Your Living Legacy

Shelli Chosak

Description

Your Living Legacy is about empowering parents to become more self-aware and confident in guiding their children to become emotionally healthy and successful adults. The book's central focus describes 20 different parenting styles. Self-assessments enable the reader to identify their personal style and evaluate the impact on the child's development as well as the parent-child relationship. Additional information on important topics include: Bonding Developmental Influences Communication Healing Relationships Letting Go. Helpful hints and tips to provide guidance on improving your parenting skills. This is an essential resource for any parent or caregiver who wants to take advantage of creating opportunities for positive development and enduring relationships

Sujets

• Philosophie et théologie

Informations

• Publié par: First Edition Design Publishing
• Date de parution: 15 février 2016
• Nombre de lectures: 0
• EAN13: 9781622879601
• Langue: English

Extrait

This basic primer for parents is a helpful guideline into the different parenting styles and their effects on children. The book is a welcome, common sense approach for parents who want to build healthy relationships with their children based on mutual love and respect. I particularly like the way the chapters are laid out with main ideas, examples and practical exercises. Parents and educators will find, "Your Living Legacy," a meaningful text to consider as a tool in parenting.
--Professor Sally Nalven, Child Development Department
San Diego Miramar College


Parenthood is often considered instinctive, yet it remains mankind’s hardest task. It is a fine art in need of both education and practice. Your Living Legacy, by Dr. Shelli Chosak clarifies some of the points other books may have left ambiguous. Years of experience give the author a unique opportunity to re-examine this time-old subject. As a mother of three grown children, and one who had proudly considered herself “good”, I learned much from it. May these guidelines give younger parents the tools to avoid some of the mistakes many of us have made along the way.
-- Zohreh Ghahremani, Author of The Moon Daughter


As a family law attorney in practice for 43 years, I recognized a lot of the issues and solutions to parenting problems in Dr . Chosak’s book that I encounter in my everyday family law/custody practice. I would highly recommend this book to any mother with young children. Raising children is the most difficult job anyone can do. How well one recognizes the positive and the negative parenting influences to which they have been subjected as children, and which they want to emulate, avoid, or modify will make a huge difference in how their own children, especially daughters will adapt in their lives. Read this book, and apply the lessons that you learn—your children will thank you for it.
--Alexandra Leichter, Certified Family Law Attorney
YOUR
LIVING LEGACY

How Your Parenting Style
Shapes the Future for You and Your Child

Shelli Chosak, Ph.D.

First Edition Design Publishing
Your Living Legacy
Copyright ©2015 Shelli Chosak

ISBN 978-1622-879-59-5 PRINT
ISBN 978-1622-879-60-1 EBOOK

LCCN 2015946114

December 2015

Published and Distributed by
First Edition Design Publishing, Inc.
P.O. Box 20217, Sarasota, FL 34276-3217
www.firsteditiondesignpublishing.com



ALL R I G H T S R E S E R V E D. No p a r t o f t h i s b oo k pub li ca t i o n m a y b e r e p r o du ce d, s t o r e d i n a r e t r i e v a l s y s t e m , o r t r a n s mit t e d i n a ny f o r m o r by a ny m e a ns ─ e l e c t r o n i c , m e c h a n i c a l , p h o t o - c o p y , r ec o r d i n g, or a ny o t h e r ─ e x ce pt b r i e f qu ot a t i o n i n r e v i e w s , w i t h o ut t h e p r i o r p e r mi ss i on o f t h e a u t h o r or publisher .
DEDICATION

This book could never have been written without the unwavering support of my three children, Mark, Jodi, and Jamie. They have provided inspiration, encouragement, and valuable feedback. They have given me an education I could not have acquired in any other meaningful way.

To my late father, Jack Berke, who was one of the best role models of positive parenting I have known.

To my dear friend and colleague, Gloria Richfield, Ph.D. She encouraged the birth of this book after attending one of the Mother/ Daughter workshops I conducted. We collaborated on the writing for several months, and she was a constant source of loving support and wisdom.
TABLE OF CONTENTS

ON CHILDREN
INTRODUCTION: HOW TO BECOME THE BEST PARENT YOU CAN BE
PROLOGUE: THE BIRTH OF THIS BOOK

Chapter 1: GUIDELINES FOR READING THIS BOOK
Chapter 2: BACKGROUND: EVOLUTION OF OUR PARENTING STYLES
Chapter 3: DEVELOPMENTAL INFLUENCES ON PARENTING
Chapter 4: MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS: A UNIQUE RELATIONSHIP
Chapter 5: THE ROLE OF THE FATHER
Chapter 6: UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
Chapter 7: THE BONDING EXPERIENCE
Chapter 8: CONTROL AND BOUNDARIES
Chapter 9: LETTING GO, HEALING WOUNDS TO LET GO TAKES LOVE
Chapter 10: WHY BECOME A PARENT?
Chapter 11: INTRODUCTION TO PARENTING STYLES ASSESSMENT
Chapter 12: THE PARENTING STYLES INVENTORY
THE CRITICAL PARENT
THE OVERPROTECTIVE/SMOTHERING PARENT
THE NURTURING PARENT
THE OVERACHIEVING PARENT
THE HELPLESS OR DEPENDENT PARENT
THE CONTROLLING PARENT
THE ENCOURAGING PARENT
THE DEFENSIVE PARENT
THE JEALOUS OR RESENTFUL PARENT
THE COMPETITIVE PARENT
THE USER PARENT
THE SELF-INVOLVED PARENT
THE MARTYR OR EXCESSIVELY PLEASING PARENT
THE UNEMOTIONAL PARENT
THE IMPULSIVE/EXPRESSIVE PARENT
THE INDIRECT PARENT
THE ABUSIVE PARENT
THE OVERINDULGENT PARENT
THE LAISSEZ-FAIRE PARENT
THE COOPERATIVE/COLLABORATIVE PARENT

APPENDIX
Appendix A: HELPING YOUR CHILD IDENTIFY FEELINGS
Appendix B: THE MAGIC OF LISTENING
Appendix C: LEARNING FROM YOUR CHILDREN
Appendix D: EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
Appendix E: HEALING YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Appendix F: CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE
Appendix G: CONTROLLING YOUR ENVIRONMENT
Appendix H-1: DEVELOPING AN INTERNAL SENSE OF CONTROL
Appendix H-2: DEVELOPING AN INTERNAL SENSE OF CONTROL-ASSESSMENT

REFERENCES
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ON CHILDREN
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

The Prophecy, 1923 /Alfred A. Knopf, 1973 [1] (with permission)
INTRODUCTION : HOW TO BECOME THE BEST PARENT YOU CAN BE

“Work On Yourself: This is what many of the parenting books ignore -- and it may be the most important .” (In a comment posted to the Barking up the Wrong Tree blog by Eric Barker [2] on June 14, 2015)
This is a book about discovery--about You as a parent and how you can become the best parent you can be.

Why you should read this book:
·
To understand your parenting style and how it impacts your relationship with your child
·
To recognize signs of disengagement with your child; take steps to prevent harm; identify words and actions that work.
·
To learn more about your child, yourself, and the ways you can enhance the relationship for both of you

Benefits of exploring your parenting style(s) :
Understanding your parenting style(s) provides a valuable opportunity for self-reflection and enables you to evaluate:

·
The effectiveness of a given style
·
The aspects of a given style that are positive for your child and your relationship
·
The aspects of a given style that may detract from your child’s healthy development
·
The style(s) that can be modified or utilized to address particular situations
·
How some of the behaviors you observe in your child are consequences of the style you are using
·
How your style may assist or interfere with some of the lessons you want to teach your child
·
What steps you might want to take to improve your relationship with your child even if she is now an adult

The following questions provide a personal framework or reference point when reading through the styles.

1
How much thought have you given to who has influenced how you parent and in what ways?
2
Have you made a conscious decision to repeat or reject how you were parented?
3
What factors have gone into those choices? For example: Did you personally feel neglected, deprived, nourished, or encouraged by the behaviors of your parents or other caregivers?
4
How successful is your parenting style? How do you measure the results?
5
Have you looked at the effects your parenting style has had on your child, your relationship, and the well-being of each of you?
6
Have you read books or articles, taken classes, or followed advice on how to parent?
7
Have you found information that is helpful? How well has it worked?

As you may have already discovered, the path of parenting is filled with mine fields.
The choices you make, based on the advice you receive, the books you read, or the lessons you learn, do not necessarily translate into the parent you are--or become.
How you parent is influenced by messages you have internalized long ago that can pop up without warning. While you may be a conscious, caring, and responsible parent a good deal of the time, unwanted behaviors often appear when you are under stress.
Or, perhaps you have based your parenting philosophy on being determined to avoid the mistakes your parents made, and end up making the mistakes they avoided.
The biggest challenge is not how closely you can follow any theory or practice that sounds good, but how you can quiet the voices in your head that interrupt or sabotage your best intentions.
PROLOGUE : THE BIRTH OF THIS BOOK

I’m a grandmother now. A central focus of my life has been finding ways to create quality relationships through continual study and as a licensed psychotherapist, working with parenting and mother/daughter relationships for many years. I am the mother of a son and two daughters, and a grandmother of four boys and one girl. Fortunately, my children have somehow made it to adulthood without any major scars, though there are mi