Live Through It

Shaquita Williams

Description

Live Through It is an interactive call to action empowerment memoir that features spiritual and practical applications for the many storms that we face as perfectly imperfect individuals. We are not defined by our past, tragedies and or traumas. The scriptures introduced in this book will provide you with the faith and perseverance to overcome the many struggles of life whether it be molestation, death, sickness, or owning & walking in your truth.

 

 We all have our own unique journey and we are all in pursuit of a life of wholeness. Live through it provides you with the nourishment needed to reclaim what the enemy sought to steal, kill and destroy.

 

Reclaim your crown and your deliverance... and most importantly LIVE THROUGH IT!

Dedication.......................................................................................3

I: The Awakening...........................................................................1

II: Unburied Secret ......................................................................15

III: Parasitic Attachments...........................................................39

IV: Repeated Behavior…Same Distraction .............................63

V: Deteriorated Depression .....................................................103

VI: The Recovery Room...........................................................135

About The Author.....................................................................143

Sujets

• Santé et bien-être
• Développement personnel
• développement personnel
• Success
• Self-help
• Personal Growth

Informations

• Publié par: Live Thru It Enterprises
• Date de parution: 05 février 2019
• Nombre de lectures: 3
• EAN13: 9780578458335
• Langue: English

Extrait

Copyright © 2019 Shaquita Williams
 
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the Publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the author, addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator.”
 
Shaquita Williams MPA
[e-mail]
www.LiveThruIt.com
 
Publishing Coordination & Cover Design By ThriveHer Publishing House.
Visit us at https://bit.ly/RREThriveHerPublishingHouse
 
 
 

 
 
Dedication
This book is dedicated to Women who were forced to live secretly in a world of shame and embarrassment from the very things that made you into the amazing individual you are this very day. This book was written to support, and encourage you to keep moving forward on your journey to complete healing and self-preservation. My prayer is that this book helps you to find your truth and walk in your truth daily. Additionally, my prayer is that you are able to be honest with yourself and tackle the very thing that has crippled your spirit and stunted your growth.
To meet every adversity with prayer and power…. and most importantly… TO LIVE THROUGH IT!!
 
Contents
 
Dedication
I : The Awakening
II : Unburied Secret
III : Parasitic Attachments
IV : Repeated Behavior… Same Distraction
V : Deteriorated Depression
VI : The Recovery Room
About The Author
 
 
Disclaimer
 
This book is based on factual events of my life, however the names of characters as well as actual cities have been changed to protect any and all parties. This piece of literature was not written with any ill intention or malice towards any parties mentioned directly or indirectly, but to start the dialogue within the family dynamic of the importance of addressing buried family secrets. This piece of literature is to also bring awareness to mental health and the holistic wellbeing from the stages of childhood to adulthood.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.”
~ Luke 4:18-19 ( New living Translation)
 
I
The Awakening
I remember the day as if it was planted in my memory bank. I was 30 years old and newly single by force. I was at a vulnerable state mentally and emotionally and just wanted some freedom and relief. I had been home most of the day, working from home and needed some air. I had been in the house all morning, pretty much an emotional wreck and stressed beyond what you can imagine. But I knew the hot Florida weather would make me feel a little better. I threw on my black leggings, my go to army fatigue hat and a cute red shirt. I took my four-legged fur baby, Dior out to walk the neighborhood and all I could think about was finally freeing myself to tell my dad what happened to me. I mean to really tell him… no holding back, every detail that has been on repeat in my brain. I would constantly look at my phone as if I had to muster up enough guts to dial each number. Before I would just convince myself it is not worth it and cancel the call. I did this what had to be about 10 times before I finally hit send. I prayed for a moment that he would pick up and say hey baby girl I’m busy at the moment, I will call you back… or even better that he wouldn’t pick up and I’d get the voicemail. Either way… I don’t believe either of us were ready for the conversation we were about to have.
After about three rings my dad answers the phone, “hey baby girl.” At that moment I swallowed my tongue and began to feel my throat closing in on me. I spoke back in an upbeat tone, to brace us both, “hey Daddy!” “I have something I want to talk with you about.”
He replied with, “ok I’m listening.” As I took a deep breath in and tried to keep my heart from jumping out of my chest or passing out for that matter, I managed to utter… “remember a while back when I told you I wanted to talk with you and mommy about everything that went down when I was nine years old with Rodney?” I could hear a dissatisfied sigh, followed by “yea Quita… If you are about to tell me something that’s going to piss me off, I don’t want to hear it.” I immediately took offense to his statement and I automatically went on the defensive. At that point, that was strike one for me. He then stated, “why are talking about this again?” I stated, “ I just wanted to let you and mama know what really happened and everything that we Rodney did to me, and how it has affected me.” At this point the disconnection was TOO REAL and clear as day. He and I both were fed up with each other in less than 10 minutes of a phone conversation. I could feel myself starting to cry and feelings of abandonment and resentment began to set in all over again! At that moment I felt broken and hurt once again. It was like I was reliving when I was 10 years old and I decided to tell my parents what was being done to me.
My mind quickly dazed off but was brought back to reality when I heard, “what is it that you are trying to GAIN by bringing this up again, I thought we handled it then, what do you want to see happen…him go to jail or something?” At that moment, that was strike two and three for me. And at that moment, I could not hold back the tears any longer… or my attitude that would surely follow. I then stated, “you are absolutely right, I should have never brought this up…my bad…you are right.” The next statement my dad made still replays in my head and added to the resentment that had been lying dormant for so long. My dad stated, “you are such a Drama Queen, just stop it!” As I tried to end the conversation and the call before my breakdown happened, he stated, “and don’t bring this up to your mother either… I DON’T WANT TO UPSET HER! ” I then ended the call.
I ended my walk through the neighborhood at that time and retreated back to the house, to bury myself in my bed with my tears. For the remainder of the day all I had the strength to do was cry… I didn’t eat… could barely think…I just shut the world out. The feelings of loneliness and depression began to consume me and overtake my mind. I felt as though I was forced once again to keep quiet and move on!
For the remainder of that day I laid under the covers, drowning in my own tears, but questioning myself. Questioning was he right in asking me ‘What am I expecting to come from this?’ All this did was take me right back to that silenced nine year old little girl.
I remember waking up for school every day, knowing I was about to be bullied and talked about all day. It was a nightmare, that happened every day. It seemed like every day there was a new person added to the bullying and the jokes got meaner. I couldn’t understand why others were so happy making someone else feel so bad. They would create songs about how black I was or songs about how I had no hair and no edges, my gap and sometimes how I dressed. “Bald headed scallywag.…ain’t got no hair in the back…gel’d up, weave’d up….your hair is f***ed up.”
I would pretend to be asleep on the bus while they would sing songs about how I had no hair on the sides. They would sing the song over and over until most of the bus was singing along. I sat there so mad, and hating everyone around me…wishing they would just pick on the next person.
When it was my turn to get off the bus, I could finally rest. I guess one day I had had enough, one mean girl named, Mary, had really pissed me off. She was a couple years older than me and teased me the hardest. So I told a friend in a loud tone, “she’s just mad cause she walks with a limp.” Why did I do that, I then became a walking target. It was a sure thing when I heard her say, “I’ll beat yo ass lil girl.” I knew she would do exactly what she said… and Beat My Ass! I pretended I wasn’t scared and tried to walk bad, while my hand was shaking in my pockets. My walks in the hallway became shorter and faster. I avoided places I knew she may go like the hallway bathroom, certain spots while waiting on the bus to load, and anywhere there may be a crowd, I hid. I had a few talents but fighting wasn’t one. One day I had gotten so sick of running and I knew she hadn’t given up on her idea to beat my ass. So I told my mama about two or three days later. “Momma, this girl said something mean to me in front of everybody so I said she walk funny. Now she wants to beat my ass.” My Mama looked at me like she was about to beat my behind for cussing. That was my favorite word to say in the sentence. “I don’t think I should get a whopping, she said that word… I didn’t say it,” I said. My mama gave me a look but asked me what’s wrong with the child? “The girl walks with a limp cause something was wrong with her leg.. I don’t know.” The more I thought about what I said to her that day, I went from feeling bad to smiling. ‘I got her.’ I joaned, I got her ugly self back!!
I was happy for a minute but then I remembered I couldn’t fight. Mary was not only older than me, but bigger than me and she had been in a few fights…and with boys! I mean, I had never been in fight before, what was I gonna do? My mama then said the magic words… “if she hits you, you pick up something and knock the hell out of her.” Well, let’s just say I thought she meant it for real. That morning while I waited for the bus at the end of my driveway, I ran and picked up a brick from my neighbor’s yard and put it in my book bag. I didn’t know what I was going to go with that brick, but I knew whatever it was, I had permission to pop someone with a bri