Man + Woman = Trouble

Melanie Mole

Description

The beauty about Man + Woman = Trouble is that it is written by a real person rather than a relationship guru, with a background of working with thousands of people as a social worker. So real people can relate to it. The author has researched the contents through 30 years of working in the social w

Sujets

• Dating

Informations

• Publié par: Melanie Mole
• Date de parution: 01 septembre 2017
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781910823217
• Langue: English

Extrait

Man + Woman = Trouble
MELANIE MOLE
DEDICATION

This is my first book.
It has been my lifelong dream to write it and
have it published.

This book is dedicated to
everyone who ever believed in me xxx






Find out more about my books on Twitter @melaniemolebook
and my website - melaniemolecom.wordpress.com
Watch out everyone. Melanie Mole is zooming around in outer space with her Planet-Nav. Wobbling all over the place and leaving a trail of metallic pink and blue stars wherever she goes. She’s got her best sports bra on and She’s ready to roll. Nobody will be safe from her eccentric ways and insane thoughts. She’s searching for the thick green jelly to land in. The one in the over sized champagne glass that’s so big a human can sit in it. The sort which are usually seen on films from the 60’s. You know the ones where a beautiful woman sits in the glass in her bikini. Where you just see a silhouette of her twirling her bra around her head looking really sexy. But in my trademark stretchy and out of shape scruffy brown jeans and Christmas jumper I looked anything but sexy. Plus without my glasses on my eyes were squinting far too much to look sexy at all.
Was I meant to go left at that last planet or right? Perhaps if I hadn’t played Chase the Comet, and spent time daydreaming about Mr. Sexy on that shooting star I might have had time to concentrate on my landing. Squinting and screeching because of my poor eyesight and the really fast speed I was going didn’t really seem to do it for him. I couldn’t think why! He was probably still into that Brunette 3 planets behind Neptune. Blondes don’t always have more fun I thought. Things look a little murky right now. I m hoping for a better landing than last time. But with my track record that’s very unlikely. Watch out. Here I come. Oh no, this doesn’t look good. Left a bit, right a bit. Too fast. Way too fast. Aaaargh! I don’t think that was really meant to happen.

So there I was with thick smelly green gunk in my eyes, slowly dripping off of my nose, then running down to partly cover my teeth. Coughing and spluttering with an almighty bluey-green bubble coming out of my nose. Then another one appeared, and another. This was much larger than the first. Forcing that one out even further so that it was much more noticeable. I spluttered as the goo ran down my throat and into my eye again. Gorgeous. You look absolutely gorgeous. Might be why you are single again I thought. Not really a great look you might think. But I’ve had worse. A lot worse in fact. I looked like a swamp monster. One which you would definitely want to avoid. A strange green monster. A short sighted one at that. If only I had remembered to put my glasses on. But as usual I couldn’t remember where I had left them. What a state to get into. Although I had quite expected something like this to happen. So not really a surprise. But not a good way to start the day either.
Being me isn’t always easy. I have always thought differently from most people and have been berated my whole life because of it. It is something which I have always accepted as just me being me. But very often other people have a problem with it. Celebrate difference is what I say. Being different is a good thing. Crazy is sometimes good! Some of the most creative people are crazy. But not everyone thinks like that. There are a lot of judgmental people in the World who believe that their way is the only way. Be nice people! It is free and surely the way to go. If someone lands in green jelly it s not a very good start to their day. So be gentle. Even if someone is smiling they could be going through a lot of things at that time which make life very difficult for them. Landing in green jelly could be the least of their problems.
Even my dreams have me landing in green jelly. But at the moment I m in bed, so safe from the jelly, goo and everything else which is nasty. What is that awful noise? It’s way too early to wake up yet. Time to hide under the duvet and carry on with my dream. I wanted to see how I would be able to get out of that huge glass with my stubby little legs and no ladder. That would be something for everyone else to laugh at. I could just imagine myself clambering to get out of it. Huffing and puffing whilst trying to contain my composure as I would probably be laughing hysterically at the same time. This always seems to happen and it makes things much more difficult. Once I lose control, hopefully not of my bladder, and start laughing uncontrollably, it is like an alien takes over my body and it encourages me to get more and more silly. This sort of thing happens on a regular basis. I never know how my day is going to be but I definitely know that life will be a laugh a minute during both good or bad times as I laugh at most things. This isn t a nervous thing. Just a Melanie Mole thing. I often get asked what I am laughing at, and the honest answer is that half of the time I literally have no idea!
Now, I need to work out how I can get to work without anyone noticing that I am covered in goo. Green goo is hard to miss too. Especially when it is thick, lumpy, smelly and fluorescent. But I am a trier and so will persist no matter what.
That incessant noise is still going on. Where is it coming from? Oh no, the alarm! I m not ready to face the World yet. Couldn’t I just pretend that yesterday never happened? That way I could go back to sleep for 24 hours and restart my dream. I wish that thing would be quiet. The two pillows I ve chucked at it so far haven’t worked. Slowly but surely reality strikes and so I peek out from under the duvet. My eyes squint as they adjust to the light. I pull a strange grotesque face which makes me look even more beautiful than before. Is it really time to get up already?
You will probably very quickly see that my brain thinks slightly differently to most people s. I am indeed quite strange. But I have realised over the years that most other people seem to have their own strange ways too. I guess that there could be worse ways to land on Earth if I did in fact come from another planet. Most of the time I feel that I do. I have never felt that I quite fitted in. I don’t really get some of the things other people do, or don’t do for that matter.
I have often had great trouble understanding men. But that is nothing compared to the difficulty I have understanding women, even though I am one. But how can we expect men to understand us if some of us have difficulty doing this ourselves? It’s all so confusing. Do men understand themselves I wonder? Is it all so much easier for them? Hundreds of questions like this can keep my brain occupied for hours. Granted there is probably a lot of room in there for them. But to be honest I don’t ever seem to get a clear answer on any of the subjects which I discuss with myself. I often don’t seem to learn anything from my discussions either. Sometimes there is a glimmer of hope. Then sometimes there is a sparkle of genius. Well in my eyes there is anyway! It doesn’t happen very often so I try to make the most of those glints of genius and keep notes on things which I think other people might find useful. That’s how this book came about.
Part of the reason that I wanted to write this book is because if there has been a problem between a man and a woman, I have probably encountered it either personally, or during my working life. I always seemed to choose the wrong partner or friend. Often I couldn’t believe how I could be so stupid. Time and time again I failed. My life seemed to be an endless mess of poor relationships. Then I finally got real. I decided that I no longer wanted to live in a World where every day was a disaster. I wanted to take control of things. So I started to read the many books on the market which promise to tell you how your relationships can be better, more loving, and more exciting. How life can be wonderful in fact. The problem was that they all seem to quote statistics or scientific facts. My brain has never been able to digest these statistics and so I became bored of them. Anything to do with figures or delving into scientific areas isn’t ever going to catch, or hold my attention. I had zero interest in them and so wasn’t really interested in finishing reading those books. Consequently I never really learned anything from them.
So, what was out there for the other people like me who didn’t really like scientific facts or figures? After scouting through every bookshop that I could think of, and also looking at online sites, it didn t seem that there were many books on this subject which didn t include facts or figures. There seemed to be many written by Dr So and So, or Mr. and Mrs. Relationship Expert. They seemed to always be quoting statistics or scientific facts. But not many which were written by the average person like me with real problems which I could relate to. Nobody seemed to want to talk about their real problems. I could see why in a way, but it meant that there were no real-life examples for me to relate to. I always found relating to something real much easier. I could understand it more. Also if it was easier to relate to, I was much more likely to listen, and consequently then go on to learn from it. So I could then also hopefully change any of my negative ways, and then also my patterns of poor behaviour. Perhaps then I might even be able to get something good into my brain for a change. Now that would be nice!
At some point I realised that if only I really thought about it, I did actually already have a lot of information stored in this weird brain of mine. So in reality I did have a lot of things to relate to, and also had a lot of things which I could share. I had spent many years working in the social care field. This meant that I had experienced probably almost every personality type and problem known to man (or woman), sometimes vicariously of course. I had met some very strange pe