Summary of Julie L. Hall's The Narcissist in Your Life

Everest Media

Description

Please note: This is a companion version & not the original book.
Sample Book Insights:
#1 Someone with a narcissist in their life, whether as a parent or other family member, partner, friend, or other important person, will always feel violated.
#2 The idea that everyone is entitled to the same rights and freedoms goes against the narcissist’s personal belief system. For them, the world is a rigid and simplistic hierarchy of winners and losers, strong and weak, deserving and undeserving.
#3 Narcissists believe they are above the law. They believe that laws and social structures are only useful insofar as they protect their access to special social standing and freedoms.
#4 The right to freedom of belief is fundamental to being alive, but in relationship to a narcissist, thinking your own thoughts and holding your own beliefs are threats to be suppressed. Narcissists insist on agreement, and they use interrogation, bullying, guilt, and other tactics to get it.

Sujets

• Personality disorder
• Psychopathology

Informations

• Publié par: Everest Media LLC
• Date de parution: 05 avril 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781669377658
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Insights on Julie L. Hall's The Narcissist in Your Life
Contents Insights from Chapter 1 Insights from Chapter 2 Insights from Chapter 3 Insights from Chapter 4 Insights from Chapter 5 Insights from Chapter 6 Insights from Chapter 7
Insights from Chapter 1

#1

Someone with a narcissist in their life, whether as a parent or other family member, partner, friend, or other important person, will always feel violated.

#2

The idea that everyone is entitled to the same rights and freedoms goes against the narcissist’s personal belief system. For them, the world is a rigid and simplistic hierarchy of winners and losers, strong and weak, deserving and undeserving.

#3

Narcissists believe they are above the law. They believe that laws and social structures are only useful insofar as they protect their access to special social standing and freedoms.

#4

The right to freedom of belief is fundamental to being alive, but in relationship to a narcissist, thinking your own thoughts and holding your own beliefs are threats to be suppressed. Narcissists insist on agreement, and they use interrogation, bullying, guilt, and other tactics to get it.

#5

If we are victims of abuse, we may try to deny the reality of the situation. This may be a helpful short-term defense against overwhelming feelings. But long-term denial enables abusers and makes us and others vulnerable to further abuse.

#6

You have the right to your own thoughts and beliefs, to disagree with others, and not to share your thoughts. You have the right to express yourself freely, love and not love whom you wish, and not to feel what others feel or want you to feel.

#7

The narcissist is profoundly selfish, but lacks a core self. They are hypersensitive to slights and criticism, but they are also hypercritical of others. They expect a free pass but are intolerant and unforgiving.

#8

It is important to recognize that you feel anger and that your anger at the narcissist’s abuse is justified. Anger itself is not a bad thing, but it is important to understand that the root of anger is a feeling of unfairness or harm.

#9

Food, water, and love are needs. Alcohol, sex, and compulsive eating are not needs. They are ways we try to soothe ourselves or control things that feel out of control. If we don’t understand what we’re feeling and what we need, we may try to feel better or control things that are out of our control.

#10

Personality disorders can be difficult to diagnose for a professional, and it can be difficult to take on yourself if you are not educated in such matters. People’s behavior and motives are complicated, and labels are often simplistic and wrongheaded.

#11

Narcissism is a sickness that only the patient suffers from. Many people with NPD are resistant to therapy, and because of this, they never receive a formal diagnosis.

#12

Having a narcissist in your life puts you at risk for significant harm, and awareness is your best defense. People with NPD operate unfairly and abusively, with a toxic cocktail of infantile neediness and selfish disregard for the needs of others.

#13

It may be tempting to confront a narcissist with your suspected diagnosis, but first consider your motives and the realities of the disorder. Has the person shown respect for your opinions, particularly if they are in any way critical of him/her.
Insights from Chapter 2

#1

NARCISSISM IS A SPECTRUM disorder, meaning it exists on a continuum with some people exhibiting a few traits and others having full-blown narcissistic personality disorder. NPD is a Cluster B personality disorder, along with borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, and histrionic personality disorder.

#2

There are many false beliefs surrounding pathological narcissism: that the roots of narcissism are vanity and self-love, that only men are narcissists, that narcissists are great lovers, that narcissists are by nature great leaders, and that all therapists understand and treat narcissistic abuse trauma.

#3

There are many facts about narcissism, and they are all very scary. It is a pathological and debilitating condition that affects millions of people. People with NPD lack a stable sense of identity and self-esteem. They have an unrealistic view of people and relationships.

#4

NPD is a condition characterized by pathological personality traits and impairments that show a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy beginning by early adulthood.

#5

Narcissists are well practiced at hiding their insecurity from others and themselves. But their profound underlying emptiness and shame are reflected in their excessive need for external validation.

#6

People with NPD believe that they are more deserving than others, and they expect more and better than what others get. They will not hesitate to make demands, lash out, cause a scene, or sulk if they are not treated special.

#7

Travis was also intolerant of noises and smells, and would become enraged by electric fans, baby cries, or kitchen odors. He would always insist on getting the best table and being moved until he got it.

#8

The most outwardly harmful characteristic of NPD is a lack of emotional empathy. narcissists rarely connect with others emotionally, and they routinely hurt those around them to bolster themselves.

#9

Joanne had watched her mother die at the hospital the day before. She had been ill, but her death was sudden and unexpected. Her father, who was also ill, was walking to his front door when his wife’s mother launched into an angry diatribe about her car not starting.

#10

Because they believe they deserve more than others do, people with NPD are prone to envy and the belief that others envy them. They often go after what others have, whether material possessions, relationships, or achievements, and try to sabotage or punish the person who has what they want.

#11

The American Psychiatric Association’s nine identified criteria for diagnosing NPD are a somewhat useful guide, but they are limited in that they do not take into account the thoughts and emotions that drive a person’s behavior.

#12

Narcissists have an emotionally unstable child driving them, who fears being shamed or unworthy. They must believe their own claims of superiority and entitlement to feel good enough, but they rely on others for the validation they cannot give themselves.

#13

Another common trait of NPD is an excessive need for attention, which narcissists depend on for psycho-emotional sustenance. They typically manipulate others to get it.

#14

Narcissists are unable to internalize certain psychological milestones in childhood, such as the ability to form a stable, realistic, and nuanced view of themselves and others. They experience mental splitting because they lack whole object relations, and they experience out of sight, out of mind because they lack object constancy.

#15

narcissists are constantly battling between their inflated and deflated states of mind. They are highly dependent on others for the reassurance they can’t give themselves, and they seek inordinate attention and admiration.

#16

Because of their myopic self-involvement, poor self-awareness, and fear of exposure, it is easy to understand why narcissists have superficial relationships. They have little tolerance for narcissism in others, and their relationships are more likely to reflect expediency and mutual tolerance for dysfunction rather than shared concern and compassion.

#17

Terry’s father, who was extremely critical of his son Terry’s son David, had cut them out of the country club membership over Thanksgiving. I guess I should have expected it, but it was still a shock. I needed to stand up for my son.

#18

Isabel’s mother, Stella, often went to extremes to get attention. She would pretend to faint at the dinner table, and when the conversation shifted away from her, she would dramatically collapse onto the floor.

#19

Beneath the larger-than-life persona of a narcissist lies a fear of being exposed, losing control, and being humiliated. They are constantly trying to control what people think of them, and they are terrified of being rejected.

#20

narcissists play by different rules than the rest of us, with a double standard that means they expect special treatment. They never apologize, take responsibility, or self-reflect. They never forgive others, because they cannot forgive themselves.

#21

Narcissists are defined by their lack of emotional empathy and their inflated sense of entitlement. They have little to give because they feel their survival is at stake and nothing else matters. They are strangers to their innermost emotional realm.

#22

There are many things that can be mistaken for individual personality quirks that are actually common and explainable aspects of pathological narcissism and NPD. These include food issues, gift-giving issues, walking ahead of you, and admiration of totalitarian leaders.

#23

When his wife and son complained about his mother giving them huge portions at dinner, Liam realized that he had always been overeating. He had been afraid his mother would get angry if he didn’t eat, so he had been hiding food to avoid her anger.

#24

The intersection of narcissism and social media is perfect, as narcissists love attention and social media make it easy for them to project an idealized image of themselves and their life. They are also more likely to overshare or inappropriately bring their relationship, family, or friendship problems into social media public forums.

#25

Carol was a lawyer who was a frequent Facebook user. She had enemies and often got into arguments with other forum members. When the forum administrators warned her about her combativeness, she began threatening legal action against them.