10 Choices Successful Couples Make

Ron Welch Dr.

Description

Most books on marriage rightly address communication and conflict as key issues, then advise readers on how to fight fair since conflict is an inevitable reality and cannot be avoided. But Dr. Ron Welch asks the provocative question, Is it? Is every marriage doomed to one conflict after another? Shouldn't we expect better than that?In this practical and encouraging book, Welch offers a far more positive approach to marriage, outlining 10 specific choices couples can make to minimize or even avoid conflict and increase joy. With his expert guidance, couples will learn how to employ proven strategies to - communicate accurately and positively- choose forgiveness over unforgiveness- understand their marriage type- and make decisions more effectivelyWhether they are engaged, newly married, or have been married for decades, couples will find that this book will transform their relationship.

Sujets

• Dating

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 22 janvier 2019
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781493416516
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Cover
Endorsements
“What an incredible book! Every couple faces endless decisions—choices that can make or break their relationship. Ron Welch has paved the way for ten concrete and life-giving choices every couple needs to make. Read this book and enjoy deeper fulfillment in your marriage starting today.”
Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott , #1 New York Times bestselling authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts
“The pages in this book are pages of HOPE! Need a fresh new approach to resolve conflict? Need a new way of creating intimacy? Need to move beyond past hurt? Would you like to have a fresh joy in your relationship? As a mental health professional for over thirty years, I highly recommend Dr. Welch’s sound strategies for both relationships in crisis and those that simply desire to be at their very best. This is a resource we use at The Center, A Place of HOPE.”
Gregory Jantz , author of thirty booksand founder of The Center, A Place of HOPE
“Happy, healthy, and long-lasting marriages do not happen automatically. They are the result of focused work and adjustments designed to meet changing circumstances. Ron Welch’s new book gives couples a fresh approach to address issues that threaten to swamp marriages that otherwise deserve to thrive. Readers will find suggestions, explanations, exercises, and encouragement to face their marital future with hopefulness and success.”
James R. Beck , senior professor of counseling, Denver Seminary
“ 10 Choices Successful Couples Make comes from a man who has ‘been-there-done-that’ when it comes to pointing the way toward a successful marriage. Ron Welch (a close friend and colleague) has over thirty years of marriage under his belt, more than enough time to define these ten choices and put them into practice in his own private world. Additionally, Ron is a veteran in the graduate school classroom, where he has trained and mentored a large number of men and women who have gone on to be effective professional therapists. Finally, Ron has spent countless hours in conversation with struggling married couples who, under his guidance, have learned to make these choices for themselves. I really like this man, Ron Welch. I trust him, and I consider it an honor to introduce him to you.”
Gordon MacDonald , speaker, chancellor of Denver Seminary, and author of Ordering Your Private World and A Resilient Life
“Marriages can be transformed. Bad habits can be broken. Feelings of love can return where they have been absent. But none of this happens without intentional choices and hard work on the part of both spouses. Ron Welch provides clear, easy-to-understand guidelines for the choices spouses can make to begin the process of strengthening or repairing their marriages. It is not a matter of forces outside of anyone’s control but what one chooses to do, difficult as those choices may seem. This little book is chock full of hope, wisdom, biblical insight, and proven methods from the counselor’s office. Every couple can learn from it, and it ought to be required reading for conversations between every engaged and even pre-engaged couple. An amazing gift to the church and the world from someone who has practiced what he preaches.”
Craig L. Blomberg , distinguished professor of New Testament, Denver Seminary
“In 10 Choices Successful Couples Make : The Secret to Love That Lasts a Lifetime , Dr. Ron Welch has zeroed in on some of the most basic areas in preventing (and healing) fractured couple relationships and heightening couple flourishing. All ten choices are spot-on, but I was particularly impressed by his emphases on forgiving, trusting, being other-oriented, maintaining intimacy, and committing. This book will repay any couple’s reading in years of stronger relationsh ip satisfaction and enjoyment.”
Everett L. Worthington Jr. (see www . EvWorthington - forgiveness . com for hundreds of free resources)
Half Title Page
Also by Dr. Ron Welch
The Controlling Husband: What Every Woman Needs to Know
Title Page
Copyright Page
© 2019 by Dr. Ronald D. Welch
Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2019
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-1651-6
To protect the privacy and confidentiality of those who have shared their stories with the author, all identifying data (such as names, significant details, and specific information) have been changed or presented in composite form. Every attempt has been made to change all information that could lead to anyone, including the clients themselves, recognizing any individual portrayed in any story.
Dedication
To my wife and soul mate, Jan.
This book is about choices, and without doubt, you are the best choice I have ever made. Thank you for believing in us, for letting the love of Christ shine through you, for teaching me what love and forgiveness truly mean, and for walking by my side on this journey called marriage.
Contents
Cover 1
Endorsements 2
Half Title Page 4
Also by Dr. Ron Welch 5
Title Page 6
Copyright Page 7
Dedication 8
Acknowledgments 11
1. Marriage Is about Choices 13
2. I Choose to Believe 29
3. I Choose to Communicate Well
Part 1: Choosing to Communicate Accurately 42
4. I Choose to Communicate Well
Part 2: Choosing to Communicate Positively 58
5. I Choose to Let Go of Old Baggage 73
6. I Choose to Forgive
Part 1: Choosing Forgiveness over Unforgiveness 88
7. I Choose to Forgive
Part 2: Choosing to Forgive the Big Stuff 103
8. I Choose to Be Unselfish
Part 1: Choosing Unselfishness over Selfishness 116
9. I Choose to Be Unselfish
Part 2: Choosing the “Us” Model of Marriage 128
10. I Choose to Challenge “Unspoken Truths” 143
11. I Choose to Be Intimate 160
12. I Choose Not to Take You for Granted 173
13. I Choose to Focus on the Process 188
14. I Choose to Trust 203
15. I Choose to Love You Forever 215
Notes 231
Back Ads 237
Back Cover 241
Acknowledgments
This book would not have been possible without contributions from the following individuals, to whom I will be eternally grateful:
my wife, Jan, who for more than thirty years has shared this life journey with me as my partner, my soul mate, my best friend, and my one true love;
my two amazing boys, Britton and Brevin, who are growing into men of character and honor whom I am truly proud to call my sons;
my mom and dad, who taught me about hard work, sacrifice, dedication, and the importance of faith in Christ;
my sister, Cheryl, who continues to help me understand the variety of cultures, people, and experiences in the world that my own biases prevent me from seeing clearly;
my editor, Vicki Crumpton, my agent, Greg Daniel, and Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group, for their continued support and guidance in my writing career;
Everett Worthington and Bill Fleeman, for their professional contributions to this work;
Denver Seminary, for providing the sabbatical time to write this book;
and my clients from over twenty-five years of practice, who have taught me what resilience, determination, and healing truly look like.
one Marriage Is about Choices

They were like so many couples I see in premarital therapy. For Paul and Grace, the future had never looked brighter. “I fell in love with him the first time I saw those beautiful blue eyes,” Grace gushed. “The more I got to know him, the more I knew he was the only man for me.” Paul was equally effusive in his praise. “Grace completes me. She is everything I could ever want in a wife and a partner. I’ve never felt this way about anyone—I have fallen totally and completely in love with her.”
Aren’t engaged couples wonderful?! They are so certain their relationship is the best thing since sliced bread and so excited about their future together. The excitement of the engagement is followed by the wedding celebration and the blissful honeymoon. They feel they are riding a wave of happiness that will never end.
Not to burst this bubble of happiness, but let’s take a closer look at what Paul referred to as falling in love. We use this phrase a lot. We have a Valentine’s Day image of Cupid shooting an arrow that hits us with such force that we have no choice but to fall in love. Think about it, though. Do we really “fall” in love?
I don’t think so. In fact, I don’t think it is a passive act at all. Love doesn’t just happen to us. I would argue that love is a clear, intentional choice that we make. I believe it is more accurate to say, “I choose to love you.”
→“Jumping” into Love
Maybe we don’t have much control over that initial desire or interest that attracts us to another person. I know when I first saw the woman who would become my wife walk out in that black dress, I sure didn’t feel like I had any control over what was happening to me. However, I wonder if those feelings are actually what love is. I think those feelings might be attraction or infatuation or desire—but not love.
It would be more accurate to say that we “jump” into love. When we literally fall, we view that as an accident; it’s certainly not something we intentionally wanted to happen. Love isn’t an accident, nor is it a stroke of luck we are fortunate to experience. Rather, I believe love is more like being high up on the diving board at a swimming pool, looking down at the water far below, and making the choice to jump into the unknown.
Making that type of jump is not easy. You don’t know what the end result will be, and that is what makes the decision scary. The great thing about diving, though, is that