Marriage Essentials

Cheng Hsian Tay

Description

Help yourself to make your marriage better. Learn the key essentials of the marriage relationship.

This book is a product of 50 years of living through their own marriage and of helping and teaching others.

Difficulty in the marriage relationship is a very lonely place, particularly so for those in leadership roles when others are looking to you for help and guidance and you are in your own private struggles. We believe that all marriage issues can be resolved and helped, with guidance. This is a self-help guide to take you through the key essential principles of the marriage relationship. They share with you a wealth of tips, pointers and insights, a treasure trove of nuggets of wisdom.

Yes! You can make your marriage better!

Sujets

• Christian Living
• Philosophie et théologie
• Help!
• Relationship
• Marriage
• Religion
• Help
• Family
• Love
• Divorce

Informations

• Publié par: WestBow Press
• Date de parution: 19 juillet 2022
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781664263369
• Langue: English

Extrait

Marriage Essentials
A SELF-HELP GUIDE TO STRENGTHENING AND ENRICHING YOUR MARRIAGE
CHENG HSIAN TAY
with Bernadette Tay


Copyright © 2022 Cheng Hsian Tay.
 
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
 
 
WestBow Press
A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan
1663 Liberty Drive
Bloomington, IN 47403
www.westbowpress.com
844-714-3454
 
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
 
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.
 
Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV® Copyright © 1973 1978 1984 2011 by Biblica, Inc. TM. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
 
Scripture taken from the New King James Version® Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
 
“Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”
 
ISBN: 978-1-6642-6337-6 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-6642-6338-3 (hc)
ISBN: 978-1-6642-6336-9 (e)
 
Library of Congress Control Number: 2022906836
 
 
 
WestBow Press rev. date: 07/18/2022
CONTENTS
Preamble
Introduction: About Relationships
 
Chapter 1Personal Integrity - the Heart of Relationships
Chapter 2Love and Respect
Chapter 3Commitment
Chapter 4Communication
Chapter 5Intimacy
Chapter 6Values
Chapter 7Conflict Resolution and Forgiveness
Chapter 8A Strong Foundation
 
Appendix
Bibliography
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND APPRECIATION
This book is dedicated to:
The many couples
who have participated with us, both as helpers and presenters, or as attendees in our Marriage Enrichment weekends over the many years in Malaysia and Australia; and also to Nicky Cheah and Tony Lim for their teaching inputs. In one way or another each one of you have contributed to this book. The ME Weekends meant a lot to most of you. Let this ME, in a different form, continue to be both a souvenir and a tool for the ongoing enrichment of your marriage.
My dear wife Bernie
who has taught me much and has faithfully stood by me through thick and thin through our 50 years of marriage; who has given me three beautiful children; each now with their own beautiful family; and our eight lovely grandchildren. I love you all so very much.
And most of all
To the LORD GOD our Loving Heavenly Father
Who has unconditionally loved us so that we can love one another and showed us the true nature of Love. To God be the Glory.
HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
MUCH OF THE MATERIAL IN this book is practical teaching and common sense and starts with basic principles. It is a self-help manual. We hold within ourselves the solutions to many of our marital problems. Use the information in this book as a series of check lists, a review of your inner self, your marital relationship, and the particular issues that surround your marriage. Use it to better understand yourself and your spouse. And seek to understand the interactions of the marriage relationship.
It is through understanding that we learn and change and improve. At whatever phase or condition of your marriage there is always something to learn.
Be patient if you find some repetitions here and there in the content of this book. The nature of the principles is such that they often overlap. Be tolerant also if some teachings appear basic and even simplistic. Some people do need to start at the beginning. If some parts seem tedious and trivial or just too hard, just move on. You can always revisit the topic another time. Different people have different issues and certain people need the trivial details to help them see their issues. A reflective, introspective approach to this book will be helpful to help us see what we may really need to see. Often it is the trivial things that causes the most problems in life.
Skim through what you already understand well and seek to learn what may still be needed by and relevant to you. But be aware that what may seem familiar may also be something that you still need to put into practice in your life and your marriage.
As you read, be thankful and be appreciative of the strengths that you already see in yourself, in your spouse, and in your relationship, and seek to build upon and strengthen them. Be humble and acknowledge the areas of weaknesses and the areas that need work. Resolve, with God’s help, to work on them. We carry within ourselves the solutions to most of our problems.
Be reflective as you read and let the Holy Spirit use this book to speak into your life.
At the end of the book, you will find reflection exercises that relate to each chapter of the book. Use them to think through your marriage relationship.
Ideally, husbands and wives should read this book together, one chapter at a time. And, together, they should work on the reflection exercises. These reflections are useful in helping you apply the lessons and principles in your life and marriage. Find a weekend to do this—perhaps a weekend by yourselves, without distraction—and seek to enrich and improve your marriage. Read each other’s responses in the reflection exercises and talk truthfully with each other: communicate, understand, and learn.
We can help ourselves through our marriages. This book is designed to help you help yourself. It has been written from a conservative, traditional Christian viewpoint.
God created marriage to be a blessing. He came to give us life so that we could live more abundantly. There is no greater blessing than a happy and fulfilling marriage that translates into a wholesome family that glorifies God, the author of marriage and family.
PREAMBLE
THERE ARE MANY GOOD BOOKS on marriage and many experts on the subject. But we think the real expert is someone who has lived through a bad marriage for at least thirty years and has survived with the marriage relatively intact.
Difficulty in the marriage relationship puts people in a very lonely place. We often think we are the only one facing these issues and problems. The truth is that they are so common they are almost universal. Those who have survived difficulties need to teach those who are still in the thick of it.
Working through difficult times can be particularly difficult for those in leadership roles. Others are looking to you for help and guidance, but whom do you turn to in your own private struggles? So, you struggle through, put on a mask, and pretend to the world that you are winning every battle on every front. But behind closed doors, you struggle through, and you cry out to God.
No matter how bad or hopeless your marriage may seem to be there is hope. You can overcome. With some effort and by God’s grace you can put your derailed relationship back on track. Indeed, God is always gracious to those who turn to Him, and He will help you cope. Even if just one spouse turns to God for help and is sincere in seeking His guidance, we believe that marriage will have a good chance of pulling through. A harmonious home environment is always vital for any ministry to be effective and for the children to grow up wholesome and healthy.
The principles and pointers that we share are from our own experiences. They are essential lessons learned the hard way over some fifty years of marriage at the school of hard knocks. And these are also lessons and principles we picked up over the years of marriage ministry in our attempt to help others as well as ourselves. This book does not cover every area and every aspect of marriage, and in any case, each marriage situation is different, but the essentials of the marriage relationship are here. Marriage Essentials is a book as much about life as it is about marriage.
Jesus reminded us that, in this world, we will have troubles (John 16:33). But we believe that problems in the marital relationship are often unnecessary, and they are problems that we can solve ourselves. We only need to know how and to put in the effort.
Understand these essentials. Put in the effort and apply them to your lives. And the Lord may yet turn the insipid water of your marriage into choice wine…or turn your already good vintage into a taste of heaven.
Cheng Hsian and Bernie Tay
[e-mail]
INTRODUCTION
About Relationships

Our relationships shape and form our lives.

OUR LIVES REVOLVE AROUND OUR relationships. Unless you are a hermit living all alone in a cave, or alone on a deserted island, your life has to do with relating to others whether it be to your parents, spouse, children, siblings, extended family, work colleagues, classmates, friends, neighbors, and casual acquaintances. Somehow, and in some way, we all relate to someone, somewhere. Relationships range from the very close and intimate, such as with a husband or wife, to casual, such as with your favorite bank teller. We engage in some relationships on a constant daily level, and in some only occasionally. Every