Grit to Stay Grace to Go

Eva Burkholder, Sue Eenigenburg

Description

Don't Leave Too Soon, Don't Stay Too Long

Staying isn't always good and leaving isn't always bad. Both require grit and grace. Cross-cultural ministry presents us with many difficulties like transitions, loneliness, messy relationships, and the desire to escape. The lies we believe tempt us to leave our work too soon. But nothing tests our resolve to stay like seeing others go.Grit to Stay Grace to Go normalizes the challenges of ministry through honest and humorous stories from the authors' own lives as well as testimonies from many other workers. The point is to help cross-cultural workers not just to stay, but to stay well, by countering lies with truth. This workbook provides thoughtful reflection questions, practical action steps, and suggested prayers. It encourages stayers to process their grief, guilt, and relief when saying goodbye to goers. In this way, they can move forward with forgiveness and humility and truly bless the departing ones. Those considering leaving will find poignant questions and spiritual practices to help them make an intentional, not reactive, decision.Are you considering leaving the field? Or do you know someone who is? Work through this book by yourself or with others. You will gain wisdom to help workers develop grit and grace to stay or go.

Foreword

Introduction

Part One: Challenges to Staying Well—Grit Needed

Chapter 1: It's Harder Than I Thought: Missions is Difficult

Chapter 2: I Feel Like I'm Always Adapting: Continual Adjusting

Chapter 3: I Must Keep My Footing: Balancing Two Worlds

Chapter 4: I Can’t Anticipate Everything: Unexpected Challenges

Chapter 5: I Must Navigate Priorities: Juggling Multiple Roles

Chapter 6: I Feel Alone Even When I'm Not: Loneliness

Chapter 7: Why Can’t We All Get Along?: Messy Relationships

Chapter 8: I Must Sort Through Shoulds, Coulds, and Wants: Finding My Niche

Chapter 9: I Sometimes Feel Rootless: Transitions

Chapter 10: I’d Like to Escape: Wanting Easier

Part Two: Staying Well When Others Go—Grace Needed

Chapter 11: I Feel Betrayed and Let Down: Hurt and Disappointment

Chapter 12: We Were Going to Change the World Together

Chapter 13: I’m Sad and Grieving: Loss and Grief

Chapter 14: I Invested So Much and So Few Are Left: Rights and Scarcity

Chapter 15: It’s All My Fault, Yet What a Relief: Conflict and Guilt

Chapter 16: Wait, You’re Leaving Because of That?: Judging Motives

Chapter 17: I Will Overlook and Pardon Them: Forbear and Forgive

Chapter 18: I’m Still Meant to Be Here: Remember your Commission

Chapter 19: I Affirm and Bless Them as They Go: Speak Well Of

Chapter 20: I’ll Let Them Go: Relinquish and Release

Chapter 21: I’ll Concentrate on My Responsibilities: Readjust

Chapter 22: I’ll Invest and Nest Here: Stay Awhile

Part Three: Deciding to Stay or Go—Grit and Grace Needed

Chapter 23: What Is My Calling?: The Foundation

Chapter 24: What Are The Pros and Cons of Staying? Of leaving?: Weighing the Reasons

Chapter 25: Why Do I Want to Transition?: Determining Desires

Chapter 26: Who Should I Talk to and When?: Necessary Conversations

Chapter 27: What Part Do My Relationships Play in This Decision?: Resolution and Reconciliation

Chapter 28: What Would I Do If I Weren’t Afraid?: Facing Fear

Chapter 29: What Do I Know About Myself That Affects This Decision?: Self-Awareness

Chapter 30: What Changes Need to Occur for Me to Stay?: Making Adjustments

Chapter 31: What Key Scriptures Can Encourage and Guide Me?: Biblical Guidance

Chapter 32: How Do I Sense God Leading Me?: Seeking His Will

Chapter 33: Have I Already Moved On?: Staying Present

Chapter 34: What Would I Be Going To?: Next Steps

Chapter 35: Whether I Stay or Go, How Do I Say Goodbye Well?: Healthy Goodbyes

Chapter 36: A Closing Challenge

Appendix 1: Soul Care Rhythms Worksheet

Appendix 2: Sample Team Covenant of Relationship

Appendix 3: Six Lessons for Good Listening

Appendix 4: Loss and Grief Worksheet

Appendix 5: Exit Interview

Appendix 6: Losing a Team Member Team Debriefing

Appendix 7: Work Matters Reflection

Acknowledgments

Bibliography

About the Authors

Sujets

• Religion
• Christianisme
• Missions
• Christian Ministry
• Christian Living
• Mental Health
• Philosophie et théologie
• Counseling
• Calling
• List of counseling topics
• Workbook
• Minister (Christianity)
• Mobilization
• Vocation

Informations

• Publié par: William Carey Publishing
• Date de parution: 30 mai 2023
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781645084853
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

Grit to Stay Grace to Go: Staying Well in Cross-Cultural Ministry
2023 by Sue Eenigenburg and Eva Burkholder. All Rights Reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise-without prior written permission from the publisher, except brief quotations used in connection with reviews in magazines or newspapers. For permission, email [e-mail] . For corrections, email [e-mail] .
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version , NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com . The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.
Scripture quotations marked NET are taken from the NET Bible copyright 1996, 2019 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. http://netbible.com . All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the NASB New American Bible , Copyright 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995, 2020 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. lockman.org.
Published by William Carey Publishing
10 W. Dry Creek Cir
Littleton, CO 80120 | www.missionbooks.org
William Carey Publishing is a ministry of Frontier Ventures
Pasadena, CA | www.frontierventures.org
Cover and Interior Designer: Mike Riester
ISBNs: 978-1-64508-483-9 (paperback)
978-1-64508-485-3 (epub)
Digitial eBook Release 2023
Library of Congress Control Number: 2023938179
Dedication
To my parents, Buck and Nell Downey, who modeled lifelong love and commitment in family relationships. To my teammates throughout the years who have displayed grit and grace in ministry. And to my husband Don, who inspires me with his faithfulness in loving our family and serving our God.-Sue
To my Lombok Team (you know who you are), who embraced me, loved me, believed in me, served with me, trained me, and let me go. I would not be serving other cross-cultural workers now without you and your influence.-Eva
Contents
Foreword
Introduction
Part One: Challenges to Staying Well-Grit Needed
Chapter 1: It s Harder Than I Thought: Missions Is Difficult
Chapter 2: I Feel Like I m Always Adapting: Continual Adjusting
Chapter 3: I Must Keep My Footing: Balancing Two Worlds
Chapter 4: I Can t Anticipate Everything: Unexpected Challenges
Chapter 5: I Must Navigate Priorities: Juggling Multiple Roles
Chapter 6: I Feel Alone Even When I m Not: Loneliness
Chapter 7: Why Can t We All Get Along?: Messy Relationships
Chapter 8: I Must Sort Through Shoulds, Coulds, and Wants: Finding My Niche
Chapter 9: I Sometimes Feel Rootless: Transitions
Chapter 10: I d Like to Escape: Wanting Easier
Part Two: Staying Well When Others Go-Grace Needed
Chapter 11: I Feel Betrayed and Let Down: Hurt and Disappointment
Chapter 12: We Were Going to Change the World Together: Unmet Expectations
Chapter 13: I m Sad and Grieving: Loss and Grief
Chapter 14: I Invested So Much and So Few Are Left: Rights and Scarcity
Chapter 15: It s All My Fault, Yet What a Relief: Conflict and Guilt
Chapter 16: Wait, You re Leaving Because of That?: Judging Motives
Chapter 17: I Will Overlook and Pardon Them: Forbear and Forgive
Chapter 18: I m Still Meant to Be Here: Remember Your Commission
Chapter 19: I Affirm and Bless Them as They Go: Speak Well Of
Chapter 20: I ll Let Them Go: Relinquish and Release
Chapter 21: I ll Concentrate on My Responsibilities: Readjust
Chapter 22: I ll Invest and Nest Here: Stay Awhile
Part Three: Deciding to Stay or Go-Grit and Grace Needed
Chapter 23: What Is My Calling?: The Foundation
Chapter 24: What Are The Pros and Cons of Staying? Of Leaving?: Weighing the Reasons
Chapter 25: Why Do I Want to Transition?: Determining Desires
Chapter 26: Who Should I Talk to and When?: Necessary Conversations
Chapter 27: What Part Do My Relationships Play in This Decision?: Resolution and Reconciliation
Chapter 28: What Would I Do If I Weren t Afraid?: Facing Fear
Chapter 29: What Do I Know About Myself That Affects This Decision?: Self-Awareness
Chapter 30: What Changes Need to Occur for Me to Stay?: Making Adjustments
Chapter 31: What Key Scriptures Can Encourage and Guide Me?: Biblical Guidance
Chapter 32: How Do I Sense God Leading Me?: Seeking His Will
Chapter 33: Have I Already Moved On?: Staying Present
Chapter 34: What Would I Be Going To?: Next Steps
Chapter 35: Whether I Stay or Go, How Do I Say Goodbye Well?: Healthy Goodbyes
Chapter 36: A Closing Challenge
Appendix 1: Soul Care Rhythms Worksheet
Appendix 2: Sample Team Covenant of Relationship
Appendix 3: Six Lessons for Good Listening
Appendix 4: Loss and Grief Worksheet
Appendix 5: Exit Interview
Appendix 6: Losing a Team Member Team Debriefing
Appendix 7: Work Matters Reflection
Acknowledgments
Bibliography
About the Authors
Foreword
Cheryl and I loaded all that remained of our meager earthly belongings into a red and white Volkswagen microbus (think hippies of the 1970s era) and departed on the adventure of a lifetime. Just three years into marriage, I was the ripe age of twenty-four and Cheryl was twenty-one. The air was brisk that November morning in Kansas City, Missouri when we belted our two girls, aged three and five weeks, into the back seat. Every time we stopped or started our journey, we had to reassemble our floor to ceiling cargo to either release or reinsert our baby girls. We drove from Kansas City to Costa Rica, crossing four other countries to take the good news of Jesus to the underserved and forgotten (at the time) populations of Central America.
We had no vetting, no training, no theological studies, no orientation, no Spanish, no idea of what a missionary was or was not, and no solid organization to back us. We had entered the dense jungle of cross-cultural ministry where new and frightening creatures lay in wait behind every bush and tree. We began a collection (suitable for framing) of the issues that Sue Eenigenburg and Eva Burkholder deal with in this book.
The only thing that matched our boundless faith was our complete and total ignorance. We spent the next year learning Spanish in Costa Rica and pastoring as a side hustle. Next, we arrived in Nicaragua to witness the beginning of the Sandinista Revolution. With our impeccable timing, a year later we accepted the call to ministry in a young church in San Salvador just as that nation s bloody civil war erupted. In eight years, we traded in our microbus of possessions for a truckload of PTSD. (But let it be said that we also arrived in time for an amazing spiritual awakening, the effects of which continue to this day.)
How in God s name did we survive? Where was this book when we needed it? Besides the microbus and the 55-gallon barrel of stuff, we basically had two possessions-grit and grace. I can think of no other reasonable explanation. Purely by God s grace we made it, but many fell at our side. How we could have made better and wiser decisions armed with what Eva and Sue have compiled.
We learned. We grew. We matured. We returned to the United States, not due to danger, war, or even desire. No, we did not leave too early, did not stay too long, nor did we quit. We returned compelled by God to accept the call of our home church in Kansas City, even without fully understanding why. We DID NOT WANT to return to the United States- something understood only by some, like you, who have had the privilege of totally immersing yourselves in another culture.
Every ministry and every life has seasons and endings. The issue is where to draw the line that divides beginnings and endings, who draws that line, for what reason, and when to draw it. As Eva and Sue point out, their burden for this book arose from their concern to help cross-cultural workers be certain they were not leaving too soon or leaving for the wrong reasons. But as often happens in the evolution of book-writing, the layers of this question led to others. The result is an amazingly complete resource to assist cross-cultural workers in knowing when, where, how, and why to draw lines between the seasons of life and ministry and to find the grit and grace to endure the multiple pains, frustrations, hurts, confusion, challenges, betrayals, disappointments, and sacrifices along the way.
Here s what I love about this book:
It addresses issues of attrition in the world of cross-cultural ministry.
It is written by two women. First, two sets of eyes are better than one. Second, because of the complex and layered issues involved in cross-cultural ministry that affect entire families, immediate and extended, women often see things that men do not. In our (sincere) bravado to press on, suck it up, make it happen, and tough it out, we males tend to ignore or deny the little foxes that spoil the vines, to borrow a phrase from Solomon.
The authors resist the temptation to offer formalistic answers to these complex problems. They do not pretend to be experts or have all the answers. They instead pose thoughtful and probing questions to guide readers to make their own decisions, coupled with stories, examples, and common-sense advice. The authors recognize that we are all unique and will never draw lines the same way or at the same time or for the same reasons.
They suggest fabulous resources for further consideration on each topic.
Their pragmatic approach is firmly grounded in biblical truth that they offer with thoughtful contextualization.
They refe