Children of Divorce (Youth, Family, and Culture)

Andrew Root

Description

Why does divorce cause so much strain and long-term distress for children of all ages? Andrew Root, a recognized authority on youth ministry and a child of divorce himself, explains that divorce causes children to question their core identity. Since a child is the product of the union of a mother and father, when that union ends, he or she experiences a baffling sense of loss of self--a loss of his or her very sense of being. Root redirects efforts for assisting children of divorce to first address this fundamental experience. This unique book examines the impact of divorce not only from a theological and spiritual perspective but also from a young person's perspective. It will benefit those who have experienced divorce and those who minister to children of divorce.

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 01 août 2010
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781441211996
• Langue: English

Extrait

THE CHILDREN OF DIVORCE
THE LOSS OF FAMILY AS THE LOSS OF BEING
ANDREW ROOT
2010 by Andrew Root
Published by Baker Academic a division of Baker Publishing Group P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287 www.bakeracademic.com
E-book edition created 2010
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-for example, electronic, photocopy, recording-without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
ISBN 978-1-4412-1199-6
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
Scripture is taken from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1952 [2nd edition, 1971] by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
In memory of my teacher Ray S. Anderson, who taught me how to think
Contents
Series Preface
Preface
Introduction
1. A History of the Family, a History of the Self
2. Marriage and Divorce in Late Modernity: Being and Action in Giddens s Social Theory
3. Divorce as an Issue of Being: Ontological Security and the Loss of Self
4. Divorce and Theological Anthropology
5. Divorce and the Image of God: A Conversation between Theology and Object Relations Psychology
6. What Is to Be Done: The Church as a Community for the Broken
Notes
Series Preface
I n many ways, youth ministry has come of age. No longer seen as a stepping-stone to real ministry in the church, especially in North America, youth ministry is now seen as a viable career option. Over the last few decades a wide range of professional resources, conferences, periodicals, and books have been developed on this topic. Most Christian colleges and seminaries now offer a variety of courses-if not degree programs-in youth ministry. Youth ministry has all it needs to continue to push the church to care about and serve the needs of the young in God s name, except for one thing: we have a long way to go to develop a rich, broad, and diverse conversation that frames, defines, and grounds our missional call.
There is good news, of course. There is a professional organization, Association of Youth Ministry Educators, that sponsors an annual conference and publishes a solid emerging journal. Several thoughtful books have helped to shape the discipline s future. There are also now two major publishers who have academic lines dedicated to furthering the field of youth ministry. We have made great progress, but we must all work together to continue deepening our understanding of what youth ministry should be.
The purpose of Baker Academic s Youth, Family, and Culture series is to raise the level of dialogue concerning how we think about, teach, and live out youth ministry. As a branch of practical theology, academic youth ministry must move beyond a primarily skills-based focus to a theologically driven expression of a contextualized commitment of the local church to a targeted population. James Fowler defines practical theology as theological reflection and construction arising out of and giving guidance to a community of faith in the praxis of its mission. Practical theology is critical and constructive reflection leading to ongoing modification and development of the ways the church shapes its life to be in partnership with God s work in the world. 1 And as Scott Cormode reminds us, we must not shirk our calling, but must strive to nurture leaders that are faithful. . . . Schools must prepare leaders to translate this faithfulness into effective action. 2 This is precisely what those of us who are called to engage the church in theological reflection of contemporary youth and family issues must do-develop a practical theology that takes seriously the reality of the context we are in, regardless of how and where it takes us. This is the future of youth and family ministry in the church.
Andrew Root s The Children of Divorce is the fourth book in the Youth, Family, and Culture series. In this deeply intimate, honest, and academically solid work, Dr. Root forces those who minister to kids to carefully examine the lifelong effects divorce has on children of all ages and backgrounds. As a practical theologian, he weaves together multiple strands of thought, theory, and practice into a tapestry that reminds us how serious our calling is, and how fragile those we serve actually are, especially with those young people whose lives have been ripped apart by the brokenness of human frailty. Like the other books in this series, The Children of Divorce provides a vital and accessible tool for youthworkers that will be a significant resource for years to come.
Chap Clark Fuller Theological Seminary January 2010
Preface
I could see the pain spilling from his eyes; his disposition was heavy, and his sentences slow as he discussed his children. He would be my first friend with kids to go through a divorce. I have had countless friends whose parents had divorced, who were the children of divorce (and in every way this book is for them), but he would be the first of my friends to go through divorce as a parent. As he talked of his children his words poured out from the gash in his broken heart. This whole experience was more painful than he could bear. As I sat next to him, listening intently, his pain drawing me to his person, every cell in me wanted to say it; every fiber wanted to say the same phrase every divorcing parent and his or her friends say to mitigate their severe heartbreak. I could feel the words coming to my lips; I could feel my lips curving to release the words. I wanted so badly, sitting in the heavy shadow of his pain, to say, Your kids will be fine. Kids are resilient; as long as you stay around and tell them you love them, they will be fine. Don t worry about it.
These words tend to be the mantra we give parents, and I now understood why. Divorce is deeply painful and no one wants to face the fact that this event, this event that in so many ways you are responsible for, is hurting, and will continue to hurt, the children you so deeply love. But it does! This book you are holding in your hands makes an argument that some will find difficult; it argues that divorce leaves an indelible mark on children, and such a mark that it strikes those who experience it (myself included) at an ontological level, at the level of their being. This book forces us to wrestle with the deepest, rawest, most unsettling questions of those experiencing the divorce of their parents, the question so deep it is often cognitively oppressed: Can a person be at all, now that those who are responsible in their union for creating that person are no longer together? If I am the product of these two people, what does it mean for my very being if these two people have severed and voided their union to each other?
I do understand that those, like my friend, who are facing a future with a broken marriage in it may find themselves threatened by this book. I wish not-I ll say it again- I wish not to further grieve or beat up anyone (my own parents included). But I do think we are missing something essential in our national (and ecclesial) discussion on family and divorce. Therefore, I offer you this book in fear and trembling. And I can promise you that within its pages, I do not rely on anecdotal feelings, but rather have done the hard work of placing multiple disciplines and perspectives into conversation. I have included my own experience, but never without delving deeply into disciplines of thought. What is unique about this project is not only that it provides another, new, angle with which to look at the phenomenon of divorce, but that it does so by placing social theory, psychology, and theology in conversation, blending them all with the real experience of children of divorce.
I owe thanks to many people for the appearance of this project. Rodney Clapp has been a superb editor to work with. It is comforting to an author to know that his or her editor not only believes in the project but also has the intelligence, expertise, and compassion to keep you from making grave mistakes and overstatement. I feel blessed to have Rodney overseeing this thesis.
I also owe great thanks to Luther Seminary for valuing the needed space to work on this project, as well as others. The final work on this manuscript was done on a generous writing leave given by the seminary. This book, alongside my first two books, in many ways fulfills the title of the position I was called to at Luther: assistant professor of youth and family ministry. This book is, at its core, about family and the painful reality of divorce.
Luther Seminary provided not only the time to do this work, but also wonderful colleagues and students who were so willing to engage it. I owe a great thanks to my two dear friends and colleagues Theresa Latini and Amy Marga, for reading and commenting on the whole manuscript. Their insight was invaluable. One of my very gifted students, Megan Koepnick, was also kind enough to read the full manuscript, providing helpful feedback on its contents and ways to make it more readable.
My greatest thanks and love go to my family: first to Owen and Maisy, my two greatest treasures, and finally to my wife, Kara, whose story also shows up in these pages. Our marriage began in the hell of the death of both of our parents marriages, but in that hell, as a witness to our Lord, we have made a life of great beauty and wonder. Here is to many, many more decades . . .
Introduction
I was sitting in a window seat of a Northwest flight from Los Angeles to Minneapolis, my anxiety higher than the plane s altitude. As we flew over the deserts of Nevada, my eyes focusing on the mountains set against the backdrop of a pink-hued sky, I thought to myself, I hope