I Left Myself in Viet Nam

Nam Sam

Description

This book is an autobiography of my experiences in combat during the Vietnam War. At those controversial times, I had to reinvent myself and adjust to every unique situation, not only for my survival but also for my comrades. Many times, I used humor at critical times. Was I a clown, fool, survivor, or all of the above? All I know, as a leader in combat, I could not show fear or become too emotional even as men were being torn apart from shrapnel or bullets. I was expected to keep my composure and a clear head to have a chance to come back alive at the same time accomplish our mission. Trust me, I was not any different than the other men, but I had to act like I was. I still had to find ways to vent my emotions. In Nam, one-liners and sick humor became my repertoire. Some new guys thought I was crazy at times, which was okay as long as I could maintain control.

Sujets

• Histoire
• Vietnam
• Military
• Viêt Nam
• History

Informations

• Publié par: Xlibris US
• Date de parution: 19 juillet 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781669838135
• Langue: English

Extrait

I LEFT MYSELF IN VIET NAM
 
 
 
 
 
NamSam
 
Copyright © 2022 by NamSam.
 
Library of Congress Control Number:
2022913220
ISBN:
Hardcover
978-1-6698-3815-9

Softcover
978-1-6698-3814-2

eBook
978-1-6698-3813-5

 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
 
 
Rev. date: 07/15/2022
 
 
Xlibris
844-714-8691
www.Xlibris.com
843414
CONTENTS
Introduction
Training Stateside
Off to Nam
Humor and That Damn Rucksack
So Many Ways to Die
Combat Experiences
Too Close
Instincts
That Look
Surreal and Cool
Beauty
Fear
Adrenaline
Luck
Spared or Was I
The Real Heroes
R and R
Happy Birthday
Politically Correct, Even Then
Guilt
Conclusion + Commentary
Combat Poetry
Brothers for Life
Why You, Dale?
How Does It Feel
One Last Plea
Birthday Nightmare
Lies of War
 
 
 
 
I dedicate this book to all who have ever served this great country, those who are serving now, and future brave men and women who answered their call to duty. Their sacrifices should never be taken for granted. Of course, for those who gave the ultimate sacrifice, the memories and faces of those brave souls shall not be forgotten in a grateful country. As horrific as any war can be, every attempt must be taken to prevent or discourage such an act. Unfortunately, in order to survive, hold on to our freedoms or assist innocent victims or countries from genocide, sometimes it requires all of us to take responsibility and get our hands dirty for the better good.
INTRODUCTION
T HE VIET NAM War was different from all the previous wars in the United States was ever involved almost every aspect but one, death and destruction. The long war started as a police action but ultimately turned into a bloodbath. In the early years of the conflict, most citizens were 100 percent behind our involvement. They wished to stop the spread of communism and allow democracy to blossom in third-world countries. Toward the end of the war, our country only wanted to leave Viet Nam without being too big an embarrassment to the rest of the world. Meanwhile, young men continued to die for no clear purpose. The returning soldiers, some of whom went through hell in the jungles, came home to an ungrateful country. We received disrespect and sometimes downright hatred. We were America’s youth who answered the call to arms as did our previous generations. Somehow, some felt we were the scum of the earth. I believe we’ve all heard that story enough, times have changed, but the past should still be remembered so as not to repeat itself.
There may be as many stories to be told from that war as were those who participated.
My story may differ because of the ways I have always handled conflict. Using humor could help relieve tension or hide the fear or anger deep inside. Growing up in an abusive childhood, I discovered at an early age, ways of getting back at my abusers. I could not end my physical beatings, but through humor, I had a secret weapon. Instead of accepting defeat, I would snap back with one-liners, jokes, and ridicule. It usually resulted in a worse beating, but I knew I was getting back at my adversary. I continued using humor as a tool after I entered the army. Whether it was right or wrong, it helped me get through the most difficult times of my life. After all, doesn’t everyone love a clown?
I also added some combat poetry, which I wrote at different times of my life.
They reflect a range of emotions from extreme guilt to downright anger.
TRAINING STATESIDE
A FTER THE TET offensive of 1968, I felt I had to do my part. I quit college and volunteered for the draft. After arriving for basic training at Fort Jackson, I was shocked by the drill instructors. I was here to prepare for war, but all they wanted to do was break me down through humiliation and ridicule. Hell, my old man couldn’t break me. I sure as hell wasn’t going to let them do it. I was singled out quite often for noncompliance. A DI would do or say something really stupid or funny, and I’d laugh. Of course, that would always cause him to get into my face yelling things like “You think I’m funny, boy? Do you think I’m a clown? Get down and give me twenty.” Once I responded by saying,” You sure do act like a clown.” They usually made me do pushups until I couldn’t do it anymore. I was in the best shape of my life. I knew I could take anything they could dish out. Throughout any punishment, I would retain a big smile on my face. The DIs really hated that. After all, were they going to kill me? They had bigger plans for me. Needless to say, I got into a lot of trouble and received my share of article 15s. Yes, I was and I still am a stubborn clown.
One weekend during basic training, we were all confined to our barracks. The DIs had us believe that there were armed guards outside to keep us contained. Anyhow, I spotted an ice cream truck about 150 yards away. I then asked if anyone was going to come with me. They all seemed to fear retaliation. I then said, “What are they going to do, send us to Viet Nam. That’s where we’re all going anyhow.” What a joke, there were guys who had signed up for four years and were supposed to be guaranteed certain schools and destinations. How naive they had to be to believe a recruiter. This was the largest buildup of the war. Almost everyone was destined to go to Nam unless he was a VIP. A VIP was someone whose daddy was rich or had political connections. This war was to be fought by the mostly blue-collar and poor young men unless certain VIPs felt patriotic and chose to serve. At the end of basic training, we were all gathered together to receive our next destination or AIT. As our names were called out, everyone seemed to get the same result, infantry or artillery, destination Viet Nam. One guy started to cry, then yelled out, “I have guarantees.” The CO then responded, saying, “The only guarantee you have is that you are going to Viet Nam and that you are going to die. Why? Because you are so stupid.”
Back to the great barracks escape, there was a hatch near the showers to work on the water lines if needed. I squeezed through, crawled under the barracks, headed for a tree line, then up to the ice cream truck. After buying a large strawberry sundae, I stood in plain sight of our barracks, hoping some of the guys would notice me enjoying my prize. I then ordered a second sundae. The food at the mess hall was terrible, so this was quite a treat. I made my way back without incident. I continued to tease the guys till they had heard enough. The whole thing was no big deal, but some of the men thought there was something wrong with me.
I was very determined to beat the DIs at their own game, but they had a plan B. On a hot rainy Friday, our senior NCO announced that all weekend passes were to be canceled. He then promised that our company was going to go through a long tedious physical workout all because of one insubordinate SOB. Every time you feel like venting your anger, just say, “Thank you, Mr. ——.” He then gave me a chair and an umbrella. As the men’s punishment continued, the chant, “Thank you, Mr. ——” became more numerous. After a while, the DI said to the men, “I can’t tell you what to do when you get back to your barracks tonight, but each one of you should express your appreciation to this man sitting here, any way you see fit.” That did it. I could handle being punished myself, but I never wanted anyone else to pay for my insubordination. I slept with one eye open that night, but for some reason, there was no retaliation. The system definitely won that round.
Most of the time, our training was so repetitious that it became downright boring. A lot of times, I just didn’t pay any attention.
Once while on the firing range, a DI seemed to be talking too much. I was concentrating on waiting for the popup targets. All of a sudden, a target popped up at 400 meters. I fired right away, but I was the only one. A DI then screamed, “Who fired that shot?” I said oops to myself but remained silent. The DI yelled again, “I said who fired that f——ing round?” I remained in the prone position and didn’t say a word. I had forgotten about the instructors who stood behind us. Then I heard someone say, “What did you do, boy?” I said, “Nothing, Sergeant.” He said, “What is that casing doing at your side?” My response was “It must have been there a long time.” Sarge said, “This round is still hot. You’re coming with me.” He took me to the company commander. The CO refused to acknowledge me for a few moments. He then began explaining how serious my response was. “Do you realize that if this would have been a real combat situation, our company could have been wiped out? The soldier you shot was just scouting the area. There was a whole NVA division behind him. Now they know where we are. That is why we told all of you not to fire unless ordered to. What’s wrong with you? Can’t you obey simple orders?” Since I didn’t want to admit that I was not paying attenti