You Did Say Have Another Sausage

John Meadows

Description

Light-hearted, anecdotal true stories as the author shares his wide-ranging experiences as a mischievous art student, bemused psychiatric nurse, reluctant parachutist, harassed teacher, American counsellor and time-traveller. Follow his hilarious escapades with a human skeleton, nude model and a lion, and witness incidents of mistaken identity that create comic situations in a psychiatric ward. Touring America by Greyhound Bus he encounters interesting characters and uncovers some intriguing stories. Occasionally, he takes a detour and travels by time-machine to visit his future self as a teacher supervising school art tours. Each chapter has a different scenario and whimsical, observational humour is the common thread.

Sujets

• Humour

Informations

• Publié par: Andrews UK
• Date de parution: 04 février 2016
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781785383878
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Conens

îe Page                         î Pubîŝer ïormaîo                  îî Ackowegemeŝ                   îîî Deîcaîo                         îv

Caper Oe                       1 Caper wo                      28 Caper Hree                      50 Caper Four                      110 Caper Fîve                       157 Caper Sîx                       238

Aŝo Avaîabe                      268

You Dîd Say Have Anoer Sausage

Jo Meaowŝ

Publîser Informaîon

Pubîŝe î 2016 by Arewŝ UK îmîe wwwarewŝukcom Copyrîg © 2016 Jo Meaowŝ He rîg o Jo Meaowŝ o be îeîIe aŝ e auor o îŝ work aŝ bee aŝŝere î accorace wî e Copyrîg, Deŝîgŝ a Paeŝ Ac 1998 A rîgŝ reŝerve No par o îŝ pubîcaîo may be reprouce, ŝore î a rerîeva ŝyŝem, or raŝmîe, î ay orm or by ay meaŝ wîou e prîor wrîe permîŝŝîo o e pubîŝer, or be oerwîŝe cîrcuae î ay orm o bîîg or cover oer a a î wîc î îŝ pubîŝe a wîou a ŝîmîar coîîo beîg împoŝe o e ŝubŝeque purcaŝer Ay perŝo wo oeŝ ŝo may be îabe o crîmîa proŝecuîo a cîvî caîmŝ or amageŝ

He vîewŝ a opîîoŝ expreŝŝe ereî beog o e auor a o o eceŝŝarîy reLec oŝe o Arewŝ UK

A ŝpecîa ak you o Bî Fryer, Jaee yo, Bî yo a Doree Wîîamŝ or reaîg my mauŝcrîp a oferîg ecourageme a avîce

To my wîFe Norma, wîou wom îs book would never ave appened.

Also, în memory oF my nepew Paul Buckley (1980 - 2016)

Caper Oe

Lîfe from a Donkey

A Genuîne Consable “You’re îcke!” growe a voîce meacîgy î my ear aŝ a uge orearm e me rom beî wî a vîce-îke grîp rou e eck He a ŝeco voîce grue, “We’ve bee aTer you or moŝ!” aŝ my eT arm waŝ orce up my back PerîIe wî ŝock ï ure o I myŝe ace-o-ace wî a copper, îŝ eaureŝ coore a ŝpîîg veom roug cece ee îke a paomîme vîaî ï a juŝ go of e buŝ rom Raîî o S eeŝ ow cere oe Suay îg, aTer a îg ou wî my gîrrîe, Norma ï waŝ coŝe o mîîg a ere were a ew peope arou ï a oîce a coupe o poîceme ŝîouee by e ŝree îgŝ, a e ex îg ï kew waŝ a ï waŝ pouce upo a appreee ReLece î a ŝop wîow, ï caug a brîe gîmpŝe o ŝevera paŝŝerŝ-by ŝoppîg o wîeŝŝ îŝ ramaîc arreŝ “E?” ï croake îcreuouŝy, “ï îk you muŝ ave mae a mîŝake” “Yea, ey a ŝay a,” e ŝeere He e poîcema oîg my arm up my back ŝaî, “No mîŝake, you are eIîey our ma” ï ure o my eT a agaî waŝ me ace-o-ace by a eermîe copper Bu îŝ îme e waŝ grîîg broay “Are you ryîg o gîve me a beeî’ ear aack?” ï ŝpuere aŝ ey reeaŝe me ï pae my ceŝ o empaŝîze e poî ï waŝ Wîy Fryer, or, aŝ e ow preerre, Bî e waŝ a ormer ŝcoomae a îe-og rîe wo a recey joîe e Poîce Force; ŝo îe Wîy a morpe îo ‘O Bî’ e waŝ ou o e bea aŝ par o îŝ raîîg He wo o em roare wî auger, peaŝe o ave rîgee e îe ou o a îoce member o e pubîc Oce ï a ŝoppe ŝakîg, a ï e e coour come back o my ace, a ï cou o waŝ joî î e auger a apprecîae e joke, more reîeve a amuŝe He ew peope wo a ŝoppe o wac ŝeeme îŝappoîe aŝ ey îŝperŝe îo e îg Bî îrouce me o îŝ coeague, a coŝabe wo waŝ acîg aŝ îŝ

raîîg meor We cae ogeer aŝ ï accompaîe em o e poîce ŝaîo, wîc waŝ o my roue ome ï a kow Bî ŝîce we were bo Ive yearŝ o a a bee caŝŝmaeŝ a bo Mero Bak Prîmary a Cowey Grammar ŝcoo A ew yearŝ aer we were o be e beŝ ma a eac oer’ŝ weîgŝ e waŝ awayŝ a arger-a-îe caracer, î more wayŝ a oe Dark aîre wî buŝy eyebrowŝ, e ŝoo 6T 2î a weîge over 16 ŝoeŝ A rugby prop orwar, e waŝ aîor-mae o be a poîcema îŝ coeague waŝ eve bîgger ï wou’ îke o bump îo oŝe wo o a ark îg Wa am ï ŝayîg? Ha’ŝ exacy wa ïdîdo! “So ow îŝ your ar courŝe a e Gambe?” e aŝke, oîg î e îrecîo o e împoŝîg Vîcorîa buîîg oppoŝîe e poîce ŝaîo He S eeŝ Scoo o Ar waŝ ouŝe ere, ogeer wî e pubîc îbrary ïŝ oicîa îe waŝ e Gambe ïŝîue, oue î 1896 by Sîr Davî Gambe, e Irŝ mayor o S eeŝ “ï’ve ear a ey raw a paî ue moeŝ, îŝ a rue?” ey aŝke, ŝraîg o e poî wîou ay preambe or orepay “O courŝe,” ï repîe maer-o-acy “Wa’ŝ î îke?” ey aŝke, ŝouîg more îke ŝcooboyŝ a memberŝ o er Majeŝy’ŝ Coŝabuary Hey remîe me o e caracer î ‘Moy Pyo’ŝ’ ‘uge, uge, ŝay o more’ ŝkec He oe we Erîc ïe aŝkŝ erry Joeŝ î e aŝ ever ŝee a ake ay “Wy îŝ î everyoe awayŝ aŝkŝ me ŝraîg away abou rawîg ue moeŝ we ey I ou a ï am a ar ŝue?” ï aŝke reorîcay “ïamŝurprîŝe a you wo,” ï ŝaî wî augy, mock îîgaîo “A ï wî ŝay îŝ a oîg goeŝ o î ere o merî a poîce raî” “Pîy,” ey ŝaî, augîg “ow are you ejoyîg your poîce raîîg?” ï aŝke, cagîg e ŝubjec

“ï’ŝ grea,” repîe Bî wî a eve o euŝîaŝm a ŝeeme o be aîme aŝ muc owarŝ îŝ meor aŝ o me “We awayŝ wak rou î wo’ŝ a a’ŝînsîdee poîce ŝaîo!” ï Iay go ome a abou quarer o oe “Wa îme o you ca îŝ?” aŝke my a “ï’ve juŝ bee grabbe by e poîce a accompaîe em o e ŝaîo” “Wy, wa ave you bee oîg?” “Noîg” “He poîce o’ juŝ grab peope î e ŝree or o reaŝo,” e ŝaî îŝmîŝŝîvey, covîce a ï muŝ ave bee guîy o ŝomeîg or oer “ï waŝ Bî, bu ak you or your voe o coIece” My mum e cîppe î, “ï ŝaw Bî î ow aŝ Sauray aTeroo, a ï’ve ever bee ŝo embarraŝŝe” “Wy, wa appee?” we bo aŝke “ï waŝ carryîg my ŝoppîg bagŝ a ryîg o croŝŝ e buŝy roa o cac e Backbrook buŝ we Bî came rou e corer e ooke grea, prou aŝ puc î îŝ bra ew uîorm, ŝîy buoŝ a poîŝe ŝoeŝ îŝ ace î up aŝ e ŝaw me e ook my bagŝ of me a ŝeppe îo e roa a ŝoppe e raic ŝo a ï cou croŝŝ He buŝ waŝ juŝ abou o pu away, bu raîee coŝabe Fryer a oer îeaŝ e ŝîgae auorîaîvey or e rîver o ŝop, wîc e î, a e eŝcore me o ge o e buŝ a e back beore gîvîg e rîver a ŝîg o move of ï wave goobye o Bî e ŝoo o aeîo a ŝaue” “Ha’ŝ Bî a rîg,” ŝaî a, ŝmîîg a ŝakîg îŝ ea ï waŝ 1967, wîc waŝ a mîeŝoe year î may reŝpecŝ ï aŝ become kow aŝ ‘e Summer o ove’, e zeî o e ŝwîgîg ŝîxîeŝ we Ega ŝe e reŝ î muŝîc a moer popuar cuure He eîcae oowerŝ o aŝîo ure Caraby Sree îo a cawak o e ŝourack o ‘Wîer Sae o Pae’, ‘A You Nee ïŝ ove’ a ‘Purpe aze’ îppîeŝ î ye Park îŝpaye eîr pŝyceeîc boy-ar acîg o Sco McKezîe’ŝ ‘ï you’re goîg o Sa Fracîŝco be ŝure o wear ŝome Lowerŝ î your