The Great Third World Knicker War

Stuart Taylor

Description

Second floor tour Eiffel around a big oak round table sit Eisenhower King Cnut King Arthur James the first Elizabeth the first Sir Field Marshal Bernard Law Montgomery Lady Jane Nicholasses I and II St Nicholas Stanley Proudfoot Field Marshall Erwin Rommel Brigadier Blinkinstopp Major General Johnny Walker Nelson Higginsbottom and Aphrodite.
They all eat oranges and sign in turn.
The great peace treaty.
Seven white doves are released peace at last.

Sujets

• Humor

Informations

• Publié par: AuthorHouse UK
• Date de parution: 11 septembre 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 1
• EAN13: 9781728375250
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

The Great Third World Knicker War
 
 
 
 
 
STUART TAYLOR
 
 
 
 

 
AuthorHouse™ UK
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Bloomington, IN 47403 USA
www.authorhouse.co.uk
Phone: UK TFN: 0800 0148641 (Toll Free inside the UK)
UK Local: (02) 0369 56322 ([phone] from outside the UK)
 
 
 
 
 
© 2022 Stuart Taylor. All rights reserved.
 
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.
 
Published by AuthorHouse  09/09/2022
 
ISBN: 978-1-7283-7526-7 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-7283-7525-0 (e)
 
 
 
 
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
 
 
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
Contents
Clifton Bristol England.
Gaelic Cniogahri
Field Marshall Irwin
20 Grand Slam winner
Hickory Dickory Dock
The End
Endnotes
 

Clifton Bristol England.
Colonel Blinkinstopp marches up the Worrall Road to see Lady Jane’s white bloomer on a washing line all eleven pairs of them he swags along with his? SPCU a brigade of SAS and marine commanding behind him in the vicinity is Nicholass after women’s knicks off their washing lines bagpipes play.
‘Attention lads this is a serious case of bloomer theft we are here to protect Lady Jane’s bloomers from this black-guard.’
They scale down the steep wall all 1,100 of them into the back garden on rope ladders and grapevine irons. They take off their trousers in case of the unexpected and accidents they take up all positional.
But, soon all eleven bloomers go missing. On the downs is roving reporter Theresa O’Bracess Colonel Blinkinstopp asks for a situational report. It is not good within the last 3.5 hours three knicker lines have been stolen amounting to 52 in all. This is too much for Colonel Blinkinstopp who orders his men back to Colchester to where the Colonel of Intelligence has said the knicker thief has gone to. Night falls it is midnight at this moment he is trying to get away from a backyard washing line when a dog close by barks at the full moon so he goes up a tree but his trousers fall down revealing Union Jack ‘Y’ fronts.
At the wreck, the physical and mental wreck of Colonel Blinkinstopp Colchester smiles from the nearest pub.
His brigade is at attention ‘Cherry’s knickers are about to be stolen, and offender has spots and is camouflaged. He has escaped over a national border’ they all dive into the bushes.
‘No need for any action chaps as now Cherry is knickerless’ his brigade recovers their ‘Y’ fronts and march back to barracks
The Sixteenth Airborne Division and the Second Parachute Divisionals with immediate effect take over orders - ‘Beware! The phantom thiever is larger than at large. He is now in Turkey and has seventy visas and is expected to fly back to Blighty the 2 nd Parachute Regiment attack before sunlight the knicker thief lines. New commander the right honourable Terrier Allsop comes in last. A defence of Bristol City begins. Miss Knickerless Elastic stands by her back door spade in hands.
Draw back to base & no withdrawal commands Terrier Allsopps Garterless.
By the river avow they dig in trenches and make a stand back sides later at No. 33½ Canterbury Road (Clifton) a planned night escape by Nicholass the knicker thief proceeds up a tree a dog barks then howls to the moon descending in great alarm as he escapes. Miss Knickerless Elastic as his trousers fall down he gets in through the a door a swaggled bag stuck to his ‘Y’ fronts.
Captain Furret-A-Few draws up his draws and daily orders to inspect the third knicker line into the centre of Bristol but forgets to include Lady Jane who is in command so she sends him a pink racket which he fails to see in time his headaches Dr Allweather prescribes mandarins given to him by Rommel they send him into El Stasty’s arms who is most delighted so Captain forget a few orders his companions to attack and encircle the downs near Shead Park he lays down barbed wire and digs in getting supplies of fried pancakes with marmalade and maple syrup in a road in western France.
Sgt Merrybright finds Rommel in the back of his Mercedes Benz automobile piled around him are mandarins Clementines and Jaffa oranges, Rommel is having hallucinations guesses the Sgt as he notices them in his eyes the car is in a ditch then Rommel speaks incoherently in German, Sgt Merrybright radios Sir Field Marshal Bernard Law Montgomery “Sir” he says “In the boot are three orange suitcases do you want me to open them?”
“Yes do so at once! I will send Captain Haylock”
In the suitcases are labelled the sources of the finds: Queen Mary’s remaining smalls, Lady Jane’s et al.
An hour later, the captain arrives in a chieftain tank followed by a brew sun carrier.
“Load the cases into the carrier” the captain orders.
“We’ll get Rommel’s car going and take him back to HQ, he will be flown back to Blighty”
Wing Commander Terrier Allsopps hears that Rommel has hidden an orange suitcase full of missing labelled underthings under Charlemagne’s throne in Aachen Cathedral. He takes a platoon and soon finds it hidden behind an old oak carved veneered panel. It has hundreds of new silky thing-me-bods belonging to Cleopatra Boudicca and all the queens through history. Charlemagne is not happy and wants Rommel demoted to corporal.
Sgt Merrybright is put on a charge.
He discharged a .303 rifle and a hole appears in a one of Lady Jane’s eleven whitened bloomers a dalmatian newly put out a dull appears and disappears (more of this anon).
The royal corgis sniff a wandering bloomer.
A hand grenade blows up in Bucks palace a basement lid in the queen smells explosives in excitement Commander Terrier Allsopps wets his pants. He too is put on a charge, for dereliction of instant rearguard actions. On his radio jet, a command is heard.
‘Stay put men’
It is general in command Sir Field Marshall Bernard Law Montgomery giving a licking to Rommel he is eating liquorice to cure him of piles.
Back at Camp Commander Terrier Allsopp’s swigs a Ginny with tonic, he has dyspepsia.
It is 3 o’clock in the morning a moonlit night the guards notice Aphrodite ascending and fire vollies for why no one is Sure Wing Commander Terrier has a frontal headache he does not know how to catch the prelatic knicker thief.
So he goes to bed missing Ginny at 4’o’clock the 16 th Airborne Division lamp in the Avon Gorge they are speechless.
It rains.
Soggy underwear is not their thing so they build bonfires.
Smarts coup red white and blue they sing God shut the queen all along the extensive knicker lines very patriotic!
The 11 th panzer makes an abrupt entry from the south as Commander Terrified Allsopps wakes up in sweats he has had nightmare about Miss Knickerless Elastic hitting him over the head with a digging implement at her back door too late!
The silk route is far away.
Camels gone in from the right.
Then the left.
Trumpeting is heard.
The camels do nothing.
As no orders have been given.
Miss Knickerless Elastic says out of bounds and very loud.
“I hope this is not going on in my back garden. What of the geraniums?”
Meanwhile Dr Allweather diagnoses a mystery fever. ??? to discuss Nicholass falls in love with Lady Jane he tries to save her bloomers for posterity.
Dr Allweather threats Commander Terrier for trench foot with marmite.
All through the longest night in ancient history lessons barrage balloons burst under Rommel’s 88’s Ack Ack ??? fire.
But then Rommel makes a too hasty decision, he lets the 88’s go astray and sniffs Sir Field Marshal B.L. Monthomery a vital success.
The 2 nd Parachute Rgt makes ring around the city docks.
They are exhausted.
They are led by Sgt Merrybright full of chocolate and tea.
Nicholass encounters a check point he retreats into the black boy at arms on Tarot White Ladies Road meanwhile down the White Ladie’s Road a green Ford escort popular backfires. They all fall to the ground .303’s at arms in the sky.
He jumps out of the pub in the line of fireworks and escapes up a limey tree.
Back in Blighty in a prison camp somewhere near Nottingham Field Marshall Rommel does the scissors escape method. He disappears for five minutes. Up the river nearly severn submarines core into view firing tridents prongs ‘up periscope’ commands Captain Moriarty the lesser and observes Lady Jane’s bloomers blowing in the wind next to the knicker lines how did Nicholas do it?
David Cameron decides to intervene the flags an admiral down (Nelson) Morse alerts him to a complete fiasco Samantha has left all of her black lacies from the backyard of no. 10. They are lost forever up a Norwegian Fjord Dismark sets it in the neck.
A donkey carries Lord Altogether back to the front, an order is issued to fry pancakes they appear on Tuesdays after lunch when Brigadier Johson B7 Cartright smokes a peace pipe the 1,000 SAS and marine, commandoes then escape to seek asylum in Marybeth Palace from all the archbishops of Canterbury.
Since 597 AD St Augustine till now they haven’t got a clue either of course they all have but don’t let on.
Lord Alltogether goes in search of Major General Johnny Walker Higginbottoms but he is playing golf at Troon a