A Classic in Clown Shoes

Becky Kueker

Description

Becky Kueker thought she had it all, publishing a new book, "Hiding in My Pajamas," three years ago, and launching a national speaking career traveling the country at 75. What more could you ask coming off a two year low after she retired struggling with the emotional stereotypes that deal with retirement and aging. It was not until a complicated surgery requiring six months in a wheelchair and endless rehab, turned her life in a new direction she could never have expected. Fighting fear, depression and the realization that she would once again have to start over, Becky shares her journey facing a new beginning discovering that it's laughter that changes everything. Meeting passionate people who inspired her, chapters are filled with poignant stories from women and men who have proven that aging does not have to define you and new beginnings are possible. Their stories are powerful and highlight the determination it takes to live your best life and what the passage of time means to how capable we are of embracing change. Not being financially prepared for retirement has become a national epidemic. Her chapter, Learning to Live After Retirement, features stories from those who were not aware that not planning was just speculating and rolling the dice on what might be. The shock that their savings will not be sufficient to retain the lifestyle they lived before offers a glimpse of a generation not prepared. Interviewing her husband and other men about retirement and aging highlights the unexpected marital turbulence that finds its way into very personal struggles that no one saw coming. Finding humor every painful step of the way as she learns how to walk again, A Classic in Clown Shoes is a roller coaster ride of emotions resonating with honesty.

Sujets

• Santé et bien-être
• Bien-être émotionnel
• Bien-être émotionnel
• Retirement Planning
• Personal Finance
• Economics
• Business
• Bien-être
• Bien-être
• Bien-être
• Bien-être

Informations

• Publié par: Outskirts Press
• Date de parution: 14 mai 2019
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781977213679
• Langue: English

Extrait

Also by Becky Kueker, Hiding in My Pajamas
A Classic in Clown Shoes All Rights Reserved. Copyright © 2019 Becky Kueker v2.0
The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.
This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Outskirts Press, Inc. http://www.outskirtspress.com
ISBN: 978-1-9772-1367-9
Cover Photo © 2019 www.gettyimages.com . All rights reserved - used with permission.
Outskirts Press and the "OP" logo are trademarks belonging to Outskirts Press, Inc.
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
This book is dedicated to the women and men who have bravely shared their amazing stories and emotional pain. This is for all your journeys knowing you are not alone.
And
To Dean Zayed, president & CEO, Brookstone Capital Management, who catapulted me to a whole new career I only could have imagined after retirement.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Preface By Becky Kueker
Chapter 1. Learning to Live in the Moment
Chapter 2. Living After Retirement The Cost of Aging
Chapter 3. Depression Made Me Do It!
Chapter 4. When Is Enough, Enough?
Chapter 5. Creating Your Own View of You
Chapter 6. Romance Is a Pesky Business!*
Chapter 7. A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Hospital
Chapter 8. The Power of Together for a Purpose
Chapter 9. From a Man’s Perspective
Chapter 10. Dreams Have No Expiration Date
Acknowledgments & Sources:
PREFACE By Becky Kueker
Writing my first book, Hiding in My Pajamas, changed my life in many ways. The most amazing thing that did happen was an introduction to a national financial company. Literally overnight, I became a sought after speaker, talking frankly and with humor about my spiral into depression after retirement. The journey has been rewarding and most of all, humbling.
A woman in Illinois wrote to me, "I loved how vulnerable, honest, and candid you were with the ups and downs of your experience. When one opens up in such a personal way, it allows others to do the same … whether within one’s own heart or with a trusted friend." I was so moved when I read this and more than ever, inspired to bring the same tone or feel, if you will, to my new book. Provoking readers to think about the kind of life they want to live and the person they want to become is what supports our vision for a new stage in life and has been my focus from the moment I began writing.
Another reader told me that the personal stories about the relationship with my husband made it even more meaningful to her because she was struggling so much with hers. That is what I have found … My audiences enjoyed hearing most about the relationship with my husband and how it changed after retirement. In my presentations, I share funny stories about our journey and how we are working together to make things better between us. I speak about all the adjustments we had to make to be certain we were both living our best lives. It was what was most important to both of us the last two years, and we are moving on, hand in hand, to a new way of living that suited both of us.
As I began writing again, developing the framework for this book, I remembered an old saying, "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." It suddenly dawned on me this past year that my husband and I had rather regressed to where we were after I published my first book. I realized we were not making the same mistakes we had made; we were just making new ones as we still sifted through the relationship Bermuda Triangle. For all of us, as we age, the urge to repeat old patterns is very strong and simple to ease right back into.
There is an old joke that a retired husband is a wife’s full-time job. Even though my husband is not retired yet, when he is home, it seems like a full-time job. I told him when I began to write my second book to watch out this will be a doozy! So a good part of what I will share is how that is working out for us. Happily struggling, we are still working through our messy and imperfect life as a couple.
Recently, when my husband was out of town, I came home late one day, poured a glass of wine, walked into the family room, and sat down admiring the floor-to-ceiling fireplace that was recently completed by my husband. I designed the fireplace, and he built it, and it is magnificent. The time is 5:00 p.m., and the sun is streaking through the large, floor-to-ceiling sliding glass door, its beacon filling the room lightly, settling on the fireplace mantle. The mantle’s made of pine and finished to a high gloss that glistens as the sun magnifies its brilliance. My eyes glide over the smoothness of the mantle, the subtle curves and flaws in the wood, outlined and highlighted by the glare and accentuated by my husband’s careful hand. He purchased three pieces of pine that came from a park in downtown Tucson, its history touching his heart. The large slab he designed as the showpiece, the mantle, and the other two rest upon storage cabinets on either side of the fireplace that he also built. All three are stunning, but the mantle is the real work of art. You can see when you look at and run your hand over it, that it was designed with love. For only that kind of love can take raw wood and turn it into a thing of beauty.
As I watch the light play over the mantle, I think of the man who did this, a man I have loved for almost 60 years. This is a man who takes pride in his work, no matter what it is, and you can see and feel it in the final design. The fireplace is made of stacked stone; lovely, subtle tones of sparkling gray, brown, and tan with just a hint of rusty orange, racing up to touch the ceiling. Gary worked on it night and day for two weeks, sometimes staying up until midnight with me holding a flashlight outside over the wet saw as he cut the rough stone. I thought it was crazy and downright dangerous to do this, but I finally understood he was on a creative roll. Not wanting to stop the momentum, it was important to continue the creation until he was satisfied that the attention to detail he demands of himself was reflective in the final design, and it is. Every time I step into the room, the fireplace takes my breath away, and the love and care that went into the design speaks to you from every place in the room.
This is a man who never cuts himself a break who should but never does. He wants perfection; no, he strives for perfection in everything. Because of who he was and is, and how he grew up, this is the only way he knows, and those who know him have come to expect the same. His childhood still wraps around him, smothering him and shaping him in a way that he could never quite define but ultimately defined him.
Being severely abused as a child by his father made him tough and strong. There was always something inside of him that wanted out and wanted more. I still marvel at what he has accomplished in his life, as well as all the lives he has touched along the way. He is a good man who does not realize it. I trust his legacy will ultimately be just that, the humility with which he has lived his life, and the journey along the way.
Why I am telling you all this is because this is the story that so many have asked for, and what I can tell you the changes in us as a couple are dramatic. Some come, I imagine, from unresolved issues that we always had before, and retirement popped them out like ghosts slowly drifting out of the closet. We are still circling the wagon trying to figure it out, and we are both hopeful that we will. So, this book was written to update, confess, and just plain tell you that it is not figured out. We are still in the garden weeding and trying to get the roses to bloom!
CHAPTER 1
LEARNING TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT
" If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is."
~ Unknown
Every day on Facebook, I see hundreds of posts from people all over the nation offering their sage advice about how to live in the moment. Most of it, of course, we already know we are supposed to do, but what is it that causes us to get sidetracked so easily? Is it our digitally connected world that interacts with no one on a human basis? Is it that we are so polarized as a society that we are unable to understand that living in the moment does not mean reacting to our president’s tweets?
We are told that living in the past or dwelling too much on what the future could bring fills us with worry about what could have been or might be. It should be the reality that everything we were or are at the moment has prepared us for what comes next in life, and that should be comforting. Sometimes, common sense does not have a role in my "living in the moment day."
I have to admit that I am a serial worrier. My husband calls me the projectile worrier. I do sometimes get out there too far about what might happen and worry way too much about what I cannot and have no ability to control. I worry about stupid stuff, an example of which is, what if I wake up late and can’t have that first cup of very necessary coffee? Seriously, it is a worry, and all committed coffee drinkers know this. Someone sent me a joke that said, "I tried starting a day without coffee. My court date is still pending." That is so me.
I know life can be messy, and you can’t always control what happens each day, but that does not stop me from worrying. I should listen to my neighbor from England who insists that anything worth worrying about, can be quickly solved over a lovely cup of tea.
The national news is a prime example of what stresses us