Pick Up the Pieces

Charmaine Richardson

Description

An exclusive insight into the mind, thinking and ground-breaking work of sex-offender expert Ray Wyre. Explains why we should listen to children and how we can increase the chances of making them safe. Shows how the author was left to unpick the chaos of Wyre's personal life.

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie
• Child abuse
• Memoir

Informations

• Publié par: Waterside Press
• Date de parution: 17 octobre 2018
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781910979679
• Langue: English

Extrait

Pick Up the Pieces
A Survivor’s Story of Life with Ray Wyre
Charmaine Richardson
Copyright and publication details
Pick Up the Pieces
A Survivor’s Story of Life with Ray Wyre
Charmaine Richardson
ISBN 978-1-909976-63-4 (Paperback)
ISBN 978-1-910979-67-9 (Epub ebook)
ISBN 978-1-910979-68-6 (Adobe ebook)
Copyright © 2018 This work is the copyright of Charmaine Richardson. All intellectual property and associated rights are hereby asserted and reserved by the author in full compliance with UK, European and international law. No part of this book may be copied, reproduced, stored in any retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, including in hard copy or via the internet, without the prior written permission of the publishers to whom all such rights have been assigned worldwide.
Cover design © 2018 Waterside Press by www.gibgob.com
Printed by Lightning Source.
Main UK distributor Gardners Books, 1 Whittle Drive, Eastbourne, East Sussex, BN23 6QH . Tel: [phone]; [e-mail] ; www.gardners.com
North American distribution Ingram Book Company, One Ingram Blvd, La Vergne, TN 37086, USA. Tel: [phone]; [e-mail]
Cataloguing-In-Publication Data A catalogue record for this book can be obtained from the British Library.
e-book Pick Up the Pieces is available as an ebook and also to subscribers of Ebrary, Ebsco, Myilibrary and Dawsonera.
Published 2018 by
Waterside Press Ltd
Sherfield Gables
Sherfield on Loddon, Hook
Hampshire RG27 0JG.
Telephone [phone]
Online catalogue WatersidePress.co.uk
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Table of Contents
About the author v
Acknowledgements vi
Encomium vii
Dedication ix
Introduction 13 The Meeting 17 Once Upon a Time Bomb 21 The Fall of Utopia 27
Aspects of Sexual Abuse 35 Silly Me! 37 ‘Hello Sailor’ 51
The Role of the Dice 53 Moving On 55 Ray and Me 59 Language and Feeling Uncomfortable 71 Unpacking The Murder of Childhood 75
Black’s History 78
Key Pointers 87 Farewell to Gracewell: Goodbye Common Sense 89
The Two-way Mirror 91
De-frocked Priests and Other Distortions 94
Survival 96
Abused Abusers, Red-herrings and Listening to Voices 99
Martin 100 Jane and Maureen 103
Jane: ‘Do I Qualify to Join this Group?’ 103
Maureen: Finding Solace 106 Mind Your Language! 109
Behavioural Insights 119
Other Work on Positive Conditioning 120
When Methods Fail 121
Familiarity 124
Analysis of Black’s Dialogue 126
Epilogue 129
‘Goodnight, Sweetheart’ 130
Picking Up the Pieces 132
How Am I Doing Nowadays? 135
Recommended reading 137
Index 138
About the author
Charmaine Richardson grew up in Ealing, the second of four children, before moving to Watford where she attended St Michael’s Roman Catholic Senior School, then a secretarial course at Casio College. Her first marriage, aged 22, produced two children. In 1986, after a bout of depression she sought counselling for sexual abuse experienced during childhood. She went on to set up a self-help group, subsequently joining Luton Rape Crisis Centre. She obtained a degree in English Literature at Northampton University as a mature student and has since pursued a variety of careers: counselling, home tutoring and funeral celebrant. She met and married the noted sex-offender expert Ray Wyre in the late-1990s and her life with him forms a central part of this book. She also contributed to the 2 nd edition of Ray’s book with journalist Tim Tate, The Murder of Childhood (2018). 1 Nowadays she runs a group for women abused in childhood at a local medical centre when not ‘visiting tea-rooms with friends and spoiling her grandchildren’.


1 . Waterside Press (2018). In this book The Murder of Childhood is often abbreviated to MoC .
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank friends and family who supported and encouraged me during the writing of this book. Ben, Richard, Jeannie, Ron Lacey, Amanda Vernalls and many others. I particularly thank, with all my heart, Amber whose patience and interest kept me going. Her responses and comments each step of the way have always been positive and constructive.
In writing the book I have also (and finally) fulfilled my mother’s wish — that I should write a book! Sadly, Mum is no longer with us to witness her wish coming to fruition — and, in spite of Pick Up the Pieces revealing some of the shortcomings of motherhood, I’m sure she would have approved.
I would also like to remember my dear friend and colleague Hazel Pedder.
However, I doubt this book would have seen the light of day had it not been for Rik and David of Monster Films who introduced me to Bryan Gibson my publisher. Many thanks.
This book was written with some little people in mind — my grandchildren. But also all little people whose safety and autonomy it is our duty to protect.
Charmaine Richardson
July 2018
Encomium
Ray Wyre was simultaneously a perpetual inspiration and a regular nightmare. I was immensely privileged to work with him for 20 years, making films and writing books about the problems of paedophilia and child sexual abuse. Over those two decades I witnessed first hand his groundbreaking technique with offenders and saw the extraordinary change it could bring about in men who had often abused children for many years.
We also campaigned together, trying to inform public opinion and to push successive Governments to see the vital importance of protecting children. They key to this was — and remains — understanding not just how paedophiles target their victims, but what drives them to do so. In both of these areas, Ray was simply pre-eminent.
And he was tireless, tramping from one interview to the next, always calm, always making the case that paedophilia and child sexual abuse are problems far too prevalent and damaging to be ignored or belittled. I saluted his stamina, just as I marvelled at his patience and persistence. I learned from Ray every day we worked together.
And the nightmare? Outside his professional life Ray was the most chaotically disorganized man I have ever met. I lost count of the number of occasions when he left his wallet, car keys or Filofax in curry houses, restaurants and conference centres, requiring us regularly to re-trace our steps in the hope of re-uniting him with them.
One of the many strengths of Charmaine’s touching memoir of life with Ray is that she gives us an insight into what made this extraordinary, vital crusader on behalf of children tick, enabling us to see the fuller picture of the man as well as the expert. Had Ray lived to read it he would, I am sure, have broken into that cheeky, childlike grin, ruefully acknowledging his faults before cheerfully encouraging us back into the struggle.
Because he knew it is a struggle. The debate over how best to investigate child sexual abuse, and how to protect children from those who would abuse them, is dangerously polarised; as Charmaine explains, too often politicians and the public alike reach for seemingly-simple, knee-jerk ‘solutions’ to a complex series of interlinked issues or, just as fatally, seek to deny the vast scale of the problem.
Ray took every opportunity to counter this divided and angry argument with quiet, evidence-based reason. Just as he did in sessions with offenders, he used language which managed to lower the temperature whilst never taking a backward step. Charmaine’s stress on the importance of the words we choose, and how we use them, would — I know — have delighted him.
Saluté, then, Ray Wyre: doughty warrior on behalf of the protection of children, and my mentor and inspiration in the never-ending battle. I — and the world — miss his presence and his constant encouragement to keep fighting on behalf of those who are too small to do so themselves. But saluté, also, to Charmaine: this book both keeps the banner flying and helps us see the human man behind the paramount professional.
Tim Tate
June 2018
Dedication
This book is dedicated to Jack, Henry, Beau, Darcie, Berry, Eden and Adam.
Ray Wyre
Introduction
It was at a conference in Hemel Hempstead that I first set eyes on Ray Wyre. I’d been invited to hear him speak before — but declined. He was in the middle of setting up the Gracewell Clinic in Birmingham and was being described as a pioneer — a maverick, a revolutionary, etc. working with men who sexually abuse.
‘Why,’ I asked myself, ‘would I want to listen to an apologist for sex-offenders?’ At that point in my life I wanted all sex-offenders to be castrated from the neck down. So, no thank you, I didn’t want to go. A talk by Michelle Elliot on the work of Kidscape some time later was a different matter. Mr Wyre had been tacked on at the end — I could handle that, I thought.
How was I to know my life was about to change seismically during his one hour presentation — and that this unassuming man in his grey suit, white shirt and red tie, who held his audience spellbound, would one day become my husband?
But now, standing on the podium, this cuddly, poor Roy Orbison lookalike, was coming out with stuff I’d never heard before. It was embarrassing because he was telling my story. Had he met my warped grandfather? He must have. Not only was he talking about me — he was talking to me. I felt conspicuous as though he knew personal information about me and was sharing it with everybody else in the room. He didn’t know me, of course; he didn’t know my story, but he knew exactly how my grandfather had targeted, groomed and abused me — and now my secret was out. Whether it was his charisma or his impressive knowledge of abusive behaviour that bowled me over I’m not entirely sure. But bowled over I was.
A few months before, I had been granted use of the Bury Mill Family Centre to run a self-help group for women who had been abused in childhood. Having ‘been there’ myself and, after having some counselling, I decided that setting-up such a group would be the