Risking Intimacy

Nancy Groom

Description

The longing for relational intimacy is met by yielding first to the Lord, who provides the grace from which genuine oneness with others can flow.

Sujets

• Dating

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 01 mai 2000
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781441243706
• Langue: English

Extrait

© 2000 by Nancy Groom
Published by Baker Books a division of Baker Publishing Group P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287 www.bakerbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2013
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means for example, electronic, photocopy, recording without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
ISBN 978-1-4412-4370-6
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Scripture identified NASB is from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE ®. Copyright © The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission. www.lockman.org
To Steve and Lorraine Griffith
who know well how to risk
for the sake of intimacy
C ONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Introduction
I F EAR AND O THER U NQUIETNESS
1 Ambivalence: The Seduction of Resignation
2 Damage: The Ravages of Abuse
3 Disobedience: The Calamity of Unbelief
4 Choice: The Responsibility for Faith
II R EST AND I TS C OSTLY E NTICEMENT
5 Humility: The Cost of Receiving
6 Obedience: The Allure of Reckless Faith
7 Movement: The Peril in Godly Manhood
8 Risk: The Price of Feminine Responsiveness
III I NTIMACY AS O UR S HELTERED P LACE
9 Grace: The Glory of Repentance
10 Sacrifice: The Suffering of Love
11 Trust: The Nourishment of Submission
12 Rest: The Joy of Passionate Abandon
Notes
About the Author
Other Books by Author
A CKNOWLEDGMENTS
T HE BOOK YOU ARE HOLDING has been long in gestation and almost as long in birthing. I am grateful to Steve Griffith and my colleagues at Baker Book House for their patience in my labor. For wisdom, encouragement, and prayer along the way I thank especially my good friends Jody Engel, Penny Freeman, Pat Landman, and Mary Ann Ulmer. Mary Suggs and Mary Wenger assisted the delivery with their kindness and their keen editing skills. And my husband, Bill, has been as always partner, participant, and coach in the bringing forth of new things from my heart: Thank you, my love, for your many risks in making our intimacy a place where I can rest.
Now to God our Savior, who alone gives life to any endeavor, even the writing of books, be endless praise for the unspeakable risks He takes in establishing and sustaining our intimacy with Him, for which He died and for which He yearns with the eagerness of a waiting bridegroom. Maranatha! Come soon, Lord Jesus!
I NTRODUCTION
N OT LONG AGO , after I had returned from a speaking engagement in another city, my husband, Bill, admitted he felt more pressure having me home than he’d felt while I was away, though he was, as always, very glad to see me again. We talked at some length about why this was so but came to no definite conclusion beyond naming it “the friction of reentry.” We obviously have more dialoging to do about this but we were reminded that the bright intimacy we have come to treasure is not without its shadows of ambivalence.
Intimacy is indeed a rainbow word, shining with irrepressible hope, though sometimes set against a darkened sky. Our times of closeness with God or with someone we love can bring us unspeakable joy, for we bear the image of a personal God whose very nature is glad intimacy within the threefold oneness of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Designed by God to image that oneness-in-diversity, we long for intimacy with Him and with others to nourish and enrich our lives. Being at rest in oneness is where we yearn to live.
But personal closeness can also be as disruptive as a storm in an otherwise sunny day, for sin has marred all aspects of our once perfect world, not least of all our relationships. Instead of finding rest in intimacy, we often find anxiety there, or perhaps deep fearfulness the fear of conflict, disappointment, abandonment, death, even of love itself. Intimacy is an enigma, inviting us to both joy and chaos.
Because of culture and usage, intimacy is often thought to refer exclusively to sexual knowledge of another. But its meaning is far richer than that. According to the dictionary, intimacy refers to any relationship “marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity.” [1] Under this umbrella will fall many relationships besides the sexual, including our oneness with God, and especially our connections with family and close friends.
However, a dictionary definition fails to capture the emotional nuances that the word intimacy evokes uniquely for each of us. I, for example, have struggled both relationally and spiritually with a kind of free-floating fear of intimacy, though I long to enter the relational rest into which God invites me. Are rest and intimacy mutually exclusive? I have sought to know. If not, how can I learn to be at rest in my intimate relationships, especially with God and with my husband? I wonder what it would be like to live relationally off duty not irresponsibly, but without striving. Though sin has ruined the perfection of oneness God designed, I want to experience more and more the gospel’s restoration of the connectedness I know God intends me to live in even now and until He takes me Home. Of particular concern in my struggle have been three questions, which form the framework of the book you now hold in your hands.
The first question is this: What keeps us from resting in intimacy, human and divine? Among the many casualties littering the landscape of our high-technology culture, perhaps none are so tragic as the loss of genuine connectedness in our relationships and the absence of tranquillity in ourselves. Even among Christians, where love and peace should abound, too often goal-driven agendas have taken precedence over people-centered interests. Nurturing a relationship takes time, and we have become a hurried and distracted even disoriented people. There is too much to do and not enough time to do it, for we have spread ourselves too thin and have said yes when we should have said no. Daily we face the danger of floating loose from the relational moorings that once secured us to God and connected us to each other, leaving us adrift in a sea of lonely activity. The first section of this book explores impediments to intimacy that diminish our fellowship with God and others, especially our spouses.
The second question then arises: What would it take to bring us into the rest God offers, and what will it cost? The real enemies of intimacy are more subtle and more lethal than mere busyness or distraction. What is it that provokes our busyness and energizes us to avoid being at rest with God and with ourselves? Will we allow the Holy Spirit to expose the motivation behind our sometimes frenzied striving, allowing us to rediscover inner quietude and to live in unhurried faith? God’s promise of rest entices us, but to receive it requires much that is contrary to our old nature and to the habits we have formed. The middle section of this book examines the cost and process of yielding ourselves in an abandon of faith as God’s sons and daughters.
Finally, then, we want to know: What would it be like to live at rest in the relationships for which we are all created? In what ways can the rainbow of quiet intimacy shelter us from the storms the enemy sends? How can we endure to the end without fainting in our relationships, bringing glory to our God and comfort to those we love? What would it look like to find in intimacy a place to genuinely rest? These are the issues addressed in the third and final section of this book.
T ELLING S TORIES
I love stories, as do most of us. In my previous books I have been an avid storyteller, for many men and women have honored me by telling me their stories, often giving me permission to share them with my readers. But God is a storyteller too and a number of His stories, told in His book, have shaped my thoughts about intimacy and our longing for rest.
Though the entirety of Scripture illuminates these concepts, I was drawn to consider in depth the narrative of God’s deliverance of His people out of the bondage of Egypt and into the rest of the land of Canaan. Some of those stories may be familiar to the reader, but I wanted to probe the deeper meaning of the Israelites’ movement from slavery to freedom, for it speaks to the journey we too must pursue in our quest for the alluring rest of intimacy.
I have also been captivated by Jesus’ invitation to rest in Him (Matt. 11:28–30), and I was curious to explore how the people who met and lived with Him responded to that invitation. Of particular interest were the stories revealing how first-century men and women differed in their relating to Jesus, for I think it is relevant to our distinctiveness as male and female Christ-followers today.
And I have been eager as well to recount the more updated story of what God has been teaching my husband, Bill, and me about our own pursuit of marital intimacy. My earlier books revealed parts of our journey especially the terrifying parts. And though we continue to face pockets of fear and confusion in our intimate walk with God and with each other, we are learning some important things about rest too and it seemed only fair to tell those stories as well.
That is why this book will tell many stories and examine their relevance to the struggles we face and the questions we ask about intimacy in our own lives. Each chapter begins with a brief scenario from the life of someone I know, though names and circumstances are modified to insure confidentiality. These opening vignettes are meant to provoke the reader