Of Course Football

J Parsons P

Description

It's a funny game, football. PJ Parsons has been an enthusiastic follower of the sport since his childhood in the 1930s and 40s, playing it and watching it, analysing it, discussing it and laughing good-humouredly at it. Here he takes a comical look at all aspects of the modern big-money game and contrasts it with the grass-roots sport of the 1950s and earlier.

Sujets

• Fútbol americano
• American football
• Humour

Informations

• Publié par: Andrews UK
• Date de parution: 07 décembre 2017
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9780722348208
• Langue: English

Extrait

OF COURSE FOOTBALL
P. J. Parsons





First published in 2017 by
ARTHUR H. STOCKWELL LTD
www.ahstockwell.co.uk
Digital edition converted and distributed by
Andrews UK Limited
www.andrewsuk.com
© Copyright 2017 P. J. Parsons
The right of P. J. Parsons to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1998.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. Any person who does so may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
The views and opinions expressed herein belong to the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Arthur H. Stockwell Ltd or Andrews UK Limited.




To Indefatigable Dawn.



Introduction
Amongst the many books written on the subject of association football there are a host of literary gems. This particular book, however, is unlikely to fall into that category.
There is a remote possibility that some of the non-gems within this book will resonate with those who have either played or watched the sport and experienced some of the events described.
The saturation coverage of the game by the various forms of media has bred many specialist observers, some of whom have acquired their knowledge without attendance at an actual match, but with the interest and desire to discuss, digest and analyse every aspect of the game, and there is little doubt that there will be someone with an axe to grind or an alternative view on some of the incidents or comments on the following pages.
These are in no way exhaustive, except for the reader, and are merely the observations, views and experiences of a former amateur participant and, latterly, a senior follower of the game in the armchair couch-potato category.
Whilst the settings and general observations are mainly with a UK-flavoured view, the devious and desperate nature of the author to claim international recognition may, in his view, be satisfied if, by some remote chance, the book is included in error in the luggage of a holiday traveller to a foreign destination.
It is within the realms of possibility (just) that the reader will have stumbled across an earlier epic related to a different sport in the ‘Of Course’ category, and has reached the conclusion that this is yet another example of a vivid, non-fertile imagination coupled with scant research and a minimum amount of knowledge.
The plucky and optimistic reader who manages to reach the end of the book with a full head of hair and without recourse to a number of stiff drinks or cigarettes can at least reflect on the fact that they will have shown an above-average degree of tolerance and patience.
The reader may be encouraged, or not, to learn that, at whatever point they rest, the remainder of the book will maintain the standard set in the early section, a fact which may well provoke one of two reactions: joy or despair.



Prologue
Driven by the huge sums invested by billionaire and millionaire businessmen, there is little to dispute in the claim that association football is the world’s most popular team sport in numbers of both participants and followers.
The publication of the huge sums involved in transfer fees and players’ contracts has seen performers at the top level being rewarded with salaries far in excess of the financial rewards offered to highly qualified members of the medical and law professions. This is justified in the name of market demand.
For the administrators faced with the demands for change advanced by some of the essentially non-football investors, the challenge is to resist at least some of the more extreme proposals - for example, that the game of two halves may benefit from becoming the game of six ‘quarters’ in order to satisfy those with a short attention span and, presumably, to allow greater advertising opportunities.
As part of the resistance to such proposals, administrators may point out that one attraction of today’s game is the uninterrupted element in the play. It is as yet a sport which is unencumbered by frequent references to off-field TV adjudicators, evident in some of the other team and individual sports, whilst accepting the creeping advance of technology by the use of goal-line cameras, implemented to alleviate the pressure on the, at present, grossly overcommitted goal-line officials.
The more serious followers of the game regarding the meteoric rise in the financial benefits obtained from football with some misgiving may well be of the view that at some time this will be reduced, causing the so-called bubble to burst, and refer to the plight of some of the smaller, less well-financed clubs facing difficult times, providing authority with the further challenge concerning wealth distribution.
For the fretting and miserable author faced with news of considerable sums of money now available, even at the level at which he performed, the achievement of being rewarded, for the first time, with £2 expenses in hard cash pales by comparison although performing the same actions as the millionaire superstars with ostensibly the same aim, albeit at a vastly different level evident in the skill factor involved.



The Modern Game
Players
Ease of travel and the prospect of considerable financial reward has had the effect of drastically altering the composition of many so-called ‘local’ football clubs.
Team sheets and squad lists now include the names of multinational players from many parts of the globe, a situation that has led to some fans scrutinising the selected performers in search of one who may loosely be described as local; although for the rabid supporter success is all, notwithstanding the composition of the team or the varied nationalities of the performers.
The most immediate difficulty for both fans and managers concerns the spelling and pronounceability of names which are unfamiliar to the ear - a particular problem for the enthusiastic Banner Boys amongst the fans.
One of the obligatory chores for a newly signed star player, known as a marquee player due to his publicised commercial value, is his appearance at the essential photo shoot before an assembled audience of media publicists and TV cameras.
This ceremony presents the fans with an opportunity to observe the new signing adorned with a club scarf and displaying a club shirt alongside a beaming manager anticipating somewhat optimistically an immediate surge in the team’s performance.
The importance of this event preceded by advance publicity is evident on the rare occasions when advance publicity is misleading, an example of which is the signing by a club in the north of England of a new player described as being a lad from the mines. Fans anticipated the signing of a previously unknown local lad. The player in question proved that, whilst the description was accurate, the lad from the mines was a former gold miner from South Africa.
Introduction to the actual playing element may occasionally present the new performer with an early flavour of the delights to be obtained on foreign fields if one of his early competitive fixtures is in an FA or League Cup tie against a team of lesser standing.
For these so-called ‘minnows’ of the game, such fixtures present, for some, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to bring the stars down to earth, both in the literal and figurative sense, by executing an act of giant killing.
An immediate benefit for the star involved in this situation, where the player’s first language may not be in the local tongue, is the opportunity to absorb the advice and comment, accompanied by universal sign language, of home supporters, who gather along the touchlines in close proximity to the players whilst voicing their very audible suggestions.
For some of the more adventurous and enthusiastic overseas players in a strange environment, their arrival in a foreign country is an adventure into the unknown, and presents an opportunity to immerse themselves in the local culture.
For one particular performer, newly signed, this laudable approach presented the opportunity to sample the gastronomic delights enjoyed by his new fans at his London club. He was able to provide the ever present cameraman with the sight of the almost enthusiastic player tackling a bowl of jellied eels and mash, a dish almost entirely absent from menu boards in his native country - Nigeria.
A further introduction for the long term non-local player is participation in at least one local derby - a fixture between two teams from the same area, often within a few miles of each other.
For the newly arrived non-local player, his rapport and popularity with his fans is directly connected to his ability to become a diehard supporter of his team with a total antipathy to opposition he has never previously met and with scant experience of the importance of bragging rights held by the opposing fans.
Agents
Elevation to the status of millionaires of some of the top-class performers has, almost of necessity, seen a substantial increase in the number of agents employed to protect the players’ interests in contract negotiations and transfers.
For the most part, as with a number of absentee owners, these individuals (in some cases, family members) are virtually unknown to the average football fan.
Whilst the majority of these details, particularly contract negotiations, are not generally known to the wider