Language of Sex

Gary Smalley Dr., Ted Cunningham

Description

Go beyond the book and take a deeper, biblical look at the topic of great sex in marriage. Designed to be experienced with The Language of Sex Study Guide.

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 01 avril 2008
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781441225764
• Langue: English

Extrait

© 2008 Gary Smalley and Ted Cunningham
Published by Revell a division of Baker Publishing Group P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287 www.revellbooks.com
Revell edition published 2014
ISBN 978-1-4412-2576-4
Previously published by Regal Books
Ebook edition originally created 2011
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version ®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
Other versions used are:
AMP —Scripture taken from THE AMPLIFIED BIBLE, Old Testament copyright © 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright © 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
ASV —The American Standard Version , Thomas Nelson and Sons, first published in 1901.
GNT —Scripture taken from the Good News Translation—Second Edition, © 1992 by American Bible Society. Used by Permission.
GWT —GOD’S WORD® is a copyrighted work of God’s Word to the Nations. Quotations are used by permission. Copyright 1995 by God’s Word to the Nations. All rights reserved.
THE MESSAGE —Scripture taken from THE MESSAGE . Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
NLT —Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
TLB —Scripture quotations marked ( TLB ) are taken from The Living Bible , copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.
TNIV —Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, Today’s New International Version, TNIV . Copyright © 2001, 2005 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of International Bible Society. All rights requested worldwide.
Charts on pages 54 and 55 and “The Brain Sex Test” on pages 57-59 are reprinted by arrangement with Citadel Press, an imprint of Kensington Publishing Corporation ( www.kensingtonbooks.com ). All rights reserved.
Gary’s Dedication:
I dedicate this book to my daughter Kari and her husband, Roger Thomas Gibson. Roger is not only my literary agent but also a very close friend and an outstanding husband and father. I’m sorry, dads across the world, but no father could possibly have a better son-in-law. And I can’t imagine any father having a more loving, caring daughter, who not only is a wonderful mother but who will also soon adopt a precious little girl, Zoie, from Ethiopia .
Ted’s Dedication:
I dedicate this book to my lover, bride and best friend, Amy. My love for her increases each day. We have big dreams for life together. She is a great mom and a gifted children’s director at our church. I not only get to spend time at home with her, but I get to work with her as well. She is my biggest fan, and I am hers! I love you, Amy!
Contents
A CKNOWLEDGMENTS
P REFACE
C HAPTER 1
The Foundation for the Best Sex
C HAPTER 2
Raising the Temperature
C HAPTER 3
Creating the Atmosphere
C HAPTER 4
Celebrate Differences
C HAPTER 5
The Secret to Great Sex
C HAPTER 6
Going Deeper
C HAPTER 7
Unforgettable Foreplay
C HAPTER 8
The Three Big Sexpectations
C HAPTER 9
Cultivate Creativity
C HAPTER 10
The Spiritual Dimensions of Sex
C HAPTER 11
Resolve Conflict
C HAPTER 12
The Predators that Ruin the Best Sex of Your Life
C ONCLUSION
A PPENDIX
Answers to the Biggies
Acknowledgments
We would like to thank Roger Gibson for dreaming with us and making The Language of Sex a reality. He serves as more than our literary agent; he is also a great friend.
Margaret Feinberg is much more than just a writer. She is a great collaborator with a journalistic style that draws the best out of us. Margaret is a servant and an incredible wordsmith.
A big thank-you to Alex Field for leading this book from start to finish at Regal. He has been so encouraging and is a pure delight to work with.
Thank you, Regal and Gospel Light! Bill Greig III, you lead your team with excellence. Also, a big thanks goes to the team, including Bill Denzel, Bruce Barbour, Mark Weising, Aly Hawkins and the marketing and sales teams at Regal Books!
We also want to say thank you to all of the staff at the Smalley Relationship Center. Day in and day out, you serve marriages around the world. Your hard work does not go unnoticed. Thank you.
Thank you, Norma Smalley, Terry Brown, Ron Cunningham, Bonnie Cunningham, Scott Weatherford, Austin Deloach, Kim Fertig, Sue Parks and Roger Gibson for reading the manuscript and offering great insight.
The staff at Woodland Hills Community Church played a big part in this book. Ted Burden and Bernard Bourque offered many valuable teaching insights. Pam Strayer transcribed, and Denise Bevins handled so many details of my life during the process. Richard Williams and Jim Brawner helped with creative process. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
To all of our family and friends, many of whom have stories that fill these pages, we love you and owe you a debt of gratitude for the patience in this process.
Preface
This is my (Gary’s) first book with Ted Cunningham. I have known Ted and his wife, Amy, for six years. He’s a great husband and a father of two wonderful kids, Corynn and Carson. Not only is Ted my dear friend and a great writer and communicator, but he is also my pastor. Ted and I have served as elders together at Woodland Hills Church in Branson, Missouri, for over six years now. Each week, my wife, Norma, and I are thrilled to see how God uses Ted to reach thousands in our community. His messages are so practical and vulnerable. I have learned much from Ted and have thoroughly enjoyed writing this book with him. I know you will learn much from him, too.
(Just so you know: The names of those mentioned throughout this book as well as the details of the stories have been changed in order to protect the identities as well as the relationships of those involved.)

CHAPTER 1
The Foundation for the Best Sex
As a recent bride, Ellen was more than a little nervous walking into church. Raised in a healthy, faith-based home, her parents had recently celebrated their thirty-fifth wedding anniversary. Ellen had never expected to find herself in need of counseling for herself—let alone for her marriage.
As she sat in the office waiting area, she caught herself twirling her medium-length blonde hair around her index finger, a habit she had developed as a child that unconsciously returned whenever she felt uneasy or upset. Suddenly aware of her behavior, she clasped her hands together firmly on her lap. She knew she had to talk to someone about what was really going on in her marriage. The pastor who married them seemed like the best choice.
The next few minutes felt like a bit of a blur. The secretary called Ellen’s name. She stood up and walked down a long hallway where she was greeted by the pastor’s firm handshake. She took a seat in a slightly oversized, well-worn leather chair.
“Where would you like to begin?” the pastor asked.
Ellen took a short quick breath. “We’ve been married for five years and we have sex two to three times a week,” she said with a calmness that surprised her.
“That seems healthy and good,” the pastor responded.
“But . . .” she looked down at the floor, struggling to find the right words or at least the courage to say them, “I have yet to experience an orgasm.”
Tears welled up in her eyes. Like a bursting floodgate, she could no longer hold them back. “What am I doing wrong? What is he doing wrong? What are we doing wrong?” Ellen said, wiping warm droplets from her cheeks with the back of her hand.
The pastor looked at Ellen. He saw her pain. He could even feel a hint of the ache inside himself. But he had no response. Seminary had taught him a lot of great theology, but this question never came up in class. A string of thoughts bombarded his mind at once: How could this young woman’s husband have sex some 300 to 400 times and not get a response from his wife? How confused and even guilty must she feel after sex? What did their parents forget to tell them? Should I pull the young man aside and draw him some pictures? Is this an appropriate question to be asking a pastor? Is this an appropriate question for a pastor to be answering? Should I refer them to someone else? Should I open my office door so that others can see us in here? How often does my wife experience an orgasm? What if my wife is feeling the same way as this young woman?
With sweat beads forming on his brow, the pastor responded, “You seem like such a dear person and I want you to get the very best advice. My good friend, a member of this church, is a physician, and I know he deals with these types of questions. Let me set up an appointment for you. In the meantime, I’m available to counsel your husband and you together as well as your husband one on one.”

Sex. For some, the topic is taboo. Others find it repulsive. Those willing to market and exploit it make millions. Did you know that most couples have as much trouble talking about their own funeral as they do talking about sex? That could be why the Christian Church has largely gone silent on the issue.
Some have bought into the myth that sex is only to be discussed between a husband and a wife, yet while sex is sacred and the marriage bed should be guarded, the topic of sex must be discussed if it’s going to trul