What Can I Do?

Nicola Fitzmaurice

Description

What Can I Do? is written to address the very secret of domestic violence and how it has thrived behind locked doors, never being discussed or admitted to - even with your closest friends. The most important message I have is that you need not face this alone anymore. Knowledge and understanding of your situation is power and this power gives you the strength to take control back into your life once again. To do this, I discuss the very definition of domestic violence and abuse, and the terminology for what is happening. For example, understanding how Gaslighting and Hoovering have insipidly seeped into your life. Identifying Narcissistic Personality Disorders and how they affect you; they're more common than you think. Learning to cope with PTSD and then going on to create a safe environment by utilising the Safety Plan. And finally, the importance of counselling and reaching out to friends and family. What Can I Do? will help you make plans to become self-confident, teach you how to apply coping mechanisms and with the help of instructive planning, become more aware of what is happening to you and how better to prepare yourself. This is your future that ultimately survives past domestic violence and abuse.

Sujets

• Popular psychology

Informations

• Publié par: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Date de parution: 30 septembre 2019
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781528956550
• Langue: English

Extrait

What Can I Do?
Nicola Fitzmaurice
Austin Macauley Publishers
2019-09-30
What Can I Do? About the Author About the Book Dedication Copyright Information © Acknowledgements Narcissist The Secret Breaking Down the Myths What Does It All Mean? Desensitization Are You at Risk? Who Does This to Another Person? What You Are Facing Right Now – Coercive and Controlling Behaviour What Is Coercive Behaviour? What the Books Don’t Tell You: The Victim Code What You Are Facing Right Now – Gaslighting The Guilt What Are You Facing Right Now – Hoovering Here we go again It is most likely to happen when: How It Feels How Do I Know If a Hoover Is ‘Real’? How to Cope What NOT to Do What to Do Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Psychopathy Phase I Phase II Why Is This Happening to Me? Critical Inner Voice: Fantasy Bond: When Will This Happen to Me? Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Feelings Physical Symptoms Thoughts Behaviour Patterns Definition Symptoms Intrusive Memories Avoidance Negative Changes in Thinking and Mood C hanges in Emotional Reactions Causes Intensity of Symptoms When to See a Doctor If You Have Suicidal Thoughts Safety Planning Emergency Orders and Non-Molestation Orders The Importance of Counselling What You Can Do for You – Helping Yourself Coping Mentally Coping Physically Bruising Managing Your Bruises: Nutrition What Else Can I Do to Help Myself? – Peace and Comfort Summary
About the Author
Nicola Fitzmaurice is the great-granddaughter of Beatrice Forbes-Robertson Hale, the author of What Women Want – An Impression of Feminism . Beatrice’s book was compulsory academic reading until early 2000, describing the sociological impact and cutting-edge differences between the suffragettes and the feminist movement. It went on to help generations of women ease their way into a perceived better modern-day society.
Nicky has enjoyed a lifelong passion for writing and is the MD of Satin Publishing, named after her grandmother, Satin, also known as Sanchia Forbes-Robertson. She currently lives in Northamptonshire, UK, with her two sons.
About the Book
What Can I Do? is written to address the very secret of domestic violence and how it has thrived behind locked doors, never being discussed or admitted to – even with your closest friends. The most important message I have is that you need not face this alone anymore. Knowledge and understanding of your situation is power and this power gives you the strength to take control back into your life once again.
To do this, I discuss the very definition of domestic violence and abuse, and the terminology for what is happening. For example, understanding how Gaslighting and Hoovering have insipidly seeped into your life. Identifying Narcissistic Personality Disorders and how they affect you; they’re more common than you think. Learning to cope with PTSD and then going on to create a safe environment by utilising the Safety Plan. And finally, the importance of counselling and reaching out to friends and family.
What Can I Do? will help you make plans to become self-confident, teach you how to apply coping mechanisms and with the help of instructive planning, become more aware of what is happening to you and how better to prepare yourself. This is your future that ultimately survives past domestic violence and abuse.
Dedication
To the incredible women of my family; strong, bold and resilient, you have been my eternal inspiration.
And,
To my sons; my love for you, my admiration for all that you are and all that you will be, fills me every day with great pride. Go out into the world and be bold and strong, for nothing is ever impossible.
Copyright Information ©
Nicola Fitzmaurice (2019)
The right of Nicola Fitzmaurice to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.
Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9781528956550 (ePub e-book)
www.austinmacauley.com
First Published (2019)
Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd
25 Canada Square
Canary Wharf
London
E14 5LQ
Acknowledgements
My thanks to:
GK Kingsley, fabulous author, writer and creator of ‘Pick-me-up Pearls’ that brighten your day, you have been a true and lasting friend. Your help in creating and supporting this book has made it more than possible for me to help so many men and women out there. Thank you from the very depths of my heart for helping me achieve my goal.
Adrian J Mitchell, The Poet for Peace and internationally acclaimed South African poet, Facebook friend and supporter, thank you so much for allowing me to use your poem Narcissist as a front runner to my book, where understanding is key in helping all those suffering domestic violence.
Daniela Healey, for her patience, understanding and guidance in the creation of a perfect cover for this book.
Narcissist
He needs her, her every attention, every second, every minute, every hour
Throwing fits of rage if ever she notices another, oh Lord, not a man
For he deserves to be treated like royalty, for he is, truly, in his mind
As he boasts his lies loudly and frequently, believing them himself
Never does he enquire of her emotions, never does he care
So, insensitive is he, that true relationships are entirely frivolous
For he prefers to fantasize on his own deep pools of imagined
Of intelligence, success, power and extreme handsome looks.
He uses her endlessly to get whatever he yearns for, regardless
And lives without any regret, remorse or even conscience
Yet hates rejections as a snake hates being stood upon
Striking out violently, attacking, ready to kill the perpetrator.
She lives in fear, sleep has abandoned her, she breathes shallow
For she knows not what today holds, nor tomorrow, nor tomorrow
He is as empathetic as a hungry hyena, in total disregard of her
As he denies her the right to emotions, to feelings, to life.
He knows that only the wisest of wise will ever understand him
For he is unique, gifted and highly talented in everything he does
And he reminds her constantly how little she is able to see
How little she knows, in fact, how stupid she really is.
More romantic than Romeo, more skilled than Michelangelo
With goals set so high that they exceed the heights of heaven
Completely obsessed with himself, he responds with anger
To any form of criticism, using humiliation and shame as weapons.
Severely arrogant, he seeks praise and reinforcement from others
Who see him as a hard man, tough-minded and strong
For he demands their agreement to his plans and schemes
For he is the best, he knows he is, and she must know this too.
Free yourself Lady, free yourself from the narcissist
Who is so insecure that he lives in this drama of make-believe
And drags you down beneath the rocks on an angry ocean
To claim dominance over you, oblivious of you drowning.
Adrian J Mitchell
The Secret
There are two words we all shy away from: domestic violence . They are big, ugly words that brim over with hints of darkness and misunderstandings. If we break down the two words, we usually equate ‘domestic’ to symbolize our homes; a place where we should feel safe, where our loved ones greet us and give us a cuddle and make us smile. There is food, warmth and shelter, and at the end of the day, there is a lock on the door to keep out anyone you don’t want to see. However, we then have the dichotomy of the word ‘violence’, erupting painful thoughts of physical or mental pain put upon us by another. How did we ever get to a place in society’s evolution where domestic violence is now a term broadly recognized? Sadly, the truth is it has.
As I go on to talk about violence in the home and how it is becoming more prevalent and widely accepted than ever before, I will often refer to ‘your partner’ as the abuser, but for simplicity sake, I may fall back on the term ‘him’; please do not be misled, this is a multi-gender book, and I fully appreciate that men and women all need equal support in this matter. I also promise not to rant on about political situations, but none of these situations have been helped by our world leading countries, being led as they are by men whose greatest agenda appears to be suppressing women’s equality, and who underplay such criminal acts as rape and domestic violence within the home. America and Russia will have a lot to answer for in the years to come, as women’s role within our communities is ridden roughshod over the needs of our society. And it’s not just the women getting hurt; its sweeping hand is hitting hard across all continents, genders, races, classes and age.
As children growing up, we were encouraged to follow the stereotypical path to happiness, our ‘ideal future’ planted in our young and innocent minds. You know the kind of thing I’m talking about; we were inspired to dream of a happy future with a loved one by our side, someone who we could trust, care and grow old with, perhaps even have some children and a pet or two to complete the happy picture. Then, as we took our journey from child to young adult, we learned that everyone is not so loving; that some are selfish, others are greedy, and finally, that some are cruel just for the fun of it. By the time we have reached full adulthood, our relationships are more intimate; searching for a level of trust and care that was previously only ever realised by being with our parents, and we’re too old for that now.
So, why do we call it ‘a secret’? Well, the truth is that domestic violence has always been