Belonging and Becoming

Mark Scandrette

Description

Many of us feel overwhelmed about the prospect of raising children in our high-performance, rapid-pace culture. Reflecting on difficulties from our own families of origin can increase our doubt and insecurity about being a good parent. Positive examples of family life can seem few and far between. Mark and Lisa Scandrette understand these challenges, and in Belonging and Becoming they cast a compelling vision of what the family can be. They offer wisdom from the joys and struggles of their own life, and practical guidance for creating a healthy and deeply rooted family culture. Whether you've been a parent for some time, you're just starting out, or you're only starting to think about it, this book will inspire you to take new steps toward family thriving. Now more than ever, we need a new vision for family that is creative, intentional, soulful, and globally aware. This book offers just that. Its goal is a thriving family, where each member is loved and supported to become all they were made to be for the good of the world.

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie

Informations

• Publié par: Lion Hudson
• Date de parution: 20 janvier 2017
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9780857218087
• Langue: English

Extrait

This is a very grounded, practical book that will really help families think through and talk about the way they want to be family together. It s strange that this is not much talked about in churches - at least I have never come across a book quite like it. I am glad it now exists and will be recommending it to those setting out on the exciting and daunting adventure of growing a family.
Jonny Baker, Director of Mission Education, Church Mission Society
There s no doubt that the main place for spiritual formation is in the family, but yet this critical area is often surprisingly overlooked and underresourced. With characteristic vulnerability and honesty the Scandrettes paint a vision of truly inspiring family life and then give clear steps in how to achieve it. In a book packed with practical ideas, simply introducing 2 or 3 of them will have the power to radically transform family life. I wish I could have had this resource years ago!
Rev Joe Davis, Baptist Minister & Speaker for Renovar Britain and Ireland
So happy this book was written, so mad it wasn t written thirty years ago! I know that Mark and Lisa did not just write this book, but they have also lived it. And in the living of it, they make room for various expressions of the values-based, thoughtful approach to parenting that we all aspire to. Our world, our neighborhoods, and our souls will be the richer for the reading and practice of these pages.
Nancy Ortberg, author of Looking for God
So many of us have great intentions about creating a family unit that feels more like a high-functioning team than a volatile conflict zone - but we don t know where to start. By highlighting some key values, and creating much-needed space to reflect on them together, Mark and Lisa have created a gift for every family serious about developing and thriving together. This is a beautifully-written and incredibly practical field guide to one of the most difficult and profound tasks that we can ever undertake: crafting a family culture of safety, comfort and love, where God is glorified and everyone gets to reach their full potential.
Martin Saunders, Contributing Editor to Christian Today and Deputy CEO of Youthscape.

Text copyright 2016 Mark and Lisa Scandrette This edition copyright 2017 Lion Hudson
The right of Mark and Lisa Scandrette to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Published by Monarch Books an imprint of Lion Hudson plc Wilkinson House, Jordan Hill Road, Oxford OX2 8DR, England www.lionhudson.com/monarch
ISBN 978 0 85721 807 0 e-ISBN 978 0 85721 808 7
First published by InterVarsity Press, P.O. Box 1400, Downers Grove, IL 60515-1426, ivpress.com, [e-mail]
Acknowledgments
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION , NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
While many stories in this book are true, some names and identifying information may have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.
Images: graphic tree galbiati/iStockphoto; graphic icons appleuzr/iStockphoto
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
To Hailey, your bright light calls us to justice
To Noah, your gentle strength invites us to know and explore
To Isaiah, your sparkle and warmth bring laughter and peace

This book comes from our shared story of belonging and becoming, and the best is yet to come.
Contents

1 A Thriving Family Lives from a Vision

2 A Thriving Family Carries Out Its Purpose

3 A Thriving Family Finds Its Rhythm

4 A Thriving Family Discovers a Common Story

5 A Thriving Family Fosters Connection

6 A Thriving Family Nurtures Growth

7 A Thriving Family Celebrates Abundance

8 A Thriving Family Supports Productivity

Conclusion

Acknowledgments

Group Learning Guide

Shared Learning Contract

Group Prayer for Family Thriving

Notes
A Thriving Family Lives from a Vision

Amanda and Luke are parents to three children under three, including a set of twins. Managing our daily schedule is so hectic, it s like we live in a giant hamster wheel, Amanda says. The day starts with a bang when the twins wake up at five thirty, then everyone needs to get fed and dressed so that Luke can walk their older son to preschool while Amanda hands the twins off to a caregiver before rushing to catch the train to work. Our schedule is so complicated, Luke says. If one thing doesn t go just right-if the babysitter is running late or one of the kids gets sick-it throws the whole day off, and we re left scrambling just to keep up.
Carlos confides, You know something is wrong when I wake up in the morning and reach for my smartphone before kissing my wife good morning-or I m at the breakfast table looking down at my phone instead of talking to the kids while they munch their cereal. I really want to be a connected father and husband, but it s so easy to be distracted.
Before I had children, Maria says, I thought of myself as someone who really lives out their values. I had time to be involved in my community, meeting the needs of neighbors and supporting causes I care about. Now my greatest achievement seems to be a full night s sleep and getting everyone where they need to be on time. I fear I ve given up my dreams and ideals. I m doing what seems urgent, but maybe not what s important.
Perhaps you can relate to the sentiments of these parents. Many of us live lives of distraction, hurry, worry or striving. We desire the wholeness of close relationships, soulful work and rooted vitality, but the everyday demands of life, our expectations and those of our society often leave us feeling fragmented. We have high aspirations for how we want to connect with our children and spouses and for what we hope to provide, but we struggle to find the time, energy and support to fulfill many competing desires and needs. No wonder so many of us feel stretched and tired.
How can a family thrive?
When the two of us met, we almost immediately recognized what we had in common: a passion for families and a desire to create a thriving family of our own. We spent the first five years of our marriage working with underresourced families through a faith-based nonprofit, setting up kids clubs in low-income neighborhoods and government housing projects. We had the privilege of being invited into the lives of many families and witnessed both their beauty and their pain.
Though we didn t yet have children of our own, our apartment became a place of refuge for the children of parents grappling with addiction, mental illness, sexual trauma and the lingering effects of displacement and war. Kids would wander over to our apartment on nights when Mom or Dad were drinking. We hosted family meals with nutritious food, table conversations and games-trying our best to supplement the warmth, nurture and safety their families struggled to provide.
Perhaps naively, we believed that our time and affection could mitigate the lack of thriving experienced in many of their families. But as these children reached adolescence, the latent effects began to manifest. As teenagers, many of the kids we cared for became parents themselves or ended up in juvenile detention. Several died too early through violence.
Our work with children and parents sensitized us to the dynamics present in healthy families that are often absent in families that fail to thrive. On wooded paths along Minnesota lakes, we went for long walks and talked about the kind of family we hoped to create together. We imagined a household of laughter, fun and deep connections. We wanted an awareness of divine purpose and presence to permeate our lives and shape our decisions. We envisioned doing meaningful work together, using our gifts to serve. We hoped to open our lives to others, especially to those who struggle and suffer. And we desired to live gratefully, creatively and sustainably.
Envisioning the kind of family we wanted to be was a start, but it would take a lifetime to enact. In the early years of our marriage, we thought we were getting traction on the life we d imagined, but as our three children, Hailey, Noah and Isaiah, came along-one after the other over three years-life became more complicated. We didn t get an uninterrupted night of sleep for five years. That time was a blur of diaper changes, feedings, teething, earaches and laundry.
Before kids, we felt supremely confident about our skills for relating; we d even done our university studies in family counseling and early childhood education. But living out those skills day to day proved to be much harder. With kids, we felt more pressure about money and career, and the competing demands of work and home revealed our unhealthy patterns for dealing with stress. We became conscious of the gap between the family we wanted to be and the family we actually were. With so many more decisions to make together, it was sometimes difficult to come to an agreement. It began to feel like our hopes, dreams and ideals for family life were slipping away.
Conventional wisdom told us that we should put our deepest dreams on hold in order to provide our kids with the American dream: a safe neighborhood, good schools and upward mobility. Just before our son Noah was born, we bought our first house. Mark took a job as minister to families at a local church and started graduate school. During those years, Lisa stayed home to care for our children while Mark commuted to work each day. We had a home in the country, a minivan in the g