Healing for the Father Wound

Norman Wright H.

Description

A trusted counselor helps readers move from heartache to joy as they overcome the wounds from a missing, abusive, or absent father.

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie

Informations

• Publié par: Baker Publishing Group
• Date de parution: 01 juin 2008
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781585584338
• Langue: English
• Poids de l'ouvrage: 1 Mo

Extrait

© 2005 by H. Norman Wright Previously published as A Dad-Shaped Hole in My Heart © 2005
Published by Bethany House Publishers 11400 Hampshire Avenue South Bloomington, Minnesota 55438 www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan. www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Ebook edition created 2010
Ebook corrections 06.20.2016 (VBN), 11.10.2019
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-58558-433-8
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture is taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Scripture quotations labeled AMP are from the Amplified® Bible, copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.lockman.org
Scripture quotations identified TEV are from the Bible in Today’s English Version ( Good News Bible ). Copyright © American Bible Society 1966, 1971, 1976, 1992.
Scripture quotations identified NASB are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE ® , © Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)
Scripture quotations identified TLB are from The Living Bible © 1971 owned by assignment by Illinois Regional Bank N.A. (as trustee). Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations identified CEV are from the Contemporary English Version © 1991, 1992, 1995 by American Bible Society. Used by permission.
Cover design by Lookout Design, Inc. Cover image is © Masterfile.
‘‘There is healing and hope in this book for everyone damaged by a selfish dad. God will surely use this book greatly.’’
— Stephen Arterburn Founder, New Life Ministries
‘‘As the leader of a women’s ministry, I have seen firsthand the toll taken in a woman’s life when the relationship with her father has been damaged because her father hasn’t ‘been there.’ Whether a woman experiences father loss due to death, divorce, emotional unavailability, abandonment, or any number of other reasons, the effect on her life can be devastating. Using scriptural wisdom and practical experience, Norman Wright offers hope and help to those women. I believe nearly every woman will be able to relate to the stories shared in this book and will find encouragement in her journey of healing and wholeness.’’
— Jane Hansen President/CEO, Aglow International
CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
Endorsements
Introduction
C HAPTER 1
Heart Problems
C HAPTER 2
A Father’s Perspective
C HAPTER 3
Memories of Dad
C HAPTER 4
Fatherless Daughters
C HAPTER 5
Daughters of Divorce
C HAPTER 6
My Dad Died
C HAPTER 7
Grieving Absent Fathers
C HAPTER 8
I’m Not in Denial . . . or Am I?
C HAPTER 9
Changing Your Relationship With Your Dad
C HAPTER 10
Give God Your Mind
C HAPTER 11
Easy? No! Redeeming? Yes!
C HAPTER 12
Who Is Your Real Father?
Postscript
Endnotes
About the Author
Books by H. Norman Wright
Back Ads
Back Cover
INTRODUCTION
Who you are today was shaped by your father. He continues to influence you. He may have been a central part of your life, or he might have been absent. He could exist only in your mind, or you may be talking to him every day. You may be searching for your dad, or his substitute, in relationships with other men. No matter how old you are, it’s important to understand your father’s influence upon your life.
As I see it, picking up this book is an act of courage on your part. Whether it’s because of heart issues with your own dad, or dad problems faced by someone you care about, you are looking for answers, and I know that can be a potentially frightening and painful process. To open up old wounds and clean them out isn’t fun. But this book is designed to provide everything you need to find healing and a new start with God.
You are not alone. Many people struggle with problems—both physical and emotional—that are directly related to their relationship with their earthly father. In this book you’ll read testimonies of other women who have experienced many of the hurts you have and still ache with the disappointment of a failed relationship with their dad. You’ll also hear how some gained victory over their emotionally crushing situations.
You’ll have the opportunity to work through your own particular issues in the exercises provided in some of the chapters. I recommend that you take the time to carefully consider and then put down in words your unique experiences. You will be amazed at how helpful it is to articulate your feelings and to put into practice some of the suggestions that follow. If you don’t bypass these helpful exercises, I know your healing will happen much faster.
As a Christian therapist I have seen the devastation that results from failed human relationships. This is why I have written this book. I want to see you and many like you set free from the pain of all that. Over the years I have come to understand how important it is for us to be willing to face the things that we don’t even want to admit are in us. I want to help you understand the impact that your dad had on your life (for good or bad) and show you how the experiences you had with him have influenced some of the choices you make as an adult. Even the way you view life is in large part the result of your family interactions and experiences.
In my counseling practice I have also had the opportunity to watch as God, our heavenly Father, has touched individual hearts who were brave enough to face their pain. I have seen Him restore what looked like a hopeless situation with His special power and grace. And even when the relationship between the woman and her father could not be restored, I have seen God meet her deepest needs and heal the hurt in her heart in a way she could not have envisioned.
This is sometimes a long and lonely battle that you wage. But don’t give up hope. You can find a better life in spite of any and all problems that your earthly father may have brought into your life. The key is to discover that all along your heavenly Father was aware of you and longing to replace what was lost. It is never too late. New life beckons beyond the present pain you feel. Don’t let your past disappointments spoil the rest of your life.
I hope the following chapters will not only give you a glimpse into the kinds of problems that can arise when your earthly father fails you but also give concrete help in overcoming them. The good trust in someone else who is perfect and loves us unconditionally: our heavenly Father. My earnest prayer for this book is that it will lead you to Him.
Chapter 1 H EART P ROBLEMS
I’d like to begin this first chapter with June’s story. In many ways her story mirrors the cry of countless daughters just like you, who struggle with the effects of a dad who wasn’t there for them. Year after year they cry: Daddy, where are you? Who are you?
My son was born five years ago. He’s a healthy, energetic child. At least he appeared to be healthy at birth. But a few days later we discovered he had a defect. It wasn’t visible. No one could see it. But it was there, and it was serious. He had a hole in his heart . He was born that way. Within a week after we discovered it, the doctors opened his chest and repaired that hole in his little heart. He was able to go on with his life in a normal manner. He’s not even aware that he had a hole in his heart.
I wish I could say the same. My son and I are alike. We’ve both had holes in our heart. He was born that way and it was repaired. I wasn’t born with one, but over my childhood years the hole was created and it grew larger as I grew. It hasn’t been repaired, even though I’ve tried. It’s a different shape than my son’s. The hole in my heart is in the shape of my father . Physical surgery won’t repair the hole. It will take something like emotional surgery or healing for it to slowly close. I’m not sure how to go about the process. I’m confused. Is it dependent upon my father reaching into my life and somehow undoing what he did or doing what he failed to do years ago? I just want a whole heart. It’s too bad there are no heart transplants for this kind of disorder.
There are many daughters who are missing something from their father that should have been given. Or he responded to them in ways that were way beyond what any daughter should have to endure. Or he simply vanished one day from their lives and hasn’t reappeared. Any of these experiences can create a hole that seemingly cannot be filled by anything else. If you think you are alone, that your pain is unique to you and your family, I hope that this book will show you that this is not true. Listen in as other adult daughters share how their dads influenced them—sometimes positively and sometimes negatively—far beyond their childhood years.
My relationship with my father was incomplete, guarded, confusing, and sad. He was an intelligent, funny, deep, and personally likable man when sober, and an explosive, unpredictable, abusive, angry, pathetic, destructive shell of a man when drinking, which increased as time went on.
My father and I have always had a good relationship. He has always held high standards, but they were never unreasonable. I hold those same standards today—expectations that people should always try their best, be polite, behave themselves, and make something of themselves, but also not to allow ambitio