We Are All Human Beings

Paul Kimball

Description

Paul Kimball, an adoptee and musician, explores his feelings of abandonment as he reunites with his birth parents. After a brief reunion, he is rejected by his birth mother, a concert cellist. In despair, he finds his Armenian birth father whose first words to him were "Son, I love you." Adoptees have unanswered questions and unfulfilled wishes. With whom do we belong? Can we find a sense of acceptance when our first experiences were of rejection and separation? Is there room for happiness?

Sujets

• Santé et bien-être
• Développement personnel
• Vie de famille
• Parentalité et Éducation des Enfants
• développement personnel
• Motivational
• Inspirational
• Self-help
• Parentalité
• Parentalité
• Parentalité

Informations

• Publié par: Outskirts Press
• Date de parution: 28 décembre 2020
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781977238481
• Langue: English

Extrait

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We Are All Human Beings An Adoptee Ponders All Rights Reserved. Copyright © 2021 Paul Kimball v3.0
The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.
This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Outskirts Press, Inc. http://www.outskirtspress.com
ISBN: 978-1-9772-3848-1
Cover Photo © 2021 www.gettyimages.com . All rights reserved - used with permission.
Outskirts Press and the "OP" logo are trademarks belonging to Outskirts Press, Inc.
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
In loving memory of Lorna and Bob Kimball, Vahe Farajian and Wendy Brennan
Special Thanks to:
Patricia Hickey, therapist extraordinaire, for your suggestion that writing a book could help adoptees as they explore their feelings, me included.
Outskirts Press for taking on this project with expertise and care.
Lolita Vasquez for your photographic magic.
Kami Hendrix for your wisdom and relatability.
Tom Uslan for your leadership and encouragement professionally and personally.
Bob Fulghum for your sage advice and a friend to the Kimball family.
Pete Ottesen and George Buckbee for giving me a chance to explore and interpret great music with brilliant musicians.
The thousands of students over the years who have taught me so much about music and humanity.
David Tull, Linus Lancaster, James Heyman, Rebecca Strauss, Kimberly Watts-Willis for your continued friendship.
Berkeley Troop 5, Berkeley Unified, The Bay Area Wind Symphony, UOP, Lincoln Unified, T.C.K., Stockton Symphony, Stockton Civic Theater, Pit Musicians and the Zion Chamber Orchestra for letting me lead an artistic life.
Rebecca, Shake, Anoush, Levon, Debbie, Kayla, Tyler, Tina, Robert, Albert, Manya, Vera, Narine, Viken, Vasken, Tamar and all the rest of the Armenian clan for your warm welcome and continued love.
Camilla, Al and all of the Mullers for decades of adventures. Grateful to my inlaws.
Seth, Vicki, Gerda, Jeanette, Bill, Amy, Yisty, Ethan, Shari, Laura, Salas, Jill, Phil, Pat, Owen, Meg, Natalie, Margaret, Carrie, and Jennifer for our shared lives in the extended Kimball family.
Garrett and James for sweeping Alyssa and Ashley off of their feet in loving companionship.
And mostly:
Dominee, Ashley and Alyssa
You are the loves of my life.
Table of Contents
Foreword
1. The Romance
2. The Problem
3. Birth
4. Two Moms
5. Goodbye
6. The Kimball Family, My Newfound Friends
7. Boyhood
8. Young Adult
9. Marriage and Children
10. Nonidentifying Information from Children’s Home Society
11. The Search
12. Found
13. We Meet
14. Correspondence
15. The Beginning of the End
16. Emotional Rock Bottom
17. What Now?
18. Next
19. Armenians in San Francisco
20. Reunion with Vahe and the Extended Birth Family
21. Reunion with Vahe and Lots of Armenians
22. Reunions
23. The Years Go On
24. I Just Want to Be Your Friend
25. RIP, Vahe
26. RIP, Wendy
27. RIP, Al
28. RIP, Mom and Dad
29. Instability
30. A Circle of Acceptance
31. Mom and Dad Join Nature
32. Where Are You?
33. Visiting the Grave Marker
34. Life Goes On
Foreword
MY NAME IS Paul. I am a 58-year-old, biracial, adopted person. I have always struggled with the mystery of who I am coupled with deep feelings of abandonment. I lived with my birth mother for a week, in foster care as a baby for about four and a half months, and adopted by an extraordinary family on my first birthday. As an adult, I searched and found both of my birth parents. This is my adoption story. It is layered with joy and tragedy. Much of the information comes from tales told to me by my adopted and birth parents, personal remembrances, my adoption records, and a bit of speculation. I wrote the book in order to face my own demons and as a way to share with other adoptees who may have similar feelings. It is part of a continued path through a life of wanting to feel whole. Music is a binding force in my life, stretching from how my birth parents met, to a myriad of experiences, feelings, careers, and passions. The story is told in regular print, and my personal insights are in italics.
CHAPTER 1
The Romance
IN 1961, MY birth parents, Vahe Farajian and Wendy Brennan, met at the Hollywood United Methodist Church in the Hollywood Heights neighborhood of Los Angeles, California. Both the movies Sister Act and Back to the Future had scenes filmed there. It’s near the Hollywood Bowl, Grauman’s Chinese Theater, the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and other iconic points of interest. The English Gothic-style church is itself an icon with a large HIV/AIDS ribbon on the bell tower.
One day at a church service, Vahe and Wendy sat near each other. They must have noticed each other because they ended up sharing a hymnal. This was the very beginning of their relationship… standing next to each other and singing. Both were in their early 20s. Vahe, an Armenian immigrant from Iraq, was an expert Oriental carpet cleaner/repairman. Wendy was a local professional cellist. Both of them had Hollywood good looks. The young Vahe was a thin man with beautiful, dark hair and classically thick Armenian eyebrows. Wendy was very pretty with long, blond hair, fair skin, and a light complexion. She had amazing blue eyes that almost seemed to glow. Our daughter, Ashley, inherited these eyes, though we did not know where they came from when she was born.
Their love affair was one of much passion, and I assume, secrecy. Wendy was the only child of a prominent L.A. lawyer, Raymond Brennan, and his wife, Lois. Vahe was the oldest of four siblings, Shake, Anoush, and Vasken, who, along with their parents, Albert and Alice Farajian, immigrated from Iraq to California in the late ’50s and early ’60s. In those days, an interracial couple was unusual and potentially scandalous. My adopted mom, Lorna, let me know that I was considered a "hard-to-place" baby at Children’s Home Society because of my mixed ethnic background.
Vahe was not a trained musician, but he enjoyed attending Wendy’s cello recitals in the L.A. area. He had a love of classical music as well as all types of Armenian music. After we met, he sent me CDs of everything from Armenian violinists to Armenian jazz. This must have made him feel good, sharing his culture with his newfound birth son. His romance with Wendy went on for months. It got so intense that Wendy wanted to marry him, but Vahe was not ready. He didn’t think it would work out because they were from two different cultures.
CHAPTER 2
The Problem
EVENTUALLY, WENDY GOT pregnant with me. Since this was not planned, they suddenly had a huge problem. What to do? There was a new life inside of her that neither of them was expecting. The Farajian family did not know about the pregnancy, and I assume the Brennans didn’t either. They decided to have an abortion. These words are hard to write. It means that I was being rejected before I was born no celebration of new life. Instead, I was a huge "issue" to be dealt with. Secrecy. My existence was a secret from the moment I was discovered. Abortion was one way to cover it up. Wendy’s shame of having a baby out of wedlock juxtaposed with someone from a different race must have been overwhelming. The stigma. Wendy thought that if anyone found out, they would call her a slut. (Years later, she referred to that term on the phone with me while having a tearful mental breakdown.)
So, the young couple made their way south to Mexico to take care of their "problem." They had decided to have an abortion. (Wendy never told me this information, but Vahe did . ) Though the details are fuzzy, I am alive to tell the tale. While in Mexico, Wendy had second thoughts and decided that she couldn’t go through with it. What motivated her, I do not know. Was it religion? Was it some kind of motherly connection to her unborn child me that caused her to give me a chance at life? I will never know. I do know that I survived. Whatever force it was that caused her to turn back is why I am here. Even in the womb, I was in danger. I wonder if I sensed her sadness? I wonder if she talked to me with the reassurance that she would find a good life for me? Did she want to keep me or send me out into the world of bastard children? So many unanswered questions.
Vahe supported her decision, and they came back to Los Angeles with the secret of the pregnancy intact.
I am glad that I didn’t know this growing up. I can barely handle it as an adult. Occasionally, I have horrifying dreams that I am being aborted. They are usually symbolic. I don’t know when these dreams will come, but they are terrifying to me. Sometimes, I recognize what is going on in the dream, and other times, I wake up scared. I then figure out the significance and symbolism of the nightmare. They can appear just as I am falling asleep or somewhere else in my dream cycle. No horror movie fright compares to the reality of these terrifying nightmares!
Back in Los Angeles, the couple broke up. I don’t know when, and I have no one to ask. I don’t know how they resolved their pregnancy dilemma. I wish I did. None of Vahe’s family knew that he and Wendy were expecting a child. He kept it a secret.
At some point, Wendy let her parents know that she was expecting. How did they talk about "the issue"? She was a well-known cellist. On November 26, 1956, at the age of 17, she played Camille Saint-Saëns, The Swan, on the TV show Top Tunes and New Talent , a spinoff of The Lawrence Welk Show . It was show #8 in the series. She even received fan mail. ( I wish I could see this! I called the inst