Summary of Susan Forward & Donna Frazier Glynn's Mothers Who Can't Love

Everest Media

Description

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.
Sample Book Insights:
#1 The mother myth is so strong that if your mother was unloving, you’ll inevitably run into a wall of resistance from external forces that defend her. You may be met with skepticism, sharp criticism, and counterproductive advice.
#2 The pain of having an unloving mother is intensely lonely and isolating. It is common for even a well-meaning friend or relative to discount an unloved daughter’s pain or blame her when she looks for sympathy.
#3 The great common denominator among women with unloving mothers is the desire for validation. They all want to find someone who will say, Yes, what you experienced really happened. Yes, your feelings are justified. I understand.
#4 The grin and bear it approach to your mother’s behavior keeps the peace, but it’s a form of paralysis brought on by shame and fear. You fear the consequences of admitting your mother is unloving, and you can’t change that relationship, so you just have to live with it.

Sujets

• Santé et bien-être
• Santé mentale & traumatisme
• Santé mentale
• Santé mentale
• Abuse
• Love
• Love (disambiguation)

Informations

• Publié par: Everest Media LLC
• Date de parution: 26 mars 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781669366737
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Insights on Susan Forward & Donna Frazier Glynn's Mother's Who Can't Love
Contents Insights from Chapter 1 Insights from Chapter 2
Insights from Chapter 1

#1

The mother myth is so strong that if your mother was unloving, you’ll inevitably run into a wall of resistance from external forces that defend her. You may be met with skepticism, sharp criticism, and counterproductive advice.

#2

The pain of having an unloving mother is intensely lonely and isolating. It is common for even a well-meaning friend or relative to discount an unloved daughter’s pain or blame her when she looks for sympathy.

#3

The great common denominator among women with unloving mothers is the desire for validation. They all want to find someone who will say, Yes, what you experienced really happened. Yes, your feelings are justified. I understand.

#4

The grin and bear it approach to your mother’s behavior keeps the peace, but it’s a form of paralysis brought on by shame and fear. You fear the consequences of admitting your mother is unloving, and you can’t change that relationship, so you just have to live with it.

#5

Daughters of unloving mothers often can say: My mother is depressed, My mother is incredibly self-absorbed, and My mother is driving me crazy. They may also say My mother is an alcoholic, My mother was verbally abusive, and still is, or My mother is a bitch.

#6

There are five types of unloving mothers: the severely narcissistic mother, the overly enmeshed mother, the cold mother, the neglected mother, and the overly critical mother. The mothers in this half of the book fall into the first three categories.

#7

The Control Freak mother makes her needs, wants, and demands clear, and she will punish her daughter if she tries to honor a different agenda. The Moth Mother neglects, betrays, and batters her daughter.

#8

The mother wound is the most powerful source of unloving behavior. It is the result of a girl’s experience with an unloving mother, and it leads to high tolerance for mistreatment and people-pleasing.

#9

The term narcissistic is often used to describe someone with self-adoration, like Narcissus. But in reality, they are deeply insecure and self-doubting. They don’t love themselves because they are too absorbed with making themselves seem important, blameless, and exceptional.

#10

The narcissism that’s so destructive to daughters is extreme narcissism, which is marked by the narcissist’s grandiosity and her insatiable hunger for attention. It’s normal for children to have grandiose fantasies of being powerful and adored, but as they gain a sense of self-sufficiency, most adults put those fantasies aside.

#11

A description of traits is extremely useful in identifying what you’re dealing with, but it doesn’t come anywhere close to touching your emotional turmoil and the hurt your mother has caused you.

#12

Dana, a 38-year-old woman, told me she was exhausted from trying to balance the needs of a husband, a job in public relations, two young sons, and a severely narcissistic mother. She said that she had a good life except for the times when she was expected to be around her mother.

#13

The narcissistic mother is constantly seeking adoration and attention, and she will go to great lengths to get it. She lacks a core sense of worth, so she needs constant adoration to feel good about herself.

#14

Dana’s mother was a master at shifting any discomfort she felt to her daughter. She never responded to Dana’s complaints except to say, in words and gestures well chosen for their dramatic effect, Look how much you’ve hurt me.

#15

Deflection is a powerful defense for a mother with severe narcissism. She uses it to keep you at a distance so she doesn’t have to consider your feelings or the possibility that she may be in the wrong.

#16

A severe narcissist is unable to admit when they’re wrong, and will lie, cheat, and manipulate to defend their position. They will also call you a liar when you point out their wrongdoing.

#17

The full force of narcissistic rage is felt by those who disagree with the narcissist’s point of view. They may attack you with all the fury of a wounded animal, with no thought to the effect their words have on you.

#18

The critically narcissistic mother always has something negative to say about you, because she is constantly trying to build herself up by tearing you down. You become afraid to try new things, and instead just settle for being mediocre.

#19

Sharon’s mother had done a thorough job of destroying her confidence. She had panicky anxiety about interviews at large firms, and she only applied to a couple of small places. She got two rejections, and that was it.

#20

The less secure a severely narcissistic mother feels, the more extreme her drama, anger, and attempts to feel superior are likely to be. But there are times when she seems like a different person, and some daughters never see their mother’s good side.

#21

The voice of anxiety in a woman’s head is often her mother, who may not be the most supportive person in the world. As you grow up, you become a threat to your mother as a woman.

#22

When Jan, a daughter, found that her mother was competitive and trying to befriend her boyfriends, she was shattered.