What a Son Needs from His Mom

Cheri Fuller

Description

Ever Feel Like Your Son Is From a Different Planet?Don't worry, Mom. There's a good reason why your son perplexes you. He's the OPPOSITE sex! Boys really do think, communicate, and process the world differently than girls. But no matter your son's age, he needs you, and he needs you in not-so-apparent ways.Drawing from her own experiences, as well as those from moms and sons from around the country, Cheri Fuller shares what makes boys and young men tick and how to become a more welcome influence at every stage in their lives. She answers all the top questions, including:"How can I help my son (and me!) deal with his emotions in a healthy way?""School is such a struggle. How can I help him?" "Our personalities are SO different. How can we get on the same page?""My son hardly says a thing. What can I do?""What are the best ways to instill good values?""How can I encourage a lasting faith in God?"With page after page of use-it-today advice and encouraging stories, this book will help you steer your son toward becoming a caring, confident young man.Includes Reflection Questions for Personal or Group UseGreat for understanding grandsons, too!"Some mother-son relationships seem to add credence to the adage that 'men are from Mars, women are from Venus.' Even mothers who have aclose bond with their sons may think they harbor a complete stranger when their male offspring reach puberty. Fuller is a speaker and author, as well as mother of three (two boys and a girl) and grandmother of six. She lists specific activities that all sons need from their mothers, such as encouragement, communication, prayer, and confidence-building. She adds questions at each chapter's end to 'ponder, journal or discuss,' lending the book to both individual and group study. Recommended for the parenting section of any church library." --Church Libraries

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 15 mars 2013
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781441260604
• Langue: English

Extrait

© 2013 by Cheri Fuller
Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Ebook edition created 2013
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means for example, electronic, photocopy, recording without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
ISBN 978-1-4412-6060-4
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Scripture quotations identified amp are from the Amplified® Bible, copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
Scripture quotations identified T he M essage are from The Message by Eugene H. Peterson, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations identified nlt are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
The internet addresses, email addresses, and phone numbers in this book are accurate at the time of publication. They are provided as a resource. Baker Publishing Group does not endorse them or vouch for their content or permanence.
Cover design b y Lookout Design, Inc.
Author is represented by WordServe Literary Group
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To Justin Oliver Fuller and Christopher Kenton Fuller,
my sons, who’ve been a blessing to me throughout their lives and grown into wonderful, caring, confident men, and the best dads I know.
Love you forever and like you for always,
Mom
Contents
Cover 1
Title Page 3
Copyright Page 4
Dedication 5
1. Mothers and Sons 9
2. A Mom Who Encourages 21
3. A Mom Who Builds Confidence in Her Son 35
4. A Mom Who Overcomes Her Fears 49
5. A Mom Who Prays for Her Son 61
6. A Mom Who Listens and Communicates 75
7. A Mom Who Stays Connected 91
8. A Mom Who Understands Her Son’s Unique Personality 105
9. A Mom Who Helps Her Son Shine in School and Beyond 117
10. A Mom Who Develops Her Son’s Character 133
11. A Mom Who Helps Her Son Manage His Emotions 147
12. A Mom Who Nurtures Her Son’s Faith 159
13. A Mom Who Releases Her Son to Manhood 175
14. A Mom Who Pursues a Purposeful Life 191
Recommended Books 207
Notes 209
Acknowledgments 217
About the Author 219
Back Ad 220
Back Cover 221
1 Mothers and Sons
There is an enduring tenderness in the love of a mother to a son that transcends all other affections of the heart.
Washington Irving
One morning when our first son, Justin, was barely two, I walked into the kitchen after putting his freshly washed jeans and T-shirts in his chest of drawers and turned to the family room, where he’d been playing just moments before.
He was gone.
“Justin!” I called as I looked around. I just saw him playing with his big dump truck . How could he disappear like that?
“Justin! Justin! Where are you? Are you hiding? Where are you, honey?” I searched all over the house, in every closet and cranny, calling his name, looking under beds and behind doors, thinking he was playing hide-and-seek.
Oh, he must have gone to the backyard. My heart raced as I ran outside, but no Justin. After searching the house one more time, I ran to the front door and found it unlocked. How did he reach the lock? I wondered as I charged outside, calling his name at the top of my lungs.
I didn’t see anyone in the yard or in the street. But finally I looked up and saw our little blond, blue-eyed toddler sitting high on the roof above me, smiling and happy as he could be. That smile of conquest said it all: “I did it!”
Below him was a tall ladder some workmen had left leaning against our house when they went to lunch.
“Stay right there and I’ll get you!” I yelled. Clearly, this pint-size boy wasn’t nearly as scared as I was. “Mommy, it’s okay,” he called down, looking poised to explore even higher.
Though high places are not my thing, I climbed up the ladder, put my arm around my little boy, and carried him down to safety. This wasn’t his last climbing adventure, and I found out later why he had a bent toward climbing. My mother-in-law told me she often found her firstborn son (my husband and Justin’s dad) in the top of twenty-five-foot trees at the park even as a very young boy.
Justin continued to love high places and to be able to climb out of anything (his car seat, for one) and to the highest part of playground equipment. There were a few scary incidents ahead, like when he climbed to our top kitchen cabinets and ate several of my allergy pills just to see what they tasted like. After that, we got the even more secure child-safety locks and bought a tall geodesic dome for (safe) backyard climbing!
The rest of the story: In college, Justin began bouldering and rock climbing in the Colorado mountains and in climbing gyms, and has loved the sport ever since. He has passed down his passion for climbing to his daughter, Caitlin, who is a competitive rock climber and made it to the U.S. Nationals at the age of eleven. She’s fifteen now, and sport climbing is her favorite athletic endeavor.
Justin’s roof-climbing adventure was just one early point on the long learning curve called raising boys! Having grown up in the middle of five sisters and a much younger brother, boys were always a bit of a mystery to me. I didn’t know much about boy-energy. I was raised in a girl-world of dolls and dancing lessons, tea parties, games, and cute ruffled dresses Mama made for us. When we did pretend play, we donned her high heels and put on her makeup, or pretended to be Florence Nightingale as we played “nurse.”
My sons’ costumes and pretend play couldn’t have been more different. From a young age, Justin and Christopher’s favorite costumes were cowboy and army wear, homemade Superman and Batman capes, and boys’ hats of all kinds: fireman, worker man, army man as they called them.
When we visited my mom on her ranch in east Texas, the boys got to don their cowboy gear and ride a pony, go fishing, and tramp around in the woods with their cousins. I learned early on that some boys had adventure needs I’d never thought of or experienced. Over and over as they grew, I saw that these precious boys were different from us females and had unique needs, behavior, communication styles, desires, and ways of processing things in the world around them.
Yet oh, how I love my boys! Through every year of their childhood, middle school, and adolescent years, and into adulthood, I’ve learned more and more about raising sons. Now Justin and Chris are grown men, parents themselves. And with three granddaughters and three grandsons, I’m still coming to a deeper understanding and enjoyment of the marvelous males around me.
Why a Son Needs His Mom
Maternal love is perhaps the most powerful, positive influence on a son’s development and life. Don’t let anybody convince you that you are irrelevant in your son’s life or that you need to separate from him prematurely. If you are the only woman in an all-male family, it can seem like the boys and your husband are a tight group (especially if he is very involved in their lives). You may even think your sons don’t need you. But nothing could be further from the truth!
Moms make an indelible imprint on the lives of their children. As Dr. William Pollack wrote in Real Boys , how mothers “respond to baby boys and young sons the manner in which [they] cuddle, kiss, and reassure, teach, comfort, and love not only determines a young boy’s capacity for a healthy emotional start in life but deeply affects a boy’s characteristic style of behavior and the development of his brain.” [1]
If you are a single mother, or your son’s dad is absent emotionally or physically, it can seem like a daunting task to raise a boy alone. But there are many great men who were raised by single moms: Alexander Haig, former U.S. Chief of Staff and Secretary of State; Ed Bradley, award-winning news correspondent; Dr. Benjamin Carson, acclaimed surgeon; Barack Obama, President of the United States; and Samuel Jackson, actor, to name a few.
As John and Helen Burns say in their book, What Dads Need to Know About Daughters/What Moms Need to Know About Sons :
Unfortunately, sometimes the father role gets so overemphasized that mothers feel helpless and incapable of raising masculine boys without the help of a strong father figure. This notion is an oversimplification; many single mothers have raised stellar young men who are very masculine. [2]
The reality is there are many reasons a son needs his mom. In the early years, she provides safety, love, and nurture or TLC (tender loving care) gifts that are vital to his emotional security and even lifelong relationships. Yes, there are other people in a boy’s life that influence him, like his father, grandparents, teachers, sisters, brothers, and coaches. Yet the first and strongest influence is his mother.
One of the greatest needs a son has in his first two years is a secure attachment and bond with his mom. According to researcher Elizabeth Carlson,
When a mother reacts reliably and sensitively to her infant’s needs, he will form an internal connection to her what psychologists call “a secure attachment” that will provide a strong foundation of trust and love on which he can build other relationships.