Blind to Betrayal

Pamela Birrell, Jennifer Freyd

Description

One of the world's top experts on betrayal looks at why we often can't see it right in front of our faces

If the cover-up is worse than the crime, blindness to betrayal can be worse than the betrayal itself. Whether the betrayer is an unfaithful spouse, an abusive authority figure, an unfair boss, or a corrupt institution, we often refuse to see the truth order to protect ourselves. This book explores the fascinating phenomenon of how and why we ignore or deny betrayal, and what we can gain by transforming "betrayal blindness" into insight.

• Explains the psychological phenomenon of "betrayal blindness", in which we implicitly choose unawareness in order to avoid the risk of seeing treachery or injustice
• Based on the authors' substantial original research and clinical experience carried out over the last decade as well as their own story of confronting betrayal
• Filled with fascinating case studies involving unfaithful spouses, abusive authority figures and corrupt institutions, to name a few

In a remarkable collaboration of science and clinical perspectives, Jennifer Freyd, one of the world's top experts on betrayal and child abuse, teams up with Pamela Birrell, a psychotherapist and educator with 25 years of experience.

Preface ix

Acknowledgments xiii

1 Blind to Betrayal 1

2 Children Betrayed 10

3 The Wide Reach of Betrayal Blindness 20

4 Blind Adherence 35

5 Why Blindness? 49

6 Knowing and Not Knowing 62

7 Mental Gymnastics 71

8 Insights from Research 84

9 Betrayal Blindness Is Toxic 96

10 The Risks of Knowing 114

11 The Healing Power of Knowing 130

12 The Healing Power of Telling 141

13 Speaking Our Truth 153

14 Now I See: Facing Betrayal Blindness 162

Recommended Reading 175

Notes 177

Index 193

Sujets

• Santé et bien-être
• Santé mentale & traumatisme
• Santé mentale
• Santé mentale
• Abuse
• Self-help

Informations

• Publié par: Turner Publishing Company
• Date de parution: 14 février 2013
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781118234488
• Langue: English

Extrait

Contents
Cover
Advance praise for Blind to Betrayal
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Preface
Acknowledgments
Chapter 1: Blind to Betrayal
Chapter 2: Children Betrayed
Rebecca's Story
Kevin's Story
Betrayal as a Violation of Trust
Chapter 3: The Wide Reach of Betrayal Blindness
Girl on a Plane
Mark Walker: Another Case of Betrayal
A Special Case of Betrayal Blindness: Stockholm Syndrome
The Story of Jacques Sandulescu's Betrayal Blindness
Jaycee Lee Dugard
Chapter 4: Blind Adherence
Institutional Betrayal by Employers
Cover-Up of Church Sexual Abuse
Research on Institutional Betrayal: Violations of Members' Trust Surrounding Incidents of Sexual Assault
Military Sexual Trauma and Betrayal Blindness
Institutional Betrayal in the Courtroom
Betrayal Blindness in Bystanders
Chapter 5: Why Blindness?
Dependence on the Caregiver and Attachment
Social Contracts, Trust, and Cheater Detectors
Betrayal Blindness When Attachment and Cheater Detectors Collide
Chapter 6: Knowing and Not Knowing
Samantha's Story
How Did Sam Remain Unaware of Mark's Infidelity?
Sam and Betrayal Trauma Theory
Chapter 7: Mental Gymnastics
Blindness for Battering
Keeping Secrets Supports Betrayal Blindness
Double Standards and Other Mental Gymnastics That Support Betrayal Blindness
Dependence on the Perpetrator and the Need to Maintain the Relationship
Liberation
Chapter 8: Insights from Research
Meta-Cognitions
Attention and Memory
Dissociation
Knowing and Not Knowing about Feelings
Perpetrator Grooming and Demands for Silence
Groupthink and Government Cover-Up
Need to Trust
Chapter 9: Betrayal Blindness Is Toxic
The Toxic Effects of Betrayal on Individuals
The Toxic Effects of Betrayal on Relationships
The Toxic Effects of Betrayal on Society
Chapter 10: The Risks of Knowing
“Knowing” about Betrayal
Beth's Story
Telling May Risk More Betrayal
It's Difficult to Know, and It's Difficult to Disclose
Why Don't We Disclose?
Chapter 11: The Healing Power of Knowing
Power, Trust, and Betrayal
Disclosure Can Be Effective in Healing
Cathy's Story: The Importance of Safety and Hope
Awareness and Parenting
Chapter 12: The Healing Power of Telling
Facing Betrayal on the Societal Level Leads to Justice
Sean Bruyea's Story: Speaking Truth to Power
Chapter 13: Speaking Our Truth
Chapter 14: Now I See: Facing Betrayal Blindness
For Those Who Suspect They Have Been Betrayed
For Friends and Supporters
For Institutions and Powerful Others
Final Words
Recommended Reading
Index
Advance praise for Blind to Betrayal
“Even if, like me, you are less than enchanted with therapy ( any therapy!), you will find much of value in this courageous path-breaking book that honors the stories of survivors of abuse of many kinds. It is compelling, readable, and most important of all, true.”
—Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson, author of Assault on Truth, Final Analysis , and twenty-four other books 
“ Blind to Betrayal dares to say what most of us know, intuitively, about the basic human need to trust in the goodness of others. Fear of experiencing the overwhelming pain of knowing that people to whom we render ourselves vulnerable have exploited rather than cherished our trust makes us ‘blind' to betrayal even when it's right there in front of us. Drs. Freyd and Birrell have built a critical bridge of knowledge that allows us to take the blinders off and become comfortable in our discomfort. This book is a gift to all who suffer with or support those who feel stuck in the reluctance to know the ugly truth about the people and institutions we entrust with our minds and bodies. Open this book—then open your eyes to the power and liberation that always comes with new insight and truth.”
—Wendy J. Murphy, JD, New England Law/Boston, author of And Justice for Some
“Drs. Freyd and Birrell open our eyes to the profound and pervasive human vulnerability of betrayal blindness. They show how it deprives us of key information and realizations, often with catastrophic results; how the scientific research helps us to understand it; and how we can break free of it. These preeminent experts have created a book that will be of great help to many people and that belongs on the book shelf of all therapists and coaches, on the reading list of all clinical training programs, and in the hands of everyone who seeks a better understanding of human behavior and experience.”
—Kenneth S. Pope, PhD, ABPP, diplomate in Clinical Psychology
“Powerful, illuminating, and disturbing, this translation of decades of meticulous scientific research and sophisticated clinical observation is an eye-opener in the best sense for social scientists, clinicians, and any reader interested in understanding the impact of trauma from a unique new perspective. The work Dr. Freyd and her colleagues have done in this controversial and increasingly urgent area of violence and victimization, the description she and Dr. Birrell provide of the paths to recovery that become possible when psychological blindness is recognized and understood, and the compelling case examples in this book, is a groundbreaking and essential contribution.”
—Julian D. Ford, Ph.D., professor of psychiatry, University of Connecticut Health Center
“Drs. Freyd and Birrell have created a masterwork for all of us who struggle to comprehend our own experiences of not seeing, not knowing, and not protecting ourselves and others from betrayal. The pervasiveness of both betrayal and betrayal blindness, and the challenges inherent in becoming able to know and see betrayal, as well as the psychological science making sense of these painful dynamics, come to life in this book. It's one that I'll be buying several copies of, because I know that it'll constantly be on loan to clients and students. A must-read for everyone who has experienced betrayal and betrayal blindness—and that means almost all of us.”
—Laura S. Brown, PhD, ABPP, director, Fremont Community Therapy Project

Copyright © 2013 by Jennifer J. Freyd and Pamela J. Birrell. All rights reserved
Cover Design: Wendy Mount Cover Photograph: ©Tooga/Getty Images
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ISBN 978-0-470-60440-3 (paperback); ISBN 978-1-118-22069-6 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-118-23448-8 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-118-25890-3 (ebk)
To JQ Johnson, 1951–2012
Preface
A husband whose wife is having an affair; a child sexually abused by his priest; a soldier ordered into an unsafe battle by his commanding officer; a single mother who is overworked and underpaid in her secretarial job; a group of people sharing the same ethnic heritage who are denied access to leadership roles—in each of these cases, there is mistreatment and injustice. Infidelity, abuse, treachery, workplace exploitation (in a society valuing fairness), discrimination (in a society valuing equality), and injustice (in a society valuing justice) are examples of betrayal. Betrayal can be mundane or a central threat to our well-being.
Betrayal violates us. It can destroy relationships and the very trust we need to be intimate in our relationships. It can and does damage the social fabric that creates the bonds for a healthy society. In the case of children, the effects can last a lifetime. Betrayed children may grow into adults who fail to trust the trustworthy or who too readily trust people who further betray them. Whether being too willing or too unwilling to trust, difficulty with trust not only interferes with relationships, but also eats away at a strong sense of self. Those who were betrayed as children often suffer severe self-esteem problems, as well as depression, anxiety, and even psychosis. 1.
Yet even though betrayal is often in our very midst and of critical importance, we frequently don't acknowledge the mistreatment or notic