Travels from my Twilight Zone

Jeff Zycinski

Description

Jeff Zycinski's memoir of a Scottish childhood begins as he wakes up in a Dundee hospital after major surgery. As he drifts in and out of consciousness he recalls life as the youngest of eight siblings, a Polish-born father and a Scottish mother, family travels across Scotland, a best pal's method for contacting dead TV stars and why you should never fall madly in love with your teacher. These true-life memories inspire his fictional tales of a stand-up comedian, the memoirs of Goldilocks and what happens when the characters in your dreams decide to go on strike. With Foreword from Ken Bruce, BBC Radio 2

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie
• Escocia
• Memoir
• Radio
• Scotland

Informations

• Publié par: The Lunicorn Press
• Date de parution: 31 octobre 2020
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9780992926496
• Langue: English

Extrait

PRAISE FOR JEFF ZYCINSKI AND THE RED LIGHT ZONE
‘An entertaining, rambunctious account of his 30 year career which he calls a “laugh ’n’ tell”.’
Janet Boyle, Sunday Post
‘Undeniably well-written and entertaining … a must-read for every student seeking a career in broadcasting.’
Gavin Docherty, ‘Doc Showbiz’, Scottish Daily Express
‘A natural story-teller, Jeff shares a lifetime of good stories as well as insights into his own life. The book is packed with funny anecdotes.’
Margaret Chrystall, Seven Days, Highland News
‘Really well-written. It’s not everyone who can write a memoir as interesting and engaging as this.’
Dan O’Day, Danoday.com , Los Angeles
‘A tale told by a supreme anecdotalist, an excellent journalist and a very accomplished writer.’
Tom Morton, Scottish Review
‘Full of humorous anecdotes and a refreshingly honest, self-deprecating take on a career spent in both commercial and BBC radio.’
Mary Picken, liveanddeadly.net
‘Brilliant stories. Really enjoyed reading this.’
Bev Lyons, theshowbizlyon.com
‘The book’s real charm lies in the author’s humorous writing style and his ability – like a Scottish Bill Bryson – to find comedy in the tiniest of details.’
Chatterbox Magazine
‘A very well written book which gives an excellent insight into the life of a BBC producer and station controller. It deserves to be successful.’
David Harris, Radio User Magazine
‘I read it on the bus and it made me laugh out loud.’
Cat Gibson, Camglen Radio
‘His book describes encounters with politicians, the Royal Family and Hollywood stars as well as some of the more absurd happenings and baffling decisions during his 24 years [at the BBC].’
Grampian Online
‘Jeff’s frankness is refreshing, he is open about successes and failures over the span of his career, the impacts his career had on his family and indeed shares various anecdotes of family life, all of which endear him to the reader.’
Kate Noble, The Quiet Knitter
‘If you remove the radio aspect from this biography, it still works as a description of 25 years of life in Scotland. I like the sound of Jeff’s wife. And their children. But I would rather that the dog had lived …’
Bookwitch
‘Want to know what REALLY happens in radio? Read this book!’
Pete Gavin, North Highland Radio
‘A boss with a brain, a heart and a funny bone too.’
Kaye Adams, BBC Radio Scotland
‘As well as laugh-out-loud moments, he also writes of the impact a high-pressure job can have on family life. Now that Zycinski has one book under his belt, you get the feeling he has plenty more to tell.’
Stuart McHugh, Scotsman.com




THE LUNICORN PRESS LTD
Scotland
Text © Jeff Zycinski 2020
All rights reserved
The moral right of Jeff Zycinski to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of The Lunicorn Press Ltd.
First published 2020 by The Lunicorn Press Ltd.
1
Printed by Martins the Printers, Berwick-upon-Tweed
Cover design and book typeset by Heather Macpherson at Raspberry Creative Type
Cover artwork © Laura Jackson 2020
Author photograph © Emma McGregor 2019
Set in Sabon Lt Std
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Ebook ISBN: 9780992926496


This is for my wife, Anne, a scientist, who only worries about small stuff like forgetting to put the chain on the front door, but stays calm in the face of global pandemics. It’s also for all the frontline workers who got us through 2020. That includes NHS heroes like our daughter, Sarah, a radiographer at Glasgow Royal Infirmary, and our son, Alan, a reporter with Global Radio who kept telling us the news whether we liked it or not.


Foreword
Forewords tend to be written as favours. Payback for a career opportunity afforded or a friendly review, or in lieu of an unpaid loan from twenty years ago. I am pleased to confirm that none of the above applies in this case, unless I’ve forgotten about an emergency tenner borrowed in a bar some Saturday night. Jeff Zycinski and I have crossed paths but we have never worked together. I have, though, watched his career with a certain fascination from the time he took over as Head of BBC Radio Scotland.
I pitched up at Queen Margaret Drive, Glasgow, a year and a half before Radio Scotland launched; at that time, the BBC’s radio output in Scotland was based on Radio 4, with opt-outs for Scottish news bulletins, arts programmes with frequent bouts of Scottish dance music and occasional symphony concerts. In 1978 the ‘new national station for Scotland’ was born and immediately ran into a blizzard of complaints from the press, the most memorable of whose criticisms was the stinging phrase ‘pop, pap and prattle’. (Although I was an announcer at that time and delivering deadpan news bulletins, I was also presenting some music programmes and therefore may have been partially responsible for some or all of the three ‘p’s.) The main fault of the new offering was inevitably caused by the very reason it had been introduced: in trying to provide a wide-ranging station to appeal to all tastes and communities across the nation, it risked appealing to none and annoying all.
I headed south to join Radio 2 in 1985 with the BBC still chopping and changing Radio Scotland and no clear unified purpose to its output. It was, as far as I and many others believed, an impossible task. And then, from afar, I became aware of Jeff Zycinski, who had come into a position of influence back at the old homestead and was quietly and slowly creating some sort of order from chaos.
The fact that he survived twenty-five years at the BBC and twelve of those in front of a station which each person in Scotland expects to reflect his or her own interests speaks for itself. A job that had been regarded in the BBC as a poisoned chalice, or the equivalent of being sent to the colonies in disgrace, became under his stewardship an important, respected and ultimately successful position. No one else has ever remained in that post for as long, and I daresay no one will again. Surviving the labyrinthine machinations of BBC management for a quarter of a century may be even more of an achievement.
Now Jeff has survived an altogether more challenging and personal crisis. And it is the measure of the man that his trademark ability to find humour in the most difficult of situations remains undimmed. His writing skills, for too long not fully used thanks to the demands of running a radio station, are on full display again, and the honest depiction of his illness and recovery, the vibrant memories of a Glasgow childhood and his irrepressible desire to entertain enliven every page.
Now, about that tenner …
Ken Bruce, BBC Radio 2 June 2020


Acknowledgements
My thanks, once again, to Lyn and Laura at the Lunicorn Press for their encouragement and advice … and for not batting any eyelids when I told them I wanted to write ‘a sort of drug-induced travel book of my subconscious memories’. Not much of a pitch, but they went for it. Thanks also to my editor, Merle Read, and to the online staff at Glasgow City Archives, who kindly tracked down some memory-jogging facts. A transatlantic Zoom call with fellow St Leonard’s pupils – Paul Curran, Clare Murray and Dawn McKie – helped me remember the names of our former teachers and classmates. Hopefully some of the stories in this book will bring back memories for them too. Although I have no qualms about revealing the idiotic antics of my own childhood, I realise that others may not feel the same about my memories of them. In one or two cases, therefore, I have altered the names of some schoolfriends. The fictional stories are just that, and any resemblance to persons other than myself is entirely coincidental.
A few of the stories and characters in this book have previously appeared in a different version or with different titles. Nelson S. Pipsqueak first appeared in a series of stories broadcast on Radio Clyde in 1981. ‘Room for One More on Top’ was published in The Renfrew Line magazine in 1982. ‘Just Right’ was published as ‘Goldilocks: The Truth at Last’ in the student newspaper The Globe in 1986. ‘Teacake Tales’ featuring Hector Auld and Wee Jessie was a regular feature on Tom Morton’s Morning Show on BBC Radio Scotland in 1995. Johnny Sellotape featured in the radio play Stuck! broadcast on BBC Radio Scotland in 1999. The story of Frank Zycinski’s welding examination was told as ‘Thirteen Pipes’ and performed at the Storytelling Centre in Edinburgh in 2013. ‘Take Me to the Orphanage’ was originally told as ‘Horror in the Night’ and performed at an event organised by the Far from the Madding Crowd bookshop in Linlithgow in 2019. ‘The Wrong Flag’ was previewed at the Portsoy Book Festival in 2020. A sample collection of stories from this book, plus additional content, is available in audio form on the Writes and Speaks SoundCloud page. The author gratefully acknowledges the kind support of all publications, platforms and broadcasters.


Contents
Introduction: Morphine
PART ONE: MEMORIES
See You on the Other Side
The Square
Jumping Forward
The Wrong Flag
The Shock of the Bunny
Take Me to the Orphanage
Enter Captain Hoopla!
Where Seagulls Dare
Roll Over, Beethoven
Believe It or Not
The Summer Hut
Boy about Town
You’re in the Book, Mum
When I Grow Up
The Day I Didn’t Die
PART TWO: MAKE-BELIEVE
The Tartan Traveller