terminal Illne sses
At the Tone, Han g Up
Do You Know Where Your Exemptions Are?
Store Wars: Showdown in the Discount Ai sles
Motherhood Isn’t the Same Since They Changed the R ules
Driver, Thy Name Is Va nity
Down the Bridal Path (At $300 a Mi nute)
Let’s Celebrate Dadhood, for a Ch ange
Beach Blanket Bingo, 50’s S tyle
Can This Weekend Be S aved?
There’s No Job Too Big or Too S mall
In Today’s World, It’s Shape Up or Ship Out
Secrets of an Unsuccessful Di eter
Fall Fashion Fol lies
Gossip: Say That A gain?
The War Against the M oths
How Do We Differ? Let Me Count the Ways
Roar of the Pigskin, Smell of the C rowd
Forecast: Bridal Showers A head
Smile, Darn You, S mile
Weak Links in the Food C hain
My New year’s and How It Grew
What Will Be Hot, and What Not
Westward Ho, at 35,000 Feet
Of Slings, Arrows and Che rubs
Something New Under the Sun! Ba bies!
Sliding Down the Up S cale
Did You Say Prenuptial Agree ment?
Just Another Face in the C rowd
A Thumb Green Only From Envy
How to Be a Mother’s Mo ther
Taking the Proper Measure of a Man
Weight Till Next Year
Aren’t the Formative Years Wonde rful?
Eastward, or Westward , Ho!
Over the Bounding M aine?
Paying Their Own Way, Al most
The Joys (?) of Summer, Revis ited
Crayola Gold, Buster Brown B lues
Are You Out to Lunch On Your Birt hday?
You’re Only an Only Child One Time
Men Over 50: Hot Flashes and Other Cha nges
That’s Entertainment: A Guide for the Gu ilty
The Joys of Moving to Manha ttan
How to Spoil the Grandchil dren
The Cholesterol That B inds
What’s Worse Than Middle Age?
Oh, Start Already, Brave New ’91, We Can’t Wait
THE NEW YORK TIMES, SUNDAY, JANUARY 18, 1987
Mother vs. Daughter: Combatants in Shopping War
By BARBARA KLAUS
LONG ISLAND S OUND
W HOEVER invented the word angst was probably watching me shop for clothes with my daughter. It is a scene that is duplicated in dozens of department stores by hundreds of mother-daughter pairs in thousands of dressing room cubicles from Merrick to Montauk – a fact that gives me absolutely no comfort whatsoever.
I undertake this uniquely female ritual in a spirit of optimism. Fresh from a wardrobe of elastic waistbands, I am still oblivious to the additional three inches spread over my midsection. With the last shades of a once glowing midwinter tan my only make-up, my hair still lightened by the sun, I allow myself a “not bad” parting glance in the hall mirror, ignoring the faint trace of bemusement on my daughter’s lips.
This is a chance for us to renew our relationship and catch up on lives separated, over the years, by school, summer camp or work. It is also a chance for me to see exactly how much I can age in only one afternoon. The aging process begins with my offhand remark: “That’s what you’re wearing?” –– to a daughter dressed for shopping in what I once wore for gym.
She counters with a comment about older women dressing like teenagers. And, as they say, we’re off.
City mothers and daughters shop. But they don’t have the long drives between malls where, sitting together, encased in a car, you learn precisely how warped all of your values are –– and exactly how overprotective, smothering and reactionary you are. You also learn that your daughter has no intention of going back to college/taking a job/breaking off with her current boyfriend, the scourge of your existence.
Mood established, we enter the store and meet other pairs: erect, thin young women, and their overprotective, smothering reactionaries. We meander along the clothing racks, picking through outfits, the cost of any one of which could have outfitted their grandparents for three years.
The daughters wear the same facial expression: Industrial-Strength Sneer –– signifying what used to be called “a bad mood.” It is a mood that lasts from age 14 through graduate school, peaking in department stores. The mothers’ expressions can best be labeled Resolute Good Cheer. (The older the mother, the more resolute the cheer. My expression is downright hilarity.)
My role is that of pack horse (carrying outfits) and gofer (darting between dressing room and shelves, racks and other mothers). The latter are grim-looking women, feverishly sifting through the racks, mumbling things like, “I’ll show her who’s going to wear leather and nailheads.”
Back inside the dressing rooms, 12 cubicles become the arenas for 12 private wars as the following dialogues permeate the air:
“Try it on — how do you know you won’t like it?”
“Now this is–– totally awesome” (followed by a maternal moan).
“Over my dead body you’re wearing Led Zeppelin. ...”
“Not while I’m paying for it, you’re not.”
What we’re really talking here, folks, is power — as in who’s choosing whose outfits (i.e. identity) this year. In my cubicle, I lean toward wholesome, button-down all-American; my daughter favors black, backless sequins: Debbie Boone meets Cher.
Watching our da