DIY Conflict Resolution: Seven Choices and Five Actions of a Master

Nance L. Schick

Description

DIY Conflict Resolution is the first book by New York City Attorney, Mediator and Conflict Resolution Coach, Nance L. Schick. Exploring the less obvious causes of conflicts, she coaches readers to create action plans that reflect their unique beliefs, interests and values. Her process is based on proven mediation techniques and illuminates the power of compassionate "third ear" listening. As she says, "When the third eye is blind, it hinders wisdom. When the third ear is deaf, it hinders connection and resolution."

Are you a credentialed professional whose business has plateaued? Are you an artist who has difficulty managing "drama queens" on your projects? Or are you the drama queen? Nance shares stories of how clients resolved conflicts with themselves and others. From body conflicts to marital discord and crime, she shows you how to keep going and keep creating the life you want–from the circumstances you have, not the ones you wish you had.

In the book, you will be coached to:
* Build skill in creating solutions from a broad range of options
* Reconnect with your original and unmet expectations
* Free yourself from anger, disappointment and distraction when it appears
* Discover how to listen for the real obstacles to agreement
* Become the Chief Resolution Officer in your life

Sujets

• Vie de famille
• Relations familiales
• Gestion d'équipe
• Business
• Economics
• Mediation
• Gestion et management
• Conflict Resolution

Informations

• Publié par: eBookIt.com
• Date de parution: 24 novembre 2015
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781456623869
• Langue: English

Extrait

DIY Conflict Resolution
Seven Choices and Five Actions of a Master
by Nance L. Schick, Esq.

Copyright 2014, 2015 Nance L. Schick.
All rights reserved.
Published in eBook format by eBookIt.com.
Converted by http://www.eBookIt.com .
ISBN-13: 978-1-4566-2386-9
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
INTRODUCTION
Who Is This Book Written For?
Ideally, I want everyone to have these tools. At the time of the initial writing, the news was filled with stories about conflicts—from Ferguson, Missouri and New York City in the United States to Columbia, the Gaza Strip, the Ukraine, and Mexico. Now, terrorists are rumored to be smuggling into Europe among the Syrian refugees welcomed warmly by many countries, and the U.S. Congress is threatening a shutdown while several of those who should be there working toward solutions for their constituents are instead campaigning for a Presidential nomination in what appears a lot more like a reality television show than a race for any professional position.
These are just a few of the stories we are hearing and reading about on a daily basis. People are killing each other over drugs, money, religious differences, sex, oil, and other resources. Even when they aren’t resorting to violence, many are verbally abusing each other on the Internet.
As a human race, we are fighting in our streets, in our schools, in our homes, at work, and online. We blame, demonize and express hatred or heartbreaking indifference toward each other. We think we are protecting ourselves and deterring future acts that we don’t want to experience. Yet we don’t feel safe or free, even when we “win” the arguments, fights, or wars.
We’re not winning battles at work, either. A 2011 Mercer LLC study of 30,000 employees worldwide reported that as many as 56% wanted to leave their jobs. In the United States, a 2012 Right Management study indicated that 65% of the workers surveyed were either somewhat or totally unsatisfied with their work. Is it any surprise that a 2013 Harris Interactive Study found that only 67% of Americans were optimistic about the future? When we’re not satisfied with the situation where we spend more than one-third of our time each day, our lives and the future look pretty bleak.
“Sometimes I can feel my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”
—Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Despite its image as a land of opportunity, and being one of the 10 richest countries in the world, America doesn’t seem to be offering much opportunity for happiness. Its citizens are 22% less happy than the average citizen in the world, according to a 2012 Gallup poll. People in developing countries with low current life evaluations are more optimistic than Americans. Of course, this is because those in some developing countries can’t imagine their circumstances getting much worse.
In the US, it appears that we are aware that our lives could be a lot worse, but we also believe we should have access to more. We are told that $50,000.00 USD per year is the threshold salary for happiness, and in 2012, only 44% of Americans reached that threshold. Notice that this is the exact same percentage of workers who are reportedly unsatisfied with their work. We feel stuck between rock bottom and a glass ceiling. Perhaps that’s why more people are looking to prescription drugs for their “quick fixes.”
In 2013, the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (“OECD”) expressed concern regarding the increase in prescriptions for anti-depressants, especially in wealthy countries, despite the lack of a corresponding increase in diagnoses to support the prescriptions. According to the OECD, one in 10 people in Iceland, Australia, Canada, and Nordic countries are taking prescription anti-depressants. In the US and China, the numbers are even higher, and the dosages are also of concern.
You certainly don’t think we’re winning in relationships, do you? You’ve heard that the divorce rates are high, but that’s not the only place we’re not winning. According to the Pew Research Center, 61% of unmarried men and women indicated that they would like to be married, and another 27% were not sure. Yet only 51% of Americans were married in 2010. Again, it seems that we aren’t getting what we want, or we are afraid to declare things one way or another—likely due to our fear that we can’t have what we really desire.
I am convinced that we can have what we want. I have discovered many tools to help people create successful and satisfying businesses, careers, family relationships, hobbies, marriages, “sabbaticals,” and lives. So, this book is for you (and for me, too). Nevertheless, I suspect that most reading are high achievers who have gotten stuck in one or two areas of life. You might be an accomplished attorney, doctor, educator, or entrepreneur with a solid career, but you are lacking family harmony or you haven’t found the partner with whom you can start a family. Perhaps you are an amazing spouse and parent, but you haven’t been able to get your career off the ground. You’ve done all of the right things where school, internships and work experience are concerned, but you haven’t gotten that big break to propel you forward into the Land of Success that you dreamed of. You’re not in dire straits, yet you’re not exactly in love with your life, either. You might even feel a little guilty about your discontent, knowing that there are many people in the world struggling to find food or clean water.
You’ve come to the right place. In this book, you will learn to:
• Build skill in creating solutions from a broad range of options
• Reconnect with your original and unmet expectations
• Free yourself from anger, disappointment, and distraction
• Discover how to listen for the real obstacles to agreement
• Become the Chief Resolution Officer in your life
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Am I a Conflict Resolution Master?
I prefer to think of myself as a Master-in-Training. As my extraordinary mother (a three-time cancer survivor) says, “When you figure everything out, your work is done here [in this world], and I’m not ready to go yet.” There is always much more for me to learn, and I have discovered a great deal while writing this book. That said, I do have what some people will consider sufficient credentials to be an expert in conflict resolution.
I am an attorney, mediator, and conflict resolution coach based in New York City, where I have been in solo practice since 2003. I created the Third Ear Conflict Resolution Program™ for a presentation I gave at the 2008 Southern California Mediation Association Conference at Pepperdine University’s Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution, and this book will walk you through the process so you can start using it in your daily life. I prefer that you not have to wait for the stressful environment of litigation to learn how to listen with your “third ear,” or your heart. You’ll learn techniques to deepen your listening to yourself and others so you aren’t as easily stopped by the occasional emotionally charged dispute.
I’ve been using the program to resolve conflicts for my clients, my loved ones and myself since I formalized it nearly 10 years ago, and you will read some of the success stories. I also volunteer to coach the Self-Expression and Leadership Program at Landmark Worldwide, and I received exceptional training for work in the operations and human resources departments of United Parcel Service. Some might say I know people and what motivates them pretty well. It might even be my life purpose to share what I’ve learned so you can, too.
“There is a sense in which we are all each other’s consequences.”
—Wallace Stegner, All the Little Things
As an integrative and holistic lawyer, I draw from a lot of different sources in order to create individualized solutions. I will employ the same style in this book.
That’s probably what you need to know at this point about who I am and how I work. Rather than lull you to sleep with more words to make me seem important enough, let’s get started in resolving some of the conflicts that are on your mind. If you want to know more about me, you can go to my website ( http://www.nschicklaw.com ). I’ve tried to keep it easy to find me by defying those who told me I should spell my first name with a “y” to look more professional and hirable after law school. I also use some popular social media sites to advance my vision of unity, love and opportunity for everyone in the world:
FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/nschicklaw
LINKEDIN: http://www.linkedin.com/in/nschicklaw
TWITTER: http://twitter.com/nschicklaw
WEBSITE: http://www.nschicklaw.com
LAW STUDIO: 212.804.7039
MAILING ADDRESS: 310 E. 46 th St., Ste. 20G, New York, NY 10017
CHAPTER ONE
Does the Third Ear Conflict Resolution Program™ Work?
I certainly think so, as do many of the people around me. I would not be sharing it with you if I were not confident that it can make a difference in your life. As a lawyer, I see too many people struggling, if not suffering, in ways that are preventable and reparable. As a mediator, I know what many still do not: There are private dispute resolution opportunities that often produce better results than a judgment or verdict. For this reason, I converted mediation processes into a Do-it-Yourself (“DIY”) system, the Third Ear Conflict Resolution Program.
As you will see throughout the book, there is truly a lot you can do on your own. Yet we each have occasional persistent conflicts that we’ve carried for such a long time that we think they are as much a part of us as our height or eye color. We also have new conflicts that arise, with which we have little to no ex