Wars to Peace

Cinthia Hiett

Description

Wars to Peace is the essential guide to improving communication and diffusing conflict in your relationships while becoming the best version of yourself
Wars to Peace will teach you to talk to anyone, anywhere, without losing your cool. This “human manual” explores relationships in-depth and teaches you how to de-escalate conflict, improve communication skills and create peace in your life. Cinthia relates to the way we perceive and react to threats using a DEFCON analogy that categorizes both healthy and unhealthy types of conflict.
You’ll learn how to:
• Be aware of your emotions and choose your reaction in any situation
• Set healthy boundaries
• Improve communication, reduce friction and create positive outcomes in your relationships
This book is a brilliant tool for helping you feel calmer and more in control of your emotions, whether you’re talking with someone close to you or someone you just met.

Sujets

• Vie de famille
• Relations familiales
• Famille
• Self-help

Informations

• Publié par: Balboa Press
• Date de parution: 15 septembre 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9798765230008
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Wars to Peace
Keeping Relationships from Going Nuclear
CINTHIA HIETT


Copyright © 2022 Cinthia Hiett.
 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
 
 
Balboa Press
A Division of Hay House
1663 Liberty Drive
Bloomington, IN 47403
www.balboapress.com
844-682-1282
 
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
 
The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
 
 
 
ISBN: 979-8-7652-3001-5 (sc)
ISBN: 979-8-7652-2999-6 (hc)
ISBN: 979-8-7652-3000-8 (e)
 
Library of Congress Control Number: 2022911291
 
 
Balboa Press rev. date: 09/07/2022
Contents
Part I
The Human Manual: Peace Is Possible
Introduction
Chapter 1 An Introduction to DEFCON
Chapter 2 DEFCON Levels
Chapter 3 DEFCON as Default
Chapter 4 Amygdala and Frontal Lobe of the Brain
Chapter 5 Drunk on Emotions
Chapter 6 Suspending Fight-Flight-Freeze Phenomenon
Chapter 7 Managing DEFCON
Chapter 8 The Powerful Difference Between Hurt and Harm
Chapter 9 The Truth vs My Experience
Chapter 10 When Reality Clashes with Truth
Chapter 11 Explanations and Excuses
Part II
It’s All About Me: Self-Management
Chapter 12 State of the Union: Who Am I?
Chapter 13 Knowing Myself - Temperament
Chapter 14 Knowing Myself - Gender
Chapter 15 Communication Values - Rapport vs Report, Respect vs Care
Chapter 16 Maturing with Your Body
Chapter 17 Internal and External Control
Chapter 18 Adult-Children - The Adult Has Left the Building
Chapter 19 False Guilt and Toxic Shame
Chapter 20 Adult-Children Are High-Risk Relators
Chapter 21 True Adults - Principles Adults Master
Chapter 22 Managing the Little Me Inside the Big Me
Chapter 23 Grief and Loss
Chapter 24 Boundaries
Chapter 25 Self-Care
Chapter 26 Having a Strong Ego
Chapter 27 Your Own Personal DEFCON
Part III
International Waters
Chapter 28 You Are a Representative
Chapter 29 Responsible Representation
Chapter 30 Relational Strategies
Chapter 31 Creating Romantic Intimacy – Some Helpful Generalizations
Chapter 32 The End Result
 
Recommended Resources
Dedication
This book is dedicated to you.
For thirty years, I have coached, directed, mentored, and treated individuals interested in becoming the best version of themselves. What this work has shown me is the value of building relationships that are not only meaningful, but impactful and life-giving. Learning to communicate in ways that create successful, healthy, strong, and safe connections is vital to becoming your best self and living a joy-filled life.
My prayer for you is to remember you are a one-time-only occurring person who is designed to enjoy this world, to flourish, and to leave everything better than you found it. My promise is to do everything I can to help you along the way. I hope this book empowers you to speak your truth with kindness, teaches you how to listen deeply, and helps you become a master communicator with those you love most and those you’ve just met.
Of course, I’d like to give an extra special thank you to my husband, Michael, for his eternal love, support and encouragement, and to my colleagues, Bethany and Ron, my dear friends, Lisa, Andrea and Cody, Jan and Greg, Tracey, and my mother—you enrich my life daily. This book would still be a pile of notes if it were not for the time, energy, and dedication of my team (Beth, Amy, Michelle, Becca, Christy, and Jackie), all of whom so energetically gave their time and attention to the process of bringing this book to completion. I am grateful and consider myself very fortunate to be surrounded by incredible humans.
PART I
The Human Manual: Peace Is Possible
Introduction
Take a moment to imagine what your life would be like without anxiety attacks, without shouting matches with your partner, spouse, kids, or co-workers. How much happier would you be without experiencing week-long standoffs with your girlfriend (when you have no idea what you’ve done) or hearing the over-used “I’m fine” and the passive-aggressive behaviors and comments that always follow? You know how badly you feel when you lose control of yourself on an innocent friend or a random driver. And even worse, think of the time you undermined the legitimacy of your own hurt because you lost control of yourself on the person who actually hurt you.
I imagine you must be so “over it all”—over all the chaos, misunderstanding, misperception, hurt, confusion, stress, crazy feelings, and unresolved issues. Peace would be such a relief. Can you imagine that kind of freedom? Believe it or not, this kind of peace is possible for you.
This is a relationship book. And, yes, if you are looking to better your relationship with your partner, these concepts will help. But we’re not going to simply confine these principles to intimate, romantic relationships. The principles in this book are universal truths and are effective in all types and forms of relationships.
You will learn the methods and protocols of special forces, first responders, therapists, coaches, psychologists, and pastors. You will be able to implement much of what they employ in war and emergency situations, such as the ability to control their bodies and minds. They must be able to have “calm” in the midst of mayhem as a way to make safe decisions for themselves and those they are protecting, as well as decisions that create long-term success.
These principles can and will influence every interaction you have. They work with your girlfriend, your mail carrier, your personal trainer, your husband, your colleagues, and the clerk at the grocery store. They work with friends, relatives, and random strangers. These are keys to success that will change all interactions. This book is a lifestyle makeover.
As we navigate through life, the truth is that we will encounter rude, obnoxious, unreasonable, angry, irritating, hurtful people. I know this, embarrassingly enough, because I have been one of these people. When we are tempted to hide from life—to avoid all of the crazy—we have to remember that we cannot hide from others or ourselves. We need to learn how to live at peace.
Keeping the peace means learning how to get through the next moments without going “nuclear.” Keeping peace means taking a deep look at ourselves: getting to know the tools in our toolbox (or actually getting our own toolbox!) and understanding how, when, and why we use them. Through the practices in this book, you will gain the confidence to know yourself and to know others and to truly enjoy them for who they are versus slogging through bad feelings all the time. My goal is for you to learn how to create and keep peace everywhere you go— if it is at all possible and wise.
Now, we are not talking kumbaya peace. We will not be holding hands around the fire pit. Or will we yell, “SERENITY NOW!” as famously parodied on the Seinfeld show. We are talking about genuine, lasting, practical peace.
Moreover, being a peaceful person does not mean you are walking around weaponless. Being a peaceful person does not mean humiliating yourself, just “taking it,” or accepting abuse. Practicing peace does not have to involve weakness or disrespect. On the contrary, you will be even more prepared because you will know when and if you need to go to war in your relationships. And if you do find yourself going to war, you will know how to do it honorably.
Living in peace becomes the new default: Instead of living in a war zone that occasionally lets up, we can live in peace with occasional battles, and only battle when necessary. Leaving the dirty socks right next to the hamper does NOT call for war. When someone gives you a dirty look, fails to text you back, or catches you in a bad mood, do NOT go to war. Save fights for what is illegal, immoral, unethical, or dangerous. Living in peace means you have more self-control and are less likely to be easily manipulated. You think first, then decide how to act—versus reacting and then thinking about what you just did. This kind of peace is empowering! Believe me, the more peace you have, the more power you have.
Save fights for what is illegal, immoral, unethical, or dangerous.
I am not going to lie to you—living in peace takes some work. Okay, it takes a lot of work, but it is so worth it. You will learn in these pages how to de-escalate the energy of a conflict. You will learn how to take advantage of time. You will lear