Intimate Deception

Sheri Keffer Dr.

Description

Nothing destroys trust like sexual betrayal. Beyond broken vows, a woman who discovers that the man she loves has been viewing pornography or having an affair must deal with devastating blows to her self-image and self-worth. She must grapple with the fact that the man she thought she knew has lied and deceived her. She may even bear the brunt of shame and judgment when the people around her find out.Drawing from her experience both as a marriage and family therapist and a woman who personally experienced the devastation of sexual betrayal, Dr. Sheri Keffer walks women impacted by betrayal through the pain and toward recovery. She explains how the trauma of betrayal affects our minds, bodies, spirits, and sexuality. She offers practical tools for dealing with emotional triggers and helps women understand the realities of sexual addiction. And she shows women how to practice self-care, develop healthy boundaries, protect themselves from abuse or manipulation, and find freedom from the burden of shame and guilt.

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 20 mars 2018
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781493412631
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 2 Mo

Extrait

Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
© 2018 by Sheri Keffer
Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com
Paperback edition published 2018
Ebook edition created 2018
Ebook corrections 05.24.2018, 09.26.2019
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-1263-1
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations labeled AMP are from the Amplified® Bible, copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)
Scripture quotations labeled AMP-CE are from the Amplified® Bible, copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)
Scripture quotations labeled ERV are from the Easy-to-Read Version. Copyright © 2006 by Bible League international.
Scripture quotations labeled GNT are from the Good News Translation—Second Edition. Copyright © 1992 by American Bible Society. Used by permission.
Scripture quotations labeled ISV are from The Holy Bible: International Standard Version . Release 2.0, Build 2015.02.09. Copyright © 1995–2014 by ISV Foundation. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED INTERNATIONALLY. Used by permission of Davidson Press, LLC.
Scripture quotations labeled MSG are from THE MESSAGE. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
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Scripture quotations labeled NKJV are from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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Scripture quotations labeled TLB are from The Living Bible, copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations labeled TPT are from The Passion Translation, copyright © 2015 by BroadStreet Publishing Group, L.L.C., Racine, Wisconsin. All rights reserved. www.broadstreetpublishing.com
Scripture quotations labeled VOICE are from The Voice Bible Copyright © 2012 Thomas Nelson, Inc. The Voice™ translation © 2012 Ecclesia Bible Society. All rights reserved.
Events in this book are described to the best of the author’s recollection. In some cases the names and details of the people and situations described have been changed or presented in composite form in order to ensure the privacy of those with whom the author has worked.
Images of UGG, AMY, the CEO, and HARMONY were created by Arturo Aguirre (www.artina-studio.com).
Charts, graphs, and lists were created by Saurabh Singh Sikarwar (www.prismantic.com).
Endorsements
“Sexual betrayal is a devastating blow, and Dr. Sheri Keffer knows this professionally and personally. Her insight and instruction are invaluable on the topic. Practical tools, a friend who understands, and hope for a future can all be found in this book.”
Daniel G. Amen, MD , founder of Amen Clinics and author of Memory Rescue
“ Intimate Deception is the best book I have ever read for women who have been sexually betrayed by their spouse. Dr. Keffer is not just a warm and wise counselor; she personally has been through the trenches after facing the shame and devastation of sexual betrayal. Her explanation on betrayal trauma’s impact on a woman’s brain functioning is outstanding and will help a woman understand why she sometimes feels so crazy. Each chapter provides not only explanation and validation but also practical steps readers can take to regain their emotional and spiritual well-being.”
Leslie Vernick , relationship coach, speaker, and author of The Emotionally Destructive Relationship and The Emotionally Destructive Marriage
“Marriage infidelity is devastating to the person who has been betrayed, and it impacts every dimension: trust, confidence, and self-image, to name a few. Using clinical research, counseling anecdotes, and Dr. Keffer’s own personal experience, this book provides practical and also inspirational hope for the journey of healing. Highly recommended.”
John Townsend, PhD , psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and founder of the Townsend Institute for Leadership and Counseling
“Dr. Keffer zeros in on the greatest need of betrayed partners—healing from trauma. Drawing from her research and work with betrayed partners, she has coined the term Intimate Deception Betrayal Trauma ™ (IDBT) , which highlights the two things a woman is looking for—safety and truth. Courageously sharing her own story, Dr. Keffer guides readers to understanding their trauma and how it may be both similar to and different from that faced by others, then taking the steps that lead to healing. Betrayed partners will find hope in this book.”
Dr. Milton S. Magness , author of Stop Sex Addiction and Real Hope, True Freedom
“When a woman is blindsided by sexual betrayal, her world capsizes. She never expected it, so she never planned for it (why would she?), and she scrambles for answers. Intimate Deception is a life raft of hope and help, providing the encouragement and guidance that can only come from a fellow traveler. Sheri Keffer has ‘been there, done that,’ sharing simply and powerfully from her personal journey as well as her professional expertise. She walks with the reader through their pain and recovery, offering hope for healing and freedom. Intimate Deception is simply the warmest book out there for someone who hurts.”
Dr. Mike Bechtle , author of I Wish He Had Come with Instructions
“There is way more to Intimate Deception than the title might suggest. This is the sexual betrayal recovery bible: loaded with stories illustrating your experience, full of optional treatments, and built on recent research, all with evidence-based outcomes. This book is from a woman who has been through it, did her own recovery, and took her mission through graduate training so that she could share it with you. Thank you, Dr. Keffer, for providing a great personal model and then taking the time to pull everything together for those suffering from this betrayal.”
Dave Carder , author of Torn Asunder: Recovering from an Extramarital Affair
“Dr. Keffer’s book, Intimate Deception , is a powerful, comprehensive treatment of a complex subject. She combines her clinical expertise on trauma and her personal experience of sexual betrayal to capture both the mind and the heart of the reader. Dr. Keffer’s own journey through heartbreak and loss will resonate with anyone who has discovered sexual infidelity and is walking down the dark road of shattered trust. She invites the reader to benefit from this painful time by looking at their own history and the impact of trauma across a life span. She defines intimacy and relational safety and provides tools to discover unexposed wounds that block satisfying connection. Betrayal trauma affects our brains, and Dr. Keffer takes the complicated subject of brain science and makes it easy to understand, practical, and useful. This is a beautifully written and important book as more and more relationships are harmed by sexual indiscretions. We highly recommend it not only to those affected by betrayal but also to those helping others navigate this difficult terrain.”
Milan and Kay Yerkovich, authors of How We Love and How We Love Our Kids, directors of Relationship180 counseling center
Dedication
To the brave ezer warriors who with broken hearts face their fears, fight for those they love, and pray like they’re standing in the heavenly courtroom of God.Your courage is contagious.
Contents
Cover 1
Title Page 2
Copyright Page 3
Endorsements 4
Dedication 5
Foreword by Dr. Barbara Steffens 9
Foreword by Dr. Stefanie Carnes 11
Acknowledgments 13
Part 1: First Things First: How Betrayal Has Impacted You 17
1. You Are Not Alone 19
2. Heartbreaking Loss 24
3. Shell-Shocked 43
4. The Dirty Dozen 52
5. It’s a Cryin’ Shame 67
Part 2: Unpacking the Effects of Early Trauma 81
6. A House Divided 83
7. Digging into Our Roots 102
8. Dangerous Liaisons: Understanding Betrayal and Sex Addiction 118
9. How He Can Help You Heal 131
Part 3: How Betrayal Trauma Impacts Your Brain, Mind, Body, Spirit, and Sexuality 141
10. When a Diamond’s Not a Girl’s Best Friend 143
11. Your Body Guard 164
12. Quick on the Trigger 179
13. Where Is God Now? 191
14. Remember When Sex Was Safe and Skydiving Was Dangerous? 204
Part 4: Taking Steps toward Relational Safety 219
15. “No” Is a Complete Sentence 221
16. Gaslighting, Deception, and Blame . . . Oh My! 234
17. To Tell the Truth 249
Part 5: Stepping into Empowered Living 265
18. Making Yourself a Guilt-Free Priority 267
19. A Change of Heart 284
20. It’s Never Too Late for a Rewrite 292
Resources 309
Notes 315
Selected Bibliography 327
About the Author 331
Back Ad 333
Back Cover 334
Foreword
I am so honored and grateful to be able to highly recommend this book! I applaud Dr. Sheri Keffer for pulling together all that we’ve learned about what helps women heal following betrayal into a helpful and hope-givi