See-Through Marriage

Ryan Frederick

Description

Marriage is all about sharing: sharing space, sharing joys and sorrows, sharing hopes and dreams. Yet we often hold back a part of ourselves because we fear that being wholly transparent--about our past, our desires, our failures, our faults--will bring judgment, rejection, or even just unwanted friction to our relationship. We are afraid to be fully known. As a result, we never experience being fully loved.Fierce Marriage authors Ryan and Selena Frederick think your marriage deserves better. In this new, paradigm-shifting book, they show you how to develop a see-through marriage, one that is marked by full transparency and confident vulnerability. Through personal stories, testimonies from other couples, and biblical truth, they make the case that living authentically in front of each other is the only way to experience love the way we were designed to.If you desire an honest, no-holding-back marriage where you are fully known, fully accepted, and fully loved, you need this book.

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 05 mai 2020
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781493423385
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 2 Mo

Extrait

Cover
Endorsements
“Ryan and Selena don’t hold back from exposing the truth and the powerful impact of living a transparent life. Covering everything from social media and identity to community and sex in marriage, they have unpacked a necessary call to action for every husband and wife, and every person alike, to be transparent so that the light of Christ can shine bright. We have learned on our journey of marriage that true transparency, what the Fredericks define as ‘meaningful risk,’ is the only way to be truly known and undoubtedly loved. Risk for the sake of walking in light and letting God’s light prevail is necessary and beautiful. See-Through Marriage is a must-read for all!”
Aaron and Jennifer Smith, authors of Marriage after God: Chasing Boldly after God’ s Purpose for Your Life Together
“Our friends Ryan and Selena Frederick are one of the most authentic and inspiring couples on the planet. Their new book, See- Through Marriage , is a powerful resource that will simultaneously strengthen your faith, clarify your purpose, and fuel your souls for the journey. This book is a practical roadmap to authenticity, transparency, and intimacy in every aspect of your marriage. If you’ll read this book and apply its principles, it truly has the potential to change your perspective and change your marriage for the better!”
Dave and Ashley Willis, authors, speakers, and TV hosts for MarriageToday
“Ryan and Selena guide you compassionately and practically into the honest and sometimes risky places that cultivate the marriage God has hard-wired you to long for, grow into, and enjoy.”
David Robbins, president and CEO of FamilyLife
“There are many people in the ‘marriage’ space, but few are as authentic and transparent as Ryan and Selena. It makes perfect sense they would write See- Through Marriage and encourage couples to live the life they model themselves. After spending time personally with Ryan and Selena and reading this new book, I believe 100 percent that See- Through Marriage will make your relationship better and will help ignite new intimacy and unity in your marriage. This isn’t a ‘one-note’ book. It’s full of helpful wisdom to apply in many different situations within the marriage context. If you’re looking to invest in your marriage and want to learn from a couple who is living out the message they are writing, look no further than See- Through Marriage .”
Brent Evans, president of MarriageToday and founder of XO Marriage
“If you have a heartbeat, being fully known is incredibly scary. Especially with your spouse. Rejection is just a word or smirk away. But let us assure you, in a world full of people showing one side of themselves on social media while living a different reality behind closed doors, Ryan and Selena are a breath of fresh air. They live a see-through life. You can trust the words of this book because you can trust the souls who penned it. The transparency of their stories will be proof.”
Dr. Josh and Christi Straub, hosts of the Famous at Home podcast and authors of What Am I Feeling?
“Ryan and Selena are consistently willing to dive into topics that very few others are willing to talk about. In See- Through Marriage , they graciously invite us into a journey where hope and healing are found. In short, they invite us into the light. If your marriage longs for less how-to ‘hacks’ and more Jesus, this book is for you.”
Jerrad Lopes, founder of Dad Tired
“As one who once hid my broken places and believed the lie that no one would love me if they really knew me, and as one who sees that lie play out day after day, I could not find See- Through Marriage more timely or essential. This book stares plainly at our darkest fear, that of rejection at the point of intimacy, and offers tools to help us on the path to truly knowing one another and being known. Allow yourself to be challenged. Allow yourself to be encouraged. Allow yourself to remember that, even in your darkest places, you’re loved and never alone.”
Steven Elliott, veterans’ advocate and author of War Story: A Memoir
“In See- Through Marriage , Ryan and Selena lead you through how to live a life and develop a marriage full of transparency, centered in Christ in all you do. This book is rooted in the gospel and teaches about the gift of marriage the Lord gave to us. Ryan and Selena provide many examples of marital hardships they have overcome, what they learned about themselves and each other in the process, and how they grow in their marriage through each challenge. This book is a must-read for all couples to work through and apply in their life together.”
Andrew Moore, professional baseball player
“Thousands of married people are drawn to Ryan and Selena. But why? Why in a sea of marriage content and marriage gurus are couples drawn to the Fredericks? Because they are exactly what they unpack in this book—they are transparent with God, each other, and you. They don’t call you to a marriage like theirs, they help you discover the best version of a marriage like yours. Who doesn’t want that? (And it will take you less time than binging a Netflix series.)
Ted Lowe, author, podcast host, and director of MarriedPeople . org
Title Page
Copyright Page
© 2020 by Ryan and Selena Frederick
Published by Baker Books
a division of Baker Publishing Group
PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.bakerbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2020
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-2338-5
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2016
Scripture quotations labeled NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
The authors are represented by Alive Literary Agency, 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200, Colorado Springs, CO 80920, www.aliveliterary.com.
Some names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.
Dedication
To Rob and Lisa Mayer: your faithful declaration of the gospel and demonstration of its power have drawn us further into the light.
Contents
Cover 1
Endorsements 2
Title page 5
Copyright Page 6
Dedication 7
Preface: The See-Through Storm 11
1. The Case for Transparency 15
2. Why Live in the Light? 34
3. The Lies of Isolation 48
4. Hiding versus Being Hidden 62
5. The See-Through Self 80
6. Why Knowing Your Spiritual Self Matters 91
7. Your Physiological Self 106
8. Your Psychological Self 119
9. How Transparency Leads Us into Oneness 137
10. Cultivating a See-Through Sex Life 160
11. Mastering See-Through Communication 177
12. Creating a Culture of Vital Communication 194
13. Being Seen: Friendships 205
14. Being Seen: Small Groups 218
15. Go, Walk in the Light 237
Acknowledgments 245
Notes 247
Back Ads 253
Back Cover 257
Preface
The See-Through Storm
RYAN
T wo months after we received the green light to write this book, there happened upon our hometown a snowstorm of historic proportion. Snow isn’t rare in our area, but Pacific Northwestern municipalities are far from equipped to handle anything more than a few inches of it at one time.
When local news outlets warned of a “crippling snowfall,” they weren’t kidding. Most residents of our city and those surrounding us were relegated to staying home. That, plus intermittent power outages, meant there was ample opportunity for what I will call “recreational married people activities.” 1 We made good and productive use of our time.
Six weeks later, as we prepped to record that week’s podcast episode—and between carving out moments to craft this narrative—Selena plopped a positive pregnancy test on my desk. This was not unwelcome or even wholly unexpected, but it was certainly not anticipated in that moment. In the past it had taken us longer to get pregnant, but this time was different. The marvelous blessing of such a “problem” is not lost on us, but it was jarring at this particular season of life.
Now, after writing our previous book, Fierce Marriage , while Selena was pregnant with our second daughter, we’d vowed to each other that we’d never again write a book while she was with child. Doing so made it too hard for her to think clearly (pregnancy hormones are real!) or for us to collaborate effectively with a toddler at home. Regardless, it would seem that God has a sense of humor about these things, especially when we’re so cavalier and claim so much agency over the big, important things in our lives. So we found ourselves cowriting another book with a little one on the way—this time with not one but two other small children in the mix.
Coincidentally, that was also the first year we decided to homeschool our oldest (Dela, age five) and by default, our youngest at the time was brought along for the ride (Clementine, age two). Since I work from home as well, this meant our entire family was home for nearly every hour of every day. Rain, snow, or shine, there we all were. Good days and bad, in sickness and in health. We were all home, all the time.
Add to the above a large dose of family hardship, financial frustration, our new post as chaplains for a minor league baseball (MiLB) team, me starting grad school, and everyday life in bet