Healing Together

Dianne Kane

Informations

• Publié par: New Harbinger Publications
• Date de parution: 01 janvier 0001
• Nombre de lectures: 1
• EAN13: 9781608825004
• Langue: English

Extrait

“This book is so perfect that I only read half of it before I said to myself, ‘I’ve got to hand deliver this book to Larry and Martha. Their relationship has been taking such a beating since the sudden freak accident that took their grown son. It is perfect for them right now.’”
—Charlie Walton, author of When There Are No Words and Packing for the Big Trip
“ Healing Together is a beautiful book. It is clear, easy to read, and full of pragmatic insights for couples facing the echoes of trauma. The authors tenderly take a couple through issues such as dealing with anger and mourning loss and offer strategies for healing and relationship renewal. This book is an invaluable resource that will help couples face their traumas together.”
—Sue Johnson, Ph.D., professor of psychology at University of Ottawa and author of Hold Me Tight
“ Healing Together is an essential resource for couples whose lives and relationships have been affected by traumatic experiences, and is particularly valuable for couples involved in police work, firefighting, emergency medical services, the military, and other professions where there is significant potential for psychological trauma. Writing in a straightforward and down-to-earth style that reflects the depth and breadth of the authors’ experience working with couples—including more than 400 couples involved in rescue and recovery in the aftermath of 9/11—Suzanne Phillips and Dianne Kane provide a wealth of information and insight into the nature of psychological trauma and its emotional and behavioral consequences. As importantly, they provide effective strategies and realistic solutions couples can use to restore and strengthen their relationships. This is by far the best guide I’ve seen for couples affected by trauma and post-traumatic stress.”
—Vincent E. Henry, CPP, Ph.D., associate professor and director of the Homeland Security Management Institute at Long Island University, and author of Death Work
“ Healing Together is a gift to couples and a valuable resource for those who work with them. It sensitively illuminates the impact of trauma and PTSD on relationships in a way that empowers couples to understand, listen, mourn, cherish life’s moments, and hope again. And Phillips’ and Kane’s contribution goes beyond the recovery of couples—it is a step both toward reducing the conspiracy of silence about the effects of trauma in families and toward preventing its intergenerational legacies.”
—Yael Danieli, Ph.D., director of the Group Project for Holocaust Survivors and Their Children, past president and senior representative to the United Nations of the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies
“ Healing Together is profound in its scope and provides practical insights and skills that can be of enormous value to individuals and couples seeking a lasting change rather than a ‘quick fix.’ They will embark on an incredible journey with this book and ultimately be in control of their lives and their future. Phillips and Kane are to be applauded for their monumental work in the field of trauma and post-traumatic stress.”
—Vali Stone, English professor at Georgian College and author of Cops Don’t Cry
“Finally, a book providing psychological first aid for couples experiencing trauma and its devastating ripple effect on their relationship. Here, in clear language, men and women can learn for themselves about PTSD, destructive anger, triggers, memories, dreams, and sexual issues—what to do about them and how to know when professional help is needed. Indeed, a caring and compassionate mate aids recovery, but there are times when more is needed. Phillips and Kane provide sound information and exercises for ‘healing together,’ making this book a must-read for military and veteran couples and any couples or partners who have experienced the pain of trauma, loss, or disaster—all too many of us.
—Pauline Boss, author of Loss, Trauma and Resilience and Ambiguous Loss
“ Healing Together is not only a guide for couples struggling to cope with trauma, but also a beacon of hope. Phillips and Kane do what no others have in one simple-to-read book—they show couples how working together as a team will speed recovery and protect their lifetime commitment.”
—Charles R. Figley, Ph.D., author of Helping Traumatized Families
A Couple's Guide to Coping with Trauma and Post-traumatic Stress
Suzanne Phillips and Dianne Kane
New Harbinger Publications, Inc. -->
Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2008 by Suzanne Phillips & Dianne Kane
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
All Rights Reserved
Printed in the United States of America
Acquired by Melissa Kirk; Cover design by Amy Shoup;
Edited by Karen O’Donnell Stein; Text design by Tracy Carlson
epub ISBN:9781608825004
The Library of Congress has Cataloged the Print Edition as:
Phillips, Suzanne B.
Healing together : a couple’s guide to coping with trauma and post-traumatic stress / Suzanne B. Phillips and Dianne Kane.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN-13: 978-1-57224-544-0 (pbk. : alk. paper)
ISBN-10: 1-57224-544-1 (pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Post-traumatic stress disorder--Patients--Family relationships. 2. Psychic trauma--Patients--Family relationships. 3. Marital psychotherapy. I. Kane, Dianne. II. Title.
RC552.P67P55 2008
616.89’1562--dc22
2008039788
For Kevin John Phillips, my husband of thirty-six years, my inspiration for loving, healing, and growing together.
—Suzanne Phillips
For Gordon Hawkins, who has surrounded me with beauty for over twenty years, and for Ian Hawkins, who has taught me so much about relationships.
—Dianne Kane
Contents
Acknowledgments
Introduction
1. Something Traumatic Has Happened
2. Couples Psychological First Aid
3. Is Anyone Else Angry?
4. Dancing in the Dark: Reclaiming Sexual Intimacy
5. Memories, Dreams, and Secrets: Finding a Place for Trauma
6. Healing Together: Enhancing Couple Resilience
Recommended Reading
Acknowledgments
We would like to acknowledge those professional organizations, especially the New York City Fire Department–Counseling Service Unit and the American Group Psychotherapy Association, who have recognized and provided opportunities for our trauma work. We are very appreciative of the colleagues, family, and friends who recognized the need for this book and have been enthusiastically supportive of our efforts to make it happen. We are most grateful to the many couples who have faced trauma, trusted us with their pain, and impressed us with their resiliency and hope.
Introduction
You may have suffered the sudden and tragic loss of your child, witnessed the devastation of your home in a natural disaster, reeled from the impact of military deployment, struggled to conceive a child, or faced serious illness. Trauma, whether it happens to one or both partners, affects relationships. It disconnects you from your partner and often leaves you wondering how to find your way back to the safety of the relationship you once shared.
This book is a couple’s guide for recovering from trauma. It is based on the recognition that, although couples naturally try to support each other, trauma can greatly strain and often disrupt the bond between them. Traumatic events are unexpected and often unimaginable. They always envolve loss. They assault your sense of self, your beliefs, and your view of the world as you knew it. Trauma robs you of a sense of safety because it suddenly alters what is familiar, including your connection with your partner. When you or your partner is hurt, grieving, having nightmares, unable to relax, too numb to feel, too angry to speak, or too sad to hope, both partners struggle and suffer. What you thought you knew about each other seems shaken, maybe lost. Blaming yourself or your partner, you may be unable to find the connection, the “we” that made you a couple.
The Goal of This Book
This book can help you recover and reconnect. It is based on the belief that, when trauma hits, a couple’s relationship can be both the locus of pain and the source of support and recovery. Accordingly, this book is not simply a guide to a happier relationship. Nor is it just a book about trauma. It is a guide for recovery after you or your partner has suffered some type of trauma and is feeling its impact on your relationship.
This book will tell you what the experts know about the impact of and recovery from trauma in a way that is specifically relevant to and usable by couples. It will help you and your partner make sense of what you are experiencing in a way that reduces anxiety and makes you feel less helpless. Understanding what has happened will make you both feel that you have more control over your lives and your future. You will be guided as you adopt new coping skills and identify and use the strength and resiliency you have both always drawn upon.
A Word About Us
In our work with couples for over twenty-five years and with more than three hundred couples who worked in rescue and recovery in the aftermath of 9/11, we have found that in the months and even years after trauma, couples often feel helpless, angry, bereft, and isolated from each other. Many are embarrassed that they are having trouble and are reluctant to talk about it or seek help. Many privately fear that, in addition to all they have lost, they might also lose their relationship. This book is based upon our observation that demystifying trauma and recovery for couples and offering strategies to enhance the sa