Ladies' Book of Etiquette

FLORENCE HARTLEY

Description

Florence Hartley's exhaustive guide The Ladies' Book of Etiquette is a fascinating read. Offering an inside look at the mores and conventions of the post-Civil War era, the book also offers handy tips for gracious manners that stand the test of time. The book also offers beauty techniques and concoctions based on common household ingredients, an idea that's making a comeback today.

Informations

• Publié par: The Floating Press
• Date de parution: 01 février 2014
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781776530939
• Langue: English

Extrait

THE LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE
AND MANUAL OF POLITENESS
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FLORENCE HARTLEY
 
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The Ladies' Book of Etiquette And Manual of Politeness First published in 1860 Epub ISBN 978-1-77653-093-9 Also available: PDF ISBN 978-1-77653-094-6 © 2013 The Floating Press and its licensors. All rights reserved. While every effort has been used to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information contained in The Floating Press edition of this book, The Floating Press does not assume liability or responsibility for any errors or omissions in this book. The Floating Press does not accept responsibility for loss suffered as a result of reliance upon the accuracy or currency of information contained in this book. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Many suitcases look alike. Visit www.thefloatingpress.com
Contents
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The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness Introduction Chapter I - Conversation Chapter II - Dress Chapter III - Traveling Chapter IV - How to Behave at a Hotel Chapter V - Evening Parties Chapter VI - Evening Parties Chapter VII - Visiting Chapter VIII - Visiting Chapter IX - Morning Receptions or Calls Chapter X - Morning Receptions or Calls Chapter XI - Dinner Company Chapter XII - Dinner Company Chapter XIII - Table Etiquette Chapter XIV - Conduct in the Street Chapter XV - Letter Writing Chapter XVI - Polite Deportment, and Good Habits Chapter XVII - Conduct in Church Chapter XVIII - Ball Room Etiquette Chapter XIX - Ball Room Etiquette Chapter XX - Places of Amusement Chapter XXI - Accomplishments Chapter XXII - Servants Chapter XXIII - On a Young Lady's Conduct When Contemplating Marriage Chapter XXIV - Bridal Etiquette Chapter XXV - Hints on Health Chapter XXVI - Miscellaneous Receipts Endnotes
The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness
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A COMPLETE HAND BOOK FOR THE USE OF THE LADY IN POLITE SOCIETY.
CONTAINING
FULL DIRECTIONS FOR CORRECT MANNERS, DRESS, DEPORTMENT, AND CONVERSATION; RULES FOR THE DUTIES OF BOTH HOSTESS AND GUEST IN MORNING RECEPTIONS, DINNER COMPANIES, VISITING, EVENING PARTIES AND BALLS; A COMPLETE GUIDE FOR LETTER WRITING AND CARDS OF COMPLIMENT; HINTS ON MANAGING SERVANTS, ON THE PRESERVATION OF HEALTH, AND ON ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
AND ALSO
USEFUL RECEIPTS FOR THE COMPLEXION, HAIR, AND WITH HINTS AND DIRECTIONS FOR THE CARE OF THE WARDROBE.
Introduction
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In preparing a book of etiquette for ladies, I would lay down as thefirst rule, "Do unto others as you would others should do to you." Youcan never be rude if you bear the rule always in mind, for what ladylikes to be treated rudely? True Christian politeness will always be theresult of an unselfish regard for the feelings of others, and though youmay err in the ceremonious points of etiquette, you will never beimpolite.
Politeness, founded upon such a rule, becomes the expression, ingraceful manner, of social virtues. The spirit of politeness consists ina certain attention to forms and ceremonies, which are meant both toplease others and ourselves, and to make others pleased with us; a stillclearer definition may be given by saying that politeness is goodness ofheart put into daily practice; there can be no true politeness withoutkindness, purity, singleness of heart, and sensibility.
Many believe that politeness is but a mask worn in the world to concealbad passions and impulses, and to make a show of possessing virtues notreally existing in the heart; thus, that politeness is merely hypocrisyand dissimulation. Do not believe this; be certain that those whoprofess such a doctrine are practising themselves the deceit theycondemn so much. Such people scout politeness, because, to be truly alady, one must carry the principles into every circumstance of life,into the family circle, the most intimate friendship, and never forgetto extend the gentle courtesies of life to every one. This they find toomuch trouble, and so deride the idea of being polite and call itdeceitfulness.
True politeness is the language of a good heart, and those possessingthat heart will never, under any circumstances, be rude. They may notenter a crowded saloon gracefully; they may be entirely ignorant of the forms of good society; they may be awkward at table, ungrammatical inspeech; but they will never be heard speaking so as to wound thefeelings of another; they will never be seen making others uncomfortableby seeking solely for their own personal convenience; they will alwaysendeavor to set every one around them at ease; they will beself-sacrificing, friendly, unselfish; truly in word and deed, polite .Give to such a woman the knowledge of the forms and customs of society,teach her how best to show the gentle courtesies of life, and you have a lady , created by God, only indebted for the outward polish to theworld.
It is true that society demands this same unselfishness and courtesy,but when there is no heart in the work, the time is frittered away onthe mere ceremonies, forms of etiquette, and customs of society, andthis politeness seeks only its own ends; to be known as courteous,spoken of as lady-like, and not beloved as unselfish and womanly.
Etiquette exists in some form in all countries, has existed and willexist in all ages. From the rudest savage who dares not approach hisignorant, barbarous ruler without certain forms and ceremonies, to themost polished courts in Europe, or the home circles of America,etiquette reigns.
True politeness will be found, its basis in the human heart, the same inall these varied scenes and situations, but the outward forms ofetiquette will vary everywhere. Even in the same scene, time will alterevery form, and render the exquisite polish of last year, obsoleterudeness next year.
Politeness, being based upon real kindness of heart, cannot exist wherethere is selfishness or brutality to warp its growth. It is foundedupon love of the neighbor, and a desire to be beloved, and to show love.Thus, where such pure, noble feelings do not exist, the mere forms ofpoliteness become hypocrisy and deceit.
Rudeness will repel, where courtesy would attract friends.
Never by word or action notice the defects of another; be charitable,for all need charity. Remember who said, "Let him that is without faultcast the first stone." Remember that the laws of politeness require theconsideration of the feelings of others; the endeavor to make every onefeel at ease; and frank courtesy towards all. Never meet rudeness inothers with rudeness upon your own part; even the most brutal andimpolite will be more shamed by being met with courtesy and kindness,than by any attempt to annoy them by insolence on your part.
Politeness forbids any display of resentment. The polished surfacethrows back the arrow.
Remember that a favor becomes doubly valuable if granted with courtesy,and that the pain of a refusal may be softened if the manner expressespolite regret.
Kindness, even to the most humble, will never lose anything by beingoffered in a gentle, courteous manner, and the most common-place actionwill admit of grace and ease in its execution.
Let every action, while it is finished in strict accordance withetiquette, be, at the same time, easy, as if dictated solely by theheart.
To be truly polite, remember you must be polite at all times, andunder all circumstances.
Chapter I - Conversation
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The art of conversation consists in the exercise of two fine qualities.You must originate, and you must sympathize; you must possess at thesame time the habit of communicating and of listening attentively. Theunion is rare but irresistible. None but an excessively ill-bred personwill allow her attention to wander from the person with whom she isconversing; and especially she will never, while seeming to be entirelyattentive to her companion, answer a remark or question made to anotherperson, in another group. Unless the conversation be general among aparty of friends, confine your remarks and attention entirely to theperson with whom you are conversing. Steele says, "I would establish butone great general rule in conversation, which is this—that peopleshould not talk to please themselves, but those who hear them. Thiswould make them consider whether what they speak be worth hearing;whether there be either wit or sense in what they are about to say; andwhether it be adapted to the time when, the place where, and the personto whom, it is spoken."
Be careful in conversation to avoid topics which may be supposed to haveany direct reference to events or circumstances which may be painful foryour companion to hear discussed; you may unintentionally start asubject which annoys or troubles the friend with whom you may beconversing; in that case, do not stop abruptly, when you perceive thatit causes pain, and, above all, do not make the matter worse byapologizing; turn to another subject as soon as possible, and pay noattention to the agitation your unfortunate remark may have excited.Many persons will, for the sake of appearing witty or smart, wound thefeelings of another deeply; avoid this; it is not only ill-bred, butcruel.
Remember that having all the talk sustained by one person is notconversation; do not engross all the attention yourself, by refusing toallow another person an opportunity to speak, and also avoid the otherextreme of total silence, or answering only in monosyllables.
If your companion relates an incident or tells a story, be very carefulnot to interrupt her by questions, even if you do not clearly understandher; wait until she has finished her relation, and then ask anyquestions you may desire. There is nothing more annoying than to be sointerrupted. I have heard a story told to an impertinent listener, whichran in this way:—
"I saw a fearful sight—"
"When?"
"I was about to tell you; last Monday, on the train—"
"What train?"
"The train from B—. We were near the bridge—"
"What bridge?"
"I will tell you all about it, if you will only let me speak. I wascoming fro