From Charm to Harm:

Amy Lewis Bear

Description

Powerful ways to recognize, explain, and stop manipulation and emotional abuse in intimate relationships.
The lack of language to identify emotional abuse and its aftermath among couples is a major barrier to recognition and treatment. From Charm to Harm breaks down this barrier by providing simple words and definitions that name and explain harmful interactions between intimate partners. Many of these interactions, although emotionally toxic, are hard to distinguish from the normal experience of being in a relationship.
From Charm to Harm will empower you to recognize and describe the psychological destruction wrought by an intimate partner who claims to love you. It will provide you with ways to protect yourself and your loved ones in current and future relationships.
Determine if your mate is emotionally abusive, the effects on you, and how you may be enabling the abuse.
Find out how and why charm turns to harm when one partner has a deep-seated need to control the other partner.
Discover why people abuse their lovers, why their lovers allow it, how it happens, and its aftermath.
Learn how easy it is to get caught up in the oppressive cycle of emotional abuse and how you might be contributing to your own suffering.
Learn how to stand up to an abusive partner, get treatment for both partners, and make the choice to leave or stay in the relationship.
From Charm to Harm will help you stop the cycle of emotional abuse and claim your right to be loved and respected by your mate.

Sujets

• Vie de famille
• Soutien psychologique et conseils familiaux
• Fracture familiale
• Dépression
• Manipulation
• Anxiety
• Psychology
• Depression
• Psychological abuse
• Cheating
• Intimate relationship
• Relationship counseling
• Psychological manipulation
• Interpersonal Relations

Informations

• Publié par: Balboa Press
• Date de parution: 18 février 2014
• Nombre de lectures: 1
• EAN13: 9781452591605
• Langue: English

Extrait

AMY LEWIS BEAR
 

 
 
Copyright © 2014 Amy Lewis Bear
 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
 
Balboa Press books may be ordered through booksellers or by contacting:
 
Balboa Press
A Division of Hay House
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Bloomington, IN 47403
www.balboapress.com
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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
 
The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.
 
ISBN: 978-1-4525-9159-9 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4525-9161-2 (hc)
ISBN: 978-1-4525-9160-5 (e)
 
Library of Congress Control Number: 2014901985
 
Balboa Press rev. date: 2/14/2014
 
Illustrations by Joseph Benjamin Brown
CONTENTS
Preface
Gender and Emotional Abuse in Intimate Relationships
Incidence of Emotional Abuse in America
How to Use This Book
Acknowledgments
Introduction
A Way to Identify and Describe Emotional Abuse
Emotional Abuse Tactics, Effects, and Contributors
Part I – The Whats, Hows, and Whys of Emotional Abuse
Chapter 1: How Emotional Abuse Happens and How It Feels
Introduction to the Story of Susan and Jack
The Story of Susan and Jack
Story Epilogue
The Emotional Abuse Tactics Jack Uses on Susan
The Effects on Susan and Her Contributors
Chapter 2: Overview of Emotional Abuse
The Paradox of Emotional Abuse
About Those Who Are Susceptible to Emotional Abuse
About Those Who Abuse
Sociopathic People Lack Empathy
Abusers Hide behind an Image
Physical Abuse
Are You in an Abusive Relationship?
Effects of Abuse on Children
Part II – Emotional Abuse Tactics, Effects, and Contributors
Chapter 3: Emotional Abuse Tactics
Bait and Switch: Ensnaring a Lover
Deceptive Devices: Creating Confusion
Strengthening the Hold
A Thousand Small Cuts: Targeting Self-Esteem
Using Anger, Intimidation, and Violence as Tools for Abuse
Inciting Shame and Self-Doubt
Blocking Personal Growth
Violating Commitment
Addiction, Obsession, and Substance Abuse
Battery and Sexual Humiliation
Using Other People as Tools for Abuse
Chapter 4: Emotional Abuse Effects and Contributors
Attraction to a Shiny Image: Blind to What Lies Beneath
Bearing the Burden: Holding the Relationship Together
Taking the Blame: Confusion and Insecurity
Giving Yourself Away: Compromising Personal Values
A Secret Life: Concealing the Trouble
The Center Will Not Hold: Falling in Deeper
Part III – Assessment, Protection, and Treatment
Chapter 5: Gauge Your Relationship and Its Effects on You
Quiz #1: Is Your Mate Emotionally Abusive?
Quiz #2: How Has Your Relationship Affected You?
Quiz #3: Are You Contributing to Your Mate’s Abusive Treatment?
Chapter 6: Protection
Finding Your Voice
Leaving an Abusive Mate
Safety Planning
Chapter 7: Treatment
Psychotherapy for the Abused and the Abuser
Questions to Ask Potential Psychotherapists
An Inside Look at Group Therapy for Emotional Abuse Survivors
Epilogue
An Invitation
Resources
 
 
 
 
 
 
To all the courageous women and men I’ve known who stood up to abusive partners and claimed their right to be in respectful, loving relationships. They helped themselves and others by speaking out about their experiences and inspired me to write this book.
PREFACE
GENDER AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS
From Charm to Harm focuses on emotional abuse in intimate relationships. Research shows that when abuse occurs in heterosexual relationships, it is most often men who abuse their female partners. For that reason, most of the anecdotes and illustrations in this book depict heterosexual relationships with the male as the abuser. But women can abuse men. Likewise, a partner in a same-sex relationship can be an abuser. Many of the terms I have used can be applied to emotional abuse between any two people.
INCIDENCE OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN AMERICA
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence uncovered an epidemic of domestic violence in the United States. Its research shows that one in every four women will experience physical violence in her lifetime. Emotional abuse is the greatest predictor of physical abuse. Where there is physical abuse, there is always emotional abuse, but the opposite is not necessarily true. Emotional abuse is difficult to define or prove, but it’s reasonable to assume that emotional abuse has also reached epidemic proportions.
HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
From Charm to Harm is divided into three parts . The first part provides a bird’s-eye view of what it’s like to live in an emotionally abusive relationship from the abused person’s perspective. The emotional abuse tactics, effects, and contributors in the story of Susan and Jack are listed after the epilogue with page numbers for reference. Part one also includes an overview of emotional abuse that helps explain how and why it happens.
The second part and main portion of the book provides a language to describe specific emotional abuse tactics, effects, and contributors. The tactics are in one section, and the effects and contributors are in another because they are interchangeable. Both sections are categorized into subheadings for easier location.
Each tactic, effect, and contributor is described with a word or phrase, definition, word variation, and brief scene. The word variations of nouns, verbs, and adjectives make the tactics, effects, and contributors easier to describe in conversation. Many of the terms are illustrated to help readers visualize the descriptions.
Flip through the book and find the right word, definition, and scene to identify and explain emotional abuse and its effects and contributors in relationships.
The third and final part of From Charm to Harm will help you to determine if your partner is emotionally abusive to you, how the abuse effects you, and how you may be contributing to your partner’s maltreatment. The three quizzes will increase your awareness about the dynamics and power balance in your relationship. The section also contains ways to protect yourself from an abusive mate and what to do if you decide to leave the relationship,
If you are seeking treatment for you or your mate, you will find useful information on how to find the right psychotherapist and what to expect from individual and group psychotherapy. Complete the book’s quizzes and take them to your psychotherapist to get a jump start on treatment.
Use the book to get support from family and friends by helping them comprehend the hidden nature of emotional abuse. Share the book with loved ones who are emotionally battered. Help teenagers and young adults be alert to the hazards of involvement with an abusive person.
If you are in the process of divorce, take the book to your legal representatives to educate them about your abusive mate, so they can better represent you.
Clinicians can use the book as a therapeutic tool to help clients gain deeper insight into their experience with abuse and work toward recovery. Greater awareness of past relationships can help avoid future involvement with an abusive person.
Warning: From Charm to Harm may cause grief reactions in readers who have lived with emotional abuse or experienced it through a loved one. Symptoms such as deep sadness, irritability, sleep disturbance, and lack of concentration may occur. Psychosomatic reactions can include headaches, nausea, or gastric distress. Please know that help exists for you. See a counselor, use community resources, or seek support from your loved ones.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
During the past thirty years of learning about emotional abuse, I’ve had many teachers. They include hundreds of emotional abuse survivors I’ve treated in individual and group therapy, numerous friends and acquaintances who shared their stories, and, ironically, my own past relationships with emotionally abusive people.
There are others whose support and encouragement led me to write this book:
Psychotherapist Richard Gerson provided me with the crucial opportunity to work in a psychiatric hospital, where I learned what can happen to those who are abused by people who are supposed to love them.
Psychologist Dr. David Lane and psychiatrist Dr. Stephen Howard broadened my knowledge of psychotherapy practice with their experience, guidance, and considerable wisdom. I had the good fortune to be a member of th