Performance Addiction

Arthur Ciaramicoli

Description

"The best book I've seen on how we can stop sabotaging our need for balance. Compulsive achievers will find here everything they need to gain the sense of satisfaction that's eluded them. This book is a must-read for men and women struggling with the mystery of why they're not happy. This is a most wise, helpful, and important book, and it's wonderfully readable."
-Mira Kirshenbaum
author of Everything Happens for a Reason and The Emotional Energy Factor

"Every perfectionistic, hypervigilant person wondering why peace of mind is so elusive should read this book. Dr. Ciaramicoli totally nails the issue of performance addiction and offers all the help you need. A life-changing book."
-Dr. Charles Foster, author of Feel Better Fast

"A much-welcome, reader-friendly, utterly unpretentious call to sanity. With clarity and disarming simplicity, Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli exposes the futility and indeed the harm of our collective compulsive ride on the achievement treadmill. . . . Performance Addiction is a crash course in essential wisdom for today. Read it and give it to anyone about whose mental health and happiness you deeply care."
-P. M. Forni, Professor at Johns Hopkins University and author of Choosing Civility

"Integrating theory with compelling stories from his clinical practice, Dr. Ciaramicoli provides concrete, practical methods to address the growing problem of performance addiction."
-Richard Kadison, M.D.
Chief, Mental Health Services, Harvard University Health Services

Do you achieve goals without feeling fulfilled?
Do you think your hard work will win you love and respect?
Do you feel as if you're never doing well enough?

In this intriguing and prescriptive guide, Harvard Medical School instructor Dr. Arthur P. Ciaramicoli explains this new psychological issue, revealing the reasons why the label of success so rarely leads to happiness. Performance Addiction gives you action steps for freeing yourself from the obligation to excel, finding new meaning in your work and relationships, and going beyond material reward to obtain genuine, healthy accomplishment throughout your life. Through illuminating self-evaluations and writing exercises, you'll gain a stronger sense of self, learn to balance your work and your personal life, and at long last find the satisfaction that comes from breaking your patterns of addictive behavior and finding new, better ways to accept and give love.
Acknowledgments.

Introduction: The Curse of the Capable.

1. What Is Performance Addiction?

2. Performance Addiction in Your Life.

3. Evidence of Performance Addiction.

4. The Scene of the Crime.

5. Image Love and Your Relationships.

6. Exceptional Mediocrity.

7. The Lure of Glamour.

8. The Quest for Glory.

9. Meaning and Joy.

10. Parenting and Performance Addiction.

11. Balancing Work and Life.

Resources.

Index.

Sujets

• Self-help

Informations

• Publié par: Turner Publishing Company
• Date de parution: 07 décembre 2010
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781118039960
• Langue: English

Extrait

Table of Contents
 
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Epigraph
Acknowledgments
Introduction
 
Chapter 1 - What Is Performance Addiction?
 
Are You Addicted to Performing Well?
What Is the Source of Performance Addiction?
Take the Performance Addiction Quiz
 
Chapter 2 - Performance Addiction in Your Life
 
What Are Your Signs of Performance Addiction?
Where Did Your Performance Addiction Start?
Clues from the Scene of the Crime
Upward Mobility, Inward Conflict
How Perfect Do You Need to Be?
Did Your Parents Approve?
Marrying Performance Addiction
Money and Performance Addiction
If This Isn’t the Road to Happiness, What Is?
How Do You Cope with Performance Addiction?
What You Can Do about Performance Addiction
 
Chapter 3 - Evidence of Performance Addiction
 
Your Dictatorial Self-Voice
The Work of the Mirror
The Forgiving Voice
 
Chapter 4 - The Scene of the Crime
 
Look at Your Hardwiring
Where Is Your Scene of the Crime?
Do You Feel That Your Views Are Acceptable?
Have a Good Look at Your Good Self
Were You Born a Hotshot?
Did Your Parents Invest in You?
What Were You Supposed to Be?
Changing Your Hardwiring
Changing the Myth
What You Can Do about Performance Addiction
 
Chapter 5 - Image Love and Your Relationships
 
How Do You Pick a Partner?
Love’s Illusions
Where Are Your Instincts Taking You?
Is Sex a Performance?
What Is Love, Really?
Settling for a Real Person
Coming to Terms with Loving and Being Loved
Daring to Meet in the Middle
What You Can Do about Performance Addiction
 
Chapter 6 - Exceptional Mediocrity
 
So You Think You’re Upwardly Mobile?
Defending Yourself from Mediocrity
Accepting the Ordinary
Accepting Who You Are
The Transforming Power of Empathy
Being Stuck
What You Can Do about Performance Addiction
 
Chapter 7 - The Lure of Glamour
 
Anorexia and Performance Addiction
The Notorious Thinness Industry
The Compulsion to Conform
The Signs of Workout Addiction
Do You Exercise by Choice?
When Looking Good Is Never Good Enough
What Are Your Reasons?
Giving Yourself a Reprieve
How to Get What You Want
What You Can Do about Performance Addiction
 
Chapter 8 - The Quest for Glory
 
How Much Will You Pay?
Finding the Remarkable in the Ordinary
Who Are Your Heroes?
The Stress of Performance Addiction
Anger and Frustration
The Religion of Perfection
Finding Your Dimmer Switch
Empathic Immersion
What You Can Do about Performance Addiction
 
Chapter 9 - Meaning and Joy
 
Discovering What Really Matters
Are You Making a Living or Having a Life?
Escape Routes
Stumbling on Joy
What You Can Do about Performance Addiction
 
Chapter 10 - Parenting and Performance Addiction
 
Looking for Balance
High-Grade Unhappiness
The Legacy Question
The Parenting Trap
The Preparation Process
The Teaching Child
Buying These Wonderful Myths
What You Can Do about Performance Addiction
 
Chapter 11 - Balancing Work and Life
 
The Costs of Addiction
Your Vitamin for Growth
Lifelong Learner
What You Can Do about Performance Addiction
 
Resources
Index

Copyright © 2004 by Arthur Ciaramicoli. All rights reserved
 
Permission for quoted material on pp. 83, 84, and 92-93 granted by Random House, Inc.; from A General Theory of Love, by Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, and Richard Lannon, copyright 2000. Permission for quoted material on pp. 158-159 granted by Oxford University Press; from Calm Energy: How People Regulate Mood with Food and Exercise, by Robert E. Thayer, copyright 2001.
 
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey
Published simultaneously in Canada
 
Design and composition by Navta Associates, Inc.
 
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, [phone], fax [phone], or on the web at www.copyright.com . Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, [phone], fax [phone].
 
Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and the author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.
 
For general information about our other products and services, please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at [phone], outside the United States at [phone] or fax [phone].
 
Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books. For more information about Wiley products, visit our web site at www.wiley.com .
 
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
 
Ciaramicoli, Arthur P.
Performance addiction : the dangerous new syndrome and how to stop it from ruining your life / Arthur Ciaramicoli.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0-471-47119-4
1. Perfectionism (Personality trait) I. Title.
BF698.35.P47C53 2004
155.2’32—dc22
 
2004005663
 
 

 
To the members of Group: If only the world had your courage, honesty, and integrity.
We are prone to judge success by the idea of our salaries or the size of our automobiles rather than by the quality of our service and relationship to mankind.
—MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
Acknowledgments
The heart of this book is a testament to the power and value of relationships. I have been extremely fortunate to have the support and love of family and friends throughout my career, especially as this book has taken form.
My wife, Karen, has always had unyielding faith in my work as well as providing the encouragement, love, and sustenance our family needs to remain balanced. Your insightful suggestions have improved the text, and I am grateful for your patience and willingness to give me up for a while. You have always known that the door to love and respect opens when you commit to family and friends. Thank you once again for remaining loyal and true.
The greatest title I have earned in my life is being called “Dad.” Our daughter Erica is the family member who lightens up the house and reminds us all to have fun. Watching you dance, sing, and enjoy life reminds me that joy is a critical ingredient in a healthy life. Your keen sense of humor always makes a difficult day disappear. Our daughter Alaina’s warmth and loyalty to family lifts my spirits on a daily basis. I deeply appreciate the interest you take in my work, the many long conversations we’ve had about performance addiction, and I am especially thankful for your research assistance in “The Lure of Glamour” chapter. You both have unique gifts to give to the world of psychology, and I am so proud to be your father.
To my writer, collaborator, and friend, Ed Claflin. I thank God for the day our agent, Jane Dystel, suggested we work together. Your many years as an editor, author, and writer are woven into each page of this book. Your insight, intelligence, and amazing ability to make stories come to life is exceptional. Moreover, your gentle guidance and amiable personality make the process painless. I hope this is the beginning of a long writing partnership.
To my literary agent, Jane Dystel. Your support, tenacity, and wisdom are deeply appreciated. Your knowledge of the publishing world is unmatched, as is your energy for the work. I thank you for your faith in the premise of this book from the early proposal stages to the final manuscript. Your veteran expertise has been the backbone of the project.
To Jane’s partner, Miriam Goderich, our thanks for your valuable contributions to the book proposal. We have proven that Yankee and Red Sox fans can unite.
To Tom Miller, executive editor, John Wiley & Sons. Your recommendations made significant improvements in the manuscript, and I am most appreciative. You provided a perspective that clarified important concepts and made the book more readable. Your advice to include workbook sections truly made this text a working, doing experience, rather than a passive reading experience. I thank Lisa Burstiner and Devra K. Nelson, senior production editors, and copy editor Mary Dorian for their meticulous review of the manuscript.
I am very thankful for my family and friends who support me throughout each writing endeavor, especially in the last few years as this book took shape. My gratitude to Janice and Jimmy Blackler, Mary and Phil Ciaramicoli, Doreen and Bryan Constantino, Ann and Doc DiVittorio, Olga and Frank DiVittorio, Jeanne and Mark Fitzpatrick, Lisa Guglielmi, Joanne and Drew Nastri, Gerry, Richard, and Pat Tessicini, Linda and Ken Thompson, Diane and Richard Werner, and Donna and Philip Wood.
A warm thank-you to my favorite young people, Kelsey and Michala Fitzpatrick. You make every day in New England sunny.
To my parents, Camie and Arthur Sr. You have not “passe