Summary of Harriet Lerner's The Dance Of Anger

Everest Media

Description

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.
Sample Book Insights:
#1 Anger is a signal that something is wrong, and it is up to us to listen to it. We have long been discouraged from the awareness and expression of anger, and this has led to the Taboo of Anger against women.
#2 We all have a right to everything we feel, and our anger is no exception. But there are questions we can ask ourselves to help us understand our anger: What am I really angry about. What is the problem and whose problem is it.
#3 If our old ways of dealing with anger are not working for us, we may fall into one of two categories: the nice lady category, in which we attempt to avoid anger and conflict at all costs, or the bitch category, in which we get angry but participate in ineffective fighting, complaining, and blaming that leads to no constructive resolution.
#4 When we are nice, we often accumulate a storehouse of unconscious anger and rage. We may become more and more angry as we repress our anger and Guilt is a great way to block the awareness of anger.

Sujets

• Santé et bien-être
• Bien-être émotionnel
• Bien-être émotionnel
• Bien-être
• Bien-être
• Bien-être
• Bien-être
• Anger Management
• Self-management

Informations

• Publié par: Everest Media LLC
• Date de parution: 13 mars 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781669353270
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Insights on Harriet Lerner's The Dance of Anger
Contents Insights from Chapter 1 Insights from Chapter 2 Insights from Chapter 3 Insights from Chapter 4 Insights from Chapter 5 Insights from Chapter 6 Insights from Chapter 7 Insights from Chapter 8 Insights from Chapter 9
Insights from Chapter 1

#1

Anger is a signal that something is wrong, and it is up to us to listen to it. We have long been discouraged from the awareness and expression of anger, and this has led to the Taboo of Anger against women.

#2

We all have a right to everything we feel, and our anger is no exception. But there are questions we can ask ourselves to help us understand our anger: What am I really angry about. What is the problem and whose problem is it.

#3

If our old ways of dealing with anger are not working for us, we may fall into one of two categories: the nice lady category, in which we attempt to avoid anger and conflict at all costs, or the bitch category, in which we get angry but participate in ineffective fighting, complaining, and blaming that leads to no constructive resolution.

#4

When we are nice, we often accumulate a storehouse of unconscious anger and rage. We may become more and more angry as we repress our anger and Guilt is a great way to block the awareness of anger.

#5

We must be willing to stop feeling guilty and use our anger to define what is right and appropriate for our own lives. We must not see clearly, think precisely, or remember freely. We must be sleepwalkers, not seeing clearly, thinking precisely, or remembering freely.

#6

When we vent our anger ineffectively, we can easily get locked into a self-perpetuating, downward cycle of behavior. When this happens, we unwittingly protect others at our own expense.

#7

We have all experienced the effects of being nice and being a bitch. The outcome is the same: we feel helpless and powerless. We do not feel in control of the quality and direction of our lives.

#8

I have written this book specifically with the goal that it be useful. I have sacrificed theory if I did not think that it had a clear, practical application to the real lives of real women. The reader should be forewarned that this book does not lay out rules on how to do it in ten easy steps.

#9

We can learn to tune in to the true sources of our anger and clarify where we stand. We can learn communication skills that will help us be heard and resolve conflicts. We can learn to interrupt non-productive patterns of interaction.

#10

We can learn to anticipate and deal with countermoves or change back reactions from others. When we begin to change our old patterns of silence or vagueness, we will inevitably meet with a strong resistance or countermove.
Insights from Chapter 2

#1

When we are unable to fight effectively, we end up with situations like Barbara’s, where we submit to unfair circumstances, do not feel in control of our lives, and do not effectively address the issues at hand.

#2

De-selfing is when a person does more giving in and going along with what their partner wants than is their share. It can lead to the overfunctioning of one individual, which allows for the underfunctioning of the other.

#3

Underfunctioning can take many forms, from a wife’s turning down a job opportunity or a new challenge when her husband gives a covert communication that he would prefer things to remain as they are, to a woman protecting her man by confining herself to work that he prefers not to do.

#4

When we engage in ineffective fighting and complaining, we are actually blocking change. When we are clear and assertive, we can claim our own rights and priorities, and take action on our own behalf.

#5

When one person makes a move to rebalance the seesaw, there is a countermove by the other party. If Barbara behaved in this new way, her husband would make some Change back! maneuver as an attempt to reduce his own anxiety and reinstate the old familiar patterns of fighting.

#6

There are real dangers in trying to change a person who is already committed to a certain lifestyle. If Barbara was to stand firm about the workshop, she would inevitably feel an internal pressure to take a stand on other issues.

#7

We all make choices that allow us to avoid conflict with others. We may not be aware of these choices, but they still affect our lives and the way we live them.