Marital Intelligence

Gil Stieglitz

Description

Marital Intelligence, subtitled "A foolproof guide for saving and supercharging marriage," is based on thousands of hours of marital counseling and observation by the author. Stieglitz is a counselor, speaker, mentor, professor, and leadership consultant based in Roseville, Calif. He is currently a professor at Western Seminary, a district superintendent for the Evangelical Free Church of America, and a church consultant for Thriving Churches International. He also directs his own ministry, Principles to Live By.Stieglitz says there are only five problems in marriage: (1) Ignoring needs; (2) Immature behaviors, (3) Clashing temperaments, (4) Competing relationships, and (5) Past baggage. With each issue, he carefully and consistently lays out biblical teaching on the subject, and then includes helpful anecdotes, solutions, and self-tests to help the reader.

Informations

• Publié par: BMH Books
• Date de parution: 01 février 2010
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9780884692973
• Langue: English

Extrait

What Others Are Saying about
Marital Intelligence
As I read this book, I thought- It s about time! A gifted author, communicator, and leader, Dr. Gil Stieglitz has just delivered his most valuable book. Marital Intelligence is a gold mine for anyone who believes that any marriage can thrive if and when biblical hope and help are applied. And this is no mere ivory tower treatise. Drawing from 25 years of experience, Gil uncovers the five basic problems in marriage and then offers the two things all marriages need-encouragement and practical help straight from the Scriptures. This book will help couples who are struggling and those who want to add a new spark to their marriage. It will also be a great resource for counselors, pastors, and premarital workshops. This is a must-read that will energize and equip marriages!
What s at stake? Everything! Because I believe that what happens in your house is as important as what happens in the White House, my prayer is that God will use this book to light some fires in thousands of homes that will never go out.
Ray Johnston , Pastor, Bayside Church, Granite Bay, California
Finally, a book that does more than just tell you that you are not doing marriage the right way, but gives you day by day practical ways to make it right! It s the kind of map you can use in your marriage-and give to others to help their marriage.
Dean Matteson , Senior Pastor, Faith Community Church, Palmdale, California.
Gil Stieglitz is the most strategic writer in the current church world. His understanding and experience as a pastor, district superintendent, consultant and husband have combined to produce a rich background captured for this book. He has brought the best of current marriage theory, counseling background, and biblical principles to bear on a fresh, comprehensive look at our most intimate relationship-marriage. Whether you are contemplating marriage, are newly married or are committed to a long-term marriage, you will find accurate diagnosis, self-evaluation, and practical help. If applied, this book can help save a deteriorating marriage, restore a drifting marriage, and add depth to a good marriage. Whatever condition you bring to the book, get ready for a great read and then practical suggestions to improve on your relationship.
Dr. Conrad Lowe , Senior Pastor, Exec. Pastor, District Supervisor, and Consultant
At last! A marriage resource manual and enrichment guide for the rest of us who want biblical, honest answers but don t want psycho-jargon! The self-test alone is easy to use, helpful, and worth the price of the book. Together with the book s practical advice, this test and book will give real feedback and guidance to hurting couples who know their marriage is broken but don t know how to fix it. Many couples will have Gil Stieglitz to thank for improving their marriage! Way to go, Gil!
Dr. Rick Stedman , Senior Pastor, Adventure Christian Church, Author of Y our Single Treasure: Good News About Singles and Sexuality.
If you have ever been frustrated that marriage didn t come with a manual, you just hit the jackpot! Marital Intelligence by Gil Stieglitz will provide you with a roadmap for increasing the health, stability, and foundations of your marriage. Gil s book is organized around the five problems in marriage; but rather than being a book about how to avoid or resolve conflicts alone, this book equips you to build a healthy marriage in each of the five problem areas. I strongly recommend the book for pastors, counselors, and anyone wanting to build or bless others with a strong marriage.
Dr. John Jackson , Executive Director of Thriving Churches International, Author of Leveraging Your Communication Style and Leveraging Your Leadership Style

Marital Intelligence
A Foolproof Guide for Saving and Supercharging Marriages
Copyright Gil Stieglitz 2010
ISBN: 978-0-88469-265-2
RELIGION / Christian Ministry / Counseling Recovery
Published by BMH books, Winona Lake, IN 46590
www.bmhbooks.com
All Rights Reserved
All Scripture verses are from the New American Standard Bible unless otherwise indicated. Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977. The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
References marked NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version, copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my incredible wife, Dana.
Being married to you is a sheer joy. Our marriage has been a journey of constant and regular delight. People don t believe me when I share what it is like to have you as my wife. In this relationship called marriage you make me appear more intelligent than I am. I find myself constantly attracted to you-spirit, soul, and body. I could not have asked for a better life partner. It is the wonder of being married to you that gives me energy, beauty, and inspiration. You truly are God s gift to me.
Table of Contents
What Others Are Saying about Marital Intelligence
Dedication
Acknowledgments
How to Use this Book
Marital Intelligence: Introduction
Introduction: There Are Only Five Problems in Marriage
Problem 1: Ignoring Needs
Overview
Marital Intelligence Test
Becoming a Loving Husband
Honor
Understanding
Security
Building Unity
Agreement
Nurture
Defender
Becoming a Loving Wife
Respect
Adaptation
Domestic Leadership
Intimacy
Companionship
Attractive Soul and Body
Listening
Summary of the Problem of Ignoring Needs
Problem 2: Immature Behaviors
Overview
SAD Behaviors
Marital Intelligence Test
Typical Immature Behaviors
The Consequences of Immature Behaviors
Eight Solutions to Immature Behaviors
Solution 1: Stop Acting in Immature Ways
Solution 2: Make Real Apologies
Solution 3: Have Alignment Conversations
Solution 4: Thoughtful Requests
Solution 5: Add More Love
Solution 6: Change an Immature Behavior
Solution 7: Confrontational/Clarifying Conversation
Solution 8: Patience and a Change of Focus
Immature Behaviors Inventory
Summary of the Problem of Immature Behaviors
Problem 3: Clashing Temperaments
Overview
Marital Intelligence Test
Male and Female Characteristics
Temperament Assessments
Myers-Briggs Temperament Types
Four Ancient Temperament Types
Five Love Languages
Summary of the Problem of Clashing Temperaments
Problem 4: Competing Relationships
Overview
Marital Intelligence Test
Prioritized Relationships
The Big Three
Finances
Work/Career
Family/Children
Summary of the Problem of Competing Relationships
Problem 5: Past Baggage
Overview
Marital Intelligence Test:
Type 1: Victimization
Healing Abuse, Wounds, and Victimization
Steps to Forgiveness
Type 2: Family and Cultural Programming
Early Childhood Programming
Cultural Influences and Commandments
Type 3: Past Actions
Summary of the Problem of Past Baggage
Conclusion
Appendices
Appendix 1 - Full Marital Intelligence Test
Appendix 2 - Scoring the Full Marital Intelligence Test
Appendix 3 - Recreational Companionship Ideas
End Notes
Bibliography
Other Resources by Gil Stieglitz
Acknowledgments
No book could be produced without the many people behind the scenes that make it happen. First, I thank my incredible wife, Dana, and my lovely daughters, Jenessa, Abbey, and Grace, who have allowed me to spend endless hours working on this book. They share my goal to help other families obtain what we have.
I also thank Sandy Johnson, my administrative assistant at Principles to Live By, and Dalene Lequieu, my administrative assistant with the Western District of the Evangelical Free Churches of America. They have allowed me to remain sane while working with those non-profit organizations.
Thank you Gary and Susan Basham, Jud and Mary Boies, Kyle and Meredith Hedwall, Ken Townsend and Dave Doty for providing valuable suggestions on the raw manuscript. Many thanks to Vickie Newman, who worked so hard to edit the original manuscript. To the folks at BMH Books, thank you for working alongside me to print this important resource.
Last, but not least, I thank the willing couples I have worked with in their moments of need for the last 30 years. The wonder of seeing a marriage saved is amazing. The power of supercharging a marriage formerly in business mode is thrilling. Thank you for allowing me to apply God s principles to your marriage.
Gil Stieglitz
Roseville, California
September 2009
How to Use this Book
This book was written so that Christians, counselors, and leaders would have a biblical and practical guide to help marriages. Each concept includes an exercise to apply that biblical truth in one s life and marriage. Therefore if the exercises are not attempted, the book will be of little value. The genius of the book (if there is any) is not what I write but what the reader will do through the exercises at the end of each section.
Personal Study
This book can be a personal study. If you are working through this book alone, take the test in each chapter, pick one truth in that chapter, and do one of the exercises that accompany that idea. Some exercises need to be practiced for a week before their effectiveness can be evaluated. If you find an exercise that is not helpful, simply move on to the next one. Do not be in a hurry to get through the book. Let the power of the biblical exercises go through you. If you find that one exercise is particularly helpful, stay with it for a month or longer. In fact, that effective exercise may become the impetus for changing your marriage. It is more important that you discover how to make a difference in your marriage than that you finish the book in a certain time. It may take a year or longer to go through the entire book. After you have finished it as a personal study, you may want to join a group study in which you will go through t