Communication: Key to Your Marriage

Norman Wright H.

Description

What does it take to make a marriage intimate, loving, and fun? It all starts with communication, the key to a vibrant, happy, lifelong partnership. In this new updated edition of the bestselling classic, trusted marriage and family counselor Dr. Norman Wright does not just show readers the different ways men and women communicate. He shows how to do it right! Readers will find practical ways to reduce marital conflict, manage anger, build up one another's self-esteem, and listen and understand each other at deeper and more satisfying levels. This updated edition also includes all-new reflection questions at the end of each chapter for couples or groups.  

Sujets

• Christianity

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 17 juillet 2000
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781441267672
• Langue: English

Extrait

Teaching Kit
A complete curriculum teaching kit is available to accompany this book. The curriculum is titled How to Speak Your Spouse’s Language, or Are Men Really from Pluto and Women from Saturn? It is possible to teach the content of the resource in marriage seminars, Sunday School classes, retreats, small groups, and so forth. The kit contains the structure, outline, time sequence and learning activities, and much of the content is available in a PowerPoint presentation, which can be emailed to you to use as you teach.
For information on ordering this unique teaching kit, either go to our website at hnormanwright.com or call 1-800-875-7560.

© 2012 H. Norman Wright
Published by Bethany House Publishers 11400 Hampshire Avenue South Bloomington, Minnesota 55438 www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan. www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Bethany House Publishers edition published 2014
ISBN 978-1-4412-6767-2
Previously published by Regal Books
Ebook edition originally created 2013
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New American Standard Bible, © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Other versions used are:
AMP —Scripture taken from the Amplified® Bible, Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
THE MESSAGE— Scripture taken from THE MESSAGE. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
NCV —Scriptures quoted from The Holy Bible, New Century Version, copyright Ó 1987, 1988, 1991 by Word Publishing, Nashville, Tennessee. Used by permission.
NIV —Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version ®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
REB— The Revised English Bible is a revision of the New English Bible, copyright © Oxford University Press and Cambridge University Press 1989.
RSV —From the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1946, 1952, and 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. Used by permission.
TLB —Scripture quotations marked (TLB) are taken from The Living Bible, copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.
Contents
Introduction
1. Marriage Expectations
2. What Is Marriage?
3. What Makes a Marriage Work?
4. The Key to Intimacy
5. Speak Your Spouse’s Language
6. The Finer Points of Communication
7. The Gift of Listening
8. Are Men Really from Pluto and Women from Saturn?
9. What About Personality?
10. Different Ways to Gather Information
11. Different Ways to Make Decisions
12. The Root Causes of Anger
13. The Key to Resolving Conflicts
Postscript
Appendix: Satisfaction Scale
Endnotes
Introduction
1972 was a significant year in the history of Communication: Key to Your Marriage. The genesis of this book was much different from most other volumes. For several years I had been teaching marriage enrichment classes in churches, but one of the dreams God had laid on my heart was to encourage pastors and Sunday School teachers to present marriage classes on a continuing basis in their churches that they could teach themselves, rather than bringing in an outside teacher. I felt led to put together a curriculum, which I titled Christian Marriage and Family Relationships. This was a basic and simple resource, which my wife typed in the small kitchen of our home. The resource worked, and I shared it with a couple of publishers. They liked it but didn’t know what to do with it, so it sat in their file drawer for months.
One day, I felt led to move forward and take this to a printer on my own, so I went to the bank and took out a loan for $2,000, which in those days was a significant amount (it was a major percentage of what I made in a year). We printed 2,000 copies and began selling them to churches. The income from these books actually became the seed money for a national ministry called Christian Marriage Enrichment, which is still in operation today.
Once I had this resource printed, three major publishers became interested in making it their own, but they wanted to restructure it into a trade book. The criteria I used to select the publisher was to keep this as a teaching curriculum so the content could be taught to couples in all churches along with a book. Gospel Light Publishers saw the vision and said, “Yes, let’s do it that way.” So, in 1974, the first edition of Communication: Key to Your Marriage was released. Since that time, hundreds of thousands of couples read the book and sat in classes receiving the teaching from pastors or lay leaders. The curriculum for teaching this is still available with the title How to Speak Your Spouse’s Language.
It’s unusual for a book to still be applicable for almost four decades, and while the scriptural truth in Communication: Key to Your Marriage never changes, our culture and technology do, which is the reason this book has undergone several revisions over the years. In this edition, you will now find information on the impact of social media on marriages. The content of this book is meant to be practical as well as applicable to couples of all ages, and it is intended to enhance their communication while helping them understand the differentness and uniqueness of their partner and learn to celebrate those differences. For this reason, you will find that much of the material in this resource is unique, especially the emphasis on speaking your spouse’s language. The concept of learning to speak another person’s language is foundational for all family relationships as well as in the workplace, and it is a principle that can turn frustrating relationships into fulfilled ones.
I trust and pray that whether you’re in the latter years of life or just starting your marital journey, the biblical principles and practical application you will find in this book will assist you and give you hope.
Communication : Key to Your Marriage
1
Marriage Expectations
Why did you marry? Can you remember back to that time when your life was filled with dreams, expectations and hopes for the future? What part did marriage play in those dreams and hopes? What did you expect from marriage? Perhaps your answer includes one or more of the following:
• I wanted to share my life experiences with someone.
• I wanted someone to help make me happy.
• I wanted to spend my life with someone I loved and with someone who loved me.
• I wanted to fulfill what I lacked in my own home.
• I wanted to be faithful to God and love someone He wanted me to love.
• I didn’t want to end up alone, especially when I was older. Marriage was that security.
All of these are fringe benefits of marriage, but none is strong enough to stand as its foundation.
Many people are propelled toward marriage without really understanding all they are committing themselves to for the rest of their lives. That’s why couples experience surprises and upsets throughout the duration of their marriage.
Various writers have given definitions of “Christian marriage.” Wayne Oates says: “Marriage is a covenant of responsible love, a fellowship of repentance and forgiveness.”
David Augsburger defines marriage by first asking, “Is marriage a private action of two persons in love, or a public act of two pledging a contract?” Then he goes on to say, “Neither. It is something other. Very much other!”
Basically the Christian view of marriage is not that it is primarily or even essentially a binding legal and social contract. The Christian understands marriage as a covenant made under God and in the presence of fellow members of the Christian family. Such a pledge endures, not because the force of law or the fear of its sanctions, but because an unconditional covenant has been made. A covenant more solemn, more binding, more permanent than any legal contract. 1
Some psychologists, marriage counselors and ministers have suggested that marriage is a contract, and many people are quick to agree. But is this really true?
In every contract there are certain conditional clauses. A contract between two parties, whether they are companies or individuals, involves the responsibility of both parties to carry out their part of the bargain. These are conditional clauses—if clauses (if you do this, the other person must do this). There are no conditional clauses in the marriage relationship and the marriage ceremony. The marriage ceremony vows do not state, “If the husband loves his wife, then the wife continues in the contract.” Or, “If the wife is submissive to her husband, then the husband carries out the contract.” Marriage is an unconditional commitment into which two people enter.
In most contracts there are escape clauses. An escape clause says that if the party of the first part does not carry out his responsibilities, then the party of the second part is absolved. If one person does not live up to his or her part of the bargain, the second person can get out of the contract. In marriage, there is no escape clause.
Then if marriage is not a contract, what is it? It is an unconditional commitment into which a man and woman enter for life.
What Makes Marriage Last
Commitment means many things to different people. For some, the strength of their commi