Who Ate All the Squid?

Devon Rowcliffe

Description

When a struggling Korean football club wants to transform its fortunes, who does it turn to? A former Chelsea manager and a trio of players with Premier League experience, of course. Who Ate All the Squid?: Football Adventures in South Korea charts the year Ian Porterfield managed faltering K League giant Busan IPark. The Sunderland FA Cup legend lured three players from English football out to Korea: striker Jamie Cureton, an ex-England youth international who turned down Manchester United; Andy Cooke, a former Burnley and Stoke City forward who started his career building cowsheds; and Jon Olav Hjelde, who bolstered Nottingham Forest after achieving UEFA Champions League heroics with Rosenborg. How will the players cope with South Korea's unfamiliar culture and language? Can the Brits overcome personal demons, including car crashes, divorces and alcoholism? And does a British football revolution really stand a chance of succeeding in Northeast Asia? The book also casts a humorous glimpse at the world's game inside South Korea.

Sujets

• South Korea

Informations

• Publié par: Pitch Publishing Ltd
• Date de parution: 28 septembre 2020
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781785318047
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 2 Mo

Extrait

First published by Pitch Publishing, 2020
Pitch Publishing
A2 Yeoman Gate
Yeoman Way
Durrington
BN13 3QZ
www.pitchpublishing.co.uk
Devon Rowcliffe, 2020
Every effort has been made to trace the copyright.
Any oversight will be rectified in future editions at the earliest opportunity by the publisher.
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A CIP catalogue record is available for this book from the British Library
Print ISBN 9781785316814
eBook ISBN 9781785318047
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CONTENTS
Acknowledgements
Busan I cons Squad List
Introduction - Chief Executive Chokeholds
1. Stadium Moats and Cracked Skulls
2. The Silly Bowing Dance (or, Don t Forget to Shake Your Muffler)
3. Rocket Launchers and 12-Lane Motorways (or, You Can t See Me!)
4. Sober Supporters and Player Punch-Ups
5. Supporters Have Kit, But Players Don t
6. Alcohol - No; Stolen Military Flares - Yes
7. Sleep-Deprived and Without a Toilet
8. Could You Switch Off the Floodlights? The Air Force is Cross
9. Plagues of Locusts and Flashy Foreigners
10. Democracy Protesters Support the Military Team
11. Death By Electric Fan (or, Don t Forget to Smear Red Bean Paste on Your Door)
12. Football? On a Saturday?!? Ridiculous!
13. Friday Naivet (or, Build, Build, Build)
14. Colg los Guayos (Hang Up the Football Boots)
15. We ll Show Those Neo-Colonialist Bastards
16. The Confrontation (or, Even Manchester United Took Time to Build)
17. Cureton s Debut (or, Busan s Treble of Embarrassment)
18. The British Revolution
19. Squad Squabbles and Empty World Cup Stadiums
20. Airing Dirty Laundry in the Newspapers
21. Best Mates with Local Derby Rivals
22. Dog Injures Player (or, Pregnancies Aplenty)
23. Big Bugs and Bodyguards (or, Uninterested Club Owners)
24. Divorces and Drubbings
25. Greener Pastures and Manitoba Dreamin
26. Food Poisoning and a 335kph Breeze
27. Baseball Riots, Vanishing Nepalese and Furious Chickens
28. Smashing Chairs and Perilous Buses
29. Football Hooligans and Picnicking Families
30. Match Fixing and Farewell Letters
31. Season of Sorrow
Epilogue
Sources
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
TO THE Pride of Pusan members, particularly then-president Jang Seok-ho, for kindly inviting me to accompany them and for enduring my presence during bleak matches and tortuous bus journeys (sans toilets) across the Korean peninsula.
To Mark Trevena and the eclectic users of the (sadly defunct) ROKfootball.com forum, without whom this book would not have been possible.
To my late father, who bestowed in me a passion for writing and a predisposition for interests in niche topics, as well as providing me the freedom to be exploratory and independent from a young age.
To my mother, who exposed me to numerous cultures and languages as a child, which likely served as the genesis of my eventual interest in North East Asia.
And most of all to my irreplaceable spouse, who was supportive of my mid-life career change, encouraged me to follow my passions (even if our bank balance suffered), and persisted through 17 years of my incessant blathering about an embryonic manuscript that never quite seemed to approach completion. The mythical book is finally real; may your ears now find tranquillity.
BUSAN I CONS SQUAD LIST
(squad number, name, position, age at start of season, year of birth)
1 Jung Yoo-suk ( ), goalkeeper, 25 (1977)
2 Jon Olav Hjelde, defender, 31* (1972)
3 Du an imi ( ), midfielder, 22 (1980)
4 Zoran Urumov ( ), midfielder, 25 (1977)
5 Shim Jae-won ( ), defender, 26 (1977)
7 Jang Dae-il ( ), defender, 30 (1973)
8 Noh Jung-yoon ( ), midfielder, 31 (1971)
9 Gwak Kyung-keun ( ), striker, 30 (1972)
10 Harry Castillo, striker, 28 (1974)
11 Jeon Woo-keun ( ), midfielder, 26 (1977)
12 Jamie Cureton, striker, 27 (1975)
15 Yoon Hee-joon ( ), defender, 30 (1972)
17 Ryu Byung-hoon ( ), defender, 26 (1976)
18 Lee Jang-kwan ( ), defender, 28 (1974)
19 Lee Jung-hyo ( ), defender, 27 (1975)
20 Lee Lim-saeng ( ), defender, 31 (1971)
21 Kim Soo-hyung ( ), midfielder, 19 (1983)
22 Han Jae-ung ( ), defender, 18 (1984)
26 Lee Yong-ha ( ), midfielder, 29 (1973)
27 Kim Chang-oh ( ), striker, 25 (1978)
29 Choi Kwang-soo ( ), midfielder, 23 (1979)
30 Boo Young-tae ( ), midfielder, 17 (1985)
33 Doh Hwa-sung ( ), midfielder, 22 (1980)
35 Hwang Cheol-min ( ), striker, 24 (1978)
38 Kim Tae-min ( ), midfielder, 20 (1982)
40 Kim Yong-dae ( ), goalkeeper, 23 (1979)
44 Tommy Mosquera Lozano, striker, 26 (1976)
45 Ahn Hyo-yeon ( ), striker, 25* (1978)
46 Shin Young-rok ( ), midfielder, 21 (1981)
50 Andy Cooke, striker, 29 (1974)
* age when joined the squad mid-season
(note: list excludes 13 squad members who did not receive any playing time)
INTRODUCTION
CHIEF EXECUTIVE CHOKEHOLDS

- Look before you leap (literally, even a stone bridge should be tested by banging on it before crossing )
WHO IS your boss? Who is your boss?!?
Scottish football manager Ian Porterfield, in the dressing room for half-time, is pinned up against the wall. The club s CEO shouts as he punches Porterfield s arms and squeezes the Scot s throat.
The team is losing 1-0 at home. The CEO is enraged.
What are you going on about? I just want to do my job, responds Porterfield as he gasps for air. He attempts to wriggle free from the CEO s grasp.
After five additional minutes of this physical and verbal barrage, the CEO releases Porterfield from the wall and swings open the dressing room door. The playing squad enters for their half-time team talk, likely unaware of the assault that has just transpired.
After a brief motivation session from a flustered Porterfield, the players saunter back out to the stadium tunnel for the second half. As the last player exits, the CEO slams the dressing room door shut again. He turns back toward Porterfield, then lunges at him.
Who do you think you are? barks the CEO, as he resumes his grip around Porterfield s neck, pushing the Scot down on to the team s massage table.
I am Ian Porterfield.
Oh, do you think you are tough? asks the CEO. Is it because you are white that you think you can talk to us that way?
After several further minutes of the altercation, the CEO finally releases Porterfield.
You had better get out of Ghana because you and I cannot work together, says the CEO. I won t pay your salary so why don t you just fuck off!
I want to go out and win the game for the boys and the supporters, says Porterfield.
Why do you want to go out there? asks the exasperated CEO, as if to suggest Porterfield shouldn t bother returning to the pitch for the second half.
I just want to do my job, says Porterfield.
The Scot s team perform a second-half comeback, scoring twice and winning the Ghana Premier League match. After brief celebrations, Porterfield strides toward the club s VIP area, where the CEO usually watches the games. But before Porterfield arrives, the CEO has already launched into a tirade against the Scot s wife, Glenda, yelling, You should both just leave Ghana! And you should watch your backs until you go, because I am a powerful man and you don t know who you are messing with.
The above are highlights from Ian Porterfield s account of his alleged treatment at Ghanaian football club Kumasi Asante Kotoko. Porterfield would attempt to sue the club and its management for wrongful dismissal, breach of contract, assault and battery, as well as uttering threats, before ultimately settling out of court.
Mere weeks after leaving Ghana, the former Chelsea manager would accept his next international assignment: taking charge of struggling South Korean club football giants Busan I cons. South Korea had a reputation among international football journeymen as a reliable country that paid on time, respected contracts and rarely screwed people around. After several eventful football management stints around the globe, Porterfield looked forward to the stability and predictability of leading a club in North East Asia, his first job in the region.
* * *
Had I chosen the worst time in decades to travel to South Korea?
Events looked tumultuous as I boarded a Korean Air flight, destined for a season of football in the Hermit Kingdom. The United States of America had begun its foolhardy invasion of Iraq the day prior to my departure, causing unease for those still brave enough to venture on to an international aircraft. The mood in the airport was noticeably sombre.
North Korea s usual cacophony of threats to bomb their enemy du jour into oblivion, which I had always dismissed nonchalantly in the past, suddenly took on an entirely new relevance - my new home in Busan would be within missile range of the Dear Leader s pariah country.
South Korea had just been ravaged by a vicious subway fire that melted carriages - as well as the unfortunate passengers encaged within.
Anti-American sentiment had swollen into months of street protests across South Korea - and although I wasn t from the USA, it wouldn t be difficult to be misidentified as an American by agitated locals.
And the World Health Organization had just declared the Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) virus - centred in East Asia - a worldwide health threat and issued an emergency travel advisory.
But like any self-respecting youngster, I ignored adversity. I boarded the aircraft and welcomed the adventures ahead - no matter how eventful they thre