I Won't be a Nun

Michaela Francis

Description

Everything these days is online - including how a woman is meant to meet Mr Right. But, Sonia wonders, as she joins up to the dating app, how can someone decide simply by looking at somebody's face that they're the right person for her? And as she swipes with little to no matches, her self-esteem crumbles, her confidence affected as she wonders "What's wrong with me?"Past history meets present as she continues on the carousel, emotions building up and tearing down, being used anddiscarded like an old sweet wrapper and the crushing knowledge that she's in her late 30s and her clock is ticking. Sheneeds to meet Mr Right right now. She turns to alcohol to mask the fear that she will never find him but refuses torecognise that her crutch is crippling her - until it's too late. As the overall pressure of society, her addiction and her ownfears weighs her down, will Sonia overcome everything that is expected of her or will she succumb to her choices andlive a life half-lived?

Sujets

• Dating
• Self-help

Informations

• Publié par: Troubador Publishing Ltd
• Date de parution: 04 mars 2020
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781838597962
• Langue: English

Extrait

Copyright © 2020 Michaela Francis

The moral right of the author has been asserted.


Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publication may only be reproduced, stored or transmitted, in any form or by any means, with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside those terms should be sent to the publishers.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.


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ISBN 9781838597962

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Contents
The story begins
Prior to their meeting
About Gregory
About Sonia
The same evening after Sonia and Gregory met in London
The next morning
Memories Gregory began to reminisce on
Waking feeling exhausted
Meeting at 3pm, Oxford Circus Tube Station
Gregory feeling uneasy
The uncertainty continued
Sonia after her day/night out with Andrew
Gregory’s evening after work and the week up to meeting Sonia
The venue
The weekend break
The results
The truth
The realisation
1
The story begins
Standing at the traffic lights on a cold November morning, Sonia held back her tears, feeling lost because she had had no idea that what had happened in her relationship would create the feelings that she was experiencing. She began to walk across the road as the green man appeared on the traffic light display. Her focus was to just walk with her head down, aware of the traffic light beeping sound alerting blind people that it was safe to begin walking. She was not concerned if the cars approaching had come to a stop. She could feel her emotions become more apparent as the crowd of people on the opposite side of the road drew closer. Sonia walked as she watched the different footwear approaching, manoeuvring, avoiding collision. The people approaching her appeared to be more motivated and determined to find a gap with haste as they shoved past to get to where they were going. Some looked tense, clenching themselves with hands in their pockets, pressing their arms tight to their sides as they bore the cold. This didn’t prevent one or two slightly banging against her as they shuffled past. Sonia just wanted to get away, to find solitude.
Sonia lifted her head and also began to manoeuvre, seeking a gap between people, avoiding touching anyone as she stepped off the island between the two roads. She moved swiftly towards the pathway with no final destination in mind as the traffic light display counted down, 04, 03, and 02 flashing in white. She manoeuvred diagonally to get free as quickly as possible. As Sonia approached a girl walking opposite her, they mirrored each other’s movements just before she reached the curb, Sonia felt frustrated and had to stop. As she sighed, having to change direction to pass, she gazed into the girl’s eyes, causing her feelings to become overwhelming, lifting from her stomach and building a pressure on her chest. Her eyes welled up as her face felt like curling inwards. A feeling of numbness on her cheeks and lips became more apparent as the feeling began to creep up around her nose.
It was like her face was becoming paralysed. There was nothing that she could do to stop this feeling and the sensation of helplessness made it worse for her.
She could not let go of the image of her ex-partner Gregory as she gazed down at the path, holding back her tears. She couldn’t relate to the reason why she felt emotionally this way because this wasn’t how she felt before their meeting. Sonia was quite content being single, enjoying her life as she discovered this beautiful, vibrant new city.
As Sonia reached the footpath, she decided to walk down the less congested pathway to the left so that she could compose herself and take her thoughts to finding a distraction. The distraction was a shoe shop with a bright red, high-heeled pair of shoes. The red shoes were standing on the display at an angle amongst all the other different styles. They had a six-inch pure heel, finished in a sultry red gloss reflecting the bright lights from the ceiling as they sat on a white veneer surrounding for the shop display.
She found herself staring at the shoes with a blank mind until she noticed her reflection in the shop window. She had a moment of connecting with herself, realising how tired she was while noticing her pale complexion as she needed to eat, feeling weak in energy. She could see her breath exhale as it blended with the cold air, reflecting on the shop’s glass front window. The day seemed to have passed quickly and she had not eaten because of the sick feeling within. Leaving the shop front, she began walking again, confused, until she reached Regent’s Park. She stopped and stood with a gaze, staring at the golden brown leaves lying on the ground that had fallen from the trees all along the pathway in front of her. There were leaves strewn across the path as she walked on them in her flat shoes. Her shoes had seen better days as one was showing a gaping hole along the ridge of her left foot. She could feel her tights, wet and cold, but this didn’t faze her. She had so much on her mind that this was the least important issue to sort out.
The sun pierced the grey clouds and a rainbow formed in the distance as the misty rain swirled with the light breeze. This brought a glimmer of hope to her. Sonia felt that her thoughts were being listened to as she kept asking God for help. She stood staring at the rainbow as it filtered into the clouds.
Reaching into her handbag, she pulled out a packet of tissues. Opening the wrapper, Sonia carefully took a single tissue and patted her eyes carefully as they began to weep. She tried to avoid her eye mascara. As she tapped lightly with the tissue to dry around her eyes, she began to wonder why this had happened. She began to blend more with herself as her conscious mind shifted inwards as she processed images and memories of Gregory. Sonia just wanted to be held. She just wanted to feel appreciated and to be acknowledged, to feel wanted.
The feeling of loneliness drew closer as she reached into her left-hand side coat pocket to take out her mobile phone. She knew that there were no messages as she entered her passcode. All that she wanted was to receive a text from Gregory. Sonia was resisting contacting him because she didn’t want to give in while feeling lost and confused. But she very much wanted to. This made her more frustrated and she began to feel alone and unwanted.
The rainbow began to disappear as the cold damp air started to draw closer and the sun faded into the twilight sky. As Sonia walked, not knowing where she was going, the street lights began to switch on, appearing red as they heated, reaching their full illumination, then calming to an orange glow.
The evening seemed to disappear quickly as she walked and walked but avoided eating as the feeling remained in her stomach. Sonia felt miserable and very down within herself. She didn’t want to reach out to her friends so she remained contemplating her life on her own.
It was a year since they had seen each other. They had parted ways because circumstances were beyond their control and this created frustration for both parties, resulting in stress within their relationship. Their union was something very special and they both knew this, causing them both to miss each other constantly during the year apart as it passed.
London was their chosen destination to settle down and start a life together. This didn’t happen due to the breakup, but both managed to move to London the year they were apart to find themselves meeting once again.
Sonia was an independent, strong-minded woman who knew what she wanted and wouldn’t be taken for a fool. However, when it came to relationships she tended to daydream and try to make situations happen rather than allow them to develop naturally. Sonia was a real thinker; she would analyse everything and worry terribly, causing inner frustration and emotional chaos. Time was on her mind as she had reached her mid-thirties and wanted to have a family.
2
Prior to their meeting
It was just on the off chance that Sonia text Gregory to say hello. Sonia was not busy in work and she was scrolling through her contact list when Gregory’s name appeared. Sonia glanced at it and thought to herself, Nah, I won’t message him , but her curiosity got the better of her, so she began to write a message. She wondered if he had met anybody else as she was writing to him. Hi Gregory, I hope you are well and happy out! ☺ I’m in London.
Gregory was just finishing up at work and was about to start the engine of his car to begin his journey home. He took his phone that was sitting on the passenger seat and read the message, wondering whether or not to reply, but he knew Sonia could see that he had read the message. A few minutes passed as he sat staring at the message, so he replied, Hi Sonia, I’m great. How are you? Gregory saw that she appeared online, and Sonia replied in an instant. I’m great too.