The Ultimate Book of Bathroom Etiquette and Humor

Larry A. Glanz

Description

THE ULTIMATE BOOK OF BATHROOM ETIQUETTE AND HUMOR

(REVISED 2023 EDITION)

Stories, Quotes, Rules, Songs, Musings, and More to Educate, Entertain & Inspire.

www.UltimateBathroomBook.com

There are other books on the market designed to give bathroom users a few laughs, or a lot of arcane facts, while they are passing their time…and gas. But there are very few if any other books that are about all aspects of the bathroom itself. The Ultimate Book of Bathroom Etiquette and Humor will uniquely give you the expertise you need to make you a more considerate bathroom user, and have you laughing your butt off in the process.

Bathroom etiquette expert and author Larry Glanz, a longtime traveling salesman in the nutritional products industry, has experienced more than his share of bathroom follies, committed by both hosts and guests alike. And indeed, as he hilariously shares in the Introduction of this book, he has also committed his own embarrassing acts, which he describes as some “real doozies”. Having seen the best and the worst of countless bathrooms over his many years on the road, he is determined to make better hosts and guests of us all. Glanz dispenses advice on everything from flushing to spraying the air to taking proper care of pets (or Pet-iquette) through clever and catchy rhymes and parodies.

The Ultimate Book of Bathroom Etiquette and Humor features:

• Hundreds of tidbits of advice conveyed in catchy, rhyming form

• 60-plus full song parodies

• Dozens of Commandments of Bathroom Etiquette

•Oodles of Fartlett’s Unfamiliar Quotations

• The exclusive, hilarious advice of the ancient bathroom philosopher Confuse-us

…and so much more to learn about, laugh at and sing to!!!

Author Larry Glanz, who had previously earned a guest appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show to highlight his first book, “How to Start a Romantic Encounter”, believes that the timing is right for this book, as we can all use the laughs…not to mention clean, fragrant bathrooms. So pick up a copy for yourself, for family and friends, or for anyone who is liable to be a guest in your bathroom! You’ll thank us later.

Sujets

• Humor

Informations

• Publié par: Xlibris US
• Date de parution: 10 novembre 2000
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781462833542
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 3 Mo

Extrait

The Ultimate Book of Bathroom Etiquette and Humor
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Larry A. Glanz
 
Copyright © 1999-2023 by Larry A. Glanz - All Rights Reserved.
 
Library of Congress Control Number:
00-191326
ISBN:
Hardcover
978-0-7388-2578-6
 
Softcover
978-0-7388-2579-3
 
eBook
978-1-4628-3354-2
 
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Rev. date: 09/12/2023
 
 
 
 
Xlibris
844-714-8691
www.Xlibris.com
533318
Table of Contents
Acknowledgments
Preamble
Introduction
 
Chapter 1 :      A Breath of Fresh Air
Chapter 2 :      Flush Now or Blush Later
Chapter 3 :      A Time and a Place for Everything
Chapter 4 :      Cleanliness and Thoughtfulness are Next to Godliness
Chapter 5 :      Addressing Issues of Towels and Toilet Tissues
Chapter 6 :      Give it a Jiggle, Give it a Wiggle
Chapter 7 :      Behind Closed Doors
Chapter 8 :      Bathroom Etiquette Nursery Rhymes and Sing-alongs
Chapter 9 :      Bathroom Etiquette Song Parodies (The Lyrics)
Chapter 10 :    Fartlett’s Unfamiliar Quotations
Chapter 11 :    Confuse-us Rules of Bathroom Etiquette
Chapter 12 :    The Commandments of Bathroom Etiquette
Chapter 13 :    For Gracious Hosts and Hostesses
Chapter 14 :    For Women Only
Chapter 15 :    For Men, Thoughtful of Women
Chapter 16 :    Food Handling Etiquette
Chapter 17 :    Techno-Ditties for Computer Geeks
Chapter 18 :    All About Pet-iquette
Chapter 19 :    Strictly Shower and Tub
Chapter 20 :    Yingles (Don't be Skittish, It's Only Yiddish)
Chapter 21 :    Bathroom Thoughts
 
Glossary of Bathroom Terminology
Plop Quiz
A Final Word
Dedication
To my wife Kim,
my soulmate, lifemate and
main squeeze through eternity.
To my mother Irene Sklar, to whom I owe it all.
To my dear departed dad Jerry, whose spirit lives on within me.
To my late grandfather Sam Spitalny, who provided the inspiration for my profession.
To my sister Barbara, and nieces Wendy and Lisa, of whom I’m incredibly proud.
To my nephew-in-law Michael Lehman,
who is brilliant, generous and beyond extremely awesome.
To my great-nephew Tyler Lehman, who is my favorite dude to hang out with.
To my wonderful boys: Thanh, Tam and Thu.
To my grandkids: Jake, Jamie, Jaden, Jaxon,
Julian, Emerson, Jay and Kali, who are all my best buds and partners in fun.
To my late stepdad Harry Sklar, who was stepdad extraordinaire.
To my posse, Noble (the Fuzzy Zenmeister), Edgar, Allen
and Sammy who brightened up my life.
Acknowledgments
I would like to thank all the people and places that were an inspiration for this book. Also, I would like to acknowledge those individuals who encouraged me to write this book or that aided in the input and preparation of this material.
Special acknowledgments and thank yous go out to my wife Kim for her hawk-eye with key graphic and other critical details, Amy Vu, Matt Goldberg, Chris Curran and James Maalouf.
Acknowledgments also go out to Ray and Linda Slawecki at Holly Hill Health Foods, Gloria and Joe Novak at Queens Nutritional Products, Elaine and Mike Kilgannon at Second Nature, Ria Gilday at Queens of Souderton, Mark Stayton and Carmen Estramera at Martindales Natural Market, Tom and Sally Crowe at Shaffer’s Health Center, Joan Weaver at Weavers Health Foods, Audrey Braam at Whole Earth Center, Vik Surrey at Surrey International, Bruce Weinstein at Natures Harvest, Larry Bittner at Essence of Health, Jo Avery at Jo Robs Naturals, Michele Varley at Nutritional Needs, Neil Persad at Everything Natural, Jeremy Tingle, and Aviva King at Newark Natural Foods, Stu Swinger at Natures Way, Cindy Sutton at Essential Elements, Mike Fiume at Empire Health Foods, Michele Briggs at Natures Pantry, Gary and Vicki Wolf at Gary’s World of Wellness, Herb Morgan at Savemart, Jerry Hannah and Lydia at Penn Herb Co., Greg Politowski at Natural Health, Jeff Stephens at Palmyra Natural Foods, Julia and Don Disney at Julias Health Foods, Grace Taylor at Granny Taylor’s Natural Foods, Scott McClosky at Good Stewards Natural Foods, Larry and Diana at Genessee Natural Foods, Jim and Jan at Hillcrest General Store, Dan at Sunrise Health Foods, Kitty and Jack Rose at Rose Garden Natural Foods, Janet Jaffe at Essene Market and Cafe, Dave and Molly Rumsey at Great Pumpkin Market, Joan and Joe Durso at Sign of the Bear, Harriet and Howard Frey at Freys Better Foods, Harry Zabarkes and Steve Schwartz at Harrys Natural Foods, George Petrakis at Zagara’s Market, Chris and Kate Snyder at Natural Food and Garden Store, Marybeth Appert at Healthtique, Debbie Wilbert at Bunns Natural Foods, Joyce and Bruce Cook at Cooks Natural Foods, Bill Nelling at Selene Co-op, Barb and Don Jarmoska at Fresh Life, Barb Janette at Taste of Nature, Joyce and Ron at Health Cupboard, Tami Tasker Shaffer at Mother Earths Pantry, Siri Neel Singh at Avatars Golden Nectar, Jeanie and Mark Cosgrove at Plumstead Natural Foods, Bob Haars at Haars Health Foods, Lorraine Kayais at Festival Health Foods, Sharon and Bill at The Health Tree, Dave DeFebo at Health Revolutions, Craig Trude and Rick Guerriero at Health Works, Maxine Sorace at Everything Natural, Emily Dean at Bonterra Market, Peg McGarvey at Dresher Natural Foods, Terry at Natures Marq, Brian and Rose Faulstick at New Life Nutrition, Janet Garner and Carol Landis at Nutritional Foods, Carol Dimmler at Penns Village Natural Foods, Ann Marie and Harry Brambilla at Shadyside Country Store, Linda and Dave at Natures Way, Joanne and Ed at The Korner Kupboard, Don at Pura Vita, Loretta at Naturally Yours, Al and Helen Morohovech at Musclemag International, Donna and Barry Kaplan at Everything Natural, Maralyn and Carolyn at Sprouts/Wildberry’s, Mike at Main Line Health Food International, Charles and Jenny Sides at Dutch School Natural Foods, Lisa at Good and Natural, Sheila and Greg at Rhubarbs Market, Marty Fidler at Bayshore Nutrition Center, Leena and Pat at The Granary, Elisa at As Nature Intended, Robin at Rios Nutritional Products, Darius at Optimum Health, Louise at The Natural Way, Bob Junas at Junas Natural Foods, Cynthia at Vital Life, Shelly Friedman at Earth Foods, Karen at River of Life, Connie at Sunshines Natural Health, Lynn Basilli at Natures Nutrition, Jane Young at Natures Corner Natural Market, James at Rock Bottom Supplements, Rudi Ringwald at Black Forest Acres, Ed Toth at Health Habits, Reid and Debbie at Sussex County Food Coop, Jeannie and Mike at A and A Natural Foods, Ameer and Kamel Yassin at Green Life Market, Sue Shaffer and Jenny Winter at Bloom Naturally, Robyn Santos and Susan Niven at Deans Natural Food Market, Dr. Peter Gail, Patty Taulbee, Nancy Baldini, April and Sean Powell, Dan and Connie Logan, Rudy Shur, Steve Cooper, Theo Quinto, Michael Laurence, Dr. Scott Scudder, Amy Jubilirer and the Potty Squad, Adele Ruff, Clay DuBose, Michael Phillips, Herb Lewis, Bill Downs, Ari Lenchner, Dean Martens, John Raimondo, Mark Smoyer, Craig Berman, Bill Palat, Tim Bauman, Murray Greenfield, Bruce Kassie, Murray Roman, Denny Horn, Frank Ostach, Mike Stairiker, Phil Pappas, Steve Yarmish, Ahlan Dalon, Michael Dalzell, Eric Spinner, Enzo Tuosto, and last but not least, Howard Stern and his gang.

 
Introduction
There are many books on the market designed to give bathroom users a few laughs, or a lot of arcane facts, while they are passing their time…and gas. But there are very few books that speak about the bathroom itself. And, still fewer if any, are the books that address Bathroom Etiquette in an enjoyable, yet instructive way. That is the main goal of this book.
Justification
Yes, but why am I the person who should write such a book? Admittedly, I have never been mistaken for Miss Manners, or even Mr. Manners, for that matter. In reality, I am just a regular guy who may be a little more attuned than the next guy or gal to the pleasures of a positive bathroom experience, and the perils of a disastrous one. And, I have had more than my share of both!
As an account executive in the nutrition field for over eighteen years, I have been on the road more than Willie Nelson. With the long hours and extensive driving, I drink a lot of spring water and a ton of coffee. Of course, a lot of water and a ton of coffee lead to a lot of peeing and a ton of dumping. And I have seen the best and the worst features of hundreds of bathrooms over the years. These experiences have taught me much about the need for Bathroom Etiquette.
Mortification and Humiliation
Fear and shame are powerful motivators, and insightful teachers. We also learn from our mistakes, and I have made some doozies. Let me recount just a few disastrous episodes that have helped to teach and re-teach me about Bathroom Etiquette.
DISASTER #1: My (now, ex-) wife and I are visiting her brother’s in-laws for a weekend family get-together. These fine people have a ma